The Daily Dose/Wednesday, February 19, 2020

The Daily Dose/February 19, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

PLAY BALL: Like you might have, we still have questions regarding the Houston Astros sign-stealing adventure, namely how in the hell did it get this far and how can something be legal in one context and illegal in another? 

Stop Us If You’ve Heard This Before: The players should have taken care of this on the field. Consider this: if a Houston Astros batter can hear a trash can being banged – the signal a certain kind of pitch was coming – then an opposing catcher can, too. The first time, maybe the second, the catcher might dismiss it, but after a couple of pitches the batter has no right to expect are sent into orbit, they’re going to know.

The first team to have noticed this – and Astros sign-stealing had been rumored for a while – should have had a meeting between innings. It would have gone like this:

Hey, skipper, they got our signs. We can either mix them up so they’re getting fastballs when they’re expecting something else, or we can put it in their ear. What do you want to do?  

This would have settled the matter in short order. The Astros would have soon grown weary of either getting crossed up and/or dodging pitches at their heads and the trash cans would have gone silent. There are two sets of rules for any sport, the ones in the book and the ones the players play the game under and shame on the players for not taking care of this on the field. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Something else to consider is sign-stealing is sometimes legal. You steal the sign on your own without electronic aid and you’re good. In fact, you’ll be admired. Sign stealing like this has gone on since the first major league game in 1876 and we would not die of shock to find out the Los Angeles Dodgers were trying to steal signs in the 2017 World Series. In fact, we’d be shocked to find out they weren’t. 

Uh, Is There A Point Here?: You can’t have something legal in certain contexts and illegal in others. When you do, things like this result. If baseball doesn’t want to legalize sign-stealing they must send in the Gestapo, enough security personnel to ensure players and other team personnel do not have in-game video access. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets the dreaded clogged toilet call. Today’s Diary.  

About 0200 227 calls…Let me tell you something, you learn in this trade to not like oh-dark-thirty calls from guests…Sometimes they merely want a wake-up call or have a vital question that simply cannot wait until morning, but usually, a guest calling at this hour is up to no good…It started out heading in this direction, tho ol’ Sparrow ended up getting off easy.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1674 – The third Anglo-Dutch War comes to an end, with England and the Netherlands signing the Treaty of Westminster in London. The war had begun two years earlier, resulted in a Dutch victory and ended mainly because the English Parliament lost interest in paying for it. Among the terms of the treaty were that the Dutch New World colony of New Amsterdam be transferred to the British, who renamed it New York. 

In 1979 – Mike Bossy of the New York Islanders establishes a new NHL record for fastest 100 goals in a career in an 8-3 victory over the Los Angeles Kings. Bossy had a goal and an assist, giving him 100 goals in his 129th game, breaking the record of 134 established by Maurice Richard. The record still stands. 

In 1983 – Patti Austin and James Ingram are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Baby, Come to Me. The song was Ingram’s third of eight Top 40 hits and first of two #1 songs (I Don’t Have the Heart, 1990) and remains Austin’s only Top 40 pop hit. The song also peaked at #39 on Billboard’s soul chart and at #11 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s 8th biggest song of the year. The song had earlier been released in 1981, peaking at #73 on the Hot 100, making it one of the few songs to hit #1 in its second chart run. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Hay had long known it was good politics never to try to have the last word in a dispute; now he had begun to see the wisdom of not trying to have the first word, either. – Gore Vidal, Empire 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The 1944-45 season was the only season Maurice Richard scored at least 50 goals in a season. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many Top 40 hits did Patti Austin have on Billboard’s soul chart? – Answer next time!

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