The Diary of a Nobody – Wednesday, May 10, 2018

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, May 9
I forgot to mention my funny line from Tuesday’s meeting!!!…Apologies are issued, because it’s a pretty good line – definitely a Line of the Year candidate – and I usually remember these because there are so few of them.

It’s early in the meeting and Stanko is giving the bingo report…We had some very profitable sessions this spring (the profits are given away to assorted non-profits) and Stanko had just reported we were turning people away at last week’s final session. 

A pause, then the line from ol’ Sparrow:

Well, did we have a dice game in the alley to refer them to???

Obviously, a good line, the type of line that made me such a valued commander, and it got the laughs you would expect, not only the dutiful laughs commander’s lines always get, but the from-the-heart laughs the truly funny lines can count on receiving.

Put in a full day Wednesday at the retailer…Early on a kid stopped by to return two packages of those brown paper lunch bags some of us guys used as kids to hold our lunch in at school…In today’s era of personal coolers, we seldom sell these and when we do it’s usually to someone who will use them to put prizes in for a party of some sort. 

– Boy, you don’t see these too often.
The kid was bored…I might as well have referenced some far-off galaxy…I would not be detered.
– We used these as kids…Your sandwiches and Fritos always got crushed.
The kid looked at me politely as if Grandpa was rambling, probably in defense against rolling is eyes at me…Or passing out.
–  I also walked ten miles to school every day…One way.

The total refund amount was less than four bucks…I put it back on his debit card.

They made a change to the programs we use to cash checks and send money…Now, when start to enter a customer’s address, say with the number 9, a drop-down menu with every effing address in the country that starts with 9 appears…You keep tapping in numbers and the street name and the entries change, of course, and with some luck eventually the address you are looking for appears…Sometimes not…You show some patience and when the address you are entering does show up, you tap it and the city, state and zip code fields will populate for you, saving you 45 seconds.

Tatum, a strapping lad who works in the back came by with his lunch purchase, too…He had a box of those $1 cheese sticks that are really addicting and some Hot Pockets…I mentioned that some breaded cheese sticks inside a Hot Pocket would probably sell well…Tatum got the gleam in his eye you usually reserved for when he’s chatting up Gabby, who works in Apparel.  

Oh, that would completely kick ass!!!

I agreed it would rule and Tatum said he would try it and report back, but he never did…You gotta be careful heating up the cheese sticks…They do not come with microwave instructions…You’re expected to deep fry or bake them, neither of which is possible in the break room…Some trial and error shows that 57 seconds for the bottom microwave and 55 for the top microwave are usually good times.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: The Wednesday night through Thursday morning sleep session will be detailed in Thursday entry….Having to reckon Tuesday’s start time will somewhat skewer the weekly figures…It will also affect the weekly and monthly forecasts, too…It never ends.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

The Diary of a Nobody was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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