The Diary of a Nobody/September 5

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, September 5
In no way, shape or form was I reminded today was The Wife’s birthday by a Faceplant notification…No siree, I would never forget my beloved’s birthday…No, no, no…This is simply beyond comprehension. 

What’s funny is she had noted it a few days ago and, since we both have Thursday’s off, and because the shirts I bought her while I was in the big city were too big, The Wife had announced we would be heading into town – actually a nice college town near the big city – to exchange them and, perhaps, “pick up a few other things”. 

I am no longer surprised at how men forget important dates associated with their marriage…I used to be, but recall earlier this summer I forgot the date of our anniversary…I had, somehow, remembered I was married and I even had the week narrowed down but didn’t know if it was the 11th of the 14th and only the fact I remembered we were married on a Tuesday prevented hilarity, or maybe tragedy, from ensuing…Then today’s birthday fiasco.  

Revenge for this was exacted at the store…I was wandering around carrying the beanie I wanted to buy because it appeared to keep the ears covered and not ride up and I couldn’t find The Wife…This isn’t too big a store, but I got tired after a while and went and sat down in the customer lounge…It’s in a back corner and has some nice chairs to sit in for just this instance…This bored me after a while so I got up and had the brilliant idea of checking the fitting rooms. 

Bad move…I stuck my head in the fitting room hallway and said “Honey?”…Christ, the echo hadn’t even stopped when The Wife reacted: 


I was then commandeered for duty…The Wife was auditioning no small amount of clothes and her husband’s opinion was demanded…I wasn’t forced into the changing stall, but I was required to stand post outside, tho in short order I was sitting in an appropriately respectful position with my back against the wall…This isn’t ideal, of course, because who wants to see a man lurking in the chick changing area, but the store wasn’t that busy and no one called the constables. 

The Wife would put something on, walk out to the mirror, ask my opinion, ignore my opinion, then go back in and try something else on…Then she started throwing stuff out, with instructions, and I started making Yes and No piles…An employee would come in from time to time to come and take away the No pile. 

Since it was her birthday, The Wife picked our lunch spot and the town has no shortage of nice places to eat…The Wife, tho, ended up picking this really rathole burger place across from the brewery which – and it’s funny how life works out if you let it – was the place I wanted to go to after scoping out places online a few days ago. 

Rathole Burgers is really, really, good…As good as Jim’s Burger Joint I went to last week when I was in the big city for VSO training and actually they’re a bit better because their onion rings and fries are better…You walk in and there’s a counter with sleeves for your burgers and there are stickers on them so you can specify how you want your burger cooked…The Wife takes hers with whatever they will put on it while ol’ Sparrow settles for cheese and mayonnaise, so there’s never any danger of mixing the two up…Per family tradition, she gets fries and I get onion rings and we share…Since it was her birthday, The Wife’s burger was free, so she tacked on a peach shake, too.

I started the day at the gym and had a pretty good workout considering I’d eaten like an oink-oink the past ten days…Ryan, the owner, and his buddy were in there, too, doing their usual 500 reps of really light weights…I don’t scoff at this, tho, because they are very lean, leaner than I’ve ever been, and every workout is good, providing you are diligent at it. 

They were talking about buying new snowboarding gear this season and they were talking about dropping some good money for first-class gear…Yours truly chimed in that this was good to hear, adding I learned sports officiating it pays to fork over for quality gear…Sure, you whine when you fork over the money for it, but that it’s…You’re always glad after that, especially when you many years of reliable service out of it…They agreed it was better than buying cheap gear every year or couple of years. 

Regular readers of this crap know that I am usually good for starting to nod off around noon or so on Thursdays, but I was strong the whole day, not losing interest until the last half of the drive home

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 1800 Wednesday until 0400 Thursday…A strong 10.0 hours for the day and a solid 32.5 hours for the week…I have not been working out like I normally do, and I’ve been eating like crap, so I’ve been getting up to use the can a bit more than we like but still, 10.0 hours is 10.0 hours.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence. 

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name. 

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