…from writing. We’re working on some things behind the scenes – a new layout will debut soon – and the more time we spend on it the better.
Everything will be back Monday at the latest, perhaps even Sunday.
Thank you for understanding. Sparrow sends his best.
The Daily Dose/November 29, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…
HUT, HUT, HIKE: Now is about the time we start to take a serious look at the College Football Playoff (CFP) rankings. The top four teams get an invite to the tournament, which is run by the schools that play major division football and not the NCAA. As usual, it’s our hope the process will be such a fiasco it makes a better argument for an NCAA-sanctioned playoff than the ones we trot out every hour on the hour.
There’s a pretty good chance of that happening this year, too, and the scenario is rather simple: Utah (Pac-12), Georgia (SEC) and Minnesota (Big Ten) winning conference titles will make our point for us:
Crystal Ball Me: If this happens three teams are definitely in: Clemson, Georgia and Minnesota. Clemson is in because you cannot leave out an undefeated defending national champion. Minnesota will let the selection committee hold their Big Ten championship trophy and review their box scores from wins over Penn State, Wisconsin and Ohio State while they are booking their reservations for the Fiesta Bowl. Georgia is in because good luck keeping the SEC champion out.
This leaves Ohio State, LSU, Alabama, the Big 12 champion and Utah battling for the final spot: LSU beat Alabama so goodbye Crimson Tide. The selection committee has not been impressed by the Big 12 lately, so they’re out. Utah, not bad and all that, but your conference is weak and you didn’t beat anybody really good. Enjoy your Rose Bowl experience, a fine way to end a fine season.
This leaves Ohio State and LSU battling for the final spot. Well, since Ohio State leaped LSU for #1 in this week’s CFP poll, the safe money is on the Buckeyes, giving us a foursome of Clemson, Minnesota, Georgia and Ohio State. Four teams picked from a half-dozen or so fine teams, all of whom would be worthy challengers for the national title.
Let’s Open The Manhole Cover, Shall We?: Contrast this with what is going in the FCS and Divisions II and III, all of whom are getting ready to start or have started real, live football playoffs. We are not making that up! Every argument the big schools trot out against a playoff is blown out of the water by the fact the NCAA conducts football championships in three divisions!
Especially noteworthy is the Division III tournament, where non-scholarship kids juggle football around real classes and scamming coeds. The two teams that make the Amos Alonzo-Staff Bowl – the D-III national championship game – end up playing 15 games, a season-and-a-half.
Stop Us If You’ve Heard This Before: The 32-team 2019 NCAA Division I football tournament could have begun this weekend and end on New Year’s Day. Don’t even start. We’re being force-fed this tripe because we are putting up with it.
Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Happy Thanksgiving from the Sparrows. Today’s Diary.
It was one hell of a holiday meal…The Wife was glad she didn’t have to slave too long in the kitchen over a more traditional meal and we’d both rather have a steak than turkey, anyway…The big news is we were so efficient it was all over before noon…I am not making that up…Well before noon, actually because from the time I woke The Wife up to the final dishes being washed, the whole evolution took less than two hours.
Afterward, we cleaned a little bit…I did some vacuuming – which regular readers of this crap know is my only real cleaning talent – and The Wife fussed around clearing space for me and folding towels…The Wife called this our family activity because back in Sin City it was customary to do something active after the meal and my fave activity remains when we played kickball at the school across the street…Some neighborhood kids joined us and The Wife found herself in a good-natured argument with one of them about some rule, tho I forget what the specific argument was about…I told her there was little profit in arguing kickball rules with an eight-yard-old and she eventually saw my point.
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.
Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
In 1549 – What History refers to as the Papal Conclave of 1549-50 begins in a chapel in the Apostolic Palace in what is now Vatican City. Balloting to replace Pope Paul III began on Dec. 7 and did not conclude until Julius III was elected on the 61st ballot on Feb. 7. Julius had little interest in political or ecclesiastical affairs and is known for spending his time enjoying the trappings of being pope and living a life of leisure. The conclave is remembered for having 51 cardinals, the largest conclave to date, though through death and illness only 44 cardinals ended up casting final ballots.
In 1890 – The first Army/Navy football game is played at The Plain in West Point with Navy winning 24-0. It was the first game in Army football history, though Navy first played in 1879. For the game the entire Army student body had chipped in 52 cents each – about $15 in today’s money – to subsidize Navy’s travel expenses. Since then the teams have met annually except for ten years, including 1928-29, when the schools bickered over player eligibility. Navy leads the series 60-52-7 and the teams will meet for the 120th time on Dec. 14 in Philadelphia.
In 1975 – Silver Convention is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with Fly, Robin, Fly. It was the first of two chart singles for the group and remains their only #1 song. The song also went to #1 in Canada, went to #3 in the group’s native Germany and peaked at #28 in Great Britain. Earlier, the song had spent one week at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart and three weeks at #1 on Billboard’s Disco chart. Silver Convention was the first German act to top the Hot 100 and the song won the Grammy Award for Best R&B Instrumental Performance.
Quotebook
“Why are you doing this?”
“I want to.”
“Is that all?”
“I should think that that was everything.” – Gore Vidal, Empire
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
North to Alaska by Johnny Horton was the song that replaced Wings of a Dove by Ferlin Husky during its ten non-consecutive weeks stay at #1 on Billboard’s country chart in 1961.
Today’s Stumper
Which stadium that is still standing has hosted the Army/Navy game the most times? – Answer next time!
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Thursday, November 28
I was back in the gym this morning…Recall I had taken the week off because both mind and body demanded it, but both were ready to get back at it this morning…Key when returning to the gym is not to do what you did you last time out because after a week off all the upped weights would have been too much…The trainer I started lifting weights with around the turn of the century said the rule of thumb for welcome back workouts is 75% of what you did last time.
The Daily Dose/November 28, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…
Friends, Leading Off will return.
Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow, hardly for the first time, encourages guests to ring the bell when he is in the back office. Today’s Diary.
USE THE BELL DAMMIT!!!
I had heard them out front and by the sound of it they were farting around the sundry stand so it wasn’t the biggest surprise when some guy with his mouth full made a noise some might consider an attempt at spoken communication…I went out and there was a couple there, a neanderthal-looking chap with a mouth stuffed full of food and rather sensible looking woman, both about 30 or so.
I go out and offer to be of service…The guy, his mouth full of the candy bar he hadn’t bought yet, asks if we’re hiring…I pretend I don’t understand him, tho, because there is no reason address me with food in your mouth…I’m sorry…(In fact, according to Ma Sparrow there was never any reason whatsoever to open your mouth with food in it.)…His girlfriend picks right up on my annoyance, tho and soon we’re talking about employment possibilities here as I’m ringing their stuff up.
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 11: The road to Bottom Ten glory and The Dan Henning Trophy continues to run through Cincinnati.
Here are some funny lines from this week’s NFL Bottom Ten:
Bengals 18th NFL team to start season 0-11…This has B-10 pollsters scratching their heads because they could have sworn Bengals – longtime B-10 stalwarts – were also the “like, the 12th or 13th or something”
[Giants] current seven (7)-game skid entitles them Howard Cosell Pin, issued to B-10 team with longest losing streak amongst victoried teams…
Pesky Lions almost blow B-10 medal stand hopes, tyng game twice and actually leading before closing strong with interceptions on final two (2) drives…
Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
In 1964 – Mariner 4 is launched on a mission to fly by Mars. It would reach its closest point of approach the following July 15 and soon took and sent back to Earth the first pictures of another planet taken from a spacecraft. Mariner 4 continued to send back data until December 21, 1967 when communications were shut down due to damage caused by micrometeoroid hits and Mariner 4 remains in solar orbit.
In 1969 – The New York Knicks establish a new NBA record for most consecutive wins in a single season, winning their 18th straight game, a 106-105 victory over the Cincinnati Royals. The Knicks broke the record of 17 that had been set by the Boston Celtics (1959-60) and the Washington Capitals (1946). The streak would be broken by the Milwaukee Bucks the following season and the record is now 33 consecutive wins, done by the Los Angeles Lakers in (1971-72). The Knicks would finish the season with a 60-22 record and beat the Lakers 4 games to 3 in the NBA Finals.
In 1960 – Ferlin Husky is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot C&W Sides chart – for the third of ten non-consecutive weeks with Wings of a Dove. Wings of a Dove would spend eight weeks at #1 before spending the next five weeks at #2, returning to the top for two more weeks on February 13. It was the third and final #1 country song for Husky in a chart career that lasted from 1953 until 1975 and the song also peaked at #12 on Billboard’s Hot 100. Husky was elected to the Country Music Hall of Fame in 2010 and he died in 2011 at the age of 85.
Quotebook
Heroism is the decision to maintain one’s consideration for others in the face of danger to oneself. – Miss Manners
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Lionel Ritchie has had five #1 songs on Billboard’s soul chart.
Today’s Stumper
What song replaced Wings of a Dove at #1 on Billboard’s country chart? – Answer next time!
The Daily Dose/November 27, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…
Friends, Leading Off will return.
Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has a chat with a truck driver. Today’s Diary.
It was an interesting experience…He was not the most educated guy in town but he’s a long-haul trucker with a commercial drivers license and those aren’t issued with the rations: they’re earned only after showing specific, detailed knowledge of commercial motor vehicle construction and operation, knowledge regular readers of this crap know ol’ Sparrow certainly does not have…As Pa Sparrow used to say, different people know different things, invariably adding the best knowledge is to know what you’re about.
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.
Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
In 602 – Byzantine Emperor Mauricius is executed after being obliged to watch his six sons suffer the same fate. Though History regards Mauricius as a capable general and administrator, his empire was broke after the latest war and his decision to have his army stay in the field and, later, start another campaign instead of ordering them back to winter quarters, caused the mutiny that led to the death of him and his sons. His wife and daughters were spared, sent to a monastery.
In 1980 – Dave Williams of the Chicago Bears becomes the first player in NFL history to return a kickoff for a touchdown in overtime as the Bears defeat the Detroit Lions 23-17. The Bears had once trailed 17-3 and didn’t tie the game until a four-yard run by quarterback Vince Evans on the last play of regulation. Williams’ feat was duplicated in 2002 by Chad Morton of the New York Jets.
In 1982 – Lionel Ritchie is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Truly. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #6 in Great Britain and spent nine weeks at #2 on Billboard’s soul chart. It was Ritchie’s second of six #1 pop hits as a solo act, his second of 14 Top 10 hits and also won a Grammy Award for Best Male Pop Vocal Performance.
Quotebook
For Confucius, true wisdom is to know the extent of what you don’t know quite as well as you know what you do know.
Gore Vidal
Creation
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The acts with more #1 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 than the Supremes are: Michael Jackson (13), Rihanna (14), Elvis Presley (18), Mariah Carey (18) and the Beatles (20).
Note: totals are for specific acts, not individuals who hit with a variety of acts.
Today’s Stumper
How many times has Lionel Ritchie hit #1 on Billboard’s soul chart? – Answer next time!
The Daily Dose/November 26, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…
Friends, Leading Off will return.
Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest from the back office at the hotel. Today’s Diary.
In scratch paper news…
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 14: ggggg
Here are some funny lines from this week’s NCAA Bottom Ten:
63-penalty-yards, five (5) rushing yards give Zips 12.6-to-1.0 Penalty-Yards-To-Rushing-Yards ration, with B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” this is “like, one of the worst ever or something”.
Though Monarchs show token early interest with 7-7 first-quarter tie, offense tightens things up with twelve (12)-play drive that results in punt, 17-play marathon that results in missed field goal….
Rice offense tries to save face by punting of final five (5) drives, but damage had already been done.
Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
In 1942 – The movie Casablanca, starring Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman, makes its world premiere in New York City. Despite the fact few associated with the film expected too much out of it, Casablanca was nominated for eight Oscars, winning three, including Best Picture and has long been considered a classic of American cinema. The movie was based on an unproduced play called Everybody Comes to Rick’s.
In 1999 – A.C. Green of the Los Angeles Lakers establishes a new professional basketball record playing in his 1,042nd consecutive game in a 103-80 win over the New Jersey Nets. Greene broke the record that had been established by Ron Boone, who had played in both the ABA and the NBA from 1968-81. Green ultimately played in 1,192 consecutive games and had established the all-time NBA record when he played in his 907th consecutive game in 1997. Both of Green’s records still stand.
In 1966 – The Supremes are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the second and final week with You Keep Me Hanging On. It was the eighth of twelve #1 songs for the Supremes and the song was also in its first of four consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart, where it was their fifth of eight #1s. The song has been covered many times, including a version by Kim Wilde who hit #1 with it on the Hot 100 in 1986
Quotebook
…a nation so furiously dedicated to peace that it was almost never not at war to ensure ultimate peace for all time.
Gore Vidal
The Golden Age
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Moe Roberts’ record as the youngest player in NHL history, 19-years-old, was broken on Dec. 19, 1943, by goalie Harry Lumley, 17. Lumley was the player Roberts replaced for the final period in a 1951 game to become the oldest player in NHL history. Roberts’ record of oldest player in NHL history was broken on Oct. 11, 1979, by Gordie Howe, who was 51 when he returned to the NHL with the Hartford Whalers.
Today’s Stumper
Who are the acts who have had more #1 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 than the Supremes? – Answer next time!
