The Daily Dose/September 7, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
The attack by a gunman in Cincinnati only killed three people, four if you count the gunman, so, of course, it wasn’t as big a story as President Trump continuing to get his shorts in a knot over an anonymous editorial one of his staff members wrote, or as big as hearings on a supreme court nominee. The shooting produced the usual people saying the usual things and the Cincinnati Reds made everything better by holding the obligatory moment of silence before a baseball game.

Some point out that America has a lot of shootings because America has a lot of guns. Fair enough. To deny that is folly: countries that have fewer guns per capita than America have fewer gun deaths per capita than America.

It’s more than that, though, because gun ownership has been a constant in this country since before the founding of this republic and we can remember a time when large numbers of Americans weren’t shot to death on a regular basis. Yeah, it happened, but they were comparatively rare occurrences.

We’ve long felt that America has violent citizens because America has a violent government. America has been at war every day since 1989. That is almost 30 years – three decades – of daily warfare and violent citizens is one of the prices we are paying for this. Inspired by their government, violence is the go-to reaction for Americans now. The truly depraved that do things like this have thrown up their hands and surrendered. They are no longer gassing cats or making obscene phone calls or hiding in bushes. They see their violent government and, inspired by that, they see no reason not to resort to violence themselves.

We will not have a peaceful America, or a peaceful world, for that matter, without a peaceful American government. Violent families do not produce peaceful children, they produce the adults who populate our prisons. To think a violent government will produce peaceful citizens is folly.

Today at the Site
Sparrow enjoys a day off on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody. He goes to the store to get provisions for lunch and dinner but ends up eating dinner at the Mexican joint in the next county. Also, the Sleep Log is updated, though the weekly total is pretty anemic, despite twelve hours of sleep last night.

Excerpt: The Wife has barely been gone one full day and already the clean clothes are back on the kitchen table…My commitment to using the hamper, however, remains strong.

Hardly for the first time, Gore Vidal has The Thought for the Day. Today’s quote is from his fine novel Lincoln and concerns people dying soon after it becomes plain they will not get what they want from life.

Excerpt: Dreams coming true and getting what you want in this life is not reserved for those we read about in history books or see on TV. They are there for anyone willing to learn what they are about, form a plan for their lives that comes from deep inside and work that plan with diligence and courage.

On This Date
In 1159 – Alexander III is elected pope following the death of Adrian IV. His support was not universal in the College of Cardinals and after some disruption at his installation, he and his supporters flee and the few remaining cardinals elect Victor IV antipope. Three other antipopes followed and the schism lasted until Alexander’s supporters bribed their way into then-antipope Innocent’s castle in 1180 and took him prisoner. Pope Alexander would die the following year.

In 1916 – The New York Giants defeat the Brooklyn Dodgers 4-1, the first win of a major league record 26-game winning streak. The streak, though, did not spur the Giants to the pennant and they remained in fourth place in the National League the entire time, though they did go from 14 games back of the Philadelphia Phillies to five games back of the Brooklyn Robins, later known as the Dodgers. It would remain the longest winning streak in American professional sports until the Los Angeles Lakers of the NBA won 33 straight games in 1971.

In 1935 – East of the Sun (and West of the Moon) by Tom Coakley is the #1 song on Your Hit Parade, a radio show heard on Saturday nights across America. Your Hit Parade had begun chronicling the biggest selling 78rpm singles and sheet music earlier in the year and would remain America’s authority on charted music until the appearance of the first Billboard chart in July 1940. The song spent two weeks at #1 and Coakley, a popular bandleader on the west coast, would soon leave the music business to pursue a career in law.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Of the 265 sailors who embarked on Magellan’s voyage, 18 returned to Spain with the Victoria.

Today’s Stumper
What song spent the most weeks at #1 on Your Hit Parade? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/September 6, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
For the second time in the past few weeks, the word ‘treason’ is being bandied about.

First, it was used by some to describe President Trump’s conduct at a recent meeting of foreign leaders. This week it was used by Trump to describe the conduct of an anonymous staff member who wrote an op-ed piece in The New York Times. The piece, hardly flattering, talks about efforts by staff members to thwart some things the president wants to do that they regard as reckless or dangerous.

Both instances are inaccurate uses of the word. The US Constitution is very clear on the matter, with Article III, Section 3, stating in part:

Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort.

It goes on to state that conviction of treason requires either an admission by the accused “in open court” or the testimony of two witnesses to the same act.

Now you know.

Today at the Site
Sparrow, again, fails to get a nap in at the hotel on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody, despite optimal conditions for a nap. Also, Raj shows up more or less on time, and there are the usual shenanigans at the retailer, plus there are new items on the menu at the local diner.

Today’s Diary Excerpt
As it was, he was already up and showered and said he’d be there “in five minutes”…I’m learning, however,  that numbers are rather vague concepts to Indians and, in fact, Raj’s “five minutes” could mean five minutes or it could mean three days…

Werner von Braun, a German and later an American rocket scientist, has The Thought for the Day, some thoughts on both nations and individuals surpassing themselves.

Today’s Thought for the Day Excerpt:
All of us have this capacity, too, the capacity to reach beyond what others want from us. As we say seemingly every hour on the hour here, those that get on in this world are those who maximize the talents they are born with. – From Gaylon’s commentary on today’s Thought. 

On This Date
In 1522 – The Spanish ship Victoria becomes the first vessel to circumnavigate the globe, returning to Spain 1,039 days after setting sail as part of Ferdinand Magellan’s five-ship expedition to do just that. Magellan had been killed in the Philippines the year before and Victoria, under the command of Juan Sebastian Elcano, was the only ship to survive the voyage.

In 1995 – Cal Ripken, Jr breaks the American League and major league record for most consecutive games played, playing in his 2,131st straight game.  The streak had started on May 30, 1982, and would end on September 20, 1998, at 2,632 games. Both records had been held by Lou Gehrig of the New York Yankees.

In 1980 – Upside Down by Diana Ross is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100. The song had moved from #49 to #10 five weeks earlier, would spend two weeks at #5 before spending another week in the runner-up spot and would spend four weeks at #1. It was Ross’ fifth #1 solo hit on the Hot 100 and her third on Billboard’s R&B chart and was written by Nile Rogers and Bernard Edwards of the group Chic.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band was the other act that charted with War, releasing a live version of the song in 1986 that went to #8.

Today’s Stumper
Of the 265 who embarked on Magellan’s voyage, how many returned to Spain with the Victoria? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/September 5, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Nike recently announced a new ad campaign featuring former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick, the one who started the NFL anthem protest movement in 2016. The campaign will feature Kaepernick in a variety of mediums and Nike’s familiar ‘Just Do It’ slogan will be prominent as well.

Since everything in America nowadays causes division, sides were immediately taken on this vital issue. Some applauded it while some got their shorts in a knot over it with some malcontents refusing to buy or sell Nike products. There is no such thing as bad publicity unless, as the old adage goes, it involves a dead woman or a live boy – and reaction like this was exactly what Nike was hoping for, don’t kid yourself.

(An article also noted the deal puts Kaepernick in the upper echelon of NFL players that do business with Nike, which would be true if Kaepernick were actually in the NFL, which he’s not. He has not been able to find work in the NFL since the end of the 2016 season.)

We’re not marketing experts here, but this will probably end being brilliance on Nike’s part. They will probably move a lot of product, which is all this hullabaloo is designed to do anyway.

Today at the Site
A fire alarm goes off at the hotel on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody. This obliges Sparrow to actually work, assuring guests they are not going to die and dealing with the fire department, who show to verify there really isn’t a fire. Later, Sparrow finds himself at an ATM in town trying to get cash from Raj’s debit card so they can refund a guest and the drawer only had $17 in it.

Yours truly has The Thought for the Day. It’s from a column I wrote in 2012 about how Penn State’s football program got off easy in the Jerry Sandusky scandal and how us consumers usually get whatever we are willing to tolerate.

Longtime fans know The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 2 survey is reserved for the Interregnum Poll, a collection of witless social commentary because the NFL regular season hasn’t started yet. As always, the Jim Hanifan Medallion, symbolic of NFL preseason ineptitude, is awarded.

On This Date
In 1698 – Tsar Peter the Great of Russia imposes a tax on beards. The tax is aimed to westernize Russian nobility and the clergy and peasants are exempted from this tax. Resistance in deeply religious Russia was strong and police were authorized to shave those who did not pay the tax. Those who paid the tax were issued a copper or silver token.

In 1906 – The first legal forward pass in American football is thrown by St Louis University player Bradbury Robinson to teammate Jack Schneider in a 22-0 victory over Carroll College. The forward pass had been legalized earlier in 1906 by a forerunner of the NCAA, and the Billikens used it extensively in finishing the season 11-0.

In 1970 – War by Edwin Starr is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of three weeks. The song was originally done by the Temptations, but their record company did want to alienate anyone, so they had Starr record the version released as a single. Despite having a chart career that spanned three decades, War was Starr’s only #1 hit on any Billboard or British chart.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Mark Spitz broke the record of five gold medals at one Olympiad that had been held by American gymnast Anton Heida in 1904, American shooter Willis Lee in 1920 and Finnish distance runner Paavo Nurmi in 1924

Today’s Stumper
Who was the other act that charted on the Billboard Hot 100 with War? – Answer next time!

Shameless Plugs
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: A Vegas Memoir!: Clock in with the graveyard crew at the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. You’ll meet drunks, reprobates and scoundrels, and those are just the officers! The funniest Vegas memoir ever! Promise!

The Regular Guys: Meet Lenny and

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