The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 17 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
The Browns are making it look easy.
Second consecutive 0-14 start? Check.
Avenging last season’s only victory? Check.
Continuing to lose winnable games? Check, check and double-check.
While the Browns continue to make a mockery of the race for The Dan Henning Trophy – never particularly easy to do – they have a big hurdle this week in their quest for Bottom Ten immortality: the dreaded Week 15 hump. Recall last year the only blemish on Cleveland’s season came with a win against the evil Chargers in Week 15, a win they avenged earlier this season.
And down the stretch they come! This week’s fiasco, as the nags pass the sixteenth pole:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-14; lost to Baltimore 27-10) – B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” Browns first team in any sport, anywhere at any time to start consecutive seasons 0-14…Browns still in it at the half, but strong second-half secures 15th consecutive loss…Browns fifth NFL team to start season 0-14….They were also the fourth…Next Loss: at Chicago
2. New York Giants (2-12; lost to Philadelphia 34-29) – Special teams dazzle, hitting triple crown with blocked conversion, punt and field goal, easily overcoming curiously strong effort by offense…Giants finishing strong, having lost four (4) straight…Next Loss: at Arizona
3. Indianapolis Colts (3-11; lost to Denver 25-13) – Colts easily recover from halftime lead, as defense comes on strong in second half, allowing scores on first three (3) second half possessions…Another strong finisher, Colts dismiss Broncos from B-10 contention with fifth straight loss……Next Loss: at Baltimore
4. Houston Texans (4-10; lost to Jacksonville 45-7) – Eleven (11) punts, eight (8) drives of three (3) plays easily equals fourth straight loss…Showdown in finale vs Colts could be for berth in B-10 regional…Next Loss: Pittsburgh
5. Cincinnati Bengals (5-9; lost to Minnesota 34-7) – Bengals don’t even bother in this one, trailing 17-0 before anybody needed a deodorant…Though Bengals will remain Worst Team Never To Win B-10 Title, team committed to sending head coach Marvin Lewis out a loser with third straight loss…..Next Loss: Detroit
6. Chicago Bears (4-10; lost to Detroit 20-10) – Bears muster 95 yards in penalties, 43-yards rushing stellar 2.029-to-1 Penalty-Yards-To-Rushing-Yards ratio…Bears need loss to Browns this to garner medal stand consideration…Next Loss: Cleveland
7. Your Ad Here (0-0; lost to) – Spot reserved for Tampa Bay, but B-10 pollsters confused by Buccaneers playing Monday night game…Still, though, we offer reasonable rates and a fabulous opportunity to reach loyal, content-starved reader(s) killing time between looking for dates at Match.com
8. Overturned TD Call Towards End Of New England/Pittsburgh Game – Good gravy, a player catches the ball then breaks the plane of the goal line before hitting the ground and bobbling it slightly…If call this an incomplete pass is in accordance with the letter of NFL rules, this rule needs to be changed…B-10 pollsters scrambling to find out exactly what the hell ‘surviving the ground’ means.
9. AFC West (0-0; lost to) – While likely division champ will finish season with winning record, AFC West still easy pick for Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division…Chiefs taking command, a whopping two (2) games above .500, while 5-9 Broncos only recently eliminated.
10. GOP Tax Bill – We appreciate the effort guys, but your plan does nothing for making our nine million word tax code easier to understand, does nothing to simplify our tax experience and the government will continue to take more of our money than they are entitled to…Thanks College Football Playoff!
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Cleveland at Chicago This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Detroit at Cincinnati
Though the Bottom Ten Bowl Game Edition moved last week, marking the end of the collegiate Bottom Ten for 2017, there’s still plenty of hot Bottom Ten action coming up.
Not only are there three (3) weeks remaining in the NFL Bottom Ten, but the Bottom Ten Best of 2o17 will follow the awarding of The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.
Not only that, to completely ruin your New Year, your Bottom Ten pollsters are hard at work, more or less, on the first-ever Tenny Awards, a recap of the awards passed out this past season, plus whatever new crap they can come up with. This will ensure there are Bottom Ten columns pretty much until pitchers and catchers report.
The Daily Dose and The Thought for the Day, will probably take the rest of the year off. We’re working on a couple of projects that will take us up to the New Year, and we anticipate The Daily Dose and The Thought for the Day returning in January.
It was complete chaos in the Bottom Ten this week, as the Broncos, Bears and 49ers -somehow – all picked up victories Sunday.
Thank God for the stability of the Cleveland Browns. At 0-13, The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – remains theirs to lose. Literally.
The 2017 Bottom Ten race is so tight that the Broncos and the Bears were both 86’d from the survey after the wins, despite both being on the Bottom Ten medal stand last week.
This week’s imbroglio, as the nags pass the quarter pole:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-13; lost to Green Bay 27-21 OT) – Browns primed to run table with second overtime loss of 2017…Complete inability to tackle key in this one, as 65-yard punt return sets up Packers game-tying touchdown…Browns seventh NFL team to start season 0-13…They were also the sixth…Next Loss: Baltimore
2. New York Giants (2-11; lost to Dallas 30-10) – With Eli Manning back in charge, Giants offense more than underwhelming enough to tag team with defense for blowout loss…With Sunday’s carnage, two (2) wins, current three (3)-game skid more than enough to get Giants back on B-10 medal stand…Next Loss: Philadelphia
3. Indianapolis Colts (3-10; lost to Buffalo 13-7) – Patience pays off for Colts, back on B-10 medal stand following third straight loss…Colts cannot rest on laurels though, as Broncos squad who just had nine (9) game skid snapped will be looking to get back on losing schneid this week…Next Loss: Denver
4. Cincinnati Bengals (5-8; lost to Chicago 33-7) – Bengals, generally regarded as worst team never to win B-10 title – throws hat back in ring for B-10 medal stand with clutch home blowout loss to last week’s runner-up squad…Next Loss: at Minnesota
5. Houston Texans (4-9; lost to San Francisco 26-16) – Loss to previously 2-10 49ers propels Texans into B-10 Top 5, as Texans blow two (2) leads and show strong finishing kick, getting outscored 13-7 in second half…Next Loss: at Jacksonville
6. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-9; lost to Detroit 24-21) – Defense clutch, allowing late go-ahead field goal after bastards on offense tie game with two (2) fourth quarter touchdowns…With three (3) losable games remaining, Bucs could make strong case for B-10 medal stand by losing out…Next Loss: Atlanta
7. Baseball Hall of Fame – Dudes, you let Gary Carter in you should also have let in Steve Garvey, Tommy John, Don Mattingly, Dale Murphy, Dave Parker and Ted Simmons…Might as well as let the B-10 pollsters in, too, while you’re at it.
8. New York Jets (5-8; lost to Denver 23-0) – It’s not easy to cross the country and lose in the NFL, but it usually not this easy as Jets return to survey after snapping Broncos longest losing streak since Reconstruction…Next Loss: at New Orleans
9. San Francisco 49ers (3-10; Defeated Houston 26-16) – Though three (3) wins nothing to sneeze at, Niners have won two straight in “must-lose” games, as dreams of B-10 medal stand glory fading fast…Though B-10 pollsters committed to considering entire bodies of work and not just when teams win, Niners realistically need to lose out to have shot at B-10 medal stand…Next Loss: Tennessee
10. AFC West (24-28) – Despite both first-place teams being able to muster winning records now, AFC West still easy selection for weekly Pete Rozelle Award – issued to league’s worst division…Last place Broncos still only three (3) games out of first place with three (3) left to play.
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Denver at Indianapolis This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Houston at Jacksonville
The Bottom Ten/Bowl Game Edition By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Seldom has the bowl season seen such dire straits. With only 39 bowl games – down one from 2017 and 173 less than 2013’s high – not to mention a surplus of six (6)-win teams, there are no 5-7 teams playing in CrackWhore2U.com Bowls in frozen baseball stadiums this year.
Sadder, there are only two games where both teams are 6-6, down from five (5) games last year where neither team had a winning record.
It gets worse. Last year, only half of the 80 bowl games featured two (2) teams with winning records. This year darn near three-quarters of all bowl games will feature teams with winning records, a figure which has the good folks at the Special Olympics ready to give somebody associated with college football a plaque or a ribbon or something.
Still, though, Duke – the Bottom Ten Team of the Decade for the Double Aughts – has a bowl game, so the coming weeks will not be complete competitive greatness.
So let’s open the manhole cover on the 2017-18 bowl season:
1. Bahamas Bowl Details: December 22; Thomas Robinson Stadium, Nassau, The Bahamas Teams: UAB (8-4) vs Ohio (8-4) Reasons To Watch: UAB defeated Bottom Ten champ UTEP and runner-up Rice, so you know they’re not too bad…Ohio actually pretty good, with a Top 20 rushing offense and a Top 10 rushing defense. Reasons Not To Watch: UAB lost to B-10 finishers Charlotte and Ball State, so you know they’re not any good. Bottom Line: Thomas Robinson Stadium almost as bad a bowl facility as Yankee Stadium, with 50-yard line seats a mere 130 feet from field, behind running track, long jump/triple jump pits, detention area for opposition leaders.
2. Military Bowl presented by Northrop Gumman Details: December 28; Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium, Annapolis, Maryland Teams: Virginia (6-6) vs Navy (6-6) Reasons To Watch: You purchased a B-2 bomber from Northrop Grumman and you want to see what the 2018 models are looking like…A bowl game “purist”, you enjoying seeing two .500 teams playing in the freezing cold. Reasons Not To Watch: Both teams are on a roll…Navy has lost six (6) of seven (7) while Virginia has lost five (5) of six (6)…Both have lost three (3) straight (straight). Bottom Line: Great game to watch if you’re doing shots every time announcer says Military Bowl presented by Northrop Grumman.
3. Arizona Bowl Details: December 29; Arizona Stadium, Tucson, Arizona Teams: New Mexico State (6-6) vs Utah State (6-6) Reasons To Watch: You’re “pretty sure” this is the first ever bowl matchup between two schools that used to be in the Big West, WAC and Sun Belt conferences together and don’t want to miss it…The in-laws are in a couple of days early for New Year’s and this a safer way to avoid them than having affair with babysitter. Reasons Not To Watch: This is the second and final thriller this bowl season between two teams not good enough to win more games than they lost…Both teams are nicknamed Aggies…Or maybe this is a reason to watch…Your B-10 pollsters are still researching this one. Bottom Line: New Mexico State barely rushes for more than 100 yards a game, while Utah State gives up almost 220-yards rushing every game…You figure something’s got to give.
4. Rose Bowl Details: January 1, 2018; The Rose Bowl, Pasadena, California. Teams: Oklahoma (12-1) vs Georgia (12-1) Reasons To Watch: You are Satan incarnate…Maybe ISIS will bomb west grandstand and you want to see the damage. Reasons Not To Watch: Sooners and Bulldogs have no business playing in Rose Bowl. Bottom Line: With game being played on New Year’s Day and with both teams having played in one previous Rose Bowl, Rose Bowl fan(s) are able to save some shred of dignity, but otherwise game is considered nothing more than sacrilegious affront to God, flag and country.
5. Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl Details: December 19; FAU Stadium, Boca Raton, Florida Teams: Akron (7-6) vs Florida Atlantic (10-3) Reasons To Watch: You’re watching every other goddamned bowl game, so you might as well watch this one, too. Reasons Not To Watch: The wife wants to talk about the bills… The guy in the van you borrowed money from is knocking on the door and wants to stick something in your eye. Bottom Line: No, we don’t know what/who Cheribundi Tart Cherry is, either, but thank God they forked over money to sponsor this bowl or we would never know who’s better, Akron or Florida Atlantic.
6. Quick Lane Bowl Details: December 26; Ford Field, Detroit, Michigan Teams: Duke (6-6) vs Northern Illinois (8-4) Reasons To Watch: You’re wondering if Duke can finish below .500 by losing a bowl game for the second time this decade…It’s the day after Christmas and you haven’t moved from your chair all day, so why start now? Reasons Not To Watch: Duke has won one (1) bowl game since 1961…There is no reason to see if they can make it two (2). Bottom Line: Used to be known as Little Caesar’s Bowl, but changed in 2014 when organizers realized people would rather get an oil change during a football game than order pizza.
7. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl Details: December 21; Tropicana Field, St Petersburg, Florida Teams: Temple (6-6) vs Florida International (8-4) Reasons To Watch: Game might actually be pretty good, as Temple has won three (3) of four while FIU has won five (5) of seven (7). Reasons Not To Watch: Game might not be any good, as neither team a master of football’s fundamentals, combining to average almost 14 penalties every game…You’re not entirely sure what/who a Gasparilla is/was and you are too embarrassed to ask. Bottom Line: A match-up of former B-10 stalwarts, with teams expected to wear B-10 stickers on helmets to pay homage to humble origins.
8. Cotton Bowl Details: December 29; AT&T Stadium, Dallas, Texas Teams: USC (11-2) vs Ohio State (11-2) Reasons To Watch: Should be one hell of a game. Reasons Not To Watch: You’re feeling pouty because Pac-12/Big Ten champions meeting two days before New Year’s in northern Texas instead of on New Year’s Day in Pasadena. Bottom Line: Don’t get us started.
9. College Football Playoff National Championship Game Details: January 8, 2018; Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, Georgia Teams: To be determined. Reasons To Watch: You watch whatever ESPN chooses to spoonfeed us…You genuinely believe a four-team invitational that left out two (2) conference champions is way better than an NCAA Division I Football Playoff. Reasons Not To Watch: It’s Monday, January 8, a week after you’ve lost interest in college football…Besides, by watching you’re just encouraging them to keep this nonsense up. Bottom Line: If a 32-team NCAA Division I Football Playoff had begun on December 2, the nation would be looking forward to the national quarterfinals this weekend instead of three (3) Sun Belt/Conference USA bowl game matchups.
10. Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl – The NCAA Division III National Championship Game Details: December 15; Salem Football Stadium, Salem, Virginia Teams: Mary Hardin-Baylor (14-0) vs Mount Union (14-0) Reasons To Watch: It’s a real, NCAA national championship game that culminates a 32-team tournament…We are not making that up…Nobody is on scholarship…These are real college kids playing their fifth playoff game – half their regular season – all the while juggling real classes and scamming chicks with football practice/games. Reasons Not To Watch: You dislike watching the defending national champion take on an eleven-time champion looking for their first title since 2015. Bottom Line: You’ll note that the players are a little smaller than you’re used to watching on Saturdays, and they’re a mite slower, but pound-for-pound it’s top-quality football…If you haven’t seen a Stagg Bowl, do yourself a favor and introduce yourself this year.
The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 15 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
It’s Cleveland and everyone else in the race for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.
Still. Again.
With the Browns in command, Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere have turned their attention to the final two spots on the Bottom Ten medal stand, currently occupied by the Broncos and Bears, who have combined to lose 13 straight, putting them ahead of the two (2)-win Bears and Giants.
This week’s imbroglio, as the nags are at the head of the stretch:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-12; lost to Los Angeles Chargers 19-10) – All systems go for Browns in quest for 0-16, easily avenging 2016’s only victory…Turnovers key, as Browns seal win with fumble, interception on final two (2) drives…Browns 11th team to start NFL season 0-12…They were also the 10th…Next Loss: Green Bay
2. Denver Broncos (3-9; lost to Miami 35-9) – B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” Broncos first NFL team to have 2-to-1 Safeties Allowed-to-Touchdowns Scored Ratio in “like, a really long time”…Broncos easily retain B-10 runner-up spot with 8th straight loss, best among NFL’s victoried teams…Next Loss: New York (A)
3. Chicago Bears (3-9; lost to San Francisco 15-14) – Bears show strong finishing kick, getting outscored 6-0 in second half…Bears on B-10 medal stand despite having three (3) wins thanks to strength of hot, current five (5)-game losing skid……Next Loss: at Cincinnati
4. New York Giants (2-10; lost to Oakland 24-17) – Giants ownership so intent on complimenting Vince Lombardi trophies with Dan Henning Trophy they fired coach, GM immediately after game, making them take taxi home…Giants have lost two (2) straight and five (5) of seven (5)…Next Loss: Dallas
5. San Francisco 49ers (2-10; defeated Chicago 15-14) – 49ers inexplicably win despite only touchdown offense produces is interception return by Bears…Niners in a box, realistically needing to lose out to finish on B-10 medal stand…Next Loss: Houston
6. Rob Gronkowski – Good gravy, Rob, that late hit on an opponent lying face down on the ground was cheap even by NFL standards…You got off easy, too, what with not being ejected and receiving only a one-game suspension…Maybe on appeal it will be upped to the rest of the season.
7. San Francisco at Chicago – Neither offense can be bothered to produce touchdown in this thriller, as Niners and Bears keep regional audience on edge of seats, ending 13 of 14 (14) drives with thrilling kicks…49ers display mastery of fundamentals with eight (8) penalties.
8. Bottom Ten Game of the Week – B-10 pollsters working overtime to keep B-10 Game of the Week forms in stock…Usually only one or two a season are needed, but stockpile of crummy games in 2017 means B-10 Game of the Year voting will be closest in ages.
9. GOP Tax Reform – Despite owning White House, Congressional majority, GOP utterly unable to produce seamless tax reform experience…No matter what comes out of House/Senate joint committee, it will do nothing to simplify our nine (9) million word tax code or end the government taking more of our money than they are entitled to.
10. AFC West (21-27) – Chiefs have lost four (4) straight, leaving top three (3) teams with 6-6 records…Despite 3-9 mark, Broncos only three (3) games out of first with four (4) to play.
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Chicago at Cincinnati This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Dallas at New York (N)
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Final By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
It’s all over. All hail the Miners!
While UTEP made a mockery of the Bottom Ten race – never particularly easy to do – claiming the ESPN Cup as the only 0-12 team, no less than five (5) teams finished 1-11, causing Bottom Ten pollsters to open their bar tabs and crunch the numbers.
The Group of Ones, as they are known, were ranked in the following categories: average margin of defeat, Total Offense, Total Defense and, since the complete inability to both run the football and stop others from doing same is so important to Bottom Ten success, Rushing Offense and Rushing Defense.
The Group of Ones were then issued points according to their ranking within the Group of Ones, these points were added up with the lowest point total getting the highest ranking. Then, strength of schedule points were factored in, with Bottom Ten pollsters calling for shots while declaring that entire bodies of work would be considered and not merely who lost earliest.
The final 2017 fiasco:
1. UTEP (0-12) Mitigating Factors: While 2016’s 4-8 set solid tone for this year, everyone in UTEP Nation taken by surprise as Miners run table for first ever B-10 title…Offense key to B-10 success, with UTEP ranking Dead Last in Total Offense and Scoring Offense, easily overcoming defense whose highest national ranking was only 119th in Rushing Defense. 2018 Outlook: Opener against lower level team could prove challenging, and their C-USA schedule will be a minefield, but UTEP could be at start of run that puts them squarely in B-10 Team of the Decade for the 20Teens conversation.
2. Rice (1-11) Mitigating Factors: While Rice’s ranking within Group of Ones wasn’t particularly high, Owls get enough strength of schedule points to send them straight to B-10 runner-up spot as only win came against UTEP…With five (5) losing seasons in 20-Teens, Owls need to use 2017 momentum for strong finish to decade to really impress B-10 pollsters in hunt for B-10 Team of the Decade Award. 2018 Outlook: Nicely hitting skids after three (3) straight bowl games, Owls are 9-27 past three (3) seasons and haven’t beaten major division team that has finished season with winning record since 2014.
3. Kansas (1-11) Mitigating Factors: 2015 B-10 champions making themselves right at home on B-10 medal stand with second Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest losing streak in season that actually includes a win – since 2012…With Memorial Stadium Renovation Fund still least-clicked link on Internet, athletic department officials now looking to play home games at renovated field at Lawrence East High School 2018 Outlook: Very Strong…Jayhawks have an average record of 1.9-10.1 this decade, so veteran B-10 fan(s) know you ignore Kansas at your peril.
4. Charlotte (1-11) Mitigating Factors: 49ers actually had highest numbers ranking in Group of Ones, but big strength of schedule hit for win over bowl-bound UAB keeps 49ers off B-10 medal stand…Athletic Department refuses to confirm reports that players responsible for two-point conversion that sealed overtime UAB win were subjected to hazing before having scholarships revoked. 2018 Outlook: Fourth-year program at crossroads, but fan(s) confident 49ers will be able to turn corner and combine complete lack of tradition with coaches not good enough for ACC for continued B-10 success.
5. Oregon State (1-11) Mitigating Factors: Only win came against lower level team…In past years this might well have gotten Beavers onto B-10 medal stand as B-10 pollsters didn’t penalize wins against lower level schools, but in change of policy B-10 pollsters decided to reward teams that accepted challenge of playing full, twelve game major-division schedule. 2018 Outlook: Excellent…Beavers are 7-29 past three (3) seasons and will be looking to put it all together in 2018.
6. Baylor (1-11) Mitigating Factors: Baylor athletic department filing protest claiming loss to lower level Liberty, strength of schedule points for Kansas win, should entitle them to higher ranking…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” Bears first team ever to parlay new stadium, humiliating sexual harassment scandal into B-10 glory. 2018 Outlook: Not good…2017 first season this decade that Bears haven’t appeared in bowl game and could be one of those rare B-10 “one and done” teams.
7. Earlham (0-10) Mitigating Factors: Division III Quakers take home second consecutive Continental Cup – issued to team with longest all-division losing streak in NATO – with 43 straight losses…Quakers can tie Macalester’s all-time D-III mark of 50 straight losses with 0-7 start in 2018…Head Coach Nick Johnson spending offseason preparing remarks for B-10 Tenny awards banquet, as consecutive Continental Cups entitle team, coach to automatic enshrinement in B-10 Hall of Fame. 2018 Outlook: Strong…Incoming crop of future hotel desk clerks and bank tellers might be Quakers weakest recruiting class yet.
8. Air Force (5-7) Mitigating Factors: Despite record, Falcons soar into final B-10 survey by earning Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness…Air Force hampered in losses to Army and Navy by Secretary of Air Force ruling requiring lineman to use orange aviation cones to guide running backs instead of actually blocking for them. FunFact: Always tough to predict service academies, though B-10 pollsters hopeful at least one service academy will start sucking again as latest crop of officer candidates always prime source of material.
9. Ball State (2-10) Mitigating Factors: Another team hurt by win over UAB, Cardinals finished strong with nine (9)-game skid…While not on medal stand, Cardinals getting lots of respect nationwide for running table in always-tough MAC, losing eight (8) MAC games by average score of 46.1-to-11.8…Cardinals 13-game conference losing skid currently best in country. 2018 Outlook: Fair…Ball State has lost 17 of 20, but so has everyone else in the MAC…Returning to B-10 glory could be tough.
10. Conference USA Mitigating Factors: Though non-conference record not as bad as Sun Belt’s – no one’s non-conference record is ever as bad as the Sun Belt’s – C-USA still easy pick for coveted B-10 Conference of the Year award with 40 percent of final 2017 survey either the conference itself or one of its teams…Only Charlotte win over UAB prevented complete C-USA occupation of B-10 medal stand. 2018 Outlook: Will be strong pick to defend title, though B-10 fan(s) everywhere know you ignore the Sun Belt Conference at your peril…Regardless, C-USA expected to again rebound for strong .500 conference play mark in 2018.
Bottom Ten Alumni Association: Only Earlham, Kansas and Rice – as part of hilarious Trilateral Commission entry with Duke and Vanderbilt – returned from the 2016 final Bottom Ten survey in 2017.
Yeah, Great Prognosticating Skills, Guys: Earlham, Rice, Oregon State and Conference USA are the only entries from the 2017 Week 1 survey to go the distance and be ranked this week.
Friends, The Daily Dose and The Thought for the Day will be taking some time off. At least this week, maybe more. We’ll see.
The Bottom Ten, of course, will run as scheduled. The second coming wouldn’t stop that. The final NCAA Bottom Ten survey of 2017 will run Tuesday and the following week it will be the traditional Bottom Ten Bowl Game Edition. The NFL Bottom Ten will continue to move on Wednesday and the entire fiasco will end with the return of the Bottom Ten Best Of edition in early January.
But The Daily Dose and The Thought for the Day need a break. In their stead, you will be seeing some Gaylon For Congress columns move. For the uninitiated, I was the Libertarian nominee for Congressional District 3 last year and in 2014 I was their nominee for the United States Senate, a fact it still gives me a great deal of pleasure to trot out.
Now, we have not decided if we are going to run in 2018. There are a variety of considerations and while we probably will, we don’t know for sure yet. Still, though, there are some things I want to discuss regardless if I run or not, so batten down the hatches because not only will I have columns, but some videos as well.
The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 14 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Wow.
Never has head-to-head competition been so important in the race for sport’s grandest trophy, The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.
It actually had made things rather easy for Bottom Ten pollsters as Denver losing to the Giants and the Giants losing to San Francisco has made the rankings easy, even though San Francisco fan(s) have filed an official protest as their one-win team has been left off the Bottom Ten medal stand.
This week’s imbroglio, as the nags stumble around the far turn:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-11; lost to Cincinnati 30-16) – Browns sprint out to early 3-0 lead before turning it over to defense, who gives up points on first five (5) possessions…Browns seeking to avenge only 2016 win with loss to Chargers this week…Browns 17th NFL team to start season 0-11…They were also the 16th…Next Loss: at San Diego
2. Denver Broncos (3-8; lost to Oakland 21-14) – While three (3) wins usually not good enough for B-10 runner-up spot, Broncos peaking at right time with seven (7) straight losses…Broncos showing they can lose close ones, losing last two (2) games by combined ten (10) points after three straight blowouts…Next Loss: at Miami
3. New York Giants (2-9; lost to Washington 20-10) – Defense key, breaking open tie game, allowing touchdown, field goal in last five (5) minutes…Despite two (2) wins, Giants keep coveted B-10 (10) medal stand berth by having loss in hand to 49ers…Next Loss: at Oakland
4. San Francisco (1-10; lost to Seahawks 24-13) – Victory over Giants coming back to haunt Niners, as B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” San Francisco first 1-10 team ever to miss B-10 medal stand…Next Loss: at Chicago
5. Chicago Bears (3-8; lost to Philadelphia 31-3) – Bears limbering up for B-10 stretch drive with fourth straight loss…With games against 49ers and Browns still to come, Bears strong dark horse candidate for B-10 title…Next Loss: San Francisco
6. Miami Dolphins (4-7; lost to New England 35-17) – Game not as close as score indicated, with offense producing three (3) turnovers while defense breaks out to early 14-0 deficit…Showdown vs Broncos this week will show if Dolphins contenders or pretenders for B-10 medal stand…Next Loss: Denver
7. New York Jets (4-7; lost to Carolina 35-27) – Jets at their best when chips are down, blowing fourth quarter lead though loss not secured till defense allows last-minute field goal…Jets have lost five (5) of six (6), though they must not get caught looking ahead to 12/10 showdown vs Broncos…Next Loss: Kansas City
8. NFL –League so bad in 2017 Browns, 49ers and Giants were only eliminated from playoff contention with clutch losses this weekend…With ratings and youth football participation both declining, NFL owners secretly formed National Lacrosse League steering committee this past week.
9. Indianapolis Colts (3-8; lost to Tennessee 20-16) – Lost in cacophony of Browns/Broncos/Giants axis, steady-as-she-goes Colts have also lost five (5) of six (6)…With wins against Browns and 49ers, Colt fan(s) petition B-10 pollsters claiming strength-of-schedule points should entitle them to higher ranking …Next Loss: at Jacksonville
10. AFC West (19-25) – Long-time AFC division coming into its own in 2017, with second straight coveted, weekly, Pete Rozelle Award, issued to league’s worst division…First place Chiefs sinking like stone with three (3) straight losses while Chargers hottest team in division with two (2) straight wins and are still 5-6.
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Denver at Miami This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Cleveland at Los Angeles (A) Let’s Screw CBS II: Kansas City at New York (A) Exciting Regional Action: Indianapolis at Jacksonville
One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning. – James Russell Lowell
James Russell Lowell (1819-91) was an American poet, critic and diplomat. As a poet he was one a group of New England poets known as the Fireside Poets because people read their poems by the fireplace and the were one of the first American poets to rival British poets in popularity. In addition to writing poetry, Lowell would also serve his fellow citizens as ambassador to both Spain and England.
One thorn of experience…
There is no substitute for experience. Thorns, however, hurt and draw blood and it’s well within human nature to avoid them. But if we avoid the thorns we’ll never smell the flowers. We must go out in life and take our risks and make our mistakes. A good example of this, one we are familiar with, is sports officiating. You can take all the instruction there is, from local clinics to professional umpire school, and read rulebooks left and right but until you actually go out and blow a call or two or three you are never going to withdraw the benefits the trade offers. It’s the same with any other aspect of our human experience. You can read books and attend lectures on an awful lot of things, but until you’ve actually gone out and seen what value it has in your own life, the books and lectures aren’t going to do you any good.
…a whole wilderness of warning.
People give us advice all the time. Some we ask for and a lot is unsolicited. Advice is similar to a recipe: of little use until we’ve cooked them in our own kettle. We must go out and prove its veracity in our own lives because the only way we will know what is on the other side of the river to cross it and find out for ourselves.
Thorns, while painful for a small while, generally yield dividends if we are open to discovering them. So let’s not avoid life’s thorns. They allow us to sharpen our abilities on the metal of experience. This allows to live the lives we were meant to live – life’s great prize.
The Thought for the Day runs regularly. Quotes are from Gaylon’s private stock.
