The Daily Dose/April 24, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience

USA! USA! Almost interesting in this coronavirus crisis is not the fact that America is not showing anyone – either the world or its citizens – any leadership in the matter. Those days are gone, for now. We elected a lying sexual predator who believes the moon is part of Mars as president and we are reaping that harvest right now. President Trump’s only real talent is drawing attention to himself and Thursday he wondered aloud if we couldn’t just inject disinfectant into our lungs to rid ourselves of the coronavirus, something even a fifth-grader with a healthy interest in science knows is preposterous. 

Fly In The Ointment: No, what’s interesting is that no one is even bothering to look to America for leadership in this crisis. And why should they? America was unable to provide a timely nor competent response to the crisis and there have been tens of thousands of more deaths than there should have been. Our government has blood on its hands.  

Well Arent We Miss Mary Sunshine Today: The world has thrown its collective hands up: America has left the building, the American Century over. 

When it ended is subject to some discussion. We personally think the end was heralded when America declined to send men to Mars in the 1970s. Perhaps it ended either at or in the aftermath of 9/11. We’re sure there are other candidates, but there is no doubt the American Century is long gone. America is now unable to provide leadership at a time when the world could really use it. It wasn’t a conscious decision, either, because America had no choice: America, now a partisan, bickering, divided mess, can only lead others on the same path of disintegration we are on now. 

The Bottom Line/Gaylon For US Senate…Vote Early, Vote Often: America has drifted into irrelevance, the midpoint between influence and oblivion. This is reversible, but it is going to take concerned and conscientious citizens demanding better this November. The choice is ours, but we are going to have to decide to make a difference, rather than choose continued toleration of the status quo.

Editor’s Note: Gaylon is a candidate for the Colorado Libertarian Party’s US Senate nomination, on the ballot for the June 30th primary. Click here to contribute right now. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: A parcel of the property next door to The Shire is for sale. Today’s Diary.   

The maddening thing is, tho, I have not been able to determine the price…It’s not listed on any reality website, including that of the company that has the listing, no doubt on the theory that who the hell uses the Internet for anything, tho as I recall he the abandoned house next door wasn’t listed online either…The property must be secretly owned by the CIA because the one website that shows estimated values for homes doesn’t even list one for this property, though The Shire is now valued at 181. 

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On This Date
History’s Long March

In 1913 – The Woolworth Building, at 792 feet then the tallest building in the world, opens in New York City. Built as the headquarters of Woolworth’s five-and-dime stores, it had 60 stories, a 30-story base and a 30-story tower. Construction had begun in November 1910 and cost $13.5 million, about $349 million in today’s money. The company sold the building in 1998 and the top 30 floors are now residences. Currently, there are five units available, ranging in price from $2.8 million to $29.8 million. 

In 1957 – The Chicago Cubs establish a new National League record for most walks allowed in an inning in a 9-5 loss to the Cincinnati Reds. The Cubs walked nine Reds in the fifth inning, four by Moe Drabowsky, three by Jackie Collum and two by Jim Brosnan as the Reds get seven runs. The record still stands, and the major league mark is eleven, by the New York Yankees in 1949. 

N 1961 – Del Shannon is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of four consecutive weeks with Runaway. It was the first of three Top 10 hits and nine Top 40 hits for Shannon and remains his only #1 song. The song went to #1 in five other countries, including Chile and Great Britain, also peaked at #3 on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s fifth-biggest song of the year. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Superfluous wealth can buy superfluities only. Money is not required to buy one necessary of the soul. – Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Rick Middleton of the Boston Bruins holds the NHL record for most points in a playoff series with 19 (5 goals, 14 assists) in the 1983 Adams Division Finals against the Buffalo Sabres. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What building replaced the Woolworth Building as the world’s tallest? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/April 23, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience

Leading Off will return. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets an oil change for the new ride. Today’s Diary.  

This was the first oil change for the new ride and Christ, it cost $80…Plus $20 for some filter that presumably prevented me from choking on fumes…Good gravy, was some sheik making the oil in the back???….And the kid that was serving me talked so fast he sounded flippant and untrustworthy and I got that feeling I always get whenever I think I’m about to take it in the shorts at a car place…But he showed me the filter, which was filthy, and some research shows the new ride does, indeed, take synthetic oil and I’m hardly broke, so I forked over for everything, but I think I’ll shop around next time. 

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s Long March

In 1985 – The Coca-Cola Company replaces its flagship beverage, Coca-Cola, with what is called New Coke. This was done because over the years Coke’s market share had dwindled from two-thirds of all soda sold to one-quarter of all soda sold though New Coke did not go over well and old Coke, renamed Coca-Cola Classic, returned to shelves and restaurants in three months. New Coke was discontinued in 2002 and the company has long denied New Coke was introduced as a publicity stunt. 

In 1988 – Patrik Sundstrom of the New Jersey Devils establishes a new NHL playoff record for most points in a game in a 10-4 victory over the Washington Capitals in Game 3 of the Patrick Division Final. Sundstrom had eight points (three goals, five assists) breaking the record of seven that Wayne Gretzky had established in 1983 and tied in 1985 and 1987. Sundstrom’s record was tied by Mario Lemieux of the Pittsburgh Penguins the following year and their record still stands. 

In 1977 – Thelma Houston is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the only week with Don’t Leave Me This Way. The song also went to #1 in South Africa and on Billboard’s soul chart and peaked at #13 in Great Britain. It was Billboard’s seventh biggest song of the year and won Houston the Grammy Award for Best Female R&B Vocal Performance. It was the first chart single for Houston and though she had three more Hot 100 appearances, Don’t Leave Me This Way remains her only #1 song. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Any society, if it is to flourish instead of merely survive, must strive to transcend its own limits. – Richard Nixon

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Aretha Franklin had two #1 songs on Billboard’s Hot 100: Respect (1967) and I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me) (1987, w/ George Michael).  

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who holds the NHL playoff record for most points in a series? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/April 22, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience

FROM THE UP NORTH DESK: Lost in the cacophony of COVID-19 reporting and the dozens of daily NFL mock drafts was the latest mass shooting, an act of domestic terrorism that saw 22 people shot to death, as well as numerous buildings burned. It happened in Nova Scotia, a province on the east coast of Canada, a 12-hour spree lasting from Saturday night until Sunday morning and the killer was eventually shot to death by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Though hardly impressive by American standards, it’s the worst mass shooting in Canadian history, a country where these are rather rare. 

FunFact: Canada is the country immediately north of the United States. 

FunFact II: Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has called for the banning of assault weapons, much as we do here in the United States, though gun control laws historically do not prevent people from shooting others. 

Dry, Technical Matter: The incident was duly reported and updated, but it did not become a huge, blanket coverage story here in the United States. We got to thinking there might have been a time it would have, but then we thought that would have been a long time ago, maybe in the 1970s, before ‘going postal’ was introduced in the American vernacular and before there were dozens of outlets constantly reporting news.  

The Bottom Line: Even considering the COVID-19 media frenzy, the slaughter of 22 Canadians probably should have been bigger news here. But it wasn’t. Americans have come to terms with the carnage produced by mass shootings. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody:  

As district commander, my responsibilities are executive and inspirational…I announce where we’re going and provide the inspiration to get there and I am pleased to leave routine matters, like cancelling district conventions because of an international pandemic, to him. 

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s Long March

In 1983 – The German weekly news magazine Stern announces it has acquired a diary kept by Adolf Hitler. Stern had acquired the diaries for $3.7 million (about $9.7 million in today’s money) from one of their reporters, who had bought them from a German named Konrad Kujau. Stern began publishing excerpts the following week and the diaries were soon exposed as a hoax that had been produced by Kujau. Earlier in his forgery career Kujau – like Hitler a capable amateur painter – had produced and sold forged Hitler paintings. He served four-and-a-half years in prison and died in 2000. 

In 1876 – Major league baseball begins when the Boston Red Caps defeat the Philadelphia Athletics 6-5 in the first game in National League history. Bill Parks, a Boston outfielder, is the only player from this game for whom this was their only major league game. The Red Caps are now the Atlanta Braves while the Athletics were in their only National League season and have no connection with any other major league team. The National League would remain the only major league until the formation of the American Association in 1882. 

In 1967 – Aretha Franklin is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Rythym and Blues Singles chart – for the fifth of seven consecutive weeks with I’ve Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You). It was Franklin’s eighth Top 40 soul hit, her third Top 10 song her first of a record 20 #1 soul hits, a record she now shares with Stevie Wonder. The song also peaked at #9 on Billboard’s Hot 100. It was her first hit for Atlantic Records after Columbia Records had let her contract lapse without resigning her. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

His mind was made up once and for all upon hundreds of subjects and maybe this was the sign that he had completed his course.  – Saul Bellow, Ravelstein

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Cy Young with 511 has the most career wins for any major league pitcher who has thrown a perfect game. Young had pitched a perfect game for the Boston Americans, now the Red Sox, against the Philadelphia Athletics on May 5, 1904. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many #1 songs did Aretha Franklin have on Billboard’s Hot 100? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/April 21, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience

Leading Off is still in time out.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow laments the lack of competent secretarial services at the county. Today’s Diary.  

The big news at the Veterans Service Office is nobody posted the notes from the morning Emergency Ops meeting over the weekend!!!…I am not making that up…The meeting is held seven days a week at 0830 but either notes were not taken or they were and haven’t been posted yet…The last notes uploaded were mine from the Friday morning meeting.  

I have some zero clue what the problem is…This is not like an assembly line…The note taker is responsible for everything…It’s not as if you take the notes then ship it off to Proofreading for final editing and processing….No…You take the notes and then you post the notes and, as blabbed here from time to time, ol’ Sparrow has his notes posted within 45 seconds of meeting adjournment…It’s not that hard…But there were no meeting notes from the weekend’s meetings. 

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On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1934 – A photograph referred to by History as the Surgeon’s Photograph because it was taken by a surgeon, and depicting the Loch Ness monster is published in the London newspaper The Daily Mail. The Loch Ness monster would spend the next few decades stirring no small amount of interest, at least until 1994 when a gentleman admitted to building the monster from a toy submarine and a sculpted head and neck, an account generally accepted to be true. Reports of monsters in the loch do date back to 565 AD. 

In 2012 – Phillip Humber of the Chicago White Sox pitches the 21st perfect game in major league history in a 4-0 victory over the Seattle Mariners. Humber, in his seventh major league season, was making his fourth career start and finished his major league career the following season with a 16-23 career record, the fewest wins of any pitcher who has thrown a perfect game. It was the third perfect game by a White Sox pitcher (Charlie Robertson, 1932; Mark Buehrle, 2009) and remains the only perfect game that ended on a passed ball on a check-swing third strike, with the runner retired at first base. 

In 1945 – The Les Brown Orchestra and Doris Day are at #1 on Billboard’s Best Selling Singles chart – one of several predecessors to the Hot 100 – for the third of seven consecutive weeks with My Dreams Are Getting Better All the Time. It was the second of three #1 songs for Brown and the first of six #1s for Day and on May 26 the pair replaced themselves at #1 with Sentimental Journey, which spent nine weeks at the top. Though several acts have replaced themselves at #1 over the years, Les Brown and Doris Day remain the only duet to accomplish the feat. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

His mind was made up once and for all upon hundreds of subjects and maybe this was the sign that he had completed his course.  – Saul Bellow, Ravelstein

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The first TV theme song to reach #1 on a Billboard pop chart was The Ballad of Davy Crocket, which went to #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores, Most Played in Juke Boxes and Most Played by Jockeys charts in 1955.  

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Which major league pitcher to throw a perfect game has the most career wins? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/April 20, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience

USA! USA! The calls to normalize American life are getting louder. It’s a tough decision: do you re-open America and sign more death warrants, or do you continue to do what you can to mitigate the death toll and keep people locked up and unemployed? It’s akin to being obliged to pick a favorite strain of the clap. People are still dying, we have some zero clue how many people have the virus and a vaccine is nowhere in sight and it is reasonable to believe returning to normal will increase, probably significantly and maybe even exponentially, the death toll. 

Running The Numbers: While daily death totals both in the US and around the world are dropping after peaking on April 14, COVID-19 is still racking up impressive death rates: In the US the death rate amongst closed cases is a man-sized 36%, a total that would make the plague stand up and take notice. Worldwide this death rate is 21%, itself an impressive figure. In terms of the overall population, the totals are still small: a 0.00031% infection rate and a 0.000021% death rate amongst our planet’s 7.7 billion people. 

Dry, Technical Matter: We can’t help wondering what would have happened had America had a prompt and competent response to the coronavirus. We didn’t, of course, and while we’re not doctors, nor have we ever played one on TV, we think an educated guess would put the death toll at about ten percent of America’s current total and, perhaps, a timely, competent and aggressive response might have cut it even further. Our government has blood on its hands. 

The Bottom Line: We’ve said this before: Mother Nature has been sending new illnesses our way since time immemorial and there is going to come a time when we are going to have to come to terms with the havoc the coronavirus and COVID-19 are wrecking on us. 

We can’t keep our country locked down until a vaccine appears because that may never happen. Eventually, people are going to want to get out of the house and they will need to work and we need a haircut. The sooner we can get America moving again, with some measure of safety and practicality, the better. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: The first lawn mowing of the season is in the books. Today’s Diary.   

Cody actually came by and got the lawn done this afternoon…This has to be considered an upset because it was cloudy and windy with rain in the forecast when I got up (see Sleep Log below), so I texted him and said it was OK if he put it off because, needless to say, I would have…He texted me back, tho, saying he was actually in the yard raking and, as it turned out, he brought a buddy along, too…Hardy souls, but they got it done and the yard looks sharp…The dead leaves are all gone and the lawn’s mowed and I didn’t have to do any of it myself…

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1999 – The Deepwater Horizon drilling rig, owned and operated by BP, explodes in the Gulf of Mexico south of Louisiana and Mississippi. The explosion killed eleven workers and the spill wasn’t sealed until September 2010 with the total discharge estimated to be 210 million gallons, the largest marine oil spill in history. BP pled guilty to assorted criminal charges, agreeing to four years of federal monitoring and the paying of $4.525 billion in fines. 

In 1982 – The Atlanta Braves establish a new modern major league record for most consecutive wins at the start of the season in a 4-2 victory over the Cincinnati Reds. It was the twelfth straight win for the Braves, breaking the record of eleven established by the Oakland A’s the previous season. The Braves would finish with 13 straight victories, a mark that was tied by the Milwaukee Brewers, then in the American League, in 1987. The all-time major league mark is 20 consecutive wins, done by the St Louis Maroons of the Union Association in 1884. 

In 1974 – MFSB featuring the Three Degrees are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 with TSOP (The Sound of Philadelphia). It was the first chart single and only Top 40 hit for MFSB and the second of three Top 40 hits for the Three Degrees and remains the only #1 song for both. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #22 in Great Britain, was in its only week at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s seventh biggest song of the year. The theme to the TV show Soul Train, it was the first song from a TV show to hit #1 on the Hot 100, though the feat had been accomplished on earlier Billboard pop charts. .

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…his life seemed to prove that the valorous were the favorites of fortune. He was simply inviting the Convention to do what he had done repeatedly – to aim as high as possible and to strain every nerve to attain the goal.
John C Miller
Alexander Hamilton: Portrait in Paradox

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Giorgio Moroder’s biggest hit on the Hot 100 as an artist was Chase, which went to #33 in 1979. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was the first theme song from a TV show to reach #1 on a Billboard pop chart? – Answer next time!

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