The Diary of a Nobody/July 30

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Tuesday, July 30
Boy, Mark was in ill-humor when I reported for duty…First, he was annoyed because he was obliged to do some research because some guests who did not have charging privileges had signed their room number to their bills in the restaurant…Some research when I was doing the billing showed these rooms were from a tour group in house, so the tour was paying for their rooms and the guests did not have a credit card on file for incidentals…We could have, I suppose, gone and knocked on doors and requestemanded payment, but we’re pretty chill here, the theory being our guests are not convicts and will settle up in the morning. 

Mark was also peeved because the key he took to go and unlock the rooms with rollaways in them didn’t work, plus he was extra-peeved the roll-a-ways don’t have wheels.

I’ve done the wake-up call greeting the past couple of nights and I’ve changed it up a bit, opting to no longer give the upcoming overnight low forecast!!!…Call me a purist, but I don’t think a guest cares what the upcoming overnite low is going to be…So now it’s “Hi this is Sparrow…” and the day and the day’s forecast, best wishes for a great stay and BOOM, we’re done.

Had a bear sighting this morning…This is hardly unprecedented up here, but boy, this one was right at the door to the lobby…I had just entered the lobby fresh from delivering folios and there it was, just turning away from the trash can just to the left as you exit the door…Evidently there wasn’t any food to be had and he was waddling away and while this is hardly the biggest threat, boy, it wanders a few feet to its right and Mr Bear is activating the automatic door opener and then what happens if he gets curious and wanders in???…I mean, I have rooms available, $159, plus tax, tho if he cops an attitude I’m prepared to slash rates because he can rip me to shreds…I hear bears are quick and what if yours truly can’t get into the back office in time???…Altho if I am torn apart by a bear maybe the hotel will name the Employee of the Month award after me. 

About 0345 some Halliburton guys come in saying they’re the new crew and are here to check-in…This resulted in a modest fiasco because there was not an updated room list at the front desk…Usually, we are on top of this and there are notes in the log book and keys made and all yours truly has to do is issue them, but today I was scrambling…Ultimately, I put them in rooms of people who they said were already gone and no one came back complaining, so it all worked out. 

About 0630 a man comes up holding his phone and immediately starts speaking German as if we’re in Dusseldorf and not America…I don’t speak German…Not only that, even tho a quarter of my blood is German I don’t particularly look like I speak Geman, either and I have some zero clue why he thought I would speak German but here he is babbling away and holding his phone out…At first I thought he had a translation waiting for me, but it was the log-in page for our WiFi, and it was a simple matter to get him connected, even with his German-speaking phone…What is really funny is that at assorted points during this evolution I started speaking Spanish to him!!!…I am not making that up…I don’t know why that was…I mean, he looked like he spoke as much Spanish as Hitler but I suppose it was instinct, sort of like when you find yourself shouting to someone who’s blind. 

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 0930 Tuesday until 2100 Tuesday, a triumphant 11.5 hours for the day and 25 hours for the week, the highest Tuesday total in the memory of man…I slept so long The Wife was long home from the retailer and was almost ready to turn in when I woke up.  

I did get up about 1530 to use the can and thought all right, I got a couple of more hours left which would be perfect…I could get a workout in and some watering and get some laundry done, too…None of that happened, of course, but when you need to sleep you need to sleep. 

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence. 

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name. 

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