The Diary of a Nobody – Mon 6/4/2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, June 4
Talking with The Wife today we were going over the bills when she asked:

Have you checked the mail???

And well she should ask!!!…Because not only does ol’ Sparrow not keep a good house when he’s alone, he doesn’t check the mail, either…So I hustle on down to the post office and my sense of urgency is such I don’t even put my new pants on: I go in what I slept in, my red shorts and the blue – yes blue – house shirt…With boots and my hat, of course.

Our PO box is crammed….The water bill, which was The Wife’s real concern, is in there as well as the usual stuff grown-ups get…The Wife requested I up my mailbox checks to every couple of days from every fortnight and I immediately agreed.

Everybody in town as PO boxes because the post office doesn’t deliver in our small town…I thought that was surprising at first because I’d heard the post office delivers to every home and business in the country, but I talked to Ken at the post office about it and he said it was a compromise because it is our responsibility to ensure our mailboxes are accessible and residents whined about that because that can be a pain during winter…So they provide a complimentary PO box and we have to drive two minutes to get our mail.

It also appears I am responsible for paying the water bill…This is bad…In the bachelor days I never paid a bill until the requesting utility sent me a bill with a red stripe on the front, symbolic of extreme past due status…I will have to scrounge up a check, too, but I think I know where The Wife keeps the extras.

The Wife also asked after the cat…Is her water fresh???…And what is the status of her litter box???

More valid questions, frankly, and I was pleased to report the cat’s water had been replenished yesterday at the same time her litter box was cleaned and topped off with fresh litter…Actually, I am pretty good about keeping her box clean, mainly so I don’t have to worry about cleaning up because she crapped on the floor because her box was full.  

With the breakfast fiasco at Hotel A still fresh in my mind, I reported for duty at Hotel B surprised to find some things not squared away…Usually, they are…First, the milk was sour…I was hungry so soon after clocking in I decided a bowl of cereal was in order…We offer three choices for our guests in the morning and I went with a combination of some cinnamon squares and rice chex…I couldn’t tell until the first bite the milk was sour and when I went and checked the date it was over a week past the final sale date.

Then, about 0100 I’m actually working and I need to print out some reports and the paper in the printer tray is low and it turns out we are all out of copy paper….I don’t understand this…Order copy paper…Toner, too, while you’re at it…We’re going to use it eventually, anyway…So I schlep over to the Hotel A and borrow some from JoAnne, the new lady who works there when I don’t.

Sparrow For Congress went live, too…Today we walked about free trade…I support it unequivocally and talked about the tariffs our government will be implementing, about how all they do is limit our options as consumers, which leads to increased prices for…At the end I made my now-usual statement about how it is time for us to send a message that we are demanding better this Election Day, a modestly catchy line that hasn’t caught on yet worldwide like I thought it would.

The only problem with today’s live session was the lighting wasn’t great…In the daytime with the sunlight our videos look pretty good, but at night when the only lighting is artificial, there’s a bright spot on the wood paneling behind me, not to mention one on my forehead…You can mitigate these somewhat by adjusting one of the lights, but they never go away entirely.

With no evening shift at the retailer, I took the opportunity to get the lawn a good soaking…It really needed it because I didn’t water it like I should while the mower was in the shop…I figured why bother watering an overgrown lawn???…It’s only going to grow more…In retrospect that was hardly Attitude of the Year because the lawn is not looking as good as it could.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 1000 Monday until 1700 Monday…I’m as confused as you are as to why it took me so long to fall asleep, but there was no alarm clock this afternoon and I even took a PM, so I slept straight thru with no getting up to go to the can.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

The Diary of a Nobody was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

Read Gaylon’s latest: We The People: Making America America Again at


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