The Daily Dose/February 20, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

PLAY BALL: Major League Baseball recently tossed out the idea of expanding their playoffs to 14 teams, seven in each league, three division champions and four wild-card teams. This would be up from the five teams in each league that make it now, three division champions and two wildcard teams. The division champions head to the first round, while the wild card teams play one game to determine who joins them. 

Now they want four wild card teams to join the division champions and here’s where you have the carnival barker standing by: the division champion with the best record gets a bye into the Division Series while the other six teams play a best-of-three series. In order to get Barnum and Bailey on as the title sponsor, MLB is proposing that the higher-seeded teams not only get to pick their first-round opponents but get to host all the games. 

Oh, Jesus H: Teams picking their playoff opponents and teams playing an entire series on the road. Fabulous. Maybe they could have Hulk Hogan and Ronda Rousey as special guest umpires, too. Maybe runners can only score if they can dropkick the catcher or, perhaps, members of the losing team get their heads shaved by members of the winning team. 

OTOH: Baseball has to do something. Interest in the game is going down harder than a whore with the fleet in. While local TV ratings are OK, attendance has dropped every year since 2014 and has dropped by 11 million since its peak of 79.4 million in 2007. World Series TV ratings continue to plummet, too, with more people watching your average NFL game on Sundays than the Fall Classic. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow helps a fellow Navy vet at the Veterans Service Office. Today’s Diary.  

It takes a while for Stanko to get here [with the post’s debit card], so we BS for a while, insulting each other as sailors will do – he even asked me if my wife was hot, a perfectly reasonable question – and when Stanko does get here I buy him two bus tickets, one from here to the big city and another for tomorrow morning from the big city to the Springs…

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1933 – What would become the 21st Amendment to the Constitution, the Blaine Act, which would repeal Prohibition, is passed by the US House and sent to the several states for ratification. The US Senate passed the act on Feb 17. The act was ratified by state ratifying conventions on Dec 3 and took effect immediately. It remains the only amendment passed by state ratifying conventions. 

In 1944 – The Toronto Maple Leafs and the Chicago Blackhawks play to a 0-0 tie in a game that also features zero penalties. While 0-0 ties and penalty-free games have both been far from uncommon over the years, this remains the only game in NHL history with a blank score sheet. Every other game has featured at least one goal or one penalty. 

In 1978 – The Bee Gees are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the third of four consecutive weeks with Stayin’ Alive. The song went to #1 in seven other countries, including Mexico and South Africa and peaked at #4 in Great Britain. It was Billboard’s fourth biggest song of the year, the ninth biggest of the decade and ranked 59th on Billboard’s 60th-anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. It was the group’s fifth of nine #1 songs in America. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

The primary sign of a well-ordered mind is a man’s ability to remain in one place and linger in his own company. – Seneca the Younger, Roman philosopher

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Patti Austin had eight Top 40 hits on Billboard’s soul chart between 1981 and 1986. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was the Bee Gees’ first appearance on any singles chart? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/February 19, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

PLAY BALL: Like you might have, we still have questions regarding the Houston Astros sign-stealing adventure, namely how in the hell did it get this far and how can something be legal in one context and illegal in another? 

Stop Us If You’ve Heard This Before: The players should have taken care of this on the field. Consider this: if a Houston Astros batter can hear a trash can being banged – the signal a certain kind of pitch was coming – then an opposing catcher can, too. The first time, maybe the second, the catcher might dismiss it, but after a couple of pitches the batter has no right to expect are sent into orbit, they’re going to know.

The first team to have noticed this – and Astros sign-stealing had been rumored for a while – should have had a meeting between innings. It would have gone like this:

Hey, skipper, they got our signs. We can either mix them up so they’re getting fastballs when they’re expecting something else, or we can put it in their ear. What do you want to do?  

This would have settled the matter in short order. The Astros would have soon grown weary of either getting crossed up and/or dodging pitches at their heads and the trash cans would have gone silent. There are two sets of rules for any sport, the ones in the book and the ones the players play the game under and shame on the players for not taking care of this on the field. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Something else to consider is sign-stealing is sometimes legal. You steal the sign on your own without electronic aid and you’re good. In fact, you’ll be admired. Sign stealing like this has gone on since the first major league game in 1876 and we would not die of shock to find out the Los Angeles Dodgers were trying to steal signs in the 2017 World Series. In fact, we’d be shocked to find out they weren’t. 

Uh, Is There A Point Here?: You can’t have something legal in certain contexts and illegal in others. When you do, things like this result. If baseball doesn’t want to legalize sign-stealing they must send in the Gestapo, enough security personnel to ensure players and other team personnel do not have in-game video access. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets the dreaded clogged toilet call. Today’s Diary.  

About 0200 227 calls…Let me tell you something, you learn in this trade to not like oh-dark-thirty calls from guests…Sometimes they merely want a wake-up call or have a vital question that simply cannot wait until morning, but usually, a guest calling at this hour is up to no good…It started out heading in this direction, tho ol’ Sparrow ended up getting off easy.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1674 – The third Anglo-Dutch War comes to an end, with England and the Netherlands signing the Treaty of Westminster in London. The war had begun two years earlier, resulted in a Dutch victory and ended mainly because the English Parliament lost interest in paying for it. Among the terms of the treaty were that the Dutch New World colony of New Amsterdam be transferred to the British, who renamed it New York. 

In 1979 – Mike Bossy of the New York Islanders establishes a new NHL record for fastest 100 goals in a career in an 8-3 victory over the Los Angeles Kings. Bossy had a goal and an assist, giving him 100 goals in his 129th game, breaking the record of 134 established by Maurice Richard. The record still stands. 

In 1983 – Patti Austin and James Ingram are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Baby, Come to Me. The song was Ingram’s third of eight Top 40 hits and first of two #1 songs (I Don’t Have the Heart, 1990) and remains Austin’s only Top 40 pop hit. The song also peaked at #39 on Billboard’s soul chart and at #11 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s 8th biggest song of the year. The song had earlier been released in 1981, peaking at #73 on the Hot 100, making it one of the few songs to hit #1 in its second chart run. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Hay had long known it was good politics never to try to have the last word in a dispute; now he had begun to see the wisdom of not trying to have the first word, either. – Gore Vidal, Empire 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The 1944-45 season was the only season Maurice Richard scored at least 50 goals in a season. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many Top 40 hits did Patti Austin have on Billboard’s soul chart? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/February 17, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
The very best of the very worst of the week that was…

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets to bed a bit later than normal. Today’s Diary.   

I got to bed a bit later than usual because I went to the retailer and bought some stuff and then went to the fast-food joint for breakfast and the roads were slow and I’m a careful driver. 

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1600 – Philosopher Giordano Bruno is executed in Rome. Bruno had been condemned, in part, for rejecting assorted Catholic doctrines and for having the nerve to promulgate beliefs such as the stars being suns in their own right that could have planets orbiting them. Bruno’s teaching was considered so dangerous a stake was put through his tongue on his way to his death to prevent him from talking. Bruno remains a symbol for free speech in Rome, where his death is commemorated every year. 

In 1945 – Maurice Richard of the Montreal Canadiens ties the NHL record for most goals in a season, scoring his 43rd in a 4-3 win over the Toronto Maple Leafs. Richard tied the record established by Joe Malone in 1917-18 and would break the record on Feb 25. Richard finished the season with 50 goals, a record that would be tied twice before being broken by Bobby Hull of the Chicago Black Hawks with 54 goals in the 1965-66 season. The NHL record for most goals in a season is now held by Wayne Gretzky, who had  92 goals in the 1981-82 season. 

In 1968 – Love Is Blue by Paul Mauriat is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the second of five consecutive weeks. The song originally had lyrics and was Luxembourg’s entry in the 1967 Eurovision contest, where it finished fourth. Love Is Blue also peaked at #12 in Great Britain, was Billboard’s second-biggest hit of the year and ranked 174th on Billboard’s 60th-anniversary chart in 2018. Love Is Blue is Mauriat’s only Top 40 hit and he remains the only French artist to hit #1 song on the Hot 100.  

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool. – Richard P. Feynman (1918-1988), 1965 Nobel Prize Laureate in Physics 1965.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Joe Frazier’s last professional fight was a ten-round draw with Floyd Cummings in Chicago in 1981. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many 50 goal seasons did Maurice Richard have in his career? – Answer next time!

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