The Daily Dose/April 19, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was.

1. COVID-19 – Hot, new pandemic up with the big boys now, killing more people per day than historic heavyweights cancer and heart disease, though still trailing automobile deaths…First pandemic to hold Sunday Bottom 5 top spot for consecutive, multiple weeks since Plague of Athens in 430 BC.

2. Gaylon for US Senate – Campaign staffers busily finalizing Non-Resident Voter program to allow friends in other states to vote in June 30th Libertarian US Senate primary…Gaylon so popular with Colorado libertarians, this is second primary he’s been obliged to run in…Click here to contribute.   

3. US Electorate – Now inside of 200 days until American voters herald to the world – and themselves, frankly – whether they’re happy with country scheduled to collapse before half-century is out or whether they are ready to make some changes. 

4. US Drone Strikes – Acts of war continuing in Somalia, Afghanistan, Pakistan and Yemen despite fact US Congress hasn’t declared war since 1942…While exact figures difficult to determine, Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters remain “pretty sure” virtually all deaths military in nature.

5. President Trump Fact Check – Click here for latest misinformation from the lying sexual predator who believes the moon is part of Mars. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow takes a personal call. Today’s Diary.  

This was the first personal call I’d had in years…Like Pa Sparrow, I am not the type people call just to say howdy…Ma Sparrow, a true Mexican, yapped constantly, fielded calls regularly and called her BFF, sisters, anyone with a dial tone, really, left and right…If the phone wasn’t producing chat she’d talk to the furniture. 

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1995 – The Alfred P Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City is bombed via explosives loaded into a rental truck that was parked in front of the building. Timothy McVeigh was arrested within an hour-and-a-half on a weapons charge after being stopped for driving without a license plate and later Terry Nichols was arrested as an accomplice. McVeigh was executed in 2001 while Nichols is serving a life sentence at the federal supermax prison in Colorado. 

In 1897 – The first Boston Marathon is held, with John McDermott of New York City beating 14 other runners, winning the 24.5-mile race, then the international standard, in 2 hours, 55 minutes and 10 seconds. The marathon distance was adjusted to 26-miles, 385 yards at the 1908 Olympics so King Edward VII and Queen Alexandria could view the start at Windsor Castle while having the race end in front of the royal box at Olympic Stadium, and the Boston Marathon became a 26-mile, 385-yard race in 1924. The 2020 Boston Marathon has been moved to Sept 14. 

In 1980 – Blondie is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of six consecutive weeks with Call Me. It was the group’s fourth Top 40 hit and their second of four #1 songs. It was Billboard’s biggest song of the year, the eighth biggest of the decade and ranked 57th on Billboard’s 60th anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. The song, from the movie American Gigolo, also went to #1 in Canada in Great Britain and was written by Debbie Harry and Giorgio Moroder only after Stevie Nicks had declined to contribute to the soundtrack. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…a man does what the situation demands. …we do not have heroes, only people doing what is necessary at the time. – Louis L’Amour, The Lonesome Gods

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The longest game in major league history lasted 26 innings, a 1-1 tie between the Brooklyn Robins and the Boston Braves on May 1, 1920. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was Giorgio Moroder’s biggest hit as an artist on the Billboard Hot 100? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/April 18, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off is taking some PTO.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow again provides secretarial services at the VSO. Today’s Diary.  

I took notes at the 0830 Emergency Ops meeting and Economic Recovery was the only department who meant “no update” when they said “no update”…Everyone else, they’d say “no update” and then prattle on about whatever nonsense happened to be occupying them today, “no update” really code for “stand by for an update”.

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1775 – Paul Revere and others, acting on information the British were on their way from Boston, make late-night rides to towns west of Boston to warn of their impending arrival, often referred to by History as the Midnight Ride of Paul Revere despite the fact others rode and it happened about 10pm. The American Revolution began the next day with the Battles of Lexington and Concord, a modest American victory that sent the British back to Boston. 

In 1981 – What would become the longest game in the history of professional baseball begins in Pawtucket, Rhode Island between the Rochester Red Wings and the Pawtucket Red Sox. The International League game would be suspended at 4:07 the following morning after 32 innings tied 2-2 and would be completed later in the season, a 3-2, 33-inning win for Pawtucket. It broke the professional baseball record of 29 innings established in 1966 when the Miami Marlins defeated the St Petersburg Cardinals 4-3 in a Florida State League game. The record still stands. 

In 1960 – Buster Brown is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot R&B chart – for the only week with Fannie Mae. The song took 20 weeks to reach #1 and had actually dropped in the survey several times before spending eleven weeks in the Top 10 and the song also peaked at #38 on Billboard’s Hot 100. Brown had two other Hot 100 appearances and Fannie Mae remains his only appearance at #1 on a Billboard chart. Though he had been a musician for years, Brown turned professional rather late and was 49-years-old when he recorded Fannie Mae. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

There is always something else to be done. But if you want the world you must forget insignificant places… – Gore Vidal, Creation

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The unit of Cuban exiles that carried out the Bay of Pigs invasion was known as Brigade 2506.

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What is the longest game in major league history? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/April 17, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Editor’s Note: click here to visit Gaylon’s campaign website.
GAYLON FOR US SENATE…VOTE EARLY, VOTE OFTEN: On the surface, the results were good: I destroyed my opponent in voting for the Colorado Libertarian Party’s US Senate nomination 50-47, the balloting held online this past weekend after the convention was canceled. 

Fly In The Ointment: However, Colorado has a law, tragic in this case, that just because you get the most votes at a convention doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve won. Colorado Revised Statute Title 1, Article 4, Section 103 is very clear on the matter, stating, in part: 

To qualify for placement on the primary election ballot, a candidate must receive thirty percent or more of the votes of the assembly. 

So I destroyed him, but not by enough. 

Dry, Technical Matter: The Libertarian Party has been whining about this law for years on the theory the party is the best unit for deciding who their nominee should be, a position I heartily support. For now. Should future votes turn out differently I will be hailing this provision as a triumph of democracy. 

Warm Personal Remembrance: We don’t really like primaries here, having lost the only other one we were in, a 2012 election for a nomination for Congress, one of the few primaries in Libertarian Party history. It was the same deal, too: I had defeated my hapless opponent at the convention, so we are going to take care to ensure we don’t lose again. 

FunFact: As leading vote-getter in the race, though, the law states that my name gets placed first on the ballot.

The Bottom Line: Don’t forget to vote. If you’re not happy with our government, our country is calling. She needs our help and we must be prepared to shed the status quo and to make a difference on Election Day.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow takes measures to ensure the cat doesn’t wake him up in the middle of the night for food. Today’s Diary.  

I did everything but set up a carving station for her and it more or less worked…

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1961 – The Bay of Pigs invasion on the southern coast of Cuba begins. Financed by the CIA, the invasion was conducted by about 1,400 Cuban exiles who, along with the CIA wanted to overthrow Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. After modest initial success, the invasion weakened and President Kennedy declined to order further air support and the invasion would end on April 20, a decisive victory for the Cubans and a complete disaster for the United States.

In 1869 – The first baseball game involving a fully professional team is played, as the Cincinnati Red Stockings defeat a team of local amateurs 24-15. The Red Stockings had ten players under contract, a total payroll of $9,300 (about $176,500 in today’s money) and they won their first 88 games, not losing until June 14, 1870. The team had been formed in 1866 and disbanded after the 1870 season. Today’s Cincinnati Reds were formed in 1882 in the then-major American Association and joined the National League in 1890. 

In 1971 – Three Dog Night is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first six consecutive weeks with Joy to the World. It was the ninth top 40 hit for the group, their fifth of eleven Top 10 hits and their second of three #1s {Mama Told Me (Not To Come), 1970; Black and White, 1972}. The song also went to #1 in South Africa and Canada and peaked at #24 in Great Britain. It was Billboard’s biggest song of the year and ranked 130th on their 60th anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. The song was written by Hoyt Axton, whose mother Mae co-wrote Elvis’ #1 song Heartbreak Hotel, and they remain the only mother and son to write separate #1 songs on the Hot 100. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

I had found what I was looking for- a man like myself, but one who in his search for meaning had discovered a worthwhile object for his life; who had paid every price and not counted it a sacrifice; who was paying it still and would pay it till he died; who cared nothing for compromise, nothing for his pride, nothing for ourselves or the opinion of others; who had reduced his life to the one thing that mattered to him, and was free. – John LeCarre, The Secret Pilgrim

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The NBA record for the highest field goal percentage by a team in a season 54.5% by the 1984-85 Los Angeles Lakers. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was the unit name given to the Cuban exiles that carried out the Bay of Pigs invasion? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/April 16, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off is in time out. It will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow takes notes for a couple of county meetings. Today’s Diary.   

Key to taking notes for proceedings like this is to make sure you are paying attention after somebody says “nothing to report” or “no update” because this is your cue they’re about to start yapping…

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1945 – The Battle of Seelow Heights, one of the last engagements of the Battle of Berlin, begins. Fought between the Soviet Union Red Army and the German Army, it lasted three days and resulted in a decisive Soviet victory. The Red Army outnumbered the Germans 10-to-1 and would end up circling the German capital. It was the last major German defensive line and the war in Europe was over within two weeks. 

In 1983 – The San Antonio Spurs establish a new NBA record for highest field goal percentage in a game in a 132-120 win over the Dallas Mavericks. The Spurs were 53-of-75 from the field, a .707 percentage that broke the record of .705% established by the Chicago Bulls on Dec 2, 1981. The Spurs finished first in the Midwest Division that season and lost to the Los Angeles Lakers in six games in the Western Conference Finals. Their record still stands. 

In 1988 – Billy Ocean is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second and final consecutive week with Get Outta My Dream, Get Into My Car. It was Ocean’s sixth of seven Top 10 hits and his third and final #1 song {Carribean Queen (No More Love on the Run), 1984; There’ll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry), 1986}. The song went to #1 in seven other countries including Norway and South Africa, peaked at #3 in Great Britain and was also in its only week at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart. Billy Ocean was born Leslie Sebastian Charles in 1950 in Trinidad and Tobago. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

You don’t run from your weaknesses, you attack them. – Major Keith Burkepile, United States Marine Corps

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Four people – Mary Surratt, Lewis Powell, David Herold, and George Atzerodt – were executed on July 7, 1865, for their roles in the plot to assassinate President Abraham Lincoln. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who holds the NBA record for highest field goal percentage by a team for a season? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/April 15, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

 Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow’s new globe is finally on display at The Shire. Today’s Diary.  

My new globe – well, new to me, I bought it used off eBay – is finally on display in my office…Recall yesterday I reported Garrett had finished his repairs, but there was still some staining to be added…He did that yesterday and the finished product was waiting for me in the back office. 

It’s quality work, way better than I could have done myself and regular readers of the crap know that goes without saying…Had I tried to do it myself it would still be a disaster in progress…It would still be sitting in the middle of the living room, disassembled with some parts scattered nearby, with my sole contribution still being staring crossly at it with my hands on my hips.

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1865 – Andrew Johnson becomes president of the United States following the death of Abraham Lincoln, who had been shot by John Wilkes Booth at Ford’s Theater in Washington, D.C. the night before. Johnson had also been scheduled to be assassinated, however, his assigned assailant, George Atzerodt, got drunk instead. Johnson’s tenure was tumultuous at a time even Lincoln would have found challenging and he would later be impeached by the House of Representatives and acquitted in a trial held by the Senate. He was not nominated for election. 

In 1947 – Jackie Robinson of the Brooklyn Dodgers becomes the first black to appear in a major league game in the 20th century in a 5-3 victory over the Boston Braves at Ebbets Field in Brooklyn. Robinson grounded to third in his first at-bat and finished 0-for-3 with a run scored while making eleven putouts at first base. Robinsonson played ten years in the big leagues, retiring after the 1956 season with a .311 batting average. Robinson was the first black to appear in a major league game since brothers Fleetwood and Welday Walker played for Toledo in the then-major American Association in 1884. 

In 1950 – If I Knew You Were Coming I’d’ve Baked a Cake by Eileen Barton with the New Yorkers is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart – one of several predecessors to the Hot 100 – for the first of two consecutive weeks. It was the first chart single for Barton and remains her only #1 song. The song was also in its fourth of ten consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard’s Most Played by Jockeys chart. A version of the song by Georgia Gibbs also charted in 1950, peaking at #21. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

A cosmos without known cause or fate is an intellectual prison; we long to believe that the great drama has a just author and a noble end. – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol VI: The Reformation. 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The NBA record for most blocked shots in a game is held by Elmore Leonard of the Los Angeles Lakers, who had 17 in an October 28, 1973 game against the Portland Trail Blazers. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many people were executed in the plot to assassinate Abraham Lincoln? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!