The Daily Dose/August 6, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow actually cleans his office. Today’s Diary. 

So – and I am not making this up – I cleaned my office!!!…Regular readers of this crap know I despise cleaning and am lousy at it, so it should not be the Upset of the Year to find out this was my first time cleaning the office tho in my defense I’ve only been on the job since April…I threw the trash, which is kept under my desk so nobody could see it, for the first time and I stole the vacuum from the janitor’s closet down the hall…The top of my desk is generally kept clean, so now the office looks pretty good…I was somewhat worried about where I would get trash bags because there weren’t any in the janitor’s closet, but there were a bunch of them in the bottom of my trash can, enuff so at this rate they’ll probably last me until retirement. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

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On This Date
In 1945 – Nuclear weapons debut in war when the United States drops a nuclear bomb on Hiroshima, Japan. The bomb was released at 8:15am local time by the crew of a US Army Air Corps B-29 aircraft from an altitude of 31,000 feet and the bomb detonated about 1,900 feet above the city. An estimated 77,000 people were killed instantly, with thousands more dying later. The decision to use nuclear weapons was made by President Harry Truman who believed it was better than sacrificing American lives in an invasion of Japan. 

In 1890 – Cy Young makes his major league debut, throwing a three-hitter as the Cleveland Spiders defeat the Chicago Colts – now the Cubs – 8-1. Young would finish the season 9-7, the last time Young would win fewer than ten games in a season until 1910 when he went 7-10 for the Cleveland Naps – now the Indians. Young retired holding numerous major league records, and still holds the all-time records for wins (511), losses (315), games started (815), complete games (749) and innings pitched (7,356). Young also threw the first pitch in World Series history, the first perfect game in American League history and was a career .210 hitter. 

In 1977 – Andy Gibb is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of four non-consecutive weeks with I Just Want to Be Your Everything. It was Gibb’s first Top 40 hit and the first of three consecutive #1s. The song also went to #1 in Australia and Canada, was billboard’s second biggest song of the year and placed 29th on their 60th anniversary Hot 100 chart in 2018. After three weeks at #1, the song would drop to #2 for a couple of weeks, then down to #3, while the Emotions sat at #1 with Best of My Love before returning to the top.

Quotebook
…how coolly, in disregard of all one’s feeling, does the hard, cold, uninteresting course of daily realities move on…the cold mechanical habit of living remaining, after all vital interest in it has fled.
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Uncle Tom’s Cabin

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Bob Beamon holds the Olympic long jump record, 29 feet, 4.25 inches, done at the 1968 Mexico City Olympics.

Today’s Stumper
What were the other two of Andy Gibb’s three consecutive #1 songs? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/August 5, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

READY…AIM…FIRE: Damn.

Four in the last week, including two within a few hours of each other, which is a lot, even for America.

Can We Talk? Of Course We Can’t: Despite these tragedies, and thanks to the NRA, none of our elected officials wants to talk about this so, just for funsies and in the spirit of civilized discourse, we are going to trot out the Second Amendment, oblige you to read it, and then talk about it. If you’re reading it for the first time, it’s shorter than you might think, having one sentence and 27 words and, like other parts of our constitution, it is wonderfully ambiguous. 

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. 

For $100 And Control Of The Board: Does the Second Amendment only provide for the several states to defend themselves, or does it provide for a citizen’s right to bear arms? Both sides of the debate are equally adamant the Amendment supports their view. Considering the context of the times our Bill of Rights was established and the English laws and customs that influenced them we believe the answer is both. 

Back To The Future: Now, we no longer need to defend the homestead from Indians or wild animals and most of us have convenient access to a grocery store or restaurants, but the proposition of not having unarmed citizens go up against an armed government is still valid. 

OTOH: Or maybe it isn’t. Great Britain has some of the most restrictive gun laws in the world and still manages to hold a free country together. They’ve had three mass shootings since 1980, one less than America has had since last week. Still, though, guns have been part of the American landscape since before the founding of our republic. Good luck getting rid of them. New Zealand, after their own mass shooting, is trying mightily to rid itself of assorted weapons without much success. 

Stop Us If You’ve Heard This Before: The American shooting gallery is a phenomena as sad as it is rare, because no other country has ever been subjected to shootings on this scale. Our own theory, trotted out more or less every hour on the hour, is this: 

America has violent citizens because America has a violent government.

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: Peaceful nations have peaceful citizens. We are not going to have a peaceful country or a peaceful world without a peaceful America. 

Are You Done Yet? Now, an America at peace will not eliminate all mass shootings. Nothing short of complete disarmament will because there will also be those deranged people hell bent on causing mayhem and tragedy. It’s the way the world is built. 

OK, Now We’re Done: But both our country and our planet are entitled to see the world an America at peace would produce.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow takes a phone call at the hotel. Today’s Diary. 

About 0200 – bar closing time – I get a call from a young lady asking to talk to Mr H…I don’t know what room all our guests are staying in off the top of my head, so I look it up and transfer the call to the room…Based on my not-insignificant amount of experience in the matter, I figure it’s a hooker calling a client to verify his hotel and room number before showing up to ply her trade, fairly standard procedure in the call girl racket…This is hardly a problem up here, but you never know…Like hotel rooms, female bodies are classic supply and demand…Some desk clerks would get their shorts in a knot over this and go tactical stake out the room and whatnot but one, it’s more work than I want to put it and, two, as a classic libertarian, I feel obliged to let the free market run its course. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

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On This Date
In 1981 – President Ronald Reagan fires over 11,00 striking air traffic controllers, two days after they violated federal law by going on strike. The government and the union had been unable to agree on a reduced workweek for air traffic controllers.  The effects were profound: though managers, non-striking and military controllers were able to get about half of the scheduled flights airborne, it would take eleven years before staffing levels returned to normal. Over the years, about 850 striking controllers were rehired. 

In 1901 – Peter O’Connor of Ireland establishes the first long jump world record recognized by the International Association of Athletics Federations, jumping 24 feet, 11.5 inches at a meet in Dublin, Ireland. O’Connor’s record would stand for 20 years, now the fourth-longest reign in track history, behind Bob Beamon’s 23-year reign, Jesse Owen’s 25-year tenure Mike Powell, who has held the record since 1991. 

In 1966 – Wild Thing by the Troggs is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks. The song also went to #1 in New Zealand and peaked at #2 in Great Britain. The Troggs would hit the Top 40 two other times and Wild Thing remains their only #1 hit. Due to a contractual dispute, the song was released by both Atco and Fontana records and remains the only single to reach number one for two companies.

Quotebook
Only when we begin to trust ourselves do we begin to live.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The United States Coast Guard got its name on January 28, 1915, when the Revenue Cutter Service merged with the US Life Saving Service.

Today’s Stumper
Who holds the Olympic record for the long jump? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/August 4, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The best of the worst of the week that was:

1. USA! USA! – America now on clock for collapse…From partisan, bickering government destroying country to an electorate allowing it to fringe element that has gone from beating off in mom’s basement to shooting up fellow citizens, America is dying folks.
2. Beto O’Rourke –  Democratic presidential candidate checks in with curious statement that shooting shatters “any illusion that we have that progress is inevitable”…Uh, don’t worry, Beto, Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” you were the only one under delustion that mass shootings were about to stop.
3. Thoughts and Prayers – Popular actions still not doing any good despite having been issued every hour on the hour since Americans started going postal in 1970s…Strong hashtags, candlelight vigils also not preventing American shooting gallery.
4. Democrat Fact Check – The 233 candidates for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination don’t know what they are talking about, either. Click here, here and here for exciting misinformation from this past week’s debates.
5. Trump Fact Check – Click here for latest misinformation from a president either unable or unwilling to tell the truth. 

Today At The Site
The Daily Dose: Sparrow slashes rates at the hotel, while The Wife goes to the farmer’s market. Today’s Diary.

I even let one couple have a room for $189, tho I did charge them $289 for Saturday nite…They were doing some camping and that wasn’t turning out like they had planned so they were looking for a room…There is no reason to charge full price at oh-dark-thrity, tho the guy wasn’t pleased, asking me in that diffident manner you find only in the truly cheap when the f*ck rates came down…I smiled graciously as I swiped his credit card and said summer was as busy as winter here, tho fall and spring were pretty laid back which didn’t really answer his question but, as regular readers of this crap know, there really isn’t an answer to that question.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

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On This Date
In 1790 –  America’s oldest sea-going service, then known as the Revenue Cutter Service, is founded. Proposed by Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton to enforce customs laws, the Revenue Cutter Service is now known as the United States Coast Guard, has a variety of missions, currently operates under the Department of Homeland Security and has been involved in every US war since its founding. The original bill called for each cutter to have a complement of “one master and not more than three mates…four mariners and two boys”.

In 1934 – Mel Ott of the New York Giants becomes the first player in modern major league history to score six runs in a game in a 21-4 win over the Philadelphia Phillies in the second game of a doubleheader. The feat has been accomplished several times before and since, including another time by Ott (in 1944) and Ott remains the only person to score six runs in a major league game twice. The major league record for most runs in a game is 7, done in 1886 by Guy Hecker.

In 2018 – BeBe Rexa and Florida Georgia Line are at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then as now known as the Hot Country Songs chart – for the 35th consecutive week with Meant To Be, establishing a new record for most weeks at #1 on a major Billboard singles chart. The old record of 34 weeks was accomplished in 2017 by Sam Hunt with Body Like a Back Road, also on the country chart. Meant To Be would ultimately spend 50 consecutive weeks at #1, the second-longest tenure at #1 on any Billboard singles chart and the song also peaked at #2 on Billboard’s Hot 100. The all-time record for most weeks at #1 on any Billboard singles chart is 61 weeks, non-consecutive, accomplished by Oceans (Where the Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United from 2013-2016 on the Christian Songs chart.

Quotebook
A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself within. The essential causes of Rome’s decline lay in her people, her morals, her class struggle, her failing trade, her bureaucratic despotism, her stifling taxes, her consuming wars.
Will Durant
The Story of Civilization, Vol. III, Caesar to Christ

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Christopher Columbus made four voyages to the New World, the final one returning to Spain in 1504.

Today’s Stumper
In what year did the Coast Guard get its name? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/August 3, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience…

BROTHER, CAN YOU SPARE THE TRUTH: Our favorite cottage industry nowadays is the fact-checking industry. Though candidate Donald Trump really helped it get its sea legs, politicians for a while now have been rattling off crap from the top of their heads without regard for accuracy. Today, fact-checking is a regular component of America’s day-in, day-out political coverage, from debates to speeches to any other an officeholder or candidate open their mouths. 

A Long Time Ago, In An America Far, Far, Away: There was a time when candidates generally made accurate statements when citing facts and figures. Either themselves or, more likely, a junior member of their staff would do some research and if there were mistakes, they were generally made in good faith. 

Dry, Technical Matter: That time has passed. Politicians and candidates, refreshingly liberated from accuracy’s pesky obligations, now routinely say whatever’s on the tip of their tongue whether or not it’s even remotely true. President Trump, of course, is the pacesetter here, routinely rattling off statements that are false. Our favorite, and perhaps yours, too, was when he said the moon is part of Mars, which even a smart fifth-grader knows is poppycock. 

Running The Numbers: As the 395 candidates for the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination have shown, President Trump doesn’t have an exclusive on this, as their debates this week have shown. 

They’re doing this, in part, because our media is no longer smart enough to point their errors out. Mostly, though, politicians spew falsehoods because you and me – we the people – continue to tolerate it 

The Solution Looks Us In The Mirror Every Morning: Friends, we get the government we deserve. We elect lousy government and we get lousy government. We allow politicians and candidates to spew falsehood, that is what we will continue to get. Guaranteed, every time.   

As long as we continue to tolerate this, as long as we continue to listen to them and accept whatever they are choosing to spoonfeed us that day and refuse to hold them accountable, we will continue to be fed falsehoods and outright lies. 

Final Answer: Nothing will change until we start demanding better.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow is back in the gym. Today’s Diary. 

This is still a good workout, of course, but we’ll see if I go back-to-back anymore…That extra five percent makes a difference…I’ve heard more than one coach say that three percent is sometimes the difference between champion and runner-up and my own experience officiating is three percent is usually the difference between the best officials in an association and the merely good. 

On the other hand, I’m hardly a champion athlete, just a guy trying to stay strong in his old age, so if I’m able to again I probably will because I’ll tell you what, yours truly is already looking forward to not working out on Saturday…Maybe I’ll get the lawn done. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

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On This Date
In 1492 – Christopher Columbus, an Italian mariner and explorer, sets sail with three ships from southern Spain on his first expedition to what would turn out to be the New World. Being a white male, of course, he established a precedent by taking some natives captive and enslaving others. Columbus would also visit what is now Cuba, Haiti and the Domincan Republic before returning to Spain early the following year. 

In 1852 – America’s first collegiate sporting event is held as Harvard defeats Yale in a rowing race. The second race was held in 1855 and the race has been held more or less continuously since 1864. Even then American college sports was a cesspool, as the event was held in New Hampshire to promote a new resort and both teams featured professionals and other ringers.  The race is now held on the Thames River in New London, Connecticut with Yale winning this year’s race, though Harvard leads the series 95-58. 

In 1958 – The pre-Hot 100 era of Billboard popular music charts ends, with Hard Headed Woman by Elvis finishing its second and final week at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart. All told, 200 songs hit #1 on Billboard’s best sellers chart, which had assorted names since its debut in 1940, a figure that includes double-sided hits and different artists who hit #1 with the same song, but does not include songs that dropped out and then reclaimed the top spot. Billboard’s first Hot 100 chart would be issued the following day, with Poor Little Fool by Rick Nelson at #1.

Quotebook
There is not much sense in setting one’s foot upon the road and not traveling the fullest possible distance.
James Madison

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Eagles spent a total of five weeks at #1 with their five #1 songs.

Today’s Stumper
How many voyages did Christopher Columbus make to the New World? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/August 2, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience…

YEAH, THIS IS IMPORTANT: Long-time readers of the Daily Dose know that regardless of the format, there has always been an On This Date segment of some sort. We’ve always enjoyed them, even when we were kids, and our experience is if we like something our reader(s) probably will, too,so we’ve always included one.

Oh Jesus H: When this feature was longer we’d stick as many entries as we could in, but now we are content with three entries: a general history tidbit, a sports highlight, plus an entry chronicling a #1 song from a Billboard chart. We take great care in making sure every entry is accurate, and it is not unheard of to dive in and find out an entry is wrong, meaning we have to find another one. 

Whoops, Our Bad: So it is rare when we have to go back an edit an entry, but we had to this week with our July 31 entry about John Grimes establishing a major league record by hitting six batters in an 1897 game.

Fly In The Ointment: The problem was we write in a variety of places and at a variety of times and when we wrote this item we did not have either of our major league baseball record books handy. Our research, though, was sufficient, we thought, to make us certain that Grimes had not only accomplished the feat but had also established the record in the first game of a doubleheader.

Dry, Technical Matter: As soon as we were able to, we checked our record book and while Grimes had indeed hit six batters in that 1897 game, he had only tied the record that had been established by Ed Knouff of the Baltimore Orioles of the then-major American Association in 1887.

Insert Sad Face Emoji Here: We were disappointed. We take care and pride in providing an accurate column and we failed with this entry. It has been amended and here is the correct entry:

In 1897 – John Grimes of the St Louis Browns ties the major league record by hitting six batters in an 11-6 loss to the Louisville Colonels in the first game of a doubleheader. It was the second of his three major league appearances for Grimes, whose final game came on August 2, a 9-5 loss to the Chicago Colts, now known as the Cubs. Though History is not entirely clear on the matter, Grimes, 28 at the time, might well have been on leave from what would turn out to be a 30-year career in the US Army, where he retired as a captain after seeing action in both the Spanish-American and First World wars. Grimes tied the record established by Ed Knouff of the Baltimore Orioles of the American Association in 1887.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: The Wife joins (another) co-op. Today’s Diary. 

The Wife – as she is wont to do from time to time – joined another goddamned co-op recently, which will supply us with an assortment of healthy, evidently bamboo-based stuff…Current marching orders are to never again buy toilet paper, dish soap, toothpaste and maybe even ink for all I know because those will all be supplied now at who-knows-how-much per month…I’m not entirely sure I want to dry a bamboo-based toothpaste, but ol’ Sparrow is nothing if not flexible. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

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On This Date
In 1923 -President of the United States Warren G Harding dies at the Palace Hotel in San Francisco, after a period of ill health. Harding died of cardiac arrest, though at the time it was attributed to cerebral hemorrhage because cardiac arrest wasn’t well understood at the time. Though his presidency is not highly regarded by History, Harding was well-liked and millions of people lined the train route that took his body to Washington. He was replaced by Vice President Calvin Coolidge.

In 1919 – Fred Luderus of the Philadelphia Phillies established a new major league record by playing in 479th consecutive game as the Phillies sweep a doubleheader from the Chicago Cubs. Luderus – pronounced lu-DARE-us – broke the record of 478 that had been set the previous year by Eddie Collins of the Philadelphia A’s. The record stood until 1927 when it was broken by Eddie Brown of the Boston Braves and is now held by Cal Ripken, Jr. of the Baltimore Orioles with 2,632.

In 1975 – The Eagles are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 with One of These Nights. The song would spend one week at the top and also made the Top 10 in the Netherlands, Belgium and New Zealand and was Billboard’s ninth biggest song of the year. It was the second of five number one songs for the group and their third of ten Top 10 hits.

Quotebook
…the inability of men to grasp an obvious truth is a constant in political life.
Gore Vidal
Lincoln
Attributed to Abraham Lincoln

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
There were 600 entries on Billboard’s 60th anniversary Hot 100 chart. At #1 was The Twist by Chubby Checker, still the only song to go to #1 in seperate chart appearances. At #600 was Take on Me by A-Ha.

Today’s Stumper
How many combined weeks have the Eagles spent at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100? – Answer next time!

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