July 30 Here was your hotel lineup for last night. Henry is the radio designation for officers working the hotel:
Henry 1 – Old Man Pilcher Henry 2 – moi Henry 2.5 – X-Ray Henry 3 – Jose
The great part about this job is that you simply never know when you’re going to run into incredibly gorgeous, scantily clad, more or less naked women. Tonight it happened twice.
And all this on X-Ray’s first night in the hotel! His training officer, Bi-Bob, is on vacation (his radio designation for the night was X-Ray-1) and he was treated to hot, young babes in bikinis making too much noise in a spa suite and the more or less naked girl was found in, of all places, a stairwell.
The Daily Dose/May 31, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5 The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. George Floyd – We’re sorry you had to die and were not allowed to reach old age and, perhaps, in death you will be more useful than you were in life…We doubt it, us humans tend not to learn the lessons we are constantly offered, but maybe something good will come of your killing.
2. George Floyd – Your killer has been charged with 3rd-degree murder and 2nd-degree manslaughter…Some are clamoring for Murder 1, but be content with Murder 3 and Man 2…Murder 1 involves intent, premediation and malice aforethought, all difficult to prove when your killer only knew you for a few minutes…Murder 3 will be tough to prove, but Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” even they could bring home a Manslaughter 2 conviction.
3. George Floyd – Rest in peace, Sir…You deserved better than this and so did your country…Floyd first black killed by white guy to be mentioned three (3) times in same Sunday Bottom 5 survey since Trayvon Martin in 2012.
4. Space X Launch – How the mighty have fallen…People achieving and maintaining states of arousal over America sending men into orbit for first time in nine (9) years and only 58 (58) years after we first did it…America could have had people on Mars in the 1980s had they, oh screw it…Don’t get us started.
5. President Trump Fact Check – The five-hole staple, it’s another edition of President Trump vs The Truth…Click here for the latest, provided by the Associated Press.
Boy, I’d forgotten how bad that apple cider vinegar can taste…It’s supposed to help you live until you’re 130 – provided you aren’t hit by a bus – and as I recall we used to drink it straight, but diluted with some water tasted bad enuff…And the bottle recommends taking it three times a day…Christ…I don’t if that’s a genuine recommendation or if it’s like that “wash, rinse, repeat” crap that’s on shampoo instructions and merely designed to make you drink more crappy tasting apple cider vinegar.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Friends, tomorrow’ the day when the first entry from my hilarious memoir Backstaits at the Monte Carlo moves. It’s the funniest book you’ll ever read, and to get you hooked the first week of entries is completely free, the same trick the drug dealers use. Prime yourself by clicking on the link for a list of Monte Carlo Security Department radio codes and floor duties.
Click here get in on the laffs: The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date History’s long march to today
In 1889 – The Johnstown Flood occurs, after the failure of the South Fork Dam in southeastern Pennsylvania. The failure occurred after several days of unprecedented rainfall, unleashing 3.8 billion gallons of water from Lake Conemaugh on the area. It took about an hour for the waters, 60 feet high and traveling at about 40 miles per hour, to hit Johnstown, killing over 2,200 people, at the time the largest loss of civilian life in US history. Survivor’s inability to collect damages from the dam’s owners led to major changes in American liability law.
In 1937 – Pitcher Carl Hubbell of the New York Giants has his major league record of 24 consecutive victories end, taking the decision in a 10-3 loss to the Brooklyn Dodgers. Hubbell gave up two runs in both the first and third innings and one more in the fourth before coming out of the game. Hubbel had broken the record 19 consecutive wins established by Tim Keefe (1888) and Rube Marquard (1912) both also with the New York Giants. The streak had started on July 17, 1936, included five relief appearances and does include Hubbell’s loss in Game 4 of the 1936 World Series.
In 1980 – Lipps, Inc. is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of four consecutive weeks with Funkytown. The song went to #1 in eleven other countries, including Norway and Israel, peaked at #2 in both in Great Britain and on Billboard’s soul chart and was the magazine’s eighth biggest song of the year. Lipps, Inc. was the third of five acts to hit #1 on the Hot 100 (the feat did not occur on earlier Billboard pop charts) who had at least two separate forms of punctuation in their name. The song returned to the Hot 100 in 1986 when a version by Pseudo Echo peaked at #6.
Quotebook The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…very often it is not possible to see what is right in front of you because you happen to be looking in the wrong direction. – Gore Vidal, Creation
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
A.J. Foyt Al Unser and Rick Mears have each won the Indianapolis 500 four times, the most of any driver.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Who was the first act with at least two separate forms of punctuation in their name to hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100? – Answer next time!
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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Saturday, May 30 I was out early for my walk this morning, out the door well before 0700…it’s still cool enuff for a wuss like me to demand a watch cap and a pullover, but otherwise, I braved the elements with shorts and no gloves.
The Daily Dose/May 30, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around the human experience.
USA! USA!: While Minneapolis, St Paul and other cities in the United States burn in protest over the homicide of George Floyd, the former Minneapolis police officer who killed him, Derek Chauvin, is in custody, charged with 3rd-degree murder and 2nd-degree manslaughter in Floyd’s death.
Yay: While some would have preferred a 1st-degree murder charge, these two charges will serve the good people of the State of Minnesota well. We’ve whined here in the past about prosecutors losing their minds and proffering 1st-degree murder charges in these situations and the officer ends up walking because Muder 1 involves intent, premeditation and malice aforethought, all difficult to prove when the accused knew the victim for only a few minutes.
However, based on what was shown on video coverage of the incident, these charges give prosecutors a fighting chance to get a conviction.
Get Out Your (Recent) History Books: The Jason Shockley case in St Louis is a prime example of this. Recall Shockley, a St Louis police officer at the time, shot and killed Anthony Lamar Smith in 2011, following a suspected drug transaction and a high-speed chase. Shockley, no dummy, requested a bench trial because he knew it is unlikely a judge will be influenced by the same passions that might influence a jury. The judge in Shockley’s trial, rather logically, frankly, acquitted Shockley of 1st-degree murder charges.
The Bottom Line: Minnesota prosecutors showed both impartiality and sense here. We still maintain 3rd-degree murder will be tough to prove because part of the charge requires establishing Chauvin was more or less crackers, but 2nd-degree manslaughter offers exciting possibilities, a charge a bright law student could probably get a conviction on.
Today At The Site Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has news on both the coffee and ice water fronts. Today’s Diary.
In other beverage news, the first glass of fully purified ice water is in the books…
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Friends, my hilarious memoir of working security on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip starts, in exciting daily post form, on Monday. Today we prepare you for the journey with a listing of Monte Carlo Security Department radio codes and assorted duties. Click on the link to get started.
It’s written in diary form, the first entry moves Monday and the first week is on the house. We know you’ll love it; it’s as funny a book as you’ll ever read.
Click here get in on the laffs: The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date History’s long march to today
In 1989 – A 33-foot high statue that History refers to as the Goddess of Democracy is erected by Chinese protesting in Tiananmen Square in central Beijing. Construction had begun three days earlier and assembly had begun the night before and the statue was made of foam and papier-mache over a metal frame. The statue was destroyed on June 4 by China’s People’s Liberation Army, the same day remaining protestors were driven from the square. The protests had begun in mid-April.
In 1911 – Ray Harroun wins the first Indianapolis 500, then known as the International 500-mile Sweepstakes Race. Any car that could maintain 75-mph on the quarter-mile main straightaway had qualified to race and the 40 starting positions had been based on the date entry forms had been filed, a practice abandoned in time for the 1913 race when starting positions were determined by lot. Harroun earned $10,000 for the win, about $260,000 in today’s money and he had been relieved behind the wheel for 37 laps in the middle of the race by Cyrus Patschke.
In 1970 – The Moments are at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart for the third of five consecutive weeks with Love on a Two-Way Street. It was their fifth of 23 Top 40 hits on the soul chart and their first of three #1 songs. The song also went to #1 in Canada and peaked at #3 on the Hot 100 and was Billboard’s biggest soul song of the year and their 12th biggest pop hit. In 1979 the Moments renamed their group Ray, Goodman and Brown and Love on a Two-Way Street returned to both charts in 1981 when Stacy Lattisaw took the song to #2 on the soul chart and #26 on the Hot 100.
Quotebook The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
You have to believe. You have to play brave. –Martin Kaymer, German professional golfer
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Mike Powell (US) holds the world long jump record, jumping 29 feet, 4.25 inches in 1991.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What driver has won the most Indianapolis 500s? – Answer next time!
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Monte Carlo Security Department Radio Codes and Floor Duties
Common Monte Carlo Security Department 10 Codes 10-4 – Copy; I understand 10-6 – Busy, not available for assignment 10-8 – Available for assignment 10-9 – Repeat last transmission 10-10 – A ten-minute break 10-17 – Paperwork; sometimes shortened to 17 10-19 – Security office; can refer to the office itself or can be a direction to go to the office 10-20 – Location; invariably shortened to 20 10-21 – Telephone; telephone call; invariably shortened to 21 10-22 – Cancel; sometimes, but not always, shortened to 22 10-85 – En route; usually shortened to 85 10-100 – Restroom; usually shortened to 100. Can be either a noun or a verb! For example, you can be 85 to the 100, or you can be taking a 100.
The Daily Dose/May 29, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around the human experience.
HERE WE GO AGAIN: More deaths of innocent blacks by white police officers, more protests.
From The Northern Desk: In Minneapolis, citizens protesting the homicide of George Floyd by city police took their protests to an exciting new level by forcing the evacuation of the 3rd Precinct police building before setting fire to it. The requisite looting continues and the National Guard has been activated. The officers involved in Floyd’s death – the one who actually killed him and three others who stood by scratching themselves while it happened – have already been fired and no one’s been charged. Yet.
To Review: Floyd, threatening police while handcuffed and lying face down on the ground while having the nerve to plead for his life, was killed Monday when an officer declined to remove his knee from Floyd’s neck until a gurney came to take Floyd’s lifeless body away.
Meanwhile…: In Louisville citizens, still getting their shorts in a knot over the March shooting of Breonna Taylor, protested at city hall. Seven people were shot, none of them by police. Taylor was shot to death when Louisville officers served a no-knock search warrant looking for drugs at Taylor’s apartment but it turns out the warrant – in a Reno 911!-esque moment – was served at the wrong house. The officers involved in Taylor’s death remain on administrative reassignment and have not been charged.
The Bottom Line: Whites go around killing blacks who don’t deserve it and these things happen and blacks have been screwed so long and so hard by us we’re surprised blacks haven’t completely torched this country. The solution to the problem, of course, is for white officers to stop killing innocent blacks but good luck with that. America will be paying this price for a long time to come.
Today At The Site Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow goes for his first walk in a few days and has some news to report from his small town. Today’s Diary.
The big news – and I do mean big – is there is a new restaurant going in the old breakfast place across from the post office!!!…I am not making that up…There aren’t many more details, however…The electronic sign said it was opening in June, which is coming up, but there wasn’t much else, certainly not a name or what they’ll be serving.
Good…We can dine in now, but the only place to do that in our small town is the bar and I’m on record as not particularly liking it, so hopefully, this new joint will have good food and be able to stay open…Since we moved up here in 2011, it’s been several different things: a steakhouse, a BBQ joint, a Mexican place and then the breakfast/lunch place.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: It’s coming on Monday, the debut of Gaylon’s memoir working security on the Las Vegas Strip – and only the funniest book you’ve ever read – in daily post format. Click on the link for more details.
Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date History’s long march to today
In 1790 – Rhode Island becomes the last of the 13 original states to ratify the Constitution. A year earlier, with the Constitution already ratified and in effect, Rhode Island’s governor had sent the newly assembled United States Congress a letter demanding “further checks and securities” but changed its mind after Congress gave indications it would start treating the state as a foreign country. The vote was close, with the state’s legislature approving ratification by only two votes.
In 1965 – Ralph Boston of the United States establishes a new world long jump record, jumping 27 feet, 4.75 inches at a meet in Modesto, California. Boston broke the world record he had established two years earlier by half an inch and was Boston’s sixth and final long jump world record. Boston’s mark was tied by Soviet Igor Ter-Ovanesyan in 1967 and the records stood until obliterated by Bob Beamon (US) at the 1968 Mexico City Olympics. Boston had won the long jump gold medal at the 1960 Rome Olympics, the silver at the 1964 Tokyo Games and would win the bronze at Mexico City.
In 1961 – Ricky Nelson is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Travelin’ Man. It was the 23rd Top 40 hit for Nelson, his 14th Top 10 hit and his second and final #1 song (Poor Little Fool, two weeks, 1958). The song also went to #1 in New Zealand and Australia and was originally offered to Sam Cooke, whose manager was not impressed with it. Travelin’ Man was the flip side to Hello Mary Lou, which peaked at #9.
Quotebook The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…the praise of the praiseworthy is above all rewards. – J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The major league record for most home runs in a game by one team is ten, by the Toronto Blue Jays on September 14, 1987.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Who currently holds the men’s long jump world record? – Answer next time!
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The Daily Dose/May 28, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around the human experience.
HERE WE GO AGAIN: George Floyd, a black man who lived in Minnesota, is still dead, his life taken by a white police officer who wouldn’t remove his knee from Floyd’s neck until it was too late. This despite the fact Floyd was handcuffed and lying face down on the ground, doing nothing more violent than pleading for his life.
Lights…Camera…Action: Video coverage a few minutes before Floyd’s death shows Floyd in handcuffs sitting on a sidewalk and while he isn’t altogether pleased to be in custody, he is hardly resisting. He is then led across the street where he ends up on the ground near the right rear tire of a police vehicle, a knee to his throat and in addition to Floyd’s whining, you can hear citizens in the background also wondering what in the hell is going on.
Another officer is standing right next to this, too, doing nothing. The knee is removed from Floyd’s neck only immediately before he is rolled onto a gurney. He is lifeless and will be pronounced dead later at a hospital. Video of the incident is not difficult to find and do yourself a favor and go look at it. It is poignant and tragic as it is compelling.
Dry, Technical Matter: Floyd was arrested and later killed because he was suspected of having had the nerve to pass a bad check.
Book ‘Em, Dano: The calls to have the officers responsible criminally prosecuted have, of course, already started. As they should. These were not the actions of well-trained, professional police officers. Heck, we have significant private security experience and these weren’t even the actions of a halfwit mall cop. It was the criminal taking of a life.
Fly In The Ointment: Be careful, though, because it’s important prosecutors bring charges that they have a chance of getting a conviction on. We’ve chronicled in this space what happens when police officers are charged with Murder 1 in these situations. Murder 1 involves intent, premeditation and malice aforethought and those are difficult to prove when the perp knew the victim only a few minutes.
Please Pass The Dry, Technical Matter: A complete review of Minnesota state law is, thankfully, beyond the scope of this feature, but a cursory check shows the action probably doesn’t even merit a 3rd-degree murder charge, much less a 1st-degree charge. In fact, based on what the video shows and what Minnesota state law specifies, manslaughter in the second degree might be the most accurate charge.
The Bottom Line: So be careful. Let’s not go throwing the whole book at them. Let’s make sure there are charges that can get a conviction.
And, as long as yours truly is whining, I still haven’t found the thing to mix pancake batter in that I’ve been looking for…I remember growing up Pa Sparrow had this very useful rubber yellow pitcher that you could pour the batter out of after mixing it and I’ve been on the lookout for something like it, but neither the retailer in town nor the one in the next county have one, so I might have to try one of the hoity-toity places in town or, now that I think about, one of the thrift stores in the next county.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Friends, it gives us a great deal of pleasure to report that coming June 1 we will be offering a new way to read this classic: it will run as daily posts, just like it reads in the ebook and just like the daily entries in The Diary of a Nobody.
The fun starts this Monday with the first entry and the memoir covers approximately 15 months in the life of a graveyard security officer on the Vegas Strip. It is, honestly, as funny a book as you will ever read. If you’ve already purchased The Diary of a Nobody – or if you do so before June 7 – you’ll get access to Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, too. After June 7, you’ll have to purchase it separately, so act now.
Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date History’s long march to today
In 1999 – The Last Supper, a painting by Leonardo DaVinci, is unveiled after two-decade-long restoration. Housed in the refectory (dining hall) of a monastery in Milan, the painting was unable to be moved and was restored where it was. The restoration was not met with universal acclaim, as some parts were deemed to be unrestorable and were merely repainted with watercolors to show it was not original work. The painting, which portrays the disciple’s reaction to Jesus saying one of them will betray him, was finished in 1498 and History reports that Leonardo used local residents as models for the disciples.
In 1995 – The Chicago White Sox and the Detroit Tigers establish a new major league record for most home runs in a game in a 14-12 win by the White Sox. The teams combined for twelve home runs, seven by the Tigers, and broke the record of eleven that had been done four other times and the same two teams tied the record in 2002. The record is now 13 done by the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Philadelphia Phillies last season.
In 1983 – Flashdance…What a Feeling by Irene Cara is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of six consecutive weeks. It was the third of six Top 40 hits for Cara and remains her only #1 song. The song went to #1 in eleven other countries, including Norway, Australia and Portugal and peaked at #2 in Great Britain. It was Billboard’s third-biggest song of the year, the sixth biggest of the decade and ranked 34th on their 60th Anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. The song won Cara the Oscar for Best Original Song (shared with co-writers Giorgio Moroder and Keith Forsey) and the Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance.
Quotebook The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
There must have been something more those men struggled for…something that held out great promise to all the people of the world for all time to come. – Abraham Lincoln, speech to New Jersey legislature, February 1861
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Let’s Stay Together by Al Green spent nine weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart in 1972, the most of any song.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What is the major league record for most home runs in a game by one team? – Answer next time!
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