The Daily Dose/December 14, 2018 
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
The recent meeting between President Donald Trump, Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi was hardly surprising, but it was illustrative.

It was not surprising in that it was contentious and unconstructive: there was no reason to expect anything else. Trump was in his usual mood to be a petulant first-grader, hardly the Upset of the Year, we’ve known this is his preferred behavior as long as he’s been in the public eye. We elected him anyway. Trump offers no other options for those dealing with him, continuing to disregard norms for decency, decorum and protocol.

All it really did was illustrate the fact that nothing of substance is going to get done for the next two years. All we are going to get is government as partisan, fractured and bickering as it’s been in the past. We are going to conclude our third consecutive decade at war. Our annual budget deficit and cumulative national debt will continue to be a burden and both these elements will destroy us, probably before this half-century is out. Our country and our government will continue to be a mutual reflection of each other: contentious and divisive. We are working our way towards a time that will make the ’60s look harmonious by comparison and we may well end up the most divided we’ve been since the Civil War.

We can blame incumbents, the media and the lobbyists only so much. To find the real source of our partisan, fractured and bickering government we need to look no farther than the mirror: the fault is ours.

We had an opportunity to do something about it in the recent midterms, but we took a flier on doing anything of substance, re-electing 91 percent of incumbents to the House and 84 percent to the Senate. These numbers are actually a bit less than in years past, but they hardly herald a mandate for change.

We are getting substandard government because we continue to tolerate it. When we choose not to tolerate it any longer, we will demand better. Until then, nothing will change. Us humans tend to resist change and stick with the familiar, even when the familiar is not serving us well and so it is here. Nothing is going to change until you and me – we the people – are willing to take some chances and make some changes at the ballot box.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow and The Wife spend an enjoyable day off together, teaming up to clean the kitchen, enjoy a walk together and share a healthy dinner.

Per protocol, I was assigned the task of vacuuming, about the only thing around the house I am good at.

I take this duty seriously, mainly to ensure I am not, as a punitive measure, assigned other duties…

On This Date
In 1911 – Norwegian Roald Amundsen and a team of four others become the first humans to reach the South Pole. They had left their base camp on October 19 and on December 8 passed the 88 degrees, 23-minute latitude mark established by Earnest Shackleton in 1909, previously the farthest south humans had traveled. After arrival, the expedition spent their time determining their exact position and, using Amundsen’s calculations, it was later determined that the expedition had come within 2,500 yards of the actual South Pole, probably not too bad considering the era and the circumstances.

In 1988 – The Miami Heat win their first game in franchise history – after 17 straight losses – 89-88 over the Los Angeles Clippers. Their 0-17 start had established the mark for the worst start to a season in NBA history. The record was tied by the 1998-99 Clippers and the 2014-15 Philadelphia 76ers and the record is now 18, done twice, by the 2009-10 New Jersey Nets and the 2015-16 76ers. The Heat would finish the season with a 15-67 record.

In 1974 – Carl Douglas is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second and final week with Kung Fu Fighting.  The song was intended to be the B side of a single and was recorded at the end of the recording session in two takes in ten minutes. Kung Fu Fighting also went to #1 on the Billboard’s soul chart and in twelve other countries, including Canada and Great Britain. It remains Douglas’ only Top 40 hit in the United States.

Quotebook
Victory awaits him who has everything in order—luck, people call it. Defeat is certain for him who has neglected to take the necessary precautions in time; this is called bad luck.
Roald Amundsen

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Elvis Presley had 17 #1 songs on Billboard’s country (11) and soul (6) charts. Of these, five went to #1 on both these and the Billboard pop chart: Don’t Be Cruel, Hound Dog, All Shook Up, (Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear and Jailhouse Rock. 

Today’s Stumper
What other team began play in the NBA in 1988? –Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/December 13, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Friends, the columns are enjoying the day off. Everything will return Friday.

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The Daily Dose/December 12, 2018 
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
In The News will return. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has to go find a rollaway bed at the hotel, plus Buzz again poaches on Sparrow’s closing page duties at the retailer.

Buzz really thinks he’s the big cheese doing pages…He is not…I am…He is still insisting as IDing himself as Buzz Lightyear and it continues to go downhill from there…He has no structure and no presence tho, to his credit, he’s lightened up a bit and no longer sounds like gulag commandant greeting new arrivals…

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 16: Doesn’t anybody want to lose this thing? With both Oakland and the New York Jets winning, it is the widest open race for The Dan Henning Trophy in recent memory. 

3. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-9; lost to Tennessee 30-9) – Jaguars back in what used to be their private domain – the B-10 medal stand – with eighth loss in last nine (9) games…Jaguars owner Shad “Ghengis” Khan promising field trip to Saudi consulate in Istanbul if squad fails to win B-10 title..Next Loss: Washington

On This Date
In 2000 – The 200 US presidential election ends when United States Supreme Court issues its ruling in Bush v. Gore, settling a recount dispute. The decision allowed the previous vote certification to stand, giving George W Bush Florida’s 25 electoral votes and a majority in the Electoral College. 

In 2010 – The inflatable roof at the Metrodome in Minneapolis collapses after a snowstorm, forcing the postponement of the Minnesota Vikings game against the New York Giants. The game is played the next day in Detroit with the Giants winning 21-3. 

In 1960 – Are You Lonesome Tonight by Elvis Presley is #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the third of six consecutive weeks. It was Elvis’ 15th #1 song on the pop chart and Are You Lonesome Tonight also went to #3 on Billboard’s R&B chart, #22 on its country chart. Merle Haggard hit #12 with it in 1977 on Billboard’s country chart. 

Quotebook
Hay had long known it was good politics never to try to have the last word in a dispute; now he had begun to see the wisdom of not trying to have the first word, either.
Gore Vidal
Empire

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The term Ponzi scheme got its name from Charles Ponzi, who used the technique of paying early investors with money from newer investors in Boston in the 1920’s. 

Today’s Stumper
How many number one songs on Billboard’s R&B and country charts did Elvis have? –Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/December 11, 2018 
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Harold Baines was elected to the baseball Hall of Fame this week.

Harold Baines!

Baines, a really good player, played 22 big league seasons – 22 more than we did – most of them for the Chicago White Sox and was elected by a veteran’s committee. The committee also selected relief pitcher Lee Smith who probably should have been elected by the baseball writers years ago.

Now we’re not saying Harold Baines does not belong in the Hall of Fame. Gary Carter’s in, so allowing Baines in isn’t like letting Tito Fuentes in.  Honestly, though, we never lost any sleep over the years because Harold Baines was not in the Hall of Fame and apparently Baines never did either because he was just as surprised as everyone else.

We’re wondering what swayed the committee. Was it his six all-star games? Or his 34th place on baseball’s all-time RBI list? Or maybe it was his ninth-place finish in the 1984 AL home run race. Who knows?

Baines’ selection, however, opens the doors to Cooperstown even wider. If Carter and Baines are in, there should be room for Steve Garvey, Dick Allen, Norm Cash, Dwight Evans, Mickey Lolich and these are just players we thought of off the top of our heads.

Harold Baines was a very good major league baseball player for a lot of years and if the Hall wants to open its doors to the very good and not just the all-time greats, it’s their hall of fame. But boy, they better add a couple of extra wings, because to allow some very good players in and not every single one is not fair. If Harold Baines is good enough, so are many others.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: It’s the longest Diary of a Nobody entry to date! Sparrow farts around with the thermostat at Hotel C, goes to the next country for an eye exam sees Todd, the bastard who closed his favorite diner down.

They have you rest your chin and forehead on a frame and then a camera takes a picture of your retina with flash as bright as sunrise…Good gravy the flash was bright…It was funny, too, because I got to thinking about how I wasn’t allowed to look at the eclipse last year without welder’s goggles, but I could searchlights shined directly into my eyes…I saw spots for five minutes afterward. 

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Final: Five 1-11 teams, one ESPNCup, symbolic of collegiate Bottom Ten supremacy. It was the closest voting ever, as your Bottom Ten pollsters also issue the Tostitos Plaque, the Continental Cup and the Sgt Bilko Trophy.

5. Navy (3-10; lost to Army 17-10)
Mitigating Factors: With losses to both Air Force and Army, Midshipmen torpedo way to Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness…Navy hampered in 2018 by preseason Navy Secretary ruling requiring team to use sonar soundings instead of down and distance chains to reckon yards needed for first down.
The Losing Lamp Is Lighted In All Authorized Spaces: Navy loses ten games in season for first time since first George W Bush administration when 2002 squad went 2-10. 
Next Loss: 2019

On This Date
In 2008 – Bernard Madoff is arrested in New York City and charged with one count of securities fraud in what would turn out to be a Ponzi scheme that bilked investors out of an estimated $65 billion dollars. Madoff would later plead guilty to eleven felonies and was sentenced to 150 years in prison and remains incarcerated at a federal prison in North Carolina. Madoff has a release date of  November 14, 2139.

In 1949 – The Cleveland Browns defeat the San Francisco 49ers 21-7 to win the championship of the All-America Football Conference (AAFC). It was the final game for the AAFC, as it was announced two days earlier the Browns, 49ers and Baltimore Colts would join the NFL. The Browns had won all four AAFC titles and along with the 49ers, are still in the NFL. The Colts folded after the 1950 season.

In 1971 – Sly and the Family Stone is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 with Family Affair. The song was in its second of three weeks at #1 and also spent five weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart, then known as the Best Selling Soul Singles chart. It was the third and final #1 song for Sly and Family Stone.

Quotebook
Talent is that which is in a man’s power, genius is that in whose power a man is.
James Russell Lowell

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Jimmy Dorsey, (1941), Glenn Miller (1941-42) and the Beatles (1964) are tied for the Billboard Best Sellers In Stores/Hot 100 record for most consecutive self-replacement #1 songs with three. This means they had a #1 song and the next two #1s on the chart were by that act also. Miller actually had four consecutive #1 songs, however, Chattanooga Choo Choo dropped out of the #1 spot for a week before regaining the top spot, so Miller is only credited with three self-replacing #1s.

Today’s Stumper
How did the term Ponzi scheme originate? –Answer next time!

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