The Daily Dose/May 8, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

Leading Off will return. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow’s Thursday routine continues. Today’s Diary.  

I made the usual Thursday trip to the next county and made four stops…

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On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1877 – The first Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show takes place at Gilmore Gardens – later the first Madison Square Garden – in New York City. The even drew over 1,200 dogs, so many that the event took four days instead of the scheduled three. Though generally restricted to purebred dogs, mutts are allowed to compete in the agility competition, the Best in Show title was first awarded in 1907 and the event is still held in Madison Square Garden, held over two days in February. 

In 1973 – The Chicago Blackhawks and the Montreal Canadiens establish a new NHL Stanley Cup Finals record for most goals in a game in an 8-7 Chicago win in Game 5. The 15 goals broke the Stanley Cup Finals record of 13 goals established by the Detroit Red Wings and Toronto Maple Leafs in 1936 and the game featured two future Hall of Fame goalies, Ken Dryden for Montreal and Tony Esposito for Chicago. The Canadiens still led the series 3 games to 2 and would win the Stanley Cup in six games. 

In 1961 – Mother-in-Law by Ernie K-Doe is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot R&B Sides chart – for the third of five consecutive weeks. It was only the seventh week on the soul chart for the song, having gone from 29 to 4 to 3 before reaching the top. The song also peaked at #29 in Great Britain and later spent a week at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and remains K-Doe’s only #1 song on either chart. Born Ernest Kador, Jr in New Orleans, he remained active in the music business up until his death in 2001 at 68. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

In the zoo, study your beast. – Gore Vidal, The Golden Age 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The Eagles have had six #1 albums on Billboard’s album chart. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What breed has won the Best in Show title the most times at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/May 7, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

LET’S GET OUT OUR CRYSTAL BALLS, SHALL WE?: It’s entirely possible that after the changes to the sports landscape mandated by COVID-19 are only temporary and next year everything will proceed normally. 

However, there are a couple of scenarios that could result in long-term changes. Let’s take a look: 

Hut, Hut, Hike: It is entirely possible the college football season will not start on schedule nor go off as planned and it is not difficult to foresee a scenario where teams only play eight or nine games. And while you could probably fill out spots in the Fritos Bean Dip Crack Whore Bowl easily enough, less than ten games will make picking four teams for the College Football Playoff a nightmare. Actually, anything less than the 13 games conference champions are obliged to play would make picking four teams difficult. 

Stop Us If You’ve Heard This Before: This would be a great time for the NCAA to step in and sponsor a Division I football playoff. A 16-team tournament could be played in a month and you could add a week to it and double that to 32 teams. It would become an American classic faster than you can say “pandemic” and could become so popular football fans are no longer willing to tolerate a mere four-team invitational and bowl games played in frozen baseball stadiums between two .500 teams. 

PLAY BALL: Major league baseball could, perhaps, maybe, see some long-term changes, too. It is likely it will find itself with some scheduling challenges this year, too. Or, rather, challenges finding places to play, and while it’s not likely numerous teams will gather in one place, it is not out of the question that current league/divisional lineups will be changed and a mainly regional schedule will be played and it may turn out that fans like this. 

This might be a great time for baseball to expand to 32 teams. Now, baseball doesn’t need 32 teams to change to a regional schedule, but 32 teams are easy to divvy up, in either four eight-team divisions or four eight-team divisions. For example, the teams on the west coast, plus the Colorado Rockies, could be put in one division and spend most of the season playing each other. Professional schedule makers can worry about these details. Regional scheduling would also eliminate a lot of travel, improving both the quality of play and profitability and the season could conclude with an eight-team playoff that wouldn’t take any longer than the current format.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest grooming news. Today’s Diary.   

The big news is I have an actual appointment for a haircut…Recall there’s a hairstylist in our small town whose studio I usually pass on my walk and she had a sign in the window that gave her number for those who’d like to make an appointment…I did some research, tho, to see if she was any good and found her Faceplant page, where the results seemed to show some competence…All right…I also noticed a Make Appointment button, so, silly me, I pressed that and made an appointment for Thursday…Well, this evening she messaged me “Need to call or text for appointment”…Snitty broad…No, I don’t need to do anything, so I ignored the message and searched for barbers in the next county…Bingo…Found one and I could book online, too, and in a couple of clicks, I was in at 1200 on Saturday.

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today

In 1992 – The 27th Amendment to the United States Constitution takes effect when it is ratified by Michigan. The amendment dictated that Congress cannot give itself a pay raise in the middle of a term and had been sent to the several states in September 1789 along with eleven other proposed amendments, ten of which eventually became the Bill of Rights. Interest in the amendment, however, lagged after seven states had ratified it by 1792. It was ratified by Ohio in 1873, the last state to ratify it until 1978. The 202 years from proposal to ratification is a record. 

In 1959 – The New York Yankees defeat the Los Angeles Dodgers 6-2 in an exhibition game at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in front of 93,103 fans, then the largest crowd ever to watch a baseball game. The game was held to honor former Dodgers’ catcher Roy Campanella, who had been paralyzed in a 1958 auto accident. The schedule was not kind to either team. The Dodgers had won their game in San Francisco earlier in the day and would return for their game the following night. The Yankees had played in Kansas City the day before and would head home after the game. The record for most fans at a baseball game was broken in 2008 when 115,301 fans attended a Dodgers/Boston Red Sox exhibition, also at the Coliseum. 

In 1977 – The Eagles are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with Hotel California. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #8 in Great Britain and won the Grammy Award for Record of the Year. It was the fourth of five #1 songs for the group and their seventh of ten top 10 hits. The album of the same name was also at #1 on Billboard’s album chart for the seventh of eight non-consecutive weeks. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…those who make [pleasure] their end in life are like the dog that snaps at every piece of meat thrown to it, swallows it whole, and then, instead of enjoying it, stands with jaws agape anxiously awaiting more. – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol III: Caesar to Christ. 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Sir Barton, in 1919, was the first horse to win the Triple Crown. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many #1 albums have the Eagles had? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/May 6, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Friends, your Heavyweight Champion of the World, The Daily Dose, is taking the day off.

Today’s entry in The Diary of a Nobody can be read here.

Have a good day,

Gaylon

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The Daily Dose/May 5, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

Leading Off will return. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Little goes right for Sparrow today. Today’s Diary.  

I had plans today…They did not work out. 

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today

In 1961 – Astronaut Alan Shepard becomes the first American and the second human to reach space, flying a sub-orbital flight aboard Freedom 7. Shepard’s flight lasted 15 minutes, reaching an altitude of 101.2 nautical miles (about 116 statute miles) and in 1971 Shepard commanded Apollo 14 and became the fifth human to walk on the moon. Shepard had graduated from the US Naval Academy in 1944 and had served in the surface Nacy before becoming a pilot in 1950 and retired as a rear admiral. In April, Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin had become the first human to fly into space. 

In 1973 – Secretariat, ridden by Ron Turcotte, wins the 99th Kentucky Derby by two-and-a-half lengths over Sham. Secretariat won in a time of 1 minute, 52 and ⅖ seconds, breaking the record of 2 minutes established by Native Dancer in 1964 and the record that still stands. Secretariat would later win the Preakness and Belmont Stakes to become the first Triple Crown winner since Citation in 1948. 

In 1973 – Dawn Featuring Tony Orlando is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the third of four consecutive weeks with Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree. It was the second of three #1s for the group (Knock Three Times, three weeks, 1971; He Don’t Love You (Like I Love You, three weeks, 1975) and their third of six Top 10 hits. The song went to #1 in eight other countries, including Norway and Great Britain, was Billboard’s #1 song of the year and placed 46th on their 60th Anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. A version that year by Johnny Carver titled Yellow Ribbon went to #5 on Billboard’s country chart. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Where was all this infinitesimal matter before it was set in motion by mind?/Everywhere./No real answer./Perhaps no real question. – Gore Vidal, Creation

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The Athletics of Philadelphia won the 1871 National Association pennant with a  21-7 record. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who was the first horse to win the Triple Crown? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/May 4, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH DESK: Almost two weeks after their worst mass shooting, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, has issued a ban on military-style assault weapons, the type of weapon used in the recent Nova Scotia shooting and the preferred weapon of mass shooters here in the US. 

Dry, Technical Matter: The measure was introduced as a federal order because the Canadian Parliament is not meeting due to the coronavirus pandemic and covers about 1,500 models. Owners will have two years to dispense with them. The United States has not banned assault weapons since a ban on them expired in 2004. 

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: We hope it works. We hope all Canadians comply and turn in their assault weapons and that they are all melted down and turned into RCMP curios and chess pieces. We hope mass shootings never become the dreary, common events they’ve become here in America. Hopefully, Canadian mass shootings will remain as rare as they are tragic.

Fly In The Ointment: We will point out that, as a practical matter, the measures probably won’t stop the weapons from being smuggled in from the United States nor will the measures be followed by the depraved who do these things, just like the tens of thousands of gun laws here in the US are ignored by those hell-bent on causing mayhem. 

The Bottom Line: Gun control means well and is a completely human reaction to tragedy. You can’t undo what you’ve done, though. Guns aren’t going to go away simply because it’s been mandated by someone, and neither are the disturbed who do these things. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow returns to the kitchen. Today’s Diary.   

They weren’t Hotcakes of the Year, but they weren’t too bad, either and after the fried canned chicken fiasco of a couple of days ago, it was good for morale to come back strong with a relatively solid performance in the kitchen. 

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1970 – What History refers to as the Kent State Shootings occurs, at a Vietnam War protest the university of the same name in Kent, Ohio. Four unarmed students were shot by members of the Ohio National Guard, who fired 67 rounds in 13 seconds. Two of the dead students were taking part in the protest, the other two were walking to their next class. To this day, no one is sure why the soldiers began firing. 

In 1871 – The Fort Wayne Kekiongas defeat the Cleveland Forest Citys 2-1 in the first game played in the National Association of Professional Base Ball Players, commonly referred to as the National Association. Two current major league teams, the Chicago Cubs and the Atlanta Braves – then in Boston – have been in continuous operation since the 1871 National Association season. Though National Association marks are not included in the major league record books, this was the first game played in the first world’s first professional baseball league.  

In 1946 – Al Dexter and His Troopers are at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Most Played Juke Box Folk Records chart – for the 14th of a then-record 16 non-consecutive weeks with Guitar Polka. The song also peaked at #16 on Billboard’s Best Selling Singles chart, a predecessor of the Hot 100. It was the sixth of seven #1 country songs for Dexter, who is perhaps best known as the writer of Pistol Packin’ Mama, whose version was one of several recognized as the first #1 song on Billboard’s country chart in 1944. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

I wish to make it so broad, and so clear, that no honest man can misunderstand me, and no dishonest one, successfully misrepresent me. – Abraham Lincoln

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The 5th Dimension’s final Top 10 hit was If I Could Reach You, which peaked at # 10 in 1972. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who won the 1871 National Association pennant? – Answer next time!

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