The Daily Dose/Sunday, April 12, 2020

The Daily Dose/April 12, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was…

1. COVID-19 Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters pleased to report local lockdown orders has resulted in little change to their lives, which is hardly a bulletin because others have been socially distancing themselves from them for years. 

2. American Professional Sports Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” plan to quarantine several thousand people to play games at neutral sites in empty facilities merely to verify New York Knicks, Miami Marlins still suck is “like, pretty whack and stuff”. 

3. Election 2020 As we continue to do probably futile battle with Mother Nature, let’s keep an eye on our government…We’re already sheepishly complying with being lockdowned, so let’s not get complacent and let them try nonsense like putting off Nov 3 election. 

4. US Drone StrikesNo rest for the weary as US continues drone strikes against dreaded Afghanistan, Somalia, Yemen and Pakistan despite fact Congress has not declared war on anyone since 1942, as specified in pesky US Constitution…2020 totals: 27 strikes, 90 or so deaths, with Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” most deaths military. 

5. President Trump Fact Check: A twofer for you today…Click here and here as President Trump misinforms on everything from small business loans to coronavirus testing to new jobs. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

Enjoy today’s Diary entry with Sparrow’s compliments.
The Diary of a Nobody:  

There were a couple of things in the mail…One was a letter from the bank explaining how they fixed the mobile deposit I’d screwed up last week…Recall I deposited two checks and at the first prompt, I entered the total for both checks when I should only have entered the total for the first check…Also recall I called the bank the girl said this happens all the time and not to fret, it will be corrected in a couple of days…It was, and there really wasn’t any reason to send me a letter detailing what they did.

There was also a notice about an election for the local fire district next month…They want to increase property taxes an amount that would cost me, probably, about $10 a year…I routinely vote no on all tax increases on the theory that I’m taxed enough and once the nickel-and-diming starts there’s no stopping it…I voted against the increase that got the news middle and high-school built, too, a measure that passed by only a few votes. 

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1861 – The American Civil War begins with the Battle of Fort Sumter, South Carolina. South Carolina had seceded from the Union in December and had ordered Union Army troops to leave its facilities in Charleston Harbor, though in January the Union had tried without success to resupply Fort Sumter. The battle ended on April 13 in a Confederate victory. The flag that flew over Fort Sumter survived and was taken to various towns in the Union to raise money for the war effort. It is now on display at Fort Sumter. 

In 1962 – Pete Riechert of the Los Angeles Dodgers becomes the first pitcher in major league history to strike out the first six batters he faces in his first major league game in an 11-7 win over the Cincinnati Reds. Riechert relieved Stan Williams in the second inning after Williams gave up four runs and Riechert’s total includes four strikeouts in the third inning. Riechert also tied the major league record for most consecutive strikeouts in a major league debut, a record that has since been broken multiple times. Riechert, though, remains the only pitcher to strike out the first six batters faced in a major league debut. 

In 1975 – Elton John is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Philadelphia Freedom. The song also peaked at #1 in Canada, #12 in Great Britain and at #32 on Billboard’s soul chart. The song was Billboard’s third-biggest of 1975, its 35th biggest of the decade and Philadelphia Freedom ranked 132nd on Billboard’s 60th anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. It was John’s fourth of nine #1 songs.  

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

How is it that we know anything…except by the analogies of past experience. What has once happened will invariably happen again. – Abraham Lincoln

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Yowerie Museveni is the president of Uganda, having assumed power in 1986. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was Elton John’s biggest hit on Billboard’s soul chart? – Answer next time!

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