The Daily Dose/April 14, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

USA! USA! The first rumblings of getting back to normal are starting to be heard, from both business and government leaders. This was inevitable: we’re human and we are hardly disposed to twiddling our thumbs forever. Eventually, we are going to have to start making money again. It’s human nature to move and create and do things. Besides, we’re all going to need haircuts, soon.  

Dry, Technical Matter: It’s not going to happen immediately, of course. We’re human and we are going to try and prevent as many deaths as possible. But eventually the number of deaths will start to subside and the prospect of preventing more deaths will be trumped by our need to get back at it. 

Running The Numbers: The 119,757 worldwide deaths through yesterday represent 21% of cases that have had an outcome, 8% of those who currently have it and .0000115% of the world’s population. 

Blood On Our Hands: The US death toll of 23,664 still sets the pace for the rest of the world and is, perhaps, ten times the number of people who would have died had America responded to the coronavirus immediately and competently. We didn’t, though. Any objective analysis of the American response to this shows we downplayed and ignored its significance from the start, were unprepared when we did get around to doing something about it and we’ve mucked it up since. 

The Bottom Line: There is going to come a time when we are going to get back to normal. That time is not now, but it might be sooner than some think or want: eventually we will no longer be willing to remain on lockdown merely to postpone the deaths of a few thousand Americans. We will come to terms with COVID-19 and the deaths it causes, just like we’ve come to terms with the deaths caused by the other illnesses and accidents that attend our human experience.  

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow changes a password at the Veterans Service Office. Today’s Diary.  

By the by, my new password ends in @@…Hopefully, I’ll remember that a year from now when I’ll have to change it again. 

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1828 Noah Webster publishes his American Dictionary of the English Language. While not the first dictionary – it wasn’t even Webster’s first – it was, at 70,000 entries, the largest and took Webster 28 years to complete. To aid in presenting the etymology of words, Webster learned 25 languages and his dictionary also formalized the Americanization of the spelling of some words. The dictionary came in two volumes and initially sold for $20 (about $540 in today’s money), though he lowered it to $15 when initial sales were slow. 

In 1985 – Mark Eaton of the Utah Jazz concludes the NBA regular season having established new NBA records for most blocks in a season (456) and most blocks per game (5.6) following a 104-102 win over the San Antonio Spurs. Eaton broke the records established in 1973-74 by Elmore Smith of the Los Angeles Lakers, who had 493 blocks, averaging 4.85 per game. Eaton’s records still stand. 

In 1973 – The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia by Vicki Lawrence is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second and final week. The song was Lawrence’s first chart single and remains her only Top 40 hit. It also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #36 on Billboard’s country chart and was Billboard’s eleventh biggest song of the year.  The song was written by Lawrence’s then-husband Bobby Russell and it returned to the charts in 1992 when a version by Reba McEntire reached #12 on Billboard’s country chart. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. – Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Alexander Hamilton was on the obverse side of the original $2 United States note issued in 1862. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who holds the NBA record for most blocked shots in a game? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/April 13, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

SOME PHILOSOPHICAL CRAP: One of the benefits of growing older are the lessons the years offer. We had one reinforced twice recently, the lesson that sometimes the journey is better than the destination. This lesson sometimes takes a while to be appreciated. 

Oh, Jesus H: The most recent reinforcement came in Friday’s mail when we received two decals the Washington State Cougars football team wore in the 1998 Rose Bowl vs evil Michigan. It had ‘Cougars’ in script with a rose and its stem woven through it. It was the first Washington State Rose Bowl since the Middle Ages and we loved the decal immediately and long wanted to own one or two. 

Yeah, This Is Thrilling: And we came across it off and on over the ensuing years but never pulled the trigger until recently when we found a set on eBay. And Friday there they were, 20 years of waiting over. And even that was anticlimactic because with modern technology I knew when they would be there, which meant there was no rushing breathlessly to the mailbox to see if it was there, like when we were kids. 

All Right, Now What?: Almost interesting is the fact we have some zero clue what to do with them. Cars come and go and we live in Colorado State Rams country, so the neighbors aren’t likely to be all that impressed with them. They’re under the desk pad right now, pending a decision. 

Oh, Jesus H II: The second example actually presented itself a while back. Fans of this feature know we enjoy our research here, particularly the baseball record book and the Billboard charts, and we’ve long wanted to do some chart research into a variety of topics, but finding a thorough, credible source proved elusive.

Dry, Technical Matter: Until recently. We found a site that makes it easy to scour Billboard charts, artists, songs and, importantly, yearly figures. We couldn’t believe it. Vital questions like which song spent the most weeks at a peak position other than #1 or #2 or which had the highest peak position in a one-week stay on a 100 position chart could now be answered! 

Fly In The Ointment: In time they will be. We dove right in, gleefully making it to the late 1960s before our ardor cooked. We’re now up to 1978 and we’ll get back at it eventually, but simply knowing we can do it is sufficient for now. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest MPG figures for the new ride. Today’s Diary.  

Good gravy, we are really in the Golden Age of gas mileage right now…

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1976 – The United States Treasury reintroduces the two-dollar bill, in commemoration of both the Bicentennial and the 233rd anniversary of the birth of Thomas Jefferson. The $2 bill first appeared in 1862 and was first issued in its current size in 1928 and was discontinued in 1966. The $2 bill never really caught on. During the Depression few had use for a $2, though later it would find use for $2 bets at race tracks and today the $2 bill constitutes only about 1% of US currency in circulation and originals from the 1976 issue have little value above their face value. 

In 2016 – The Golden State Warriors establish a new NBA record for most wins in a season in a 125-104 win over the Memphis Grizzlies. The win was their 73rd of the season, breaking the record of 72 established by the 1995-96 Chicago Bulls and their record still stands. The Warriors finished the season 73-9, began it 24-0 and didn’t lose their second game until Dec 30. They lost the NBA Finals to the Cleveland Cavaliers in seven games. 

In 1959 – George Jones is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot C&W Sides chart – for the first of five consecutive weeks with White Lightning. It was the first of 13 country chart #1s for Jones and the song also peaked at #73 on Billboard’s Hot 100. Jones would later admit to being drunk at the recording session with 80 takes being recorded, though the first take was the one ultimately released. The song was written by J.P. Richardson, better known as the Big Bopper, who had died in February in the plane crash that also killed, among others, Buddy Holly and Richie Valens. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Did we brave all then, to falter now?”– Abraham Lincoln

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Elton John’s biggest hit on Billboard’s soul chart was I Don’t Want To Go On With You Like That, which hit #7 in 1988. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who was on the front of the first $2 United States note issued in 1862? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/April 12, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was…

1. COVID-19 – Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters pleased to report local lockdown orders has resulted in little change to their lives, which is hardly a bulletin because others have been socially distancing themselves from them for years. 

2. American Professional Sports – Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” plan to quarantine several thousand people to play games at neutral sites in empty facilities merely to verify New York Knicks, Miami Marlins still suck is “like, pretty whack and stuff”. 

3. Election 2020 – As we continue to do probably futile battle with Mother Nature, let’s keep an eye on our government…We’re already sheepishly complying with being lockdowned, so let’s not get complacent and let them try nonsense like putting off Nov 3 election. 

4. US Drone Strikes– No rest for the weary as US continues drone strikes against dreaded Afghanistan, Somalia, Yemen and Pakistan despite fact Congress has not declared war on anyone since 1942, as specified in pesky US Constitution…2020 totals: 27 strikes, 90 or so deaths, with Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” most deaths military. 

5. President Trump Fact Check: – A twofer for you today…Click here and here as President Trump misinforms on everything from small business loans to coronavirus testing to new jobs. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

Enjoy today’s Diary entry with Sparrow’s compliments.
The Diary of a Nobody:  

There were a couple of things in the mail…One was a letter from the bank explaining how they fixed the mobile deposit I’d screwed up last week…Recall I deposited two checks and at the first prompt, I entered the total for both checks when I should only have entered the total for the first check…Also recall I called the bank the girl said this happens all the time and not to fret, it will be corrected in a couple of days…It was, and there really wasn’t any reason to send me a letter detailing what they did.

There was also a notice about an election for the local fire district next month…They want to increase property taxes an amount that would cost me, probably, about $10 a year…I routinely vote no on all tax increases on the theory that I’m taxed enough and once the nickel-and-diming starts there’s no stopping it…I voted against the increase that got the news middle and high-school built, too, a measure that passed by only a few votes. 

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1861 – The American Civil War begins with the Battle of Fort Sumter, South Carolina. South Carolina had seceded from the Union in December and had ordered Union Army troops to leave its facilities in Charleston Harbor, though in January the Union had tried without success to resupply Fort Sumter. The battle ended on April 13 in a Confederate victory. The flag that flew over Fort Sumter survived and was taken to various towns in the Union to raise money for the war effort. It is now on display at Fort Sumter. 

In 1962 – Pete Riechert of the Los Angeles Dodgers becomes the first pitcher in major league history to strike out the first six batters he faces in his first major league game in an 11-7 win over the Cincinnati Reds. Riechert relieved Stan Williams in the second inning after Williams gave up four runs and Riechert’s total includes four strikeouts in the third inning. Riechert also tied the major league record for most consecutive strikeouts in a major league debut, a record that has since been broken multiple times. Riechert, though, remains the only pitcher to strike out the first six batters faced in a major league debut. 

In 1975 – Elton John is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Philadelphia Freedom. The song also peaked at #1 in Canada, #12 in Great Britain and at #32 on Billboard’s soul chart. The song was Billboard’s third-biggest of 1975, its 35th biggest of the decade and Philadelphia Freedom ranked 132nd on Billboard’s 60th anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. It was John’s fourth of nine #1 songs.  

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

How is it that we know anything…except by the analogies of past experience. What has once happened will invariably happen again. – Abraham Lincoln

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Yowerie Museveni is the president of Uganda, having assumed power in 1986. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was Elton John’s biggest hit on Billboard’s soul chart? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/April 11, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow violates federal law and accepts a modest gratuity. Today’s Diary.  

Gerald also had a bottle of wine for me…I normally don’t accept gratuities of any sort, but he and his wife, Mary, make their own wine…He said it was a nice little white grape wine, not too pretentious and with a hint of strawberry…Rather than cause offense by declining it, I graciously accepted it. 

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1979 – President of Uganda Idi Amin is ousted from power after Tanzanian troops capture Uganda’s capital of Kampala in the Uganda-Tanzania War. Amin, a field marshall in command of the Ugandan Army, had taken power in a 1971 coup and his rule was characterized by, among other things, rampant human rights abuses, political repression and extrajudicial killings. Amin fled Uganda and spent the rest of his life in exile, first in Libya and then in Saudi Arabia. Amin had joined the British Colonial Army in 1946 as a cook and died in 2003. 

In 1965 – Emmett Ashford becomes the first black to umpire a major league game, working third base in Washington as the Cleveland Indians defeated the Senators 5-2. Ashford, who had umpired in the Pacific Coast League for the past twelve seasons, umpired 810 major league games, a total that does not include the 1967 All-Star Game or five games in the 1970 World Series. Ashford was originally from Los Angeles and died in 1980. 

In 1981 – Hall and Oates are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with Kiss on My List. It was the fourth of 16 Top 10 hits for the duo, their first number one song since Rich Girl in 1977 and their second of six #1 singles. The song also peaked at #33 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s seventh biggest song of the year. The song was originally written for the sister of Daryl Hall’s girlfriend. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

He is half done who has already begun. – Horace

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Don Drysdale of the Los Angeles Dodgers was the first player to break Walter Johnson’s record of 55.2 consecutive scoreless innings, throwing 58 consecutive in 1968.

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who is the current president of Uganda? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/April 10, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow is eating like crap again. Today’s Diary.  

Today I bought lots of frozen, microwaveable crap like meatballs and chicken fried steak patties (which comes with a gravy packet which I never use because gravy can be fattening) plus a couple of test boxes of single-serving meals, a turkey and stuffing one plus a meatloaf one…

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1710 – The Statute of Anne, the world’s first copyright law, takes effect in Great Britain, following passage by Parliament and being given Queen Anne’s royal assent a few days earlier. The act provided for a copyright term of 14 years and had a provision for one 14-year renewal. Previously, copyright, as well as censoring, duties had been held by a private guild of printers. Initially hailed, faults soon became evident and the Statute of Anne was repealed by another copyright law in 1842. 

In 1913 – Walter Johnson of the Washington Senators begins his then-record streak of 55.2 consecutive scoreless innings in a 2-1 Opening Day win over the New York Yankees. Johnson gave up a run in the first, the last run he would give up until May 14 against St Louis. Johnson broke the record established by Jack Coombs of the Philadelphia A’s (53, 1910) and the record is now held by Orel Hershiser of the Los Angeles Dodgers (59, 1988). Johnson would finish the season with a 36-7 record and his 1.14 earned run average remains the American League season record for a pitcher throwing more than 300 innings. 

In 1954 – Roy Hamilton is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Selling R&B Records chart – a predecessor to today’s soul chart – for the third of eight consecutive weeks with You’ll Never Walk Alone. It was the first chart single for Hamilton and his first of two #1 soul songs (Unchained Melody, `1955). The song was also the first #1 song on any Billboard chart for Epic Records. The song was written by Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein and was from the musical Carousel. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Writers open themselves up to experience. We’re not here to win awards for good citizenship.  – Garrison Keillor, Love Me

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The St Louis Hawks basketball team formed in 1946 as the Buffalo Bisons. They are now the Atlanta Hawks. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who initially broke Walter Johnson’s record for consecutive scoreless innings? – Answer next time!

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