The Daily Dose/January 13, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

CIVICS 101: The tumult of the past week or so has exposed some glaring ignorance on the part of some of our elected leaders. Some is surprising, some is not. 

President Trump’s ignorance of what Vice President Mike Pence could and could not do during the counting of Electoral College votes is hardly a bulletin of course: he believes the moon is part of Mars and that the American Revolution was won by securing British airports. The man’s an idiot, so him believing Pence could unilaterally dismiss a state’s electoral vote count was to be expected. 

And You Wonder Why You Don’t Get Invited To More Parties: We’ve pointed this out here before: the vice president can no more dismiss a state’s electoral votes any more than the Senate janitor could. All he is allowed to do is preside over the ceremony where the electoral votes are counted. 

And In This Corner: The call of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi to have the Cabinet involve the 25th Amendment is somewhat puzzling, too. If invoked, it could strip Trump of his presidential duties. It’s not that cut and dry, though, and you think Pelosi would know better.

Dry, Technical Matter: Of course, the 25th Amendment does provide for the temporary removal of a president from his powers and duties. However, the president can immediately reclaim them and if the Cabinet again declares a president unable to carry out his duties, then Congress decides the matter. A president cannot be set aside solely on the whim of a majority of the Cabinet. 

Fly In The Ointment. We’re not entirely certain it would be right to invoke the 25th Amendment here, anyway. The spirit of the amendment is to allow the vice president to assume presidential duties in case the president is incapacitated. President Trump is still a functional human being and we don’t think invoking the 25th Amendment in this case is within the spirit of the law. 

The Bottom Line: Trump’s gone in a week no matter what happens because we think he’ll choose to become the first president to be impeached twice rather than become the second to resign, so let’s be thankful for that. Whether we get a couple of days of the Mike Pence Administration doesn’t really matter.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

Read Free Fortnight rolls on. Enjoy. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow’s worried there might not be enough left on his gift card to pay for a nice dinner. Today’s Diary. 

In fact, some offhand figuring showed – based on current consumption models – there is a high level of possibility yours truly would end up obliged to subsidize the gift card with a few bucks of his own. 

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On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 2018 – Residents in Hawaii are notified that there is an inbound ballistic missile threat to the state and that a missile might land on land or nearby in the ocean “within minutes”. Though the notice insisted it was not a drill, it was a false alarm, the result of miscommunication during a drill by a worker who had confused real life with drills before. The drill was unscheduled and had been started by a supervisor at the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency at shift change. 

In 1962 – Wilt Chamberlain of the Philadelphia Warriors establishes a new NBA record for the most points scored in a regulation game in a 135-117 win over the Chicago Packers. Chamberlain had 73 points to break the record of 71 established by Elgin Baylor in November 1960 and in December Chamberlain had established the all-time NBA scoring mark of 78 in a 3-overtime loss to the Los Angeles Lakers. Chamberlain would break both records when he scored 100 points in a game in March, still the all-time NBA scoring mark, regular season or overtime. 

In 1979 – Earth Wind and Fire is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Soul Singles chart – for the only week with September. It was their 18th of 35 Top 40 hits on the soul chart, their tenth of 20 Top 10 soul hits and was their fifth of seven soul chart #1s. The song also went #8 on the Hot 100 and peaked at #3 in Great Britain. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Songs like trees bear fruit only in their own time and in their own way…
J.R.R. Tolkien
The Lord of the Rings

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

Joe Malone led the NHL with 44 goals in the inaugural 1917-18 season, a mark that lasted until the 1944-45 season when Maurice Richard, also of Montreal, scored 50 goals. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard. 

What was Earth, Wind & Fire’s biggest hit on the Hot 100? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/January 12, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

HUT, HUT, HIKE: Whew, at least that’s over. 

COVID has claimed more than its share of victims, of course, but thank goodness the Nick Saban Invitational – AKA the College Football Playoff – wasn’t one of them. Despite sick players and canceled games, major division college football in the United States was able to crown a national champion when Alabama named the score against Ohio State Monday night. 

Dry, Technical Matter: It was the 18th national title for Alabama, the most amongst any school currently playing major division college football and the seventh for head coach Nick Saban, breaking a tie with – all rise – Bear Bryant for the most amongst major division head coaches in the modern era. 

More Dry, Technical Matter: Saban has won six national titles with Alabama and one with LSU. 

Oh, Jesus H: Princeton and Yale can both claim more national titles than Alabama, most of them coming in the 19th-century and none since 1950. 

Can We Get Back On Message Here?: Was college football season worth it? Don’t be silly, of course, it was because the NCAA was able to complete its mission of simultaneously being pimp, whore and john, able to strafe the marketplace of every last possible dollar off the backs of their unpaid labor. 

Even More Dry, Technical Matter: Sure, the Big Ten and the Pac-12 tried to cancel their seasons, but the SEC showed the way, showing the importance of college football by getting a mostly full conference schedule in so they could completely maximize TV revenues.  

Fly In The Ointment: Sure, some players came down with COVID, but so were college kids everywhere and if years from now former players have respiratory and heart problems thanks to the COVID they caught making money for their colleges, oh well, at least Alabama won the national title. And players don’t have any pesky long-term health benefits that need to be paid for, either. In fact, they don’t even have short-term benefits, any needed medical care being paid for by their personal insurance policies. 

The Bottom Line: The NCAA was brilliant this year, showing even less leadership than we were already accustomed to. Their sole purpose is to consolidate wealth and power for the biggest of the big college football teams and by deferring the decision whether or not to play football this year to the SEC, they were able to fulfill their only real mission: getting the big schools in the big-money games. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody –  Sparrow has the latest office supply news from the hotel. Today’s Diary.

The big news at the front desk is one of the paper clip holders only has the medium-sized clips in it now…Recall a couple-three weeks ago some wizard – not thought to be Nicole – started putting small paper clips in with the medium-sized one, which was a pain in the neck because when I pour out paper clips when I’m preparing key packets/registration cards for the day’s arrivals I don’t need a bunch of small paper clips that won’t be used and need to be returned to the holder…It wasn’t that big of a problem for me to actually go and do anything about, but I’ll admit it is good for morale to only have medium-sized clips in there again. 

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Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available. 

———

On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 1991 – The United States Congress passes a joint resolution authorizing the US to conduct military action in Kuwait, to expel the Iraqi army that had occupied it since August. Aerial and naval bombardment would begin on the 17th, a ground assault on February 24 and the war ended on the 28th. This was not the formal declaration of war detailed in the Constitution, merely the authorization for military action and providing the funds to pay for it. 

In 1918 – Joe Malone of the Montreal Canadiens becomes the first NHL player to score 20 goals in a 9-5 victory over the Ottawa Senators. Malone had five goals, giving him 20 in the NHL’s first season. It was also the eighth consecutive game scoring a goal for Malone, who would go on to score in the Canadiens’ first 14 games, still the NHL record most consecutive games with a goal from the start of a season. This remains the only record started or established on a league’s first day of playing games that is still extant

In 1963 – Steve Lawrence is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Go Away Little Girl. It was the eighth Top 40 hit for Lawrence, his fifth Top 10 hit and remains his only #1 song. The song also went to #1 in Australia, peaked at #14 on Billboard’s soul chart and a version by Donny Osmond in 1971 also topped the Hot 100, making the song the first nine songs that have topped the Hot 100 by different artists.

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

When the archer misses the center of the target, he turns round and seeks for the cause of his failure in himself.
Will Durant
The Story of Civilization, Vol I: Our Oriental Heritage

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

The Beatles have had 19 #1 albums on the Billboard 200 chart. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard. 

How many goals did Joe Malone have in the 1917-18 season? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/January 11, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

Of course it’s Read Free Fortnight. 

The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow has a pro tip for you. Today’s Diary. 

Here’s a Sparrow ProTip for you: if you need a room because you get off work at 2300 and have to be back at 0700 and you don’t want to drive home, for Pete’s sake, don’t book online, call us directly…Tell us you’re predicament, say you’d like to stay in town and ask what kind of rate we might have…As noted here before, you don’t have to be a supplicant with your hat in your hand, but be nice because we might just have a deal for you. 

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Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available. 

———

On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 1569 – The first lottery is held in England, sanctioned by Queen Elizabeth I to raise money for new ships and ports. Tickets cost 10 shillings and the first prize was £5,000, about $250 and $2.5 million in today’s money and citizens were allowed to buy shares of a ticket. Later, the Crown would outsource the selling of lottery tickets to others who, familiar with selling shares of things, eventually became the first stockbrokers. The first European lotteries date from the Low Countries in the 15th-century and the first evidence of government-sanctioned gambling are keno tickets dating back to the second and third centuries BC in China. 

In 1983 – Pat Hughes of the Edmonton Oilers establishes a new NHL record for the fastest consecutive shorthanded goals in a 7-5 win over the St Louis Blues. Hughes scored the goals within 25 seconds of the second period, breaking the record of 27 seconds established by Wayne Gretzky during the 1981-82 season which made Hughes the first person to break a record held by Gretzky. The record is now 12 seconds, done by Esa Tikkanen in November 1988. 

In 1969 – The Beatles are at #1 on the Billboard 200 album chart for the third of nine non-consecutive weeks with The Beatles, commonly known as The White Album because of tis plain white cover. The album went to #1 in many other countries, including France, Norway and Great Britain and was Billboard’s eighth biggest album of the year. Despite the bickering and disharmony that attended the imminent breakup of the Beatles, the album is often regarded as one of the best in popular music history. The album yielded no chart singles in either the US or Great Britain. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

I have a song to sing and will sing it, although I am alone in an empty house and must sing to my own ears. 
Louis L’Amour
The Education of a Wandering Man

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

Chris Ford of the Boston Celtics made the first 3-point shot in NBA history, on October 12, 1979. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard. 

How many #1 albums did the Beatles have on the Billboard 200? – Answer next time!

Go Gaylon! Visit Gaylon on Facebook here. 

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The Daily Dose/January 10, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
A listing of some things.  

1. USA! USA! – Once-proud country has completely lost its mind, as ignorant malcontents who Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters are “pretty sure” probably knew better – and incited by our Idiot-in-Chief – storm US capitol…America might recover from this idiocy and shame, or it may not…It’s our call of course, but America long ago lost all interest in anything of substance.  

2. Impeachment – Round 2, ON IT!!!…Time’s running out, of course, but a properly motivated Congress still has time to get a couple-three days of a Mike Pence Administration into the History books….It would be a fitting end for the worst elected leader the Western world has ever seen. 

3. Lauren Daigle – While holiday songs still occupy top two spots on Billboard’s Hot Christian Singles chart, Daigle’s “You Say” returns to survey, at #3 this week, stalking its 115th week at #1, which would extend its all-time record for most weeks at #1 on any Billboard chart. 

4. NCAA Sports – Fuck it, there’s money to be made, so – in our usual role as pimp, whore and john – let’s trot out athletes to make it for us…Healthy kids generally survive COVID and if they have heart and respiratory problems 20 years from now, they’re not our problem anymore. 

5. NCAA Sports II: Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” UConn, New Mexico State, Old Dominion – the only three major division teams who declined to play football this season – only sane ones out there. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

Go, enjoy today’s Diary entry. It’s Read Free Sunday, after all.

The Diary of a Nobody –  Sparrow solves a tough paperwork problem at the hotel. Today’s Diary. 

Usually they have two rooms, but tonite they had four and the conundrum was in what order to list them on the report…Do you list them in room number order, or in the order of their departure time and if you do that do you list them earliest-to-latest or vice versa???

A tuff call, but regular readers of this crap know these are the calls I get paid to make without bothering anyone and I addressed the matter in my usual manner: standing there with my hands on my hips staring at the report for a few seconds before deciding to list the four rooms in numerical order, a decision which will probably set an industry-wide precedent. 

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Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available. 

———

On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 1776 – The pamphlet Common Sense – published anonymously but written by Thomas Paine – is published in the American colonies. The pamphlet was the social media of its time and Common Sense played no small part in influencing the sentiments that fueled the Revolution. Paine’s anonymity lasted until spring and he let virtually all interested parties publish his pamphlet and eventually Paine repudiated his copyright, leaving Common Sense to history and it is still in print today. 

In 1996 – Dana Barros of the Boston Celtics makes a 3-point field goal in his 89th and final consecutive game – an NBA record – in a 113-104 win over the Sacramento Kings. Barros had broken the mark of 79 established by Michael Adams of the Denver Nuggets between January 1988 through January 1989 and Barros’ mark lasted until Kyle Korver, then of the Atlanta Hawks, broke it in 2013 and the mark is now held by Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors, who made a 3-point shot in 157 consecutive games between November 2014 and November 2016. 

In 1976 – C.W. McCall is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the only week with Convoy. The song was also in its fourth of six consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard’s country chart and also went to #1 in Canada, New Zealand and Australia and peaked at #2 in Great Britain. It was the third chart single for McCall, his second Top 40 hit and remains his only #1 song. C.W. McCall is a stage name, created by singer William Fries, Jr. for an advertising campaign for a midwestern bakery. Fries wrote the lyrics for Convoy and Chip Davis, who later founded Mannheim Steamroller, wrote the melody.  

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Amid world-beating hearts/The tumult and the shouting starts.
Grantland Rice
The Start

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

The capital of Mozambique is Maputo. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard. 

Who made the first 3-point shot in NBA history? – Answer next time!

Go Gaylon! Visit Gaylon on Facebook here.

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The Daily Dose/January 9, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

USA! USA!: It is hardly a surprise that President Trump announced he will not attend President-elect Joe Biden’s inauguration. Good. We don’t want you there. Like few other inaugurations, this will be a line of demarcation separating everything that came before from everything that follows, a celebration of your departure and you would be in the way. Except for a few Klan wizards in white hoods standing off to the side, America will be saying good riddance to you, instead of au revoir. 

FunFact: Trump will join John Adams, John Quincy Adams and Andrew Johnson in not going to their successor’s inaugural. It’s not known what Trump will do, but History shows John Adams left the White House before dawn, John Quincy Adams left the night before while Andrew Johnson was at his White House desk right up until noon. 

Fly In The Ointment: This presumes Trump is still president. He may not be. While some are exhorting Vice President Mike Pence and the Cabinet to invoke provisions of Section 4 of the 25th Amendment, it’s not that easy, even if they were of a mind to do it. The exact provisions of the 25th Amendment are, thank goodness, beyond the scope of today’s item, but the action is not unilateral and the matter is ultimately resolved by Congress.  

Yeah Baby: Impeachment, though, offers an attractive option and is already being planned by the Democrats. It is usually a lengthy process, but the Constitution doesn’t dictate how it’s done, merely that the House impeaches and the Senate conducts a trial. Each chamber can do it as they see fit and it is entirely possible Trump will be out of office before his term ends, leaving President Mike Pence to decide whether or not to attend Biden’s inaugural. 

The Bottom Line: Trump only has eleven days left until the end of his term but, boy, another impeachment and this time conviction by the Senate would be a fitting way to end the fiasco he’s been peddling to us and the world the past four years. It could not happen to a more deserving person. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody –  Sparrow uses the 6th Street entrance at the Veterans Service Office (VSO). Today’s Diary. 

They’re farting around with the elevator in the annex where my office is located, down for a month or so as they completely overhaul it…This would ordinarily be too dull to mention even here, but it’s right next to the entrance to the back parking lot and my key wouldn’t work when I reported for duty this morning…Uh-oh, I thought, the state’s stopped funding my position and I no longer work here, but that is not likely to happen and I would have been told besides…The key actually turned but the door wouldn’t open so Mr Locksmith here concluded it was the cold, but that made no sense because it was in the 20s – not really that cold for the dead of winter up here – and it’s always worked anyway, even when it was below zero. 

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Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device. 

Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available. 

———

On This Date
The long march to today. 

In 2015 – 75 people are killed and over 200 more made ill due to contaminated beer at a funeral in northern Mozambique. At first crocodile bile was suspected, and it wasn’t until November – after some investigatory work by Forbes magazine was published – that the actual cause was determined to be a bacteria that produced a toxic compound that affects respiration. It’s believed the cause was natural, as flood-damaged corn flour that had begun to rot had been used in brewing the beer. 

In 1918 – The NHL makes its first rule change, less than three weeks after beginning its inaugural season, allowing goalies to leave their feet when making a save. Previously, goalies had been assessed a penalty they actually had to serve, resulting in delays in dressing another goalkeeper because teams didn’t travel with a substitute back then. As might be expected, the changes resulted in fewer goals being scored, as goals per game dropped from just over twelve per game to just under nine. 

 In 1961 – Bert Kaempfert and His Orchestra is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with Wonderland By Night. It was the fourth of eleven chart singles for Kaempfert, his second of five Top 40 hits and remains his only #1 song. The song also peaked at #5 on Billboard’s soul chart and versions by Louis Prima (#15) and Anita Bryant (#18)  also charted in 1961. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…it may chance that old wives keep in memory word of things that were once needful for the wise to know.
J.R.R. Tolkien
The Lord of the Rings

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Knowledge is power.

The current national debt of the United States is $27.7 trillion. 

Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard. 

What is the capital of Mozambique? – Answer next time!

Go Gaylon! Visit Gaylon on Facebook here.

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