The Daily Dose/Tuesday, November 19, 2019

The Daily Dose/November 19, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from our human experience…

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodySparrow sends in some paperwork on his wrecked car. Today’s Diary. 

We are almost done with the wrecked car…A title company sent some paperwork that needed to be signed in order for the settlement check to be sent…Whoever was in charge of this evolution is high…I gave the adjuster my address, both street and PO Box and he said it would be FedEx’d over…It never got here…I called Reginald to ask what the deal was and he called the title company and the broad said all we had was the PO Box and we need a street address…Both Reginald and I saw no point in arguing the matter and I provided my street address again and she said it would be in the afternoon mail.

They sent it USPS to my PO Box!!!…No, I don’t understand that, either…There were just a couple of things for The Wife and me to sign and I tossed in the extra key I had and sent it off.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 13With Rice and New Mexico State both winning, the race for the ESPNCup is thrown into even more chaos than usual. 

Here are some funny lines from this week’s NCAA Bottom Ten:

With classic Puritan/Morman rivalry scheduled for this week, UMess staffers petitioning NCAA to change overtime procedure to Te Deum Laudamus chant-off at midfield.

In finest Lutheran tradition, Tomcats gracious hosts, giving up touchdowns on nine (9) of first ten (10) possessions, until Grove City, pleading exhaustion, punts on last three (3) drives.

Commodores again hindered by turn-of-century decision to merge Athletic, Student Affairs departments as Theater Department majors on special teams cause multiple delay of game, unsportsmanlike conduct penalties after game officials taken hostage during Civil War reenactment…

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1863 – Abraham Lincoln delivers one of mankind’s seminal speeches, the Gettysburg Address at the dedication of the Soldier’s National Cemetery in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. At just over two minutes, it was one hour and 58 minutes shorter than the opening speech by noted American statesman Edward Everett, a speech that was generally better received than Lincoln’s, reactions that generally fell along party lines. Five handwritten copies of the speech remain, all a bit different, and History is not entirely sure which one, if any, was read at the ceremony as all five versions differ from the account offered by the Associated Press reporter who was there. 

In 1929 – The Pittsburgh Pirates defeat the Toronto Maple Leafs 10-5, with two defensemen John McKinnon of Pittsburgh and Hap Day of Toronto each scoring four goals. The Pirates were in their fifth and final season in the NHL, though they remain known for being the first team to substitute on the fly and play three forward lines. This remains the only game in NHL history where two defensemen have each scored four goals. 

In 1966 – Whisperin’ Bill Anderson is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the only week with I Get the Fever. It was Anderson’s third of seven #1 songs in a country chart career that spanned from 1958-1991. Anderson also had 29 Top 10 country hits, one Top 10 on the Hot 100 and is a long-time member of the Grand Ole Oprey. Now 82, Anderson has also hosted several television shows over the years and is a member of both the Country Music and Songwriters halls of fame.

Pass, then, through this little space of time conformably to nature and end thy journeys in content. – Marcus, Roman emperor, 161-180 AD

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The NFL record for most field goals in a game by both teams is nine, done three times, most recently by the Houston Texans (5) and the Miami Dolphins (4), in 2007. 

Today’s Stumper
Where are the five known copies of the Gettysburg Address? – Answer next time!


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