The Daily Dose/May 27, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

BLACKS ARE BEING KILLED BY WHITE COPS AGAIN, BUT LET’S ROLL WITH THIS: The NHL has announced plans for resuming their season, the first major North American sport to do so, satisfying the world’s demand that the Stanley Cup be awarded this year. 

Dry, Technical Matter: The plan ends the regular season right now and 12 teams from each conference will advance to the playoffs, which would be held in one city in each conference and if everything goes as planned training camps will open in early June and a champion crowned in early autumn, which is when the 2020-21 regular season would normally begin.  

Further Dry, Technical Matter: Each team would be allowed 50 employees, including players, coaches, trainers and whatnot. All would be tested regularly. Other minor details, like when and where the games are going to be played, are still to be worked out. The games would be televised, but it’s not known if fans would be allowed to attend. 

Heck, it’s not even known if this will work. 1,200 people will have to be tested regularly during the early days of the playoffs and what happens when, if, someone turns up positive for COVID-19? Do you shut the whole thing down? Do you take the positive cases out back and shoot them? Really, all the NHL has is a wish list. 

Fly In The Ointment: One thing we are still wondering is whether major league sports being played in empty stadiums and arenas will take hold with American TV watchers. Who the heck knows? A live crowd is such an integral part of the game that fans may not find it watchable. On the other hand, the average American watches over five hours of TV every day, so maybe it will, on the theory they have to watch something. 

Do You Wonder Why You Don’t Get Invited To More Parties?: This brings up something else: if it does draw viewers, it if turns out America doesn’t care if there’s a crowd or not, maybe the time will come when they won’t care if the results are predetermined or not, either. Maybe the time has come when entertainment will trump competition. I don’t think the athletes will go for it, but we’re still watching professional wrestling decades after it was established as a fraud and those athletes don’t seem to have any qualms about how they’re earning their livings. Sports has merely been TV programming for a couple of generations now and doing away with actual competition could be the next step in its evolution. 

The Bottom Line: Good luck with this NHL because it will be needed. The details will as tedious as they are difficult and we’re on record here as saying there may not be any college or professional sports until after the first year and we’re putting it at 50/50 the Stanley Cup gets awarded at all this year. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: The cat gets some fresh litter. Today’s Diary.  

I changed the litter in the cat box when I got home…It had been a while since the cat’s had  a full change of litter and it’s really easy because there’s a bag in the litter box designed for this purpose and it’s a simple matter to remove it, but a fresh bag in and then pour the fresh litter in.

What’s more or less is funny is last night before I left for the hotel I opened the container of litter  – it’s kept next to the litter box – to verify there was enuff for a full change and when I got home this morning the cat had used it to go #1 in…The litter clumps, so it was easy to remove. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Friends, it gives us a great deal of pleasure to report that coming June 1 we will be offering a new way to read this classic: it will run as daily posts, just like it reads in the ebook and just like the daily entries in The Diary of a Nobody. 

The fun starts this Monday with the first entry and the memoir covers approximately 15 months in the life of a graveyard security officer on the Vegas Strip. It is, honestly, as funny a book as you will ever read. If you’ve already purchased The Diary of a Nobody – or if you do so before June 7 – you’ll get access to Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, too. After June 7, you’ll have to purchase it separately, so act now.

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1703 – The city of St Petersburg is founded by Russian Tsar Peter the Great to give Russia a year-round seaport. The city is located at the mouth of the Neva River, about halfway between Finland and Estonia. The city served as Russia’s capital from 1713-1728 and again from 1730-1918, when it was moved to Moscow and today has a population of roughly 5.3 million, the northernmost European city with more than one million people. The site had originally been the site of a fortress built by Swedes in 1611. 

In 1873 – The first Preakness Stakes is held at Pimlico race track in Baltimore. Survivor won the 1.5-mile race by ten lengths in 2 minutes, 43 seconds, and earned $3,000, about $58,000 in today’s money. The race was run on assorted dates and distances for many years and has been run two weeks after the Kentucky Derby since 1932 and at a mile and three-sixteenths (9.5 furlongs) since 1925. The race was held in New York City – in the Bronx and Coney Island – between 1890 and 1908 and the 2020 Preakness Stakes is scheduled for October 20. 

In 1972 – The Chi-Lites are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the only week with Oh Girl. It was the third of five Top 40 hits for the group, their second Top 10 hit and remains their only #1 song. The song peaked at #14 in Great Britain and in June spent two weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart, their second and final #1 soul song (Have You Seen Her, two weeks, 1971). The song returned to the Hot 100 in 1990 when a version by Paul Young peaked at #8. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…the virtuoso performance is the tip of a lifetime of struggle, and the gem of meaning is set in the metal of long perseverance.  – Deng-Ming Dao, 365 Tao

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Albert Pujols is the active major league player with the most extra-base hits, with 1,333

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What song spent the most weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart in 1972? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/May 26, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow sets a new MPG record for the new ride. Today’s Diary.  

I filled up the new ride before heading into the hotel tonight and I knew we’d be close to the magic 40 MPG mark…

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today

In 2004 – Terry Nichols is found guilty of 161 counts of murder in Oklahoma state court for his part in the Oklahoma City bombing. Earlier, Nichols had been convicted of conspiracy and involuntary manslaughter in the deaths of eight federal officers in a federal trial. Nichols met co-conspirator Timothy McVeigh while both were serving in the US Army and is currently serving his first of 161 life sentences at the federal supermax facility in Colorado. 

In 1925 – Ty Cobb of the Detroit Tigers becomes the first major league player to reach 1,000 extra-base hits in an 8-1 victory over the Chicago White Sox. Cobb went 2-for-5 with a double and an RBI in the game and a few days earlier had broken the record of 996 extra-base hits established by Honus Wagner. Cobb would retire in 1930 with 1,136 extra-base hits, a record that would later be broken by Babe Ruth and Stan Musial. The mark has been held by Hank Aaron (1,477) since 1976. 

In 1962 – Mr Acker Bilk is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the only week with Stranger on the Shore. It was the first American chart single for Bilk and remains his only Top 40 hit. The song also peaked at #2 in Great Britain, was Billboard’s biggest song of 1962 and History remembers Stranger on the Shore as the first song by a British act to hit #1 on the Hot 100. The song was originally titled Jenny after one of Bilk’s children. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Either the people would overthrow the government or, more likely, the government would overthrow the people.  – Gore Vidal, Empire

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

70 delegates were originally appointed to attend the Constitutional Convention, 55 actually showed and 39 signed the Constitution that was submitted to the several states for ratification.  

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Which active major league player has the most extra base hits? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/May 25, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

USA! USA! Today is Memorial Day. Now, between this and Veterans Day and Armed Forces Day, it can get confusing as to who to honor, so we will clarify it for you: Memorial Day honors those who have died fighting our country’s battles. So don’t bother thanking a living veteran today. Save that for Veterans Day. Armed Forces Day is the time to give those currently serving a pat on the back. 

FunFact: One thing Memorial Day is not is a time to bicker about the worthiness of the wars we’ve fought. Save that for another time. Why our country called is not important today. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Tracing the origins of Memorial Day is not easy, as over two dozen places claim to have held the first one and putting flowers on veteran’s graves predate the Civil War. It is almost interesting to note it did not become an official federal holiday until 1971. Memorial Day was long known as Decoration Day. 

A Personal Note: We’ve gotten off pretty easy in our family. We’re veterans ourselves and we have relatives (father, brother, grandfather, 5x great-grandfather, uncles) who have served in Desert Storm, Vietnam, both world wars and even the Revolution and all came back. Not everyone is so lucky. Family members dealing with this find little comfort in knowing their loved one(s) died an honorable, heroic death. Veterans still deal with the horror of seeing comrades die in front of them and some still wonder why luck favored them and not their buddies.  

The Bottom Line: So do something today in tribute to those who have died. It’s tough this year, of course, because the usual parades and cemetery ceremonies are being canceled. And you don’t have to fast or rend garments, either. If you can’t attend a ceremony, please consider putting a candle in a window or putting a flag up. Those who have died fighting our wars would appreciate that. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has action at the sundry stand. Today’s Diary.   

Had a sundry stand sale this morning…It was cash, too, the first cash I’ve been obliged to drop in ages…About 2330 a woman comes down, properly masked, and goes and looks at the freezer offerings which now consists of ice cream, Oreo Klondikes, Choco-Tacos, breakfast burritos, Hot Pockets and that iced lemon bread no one ever buys. 

The problem tho, was she forgot her glasses and couldn’t tell what she was reading, so I amble out and ask if she wants anything specific and she says ice cream, but without chocolate.

Oooh, that’s tuff: all our ice cream features chocolate, especially the chocolate fudge stuff…The cookie dough stuff has chocolate chips and the cherry stuff, while mostly vanilla, has chocolate shavings, too, and the Choco-Taco is so named for obvious reasons…

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today

In 1787 – The Constitutional Convention begins in Philadelphia, when a quorum of seven of the 13 states, after a delay of eleven days, is present. At the time, delegates presumed they were meeting to improve the existing Articles of Confederation, though that changed as the convention progressed. Rhode Island was the only state that declined to send delegates and the proposed Constitution was sent to the several states for ratification in September and was ratified the following June. It went into effect on March 4, 1789. 

In 1989 – The Calgary Flames win their only Stanley Cup title, defeating the Montreal Canadiens 4-2 in Game 6 at the Montreal Forum. Defenseman Al McInnis of Calgary was named the playoff’s MVP, his 31 points making him the first defenseman to lead the NHL in postseason scoring. It remains the only time the Canadiens have lost the Stanley Cup Finals on their home ice and the last time the Finals were played entirely in Canada. The Flames, previously in Atlanta, also became the first team to win the Stanley Cup after relocating. 

In 1968 – Bookends by Simon and Garfunkel is at #1 on Billboard’s album chart – then and now known as The Billboard 200 – for the first of seven non-consecutive weeks. It was the second of three #1 albums for the duo, and replaced their first #1 album, The Graduate at the top. The Graduate would replace Bookends at #1 on June 15 and Bookends would return on June 29, an unprecedented feat that remains the only time in Billboard album chart history two albums by the same act have replaced themselves at #1 twice. The album also went to #1 in Great Britain. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Do not trouble your hearts with thoughts of the road tonight. Maybe the paths that you each shall tread are already laid before your feet, though you do not see them.  – J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The major league record for most times being shutout in a season is 33, done by the St Louis Cardinals in 1908. Their 372 runs scored that year remains the major league record for fewest runs in a season. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many delegates were sent to the Constitutional Convention, how many actually attended and how many ended up signing the Constitution? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/May 23, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was. 

1. American Sports – Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” they don’t what the deal is with playing games in empty arenas, stadiums…The whole reason pro and college sports exist are because people are willing to pay their way in to see them…Without paying customers, televised sports are mere reality shows. 

2. USA! USA! – Great job getting the barbers back to work, at least here in Colorado, but can we get waiters and waitresses back to work, too???…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” more people will die, but we’re tired of ordering to go and eating in a nearby parking lot. 

3. COVID 19 Death Rates – Worldwide: 0.0000441%…US 0.000298% Taiwan: 0.000000294%…Worldwide death rate amongst closed cases at 13%, down from 22% in April. 

4. Fake News – Quickly turning into another Sunday Bottom 5 regular, click here to read some things people actually believed this week. 

5. President Trump Fact Check – The Liar-in-Chief strikes again…In its usual spot in the 5-hole, click here for more lies and misinformation from the Trump Administration, courtesy of the Associated Press.  

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow does some oh-dark-thirty home repair. Today’s Diary.  

I broke and then fixed the heater this morning.

I was up at more or less the usual Saturday time (see Sleep Log below) and I put some coffee and fed the cat and started in on project work and then I noticed it started getting a little chilly…The cat and I, of course, have a “No Discomfort” policy here at The Shire so I went to turn the heater on to take the chill off and nothing…

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today

In 1958 – United Press International is formed when the United Press and International News Service are merged. UPI would be a force in journalism for most of the 20th century, though it no longer has a reported in the White House and is only a fraction as large and as important as it used to be. UPI was the first wire service to offer news to radio (1935) and at its peak serviced over 6,000 outlets and remains known for famously scooping the Associated Press when John F Kennedy was assassinated in 1963. 

In 1964 – A new major league baseball record is established when seven teams are shut out in both leagues. The culprits are the Twins, White Sox, Yankees, Mets, Phillies, Cardinals, and Giants and the odds were improved as there were no less than five doubleheaders played on this Sunday afternoon. The record was broken on June 4, 1972, when there were eight shutouts in the big leagues. 

In 1975 – Jessie Colter is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the only week with I’m Not Lisa. It was the first of seven country chart singles for Colter, the first of three Top 10 hits and remains her only #1 song. Colter was born Miriam Johnson and she was married to Waylon Jennings from 1969 until his death in 2002 and before that was married to singer and guitarist Duane Eddy. The song also peaked at #4 on Billboard’s Hot 100, her only Top 40 pop hit. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Humility will give you the power to do the job honestly. – Sonny Bono, 12/5/97

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The second-largest municipal library in the world is the Shanghai Library. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What major league team holds the record for being shutout the most times in a season? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/May 23, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

THIS JUST IN: The news wasn’t particularly big, merely that actress Lori Laughlin and her husband, fashion designer Mossimo Giannulli are pleading guilty for their roles in the college admission scandal and will likely get some modest jail time. We’re not sure why, but this continues to amuse us, probably long after it should have. If it’s because long ago we had a crush on Ms Laughlin, we’ve long forgotten that. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Anyway, the couple pled guilty to paying the organizer of the scam, Rick Singer, $500,000 to arrange fake crew team resumes for their two daughters’ admission to the University of Southern California (USC). 

Oh Yeah: Singer has already pled guilty and is singing like a canary after paying more than $25 million on behalf of over 750 families to have test scores fraudulently raised and to pay bribes to universities, usually to athletic coaches. He also provided useful, legal services to some of his clients. 

Duh: One thing we’ve wondered about is are their kids complete dolts? Do they drool or need bike helmets for daily tasks? Couldn’t the couple have just called someone in USC admissions and said hey, look, we’d like to contribute $500,000 to the university. Will this help my kid get in?

Fly In The Ointment: Sadly, it may not have. We hardly have our ears to the ground in this matter, but some casual, non-authoritative research showed $500,000 might only have gotten you a curt nod from some lowly deputy assistant senior vice president for intramural sports.  

The Bottom Line: It’s a sad day in America when the Hollywood and fashion elite can’t bribe their kids’ way into a decent school. You would think the schools would be more sympathetic. So some deserving low-income scholarship kid doesn’t get in. Elite colleges should be looking after their own. Sometimes the elite’s offspring may not be too bright, but they’ll make some connections and probably have some money to throw around down the road. This is an appalling lack of foresight, 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest from his US Senate campaign. Today’s Diary.  

Also in the mail was a code from Faceplant…It’s for Sparrow For US Senate because before my Faceplant page can boost individual posts or run ads they have to verify I’m me and not some Ruskie and part of that is sending me a code via the mail so they can verify my address…This was a pain in the neck, not because my address is the Kremlin but because the post office doesn’t deliver to The Shire, they give us all PO boxes here in or small town…But for my address I put The Shire’s street address plus the # sign and then my box number figuring it would make its way to the PO Box and it did…

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today

In 1911 – The New York Public Library opens in New York City, on 5th Avenue between West 42nd and 40th streets. The library traces its roots to the Astor Library, opened in 1848 in the East Village of Manhattan which was later merged with other libraries. Today the library is the largest municipal library in the world and the third-largest overall, behind the Library of Congress and the British Library. It has 92 branches and serves Manhattan, the Bronx and Staten Island with Brooklyn and Queens served by their own municipal library systems. It has one of the eleven copies of the Gutenberg Bibles in the United States. 

In 1975 – The Golden State Warriors establish a new NBA Finals record for most steals in a game in a 109-101 win over the Washington Bullets in Game 3. The Warriors had 17 steals and the 31 combined steals by both teams remain an NBA Finals record. While research into whose record the Warriors broke was inconclusive, the record is now 18, done by the Boston Celtics in Game 6 of the 2008 Finals. The win gave the Warriors a 3-0 lead in the series, which they won in four games. 

In 1987 – U2 is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of three consecutive weeks with With or Without You. The song also went to #1 in Canada and their native Ireland and peaked at #4 in Great Britain. It was Billboard’s 15th biggest song of the year and ranked 365th on its 60th anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. It was the band’s first of two #1 songs in the US (I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For, two weeks, 1987) and their second of a record 21 #1 songs in Ireland. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Only when you have been in the depths can you truly appreciate the heights. – Richard Nixon

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Janet Guthrie was an aerospace engineer before becoming a race car driver. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What is the second largest municipal library in the world? – Answer next time!

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