The Diary of a Nobody – Sunday March 25

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, March 25
Earned the Minor Party’s nomination for the United States Congress (again) today…Longtime readers of this crap will recall I was their United States Senate nominee in 2014 and in 2016 I tried for their US Senate nomination again but so did Lily, who grew in under Chairman Mao in Communist China. That was bad for ol’ Sparrow because people love stories like that and we were headed for a primary election when I said eff this noise, I might lose a primary and be off the ballot completely and caved in and accepted the House of Representatives nomination for District 3.

So this will be my third time on the ballot and it’s good to be back…I believe there is a place for me to do some good for our country and I’ve gone from a complete novitiate to someone with almost a modest clue about what to do…Throw in the fact this country is a complete fiasco right now, that virtually every voter is pissed and disillusioned and there is no reason Sparrow For Congress cannot make some noise this year.

The Minor Party still has trouble rustling up candidates so, like virtually every other candidate I was nominated by acclamation….What’s almost interesting is when the guy put the spreadsheet of candidates up on the overhead screens my name was not listed for District 3, one Jennifer Tew’s name was listed…Who the hell is Jennifer Tew, I wondered???…I wasn’t particularly worried because my theory is what is meant to happen in this life will happen if you let it and if my nomination was meant to be not even Jennifer Tew cold stop it…As it was, neither Ms Tew nor her representative could be bothered to show up so I was the only nominee…Had she shown up I would have taken her out back and broken her legs and told her to run for dog catcher or water commissioner or something.

I ate like a pig the entire weekend…First, on the way out Friday (it’s a four-hour drive to the big city from The Shire) I stopped at Fave Fast Food Joint A and had their biggest burger and that night Cousin Mike and Barb took me to this burger place where Mike said they had a half-beef, half-bacon patty…He lied, it was actually a 60/40 beef/bacon split but I quibble….Saturday Mike and I had breakfast at Waffle Planet, the dive 24-hour joint that I love dearly and Saturday night was the banquet at the convention which was pretty good…Sunday I had breakfast with the state American Legion commander – I still command my Legion post and district – and before fleeing town Sunday I celebrated my nomination with not one, but two burgers at Fave Fast Food Joint B…Throughout the weekend I supplemented this – not that it needed supplementing – with a hot dog and a taquito at convenience store near the convention hotel.

I raided Cousin Mike’s booze Saturday night when I got back from the convention…My room is in the basement and so is Cousin Mike’s booze, so he didn’t know his booze was almost all gone until I bragged about it this morning…The cheap stuff was up front, Jack, Dewars, Phil’s Yak Piss, stuff like that…I noticed a bottle or two in the back, in the shadows under the cabinet, and some investigation showed it was quality stuff, so I poured a couple-three inches…Glen Fart, or something like that…30-years-old, a single malt from the Scottish highlands…Now, I am not Mr Scotch, but even an idiot like me knows that is primo stuff and boy, it went down really nice.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.

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