The Daily Dose/September 27, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
At first, it seemed like Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s supreme court nomination was merely going to be a simple matter of the GOP ramming their choice through the United States Senate.

It’s not, of course. The list of women who have accused Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct is, as we write this, up to three. The allegations are from decades ago and more or less accuse Kavanaugh of getting drunk and copping feels more aggressively than he should have. Kavanaugh, of course, denies everything although he has acknowledged enjoying the occasional brewski and that he “did things in high school that make me cringe now…” Today Kavanaugh and his first accuser are scheduled to testify in an extraordinary session before the Senate Judiciary Committee.

I’m sure this can get more bizarre and, in fact, pictures of Kavanaugh’s wall calendar from 1982, made the whole thing seem utterly below the dignity of everyone concerned. The calendars didn’t have “sexually assault Tracy” penciled in anywhere, though I don’t think that is going to clear him.

One wonders how much more of this Kavanaugh will endure. As long as there is the prospect of the Senate confirming him he will probably persevere. But boy, if we were legally obliged or personally compelled to submit calendars from our childhood we’d probably say screw it, dancing through these hoops simply is not worth it.

Today at the Site
Sparrow is pretty busy at the start of his second swing shift on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody. There are a dozen guests to check in, plus the TV in 204 isn’t working. Sparrow is still faithfully keeping the Sleep Log, too, even though he is keeping relatively normal hours.

I took the remote and fiddled with the power button like I was Mr Sony or something and when that did squat I turned the power to the cable box off and on and I am pleased to report that did the trick…I threw up my hands triumphantly, giving the peace sign, and they thanked me profusely.

Our favorite book, Gore Vidal’s Creation, produces The Thought for the Day with a quote about Buddha and sacrificing the animal inside all of us.

And because Mother Nature gave these three instincts primacy over all others, overcoming ourselves is our biggest challenge.

On This Date
In 1777 – Lancaster, Pennsylvania is the capital of the United States for today only after the Continental Congress had fled Philadelphia, which was now held by the British. They would conduct routine business in the courthouse today and the official Journals of the Continental Congress states the Congress adjourned “…to repair to the town of York, in Pensylvania.”

In 1930 – Bobby Jones becomes the first golfer to win the Grand Slam, winning the US Amateur at Merion Golf Club in Pennsylvania. Jones had started 1930 by winning the British Amateur, the British Open and then the US Open. Jones had placed a bet with bookies in Britain that he would accomplish this feat, and he won $65,000. Jones remains the only golfer to win all four majors in one calendar year.

In 1969 – Sugar, Sugar by the Archies is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of four consecutive weeks. The Archies were a studio group and the song was sung by Ron Dante, who would later produce Barry Manilow albums. Sugar, Sugar went to #1 in nine other countries and while other songs spent more weeks at #1 in the US in 1969, Sugar, Sugar spent 22 weeks on the Hot 100 and was Billboard’s #1 song for the year.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Howard K Smith, then with CBS, was the moderator for the first Kennedy/Nixon debate. The panelists were Sander Vanocur (NBC), Charles Warren (Mutual) Stuart Novins (CBS) and Bob Fleming (ABC).

Today’s Stumper
How many cities have been the capital of the United States over the years? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/September 26, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Fabulous. Now America is being laughed at.

President Trump – President Trump! – earned laughs from the rest of the world during his monologue at the United Nations Tuesday when he said he had accomplished more in less than two years as president than almost any other administration in history.

The remark was met with the laughter, albeit polite laughter, it deserved.

Look, we appreciate confidence as much as the next guy, and Lord knows we believe false modesty is for those who have nothing to be modest about, but our president’s hold on reality, never greater than tenuous, has deserted him. We thought his petty and vindictive behavior after Senator John McCain’s death did well to define his Administration, but this might top it.

Good gravy, has any president that had his own party in power in Congress accomplished less? No, we don’t think so. Paced by Trump, the GOP has shown nothing more than a complete and utter inability to govern. A year-and-a-half into what should be a GOP triumph that has the Democrats all put packing it in, they have only a modest tax cut to show for their efforts.

Trump is America’s third consecutive administration that will accomplish nothing. Our perpetual wars and mindless spending continues.

Today at the Site
Sparrow spends some quality time with the cat in the morning before pulling a fairly easy swing shift at the hotel om today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody.

I also made myself useful as a husband…I did the dishes and put them away…Actually, I put the dishes away, washed the dirty ones, then put those away…I folded all the clothes – and there were a couple of loads on the couch – and put those away, and even picked up The Wife’s clothes and got those in the washer before heading out

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 5 moves today, too, as the cream starts to rise as only three (3) unvictoried teams remain in the quest for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.

6. Tennessee at Jacksonville – Regional fan(s) thrilled by easy nominee for B-10 Game of the Year honors…Fans chanting “At least we had a winner” as 9-6 Titan victory actually makes 29-29 ties seem exciting by comparison…Every possession resulted in some sort of kick, except final Jaguars drive, which resulted in a fumble.

The Thought for the Day is a repeat from January of this year, a quote from Ding-Ming Dao excellent book 365 Tao. 

On This Date
In 1960 – Vice President Richard Nixon and United States Senator John F Kennedy meet in the first televised debate between US presidential candidates. History generally regards this debate as a turning point in the election. Kennedy looked better on television than Nixon did – Nixon, for example, declined makeup – and Kennedy went from a slight deficit to a slight lead in most polls and would, of course, defeat Nixon in the election.

In 1981 – Nolan Ryan of the Houston Astros pitches his fifth no-hitter, breaking the major league record that had been held by Sandy Koufax. Ryan struck out eleven and walked three as the Astros defeated the Los Angeles Dodgers 5-0. It was Ryan’s first no-hitter since 1975 and he would retire with seven no-hitters, still the major league record.

In 1960 – Connie Francis is at #1 for the first time with My Heart Has a Mind of Its Own. The song would spend two weeks at #1 and was the first of two #1 hits for Francis. Born Concetta Franconero, Francis changed her last name at the suggestion of the producers of a TV show she was rehearsing for.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The major league records for the youngest and oldest players to hit 50 home runs in a season are held by Prince Fielder (23) and Barry Bonds (37).

Today’s Stumper
Who was the moderator and who were the panelists for the first Nixon/Kennedy debate? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/September 25, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Twice in the past two weeks Clay Matthews, a linebacker for the Green Bay Packers, has received penalties for roughing the passer, calls which have left a lot of people wondering why they just don’t put dresses on NFL quarterbacks and forbid all contact whatsoever with them.

Don’t blame the players or the officials. The players are merely playing the game the way they are accustomed to and the officials are merely enforcing existing rules. For years, the NFL has been trying to protect their quarterbacks and these new rules – designed to prevent defenders from slamming quarterbacks to the ground and falling on them with their full weight – continue that attempt.

But these new rules are not in step with how the players play the game and even some quarterbacks are scratching their heads over this one, wondering why penalties are being called on hits they’ve been taking their entire career.

We spent many years officiating high school football and we were curious and we were wondering what the deal was, too, so we went and looked at the hits and we didn’t think there was anything wrong with either one. They would not have drawn a flag in a game I was officiating and job one for any high school official in any sport is the safety of the players.

We’ve talked here about whether or not the NFL will be around for a Super Bowl 75. They may not. Between more and more kids no longer playing football and rules like this that detract from the quality of the game, they may not.

Today at the Site
Today on The Diary of a Nobody, Sparrow’s sleep management plan didn’t work, the fancy pants hotel emailed and requested an interview and Sparrow has a Line of the Year Candidate at the retailer.

…but the falsies, of course, have had me learning to talk again and Ss are still problematic so needless to say there was no way I could say Swisher Sweets without requiring everyone in the tri-county area to towel off.

The race for the ESPNCup – symbolic of Bottom Ten supremacy – continues on The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 5 as UTEP retains its lock on the #1 spot, while Nebraska snags the runner-up spot and Rice rounds out the medal stand. As a side note, this Bottom Ten is one of the funniest ever, and we liked it so much we put it in the Hall of Fame.

5. Air Force (1-2; lost to Utah State 42-32)
Mitigating Factors: Falcons early favorites for Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness – with only win in opener to I-AA school…  Falcons hampered by pregame White House directive requiring linebackers to cop feels of Utah State cheerleaders, resulting in NCAA record 43 delay of game penalties…Air Force poised for B-10 greatness losing despite forcing two (2) turnovers, rushing for 321 yards. 
FunFact: While games against Army, Navy, will be key to B-10 success, Falcons must also soar through Mountain West Conference play and cannot get caught looking ahead to 10/19 showdown at Nevada-Loss Vegas. 
Next Loss: Nevada

The Thought for the Day is a repeat from January of this year, a quote from Walt Disney about the impossible.

On This Date
In  1237 – Kings Henry III of England and Alexander II of Scotland signed the Treaty of York, establishing the boundary between the two countries. With some minor exceptions, the boundary remains as detailed in the treaty.

In 1965 – Willie Mays of the San Francisco Giants hits his 50th home run of the season in a 7-5 win over the Milwaukee Braves. At 34, Mays is the oldest person to hit 50 home runs in a season, ten years after he became the youngest. Mays would finish the season with 52 home runs, a career high. Both records have since been eclipsed. See Trivia feature below.

In 1982 – Abracadabra by the Steve Miller Band is at #1 for the second of two non-consecutive weeks on Billboard’s Hot 100. The song also went to #1 in Switzerland, Austria, Sweeden, Australia and Canada and wa Billboard’s 9th biggest song of 1982 and 44th of the decade. It was Miller’s third and final #1 song, and first since Rock’n Me in 1976.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
There wasn’t a Trivia feature last time, silly. 

Today’s Stumper
Who holds the current major league records for being the youngest and oldest to hit 50 home runs in a season? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/September 23, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
In The News will return.

Today at the Site
Sparrow whines about having some of his hours at the hotel switched on The Diary of a Nobody, plus there is coverage of how he cleans his new falsies.

Then I brush what teeth I have left and use the rinse the dentist prescribed, twice a day, once before bed and again after my first meal of the day…This is a modest hassle because I have to put the falsies in to eat and then take them out for cleaning, but insertion and extraction is really easy, taking only a few seconds.

Gustave Flaubert has The Thought for the Day, some crap about talent and patience.

If we are going to make our time serve us instead of merely marking time while on this planet we must be on our path every day. Not some days and not others, not some weeks and not others, every day of every week of every year. It will not always be a bed of roses and there will be attainments – life’s great prize – and failures – life’s great lesson. 

On This Date
On This Date will return, too.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
One member of the Lewis and Clark Expedition died on the journey, US Army Sgt Charles Floyd, rather early on, in what is now Sioux City, Iowa, probably of appendicitis.

Today’s Stumper
The Trivia feature will return as well.

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