The Diary of a Nobody/August 5

Sure, Read Free Sunday (RFS) is a thing today.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, August 5
We had just reported to the back office to start counting drawers when AGM Brandon called and we didn’t recognize his voice at first, pausing after he said hi as if he were a guest and were waiting for him to ask if we had a room. 

Brandon was calling to verify we were sold out…He said it indicated we were on something or another on his home computer, but he wanted to verify and we were pleased to tell him we were and he said that was “really good news”…Christ, the new owners must really be cracking the whip, if the AGM is calling late to verify a sellout and he sounds relieved when we are. 

(By the by, we retire to the back office to count drawers for a couple of reasons…One, we can sit down and, two, there still is not a blind on the window at the front desk, meaning criminals can peer in and watch me and we’re sorry, our private security experience is too big league to permit this even tho there’s no more danger of being robbed than there is of being, well, robbed.)

Later, an Army major checked in…Actually, his family was already in-house and he needed a key to the room, which was no problemo because the room was in his name and he had his Army ID with him…Well, it’s your room; we have all the keys you want in that situation…It turned out he’s an attorney and because we’re nosy we asked if, by chance, the Army had paid for law school, because we’ve met professionals who got their degrees in the service…He said yeah, he’d been an infantry officer when some colonel encouraged him to apply for the program, and he jumped at it because while he didn’t say so in so many words, you had to figure he’d seen some action, had non-practice round fired at him, and said “f*ck this noise, let’s see if we can the Uncle Sam to pay for GD effing law school.”

The big news is the front desk computers were updated and we now have to press control-alt-delete before we can log in….Before we could just press Enter and we don’t understand this, either…I mean, it’s hardly as if it’s a hot, new security feature to prevent unauthorized log-ins because the instructions to hit Control-Alt-Delete are right there on the goddamned screen…We can see no point to this, but at least it will prevent the right arm from getting too big a head start on the left arm from here on out. 

We could have used a utility pot of coffee this morning because we had three checkouts around 0200 and you didn’t have to be Juan Valdez to know that few of them would object to a fresh pot of joe at that hour…All we could offer tho, were the pots that swing shift had left out and who knows how long they’d been out there…We told them that and one of the gals tried a cup, nodded, and said it wasn’t too bad…Not piping hot, but serviceable. 

There are two schools of thought here: the first is that my guests deserve better than serviceable cups of coffee…The second point, tho, is it’s two in the morning and you can’t be too picky…Still, tho, a utility pot of coffee would set the hotel less than $600 a year, so maybe we should start doing it. 

The creamer situation was completely out of hand this morning…Earlier in the week we had put “All Creamers” on the back office whiteboard (BOWB) and while they’d been delivered – multiple boxes of all three types – no one had put them out…Well, someone did put a box of half & half in the Morning Coffee Service (MCS) cabinet but even this was half-assed because it was opened at the top and put in on its side, meaning creamers were spilling out…It was put in its side because – and those keeping score at home may well recall this – the box is too tall to fit in the cabinet without trimming an inch or so off the top and someone – there are no suspects, tho we’d be surprised if it was Chris – was too lazy to do that. 

They were also too lazy to put half & half in the creamer rack…I am not making that up: the creamer rack was half French vanilla and half hazelnut…Needless to say, ol’ Sparrow took care of everything: the half & half box was righted and trimmed – the knife was clutch here, of course – fresh boxes of the other creamers were opened and put in the cabinet, and the creamer rack now has the usual amounts of all three.

We could not get to sleep this morning…We have some zero clue why…We did some reading and while producing the occasional yawn, we were far from sleepy…We got up and did some bonus project work and were consumed enuff that the next thing anybody knew BOOM it was mid-afternoon…Needless to say, workout was slept thru and because there wouldn’t be much sleep (see Sleep Log below) we didn’t even bother planning for a Sunday morning workout. 

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 16.0 Saturday until 2130 Saturday…5.0 hours for the day – a lousy finale – and 40.0 hours for the week, a dreary total that is 14.0 hours less than last week and a full 19.0 hours off of our PB…The only bright spot is the new sleep week should get off to a rousing start…God bless all of you. 

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The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence. 

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name. 

Coming soon! Gaylon’s books in actual book form!

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