Notes from around the Human Experience…

WHO HAD NINE MONTHS IN THE POOL?: In fairness to President Trump – President Trump! –  none of the three people indicted in the Mueller investigation into Russian attempts to influence the 2016 presidential election involved current members of his Administration. They do involve a former campaign director, his aide and a past advisor.

And while we couldn’t be bothered to do the seminal research on the matter, considering the cesspool Washington is, nine months between inauguration and indictments seem to be pretty good time. The investigation, of course, is far from over, it’s ultimate destination unknown.

Dry, Technical Matter: Paul Manafort, a lobbyist and former Trump campaign director and an aide have been arraigned on assorted money laundering, fraud and conspiracy charges as part of a scheme to conceal more than $75 million overseas to avoid paying the taxes on them. A former Trump advisor has already pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI.

All right. We don’t approve of lying to the FBI anymore than you do, but let’s take a big-picture look at the tax evasion indictments.

Ladies And Gentlemen Of The Jury: What if the crimes Manafort and his aide were indicted for weren’t crimes? Or, more accurately, what if nobody felt compelled to break these laws because America had a tax code that encouraged people to keep their money here, instead of shipping overseas?

Glad You Asked: Well, one, they probably wouldn’t be under arraignment right now and, two, the American economy would have benefited from having that money here, instead of the money doing us some zero good overseas.

Gaylon For Congress…Vote Early, Vote Often: While running for the United States Senate in 2014 and the United States House of Representatives last year we talked often about the benefits a flat tax would have for our country.

One, it would simplify our tax code, currently nine million words long and incomprehensible to everyone, including the IRS which gives out incorrect information 25 percent of the time.

Two, it would produce a flourishing economy. More money would be in the economy instead of being given to the government. We would have more money to spend and businesses would have more money for expansion and paying better wages. In a low tax environment, people would have a reason to keep their money here, instead of hiding it overseas.

The Bottom Line: Liberated from the need to hide money overseas to avoid paying taxes, people wouldn’t be conspiring to launder money and the Mueller investigators would be able to focus on more important things.

SLOW NEWS DAY: Future English monarchs William III and Mary II get married on this date in 1677. At the time, Mary was the 15-year-old daughter of James, the Duke of York, who would become King James II in 1685. William was Dutch, the Prince of Orange, however, his mother Mary Stuart was James’ sister, which made William and Mary cousins.

William and Mary, both Protestants, ascended the throne in 1689 following what History refers to as the Glorious Revolution, where King James, who was Catholic, was chased to France. William and Mary were declared co-monarchs by Parliament and ruled jointly until Mary’s death 1694, after which William ruled until he died in 1702.

Can You Milk This Item Anymore?: One of their legacies is William and Mary University in Williamsburg, Virginia. Founded in 1693, it is the second oldest university in the United States.

Well, Lookie Here: An expedition led by British archaeologist Howard Carter discovers the entrance to the tomb of Egyptian Pharaoh Tutankhamun on this date in 1922. The discovery culminated work Carter had been doing in the Valley of the Kings since 1907.

FunFact: The Valley of the Kings is the burial ground of many Egyptian rulers, royals and nobles who flourished from 16th to 11th century BC.  It is located in central Egypt, a bit west of the Nile River and north of Luxor and is known to contain 63 tombs.

Dry, Technical Matter: Tutankhamun had a brief life. He was born around 1341 BC, became pharaoh around 1332 and is believed to have died in 1323. Exactly how King Tut died is not clear, though people smarter than us generally believe his death was from natural causes.

Analysis of his skeleton showed the vertebrae in his neck were fused together so he was unable to move his head and he had problems with his left foot, which would explain the presence of numerous canes in his tomb, because those who survived him wanted to ensure their ruler would be able to get around in the afterlife. He also suffered from malaria.

A Warm, Personal Remembrance: We can remember seeing the King Tut exhibit at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art with Dad, who had been able to scam two tickets, although why yours truly was chosen over Mom and my brother will forever remain a family secret because all three are dead now.

Oh Yeah: Some research showed the exhibit was in Los Angeles in the first half of 1978, and we still remember our tickets were for the 10 pm viewing, and on a school night, no less.

Quotebook: This species could have been so great, and now everybody just wants a new Salad Shooter or sneakers with lights in them. This is what we’ve settled for. – George Carlin

Answer To The Last Trivia Question: Andy Brown was the last NHL goalie to play without a mask, doing so through his last game in April 1974. Brown then played three seasons in the World Hockey Association, also without a mask.

Today’s Stumper: What is the oldest university in the United States?  – Answer next time!

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Notes from around the Human Experience…

CAN’T WE JUST CUT AND PASTE THE LAST COLUMN?: Mass killings in this country long ago stopped being news in the context of actually being out of the ordinary. The root of the word ‘news’ is ‘new’ and there is nothing new about large numbers of innocents being slaughtered in America.

So when we found out something had happened in New York City Tuesday we mentally shrugged because it wasn’t a question of if something, somewhere in this country would happen, it was merely a question of when.

FunFact: The only difference is Tuesday’s slaughter did not involve firearms. A 29-year-old Uzbek man rented a truck and drove it down a bike path in Manhattan. Manhattan being Manhattan, the bike path was busy and eight people died while eleven others were injured.

After running into a school bus he scrambled out of the truck and proclaimed the greatness of God in Arabic before being shot by police. As we write this, the killer is in critical condition at a New York hospital.

Ready…Aim…Fire: Marksmanship standards must be slipping at the New York Police Department. If the officer was any good he would have killed him instead of merely wounding him in the gut.

Stop Us If You’ve Heard This Before: We say this every hour on the hour:

We are not going to have a peaceful world without a peaceful America.

We should not be surprised people want to fly airplanes into our buildings or plow trucks into our citizens. This nation has been at war continuously since 1989. That is almost three decades of not giving other nations the dignity of conducting their affairs without US interference. A violent world and a violent America are the consequences of that.

Testify, Gaylon, Testify!: Had we been at peace every day since 1989 9/11 would not have happened, ISIS would be a comic book character and eight people in New York that were killed today would still be alive.

We don’t think you can argue with that. We are never going to be rid of the misfits who want to cause harm. It’s been that way throughout history because that’s the way the world is built. But peaceful America would go a long way towards making this planet less violent.

ON THIS DATE! ON THIS DATE!: Pope Julius II is elected on this date in 1503. Julius’ pontificate would not be dull and he is noted for, among other things, commissioning Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. He died in February 1513.

Speaking Of Michelangelo: The ceiling of Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel is shown to the public on this date in 1512. Painting had begun in 1508 and Pope Julius II had commissioned Michelangelo to paint it the year before. It remains one of mankind’s most significant achievements.

Fly In The Ointment: Before Michelangelo could get to work the small matter of exactly how to get a human up to the ceiling so it could be painted had to be worked out. A suggestion to hang scaffolding from holes cut in the ceiling proved unworkable and Michelangelo ended up designing his own platform supported by brackets secured to holes in the walls.

Dry, Technical Matter: The ceiling measured 131 feet by 43 feet. Michelangelo’s frescoes replaced the original design of gold stars on a blue sky.  

Home Sweet Home: John Adams becomes the first president of the United States to live in the White House on this date in 1800. The White House was designed by James Hoban, whose design won a competition that included an anonymous entry by Thomas Jefferson.

Adams did not live there long. Already three years into his only term, he would move out the following March after Thomas Jefferson was inaugurated president.

More From The Government Facilities Desk: The Library of Congress building – now known as the Thomas Jefferson Building – opens to the public on this date in 1897. Prior to its completion, the Library of Congress had been housed in the US Capitol.

Up, Up And Away: A United Airlines flight from Denver to Portland is blown up over Longmont, Colorado shortly after takeoff on this date in 1955. 39 passengers and five crew members are killed. The investigation led to one Jack Gilbert Graham, who had mommy issues and had placed a dynamite bomb in his mother’s luggage. Graham also hoped to cash in on assorted flight insurance policies that had been purchased at Stapleton Airport vending machines immediately prior to the flight.

We Are Not Making This Up: At the time, there was not a federal law prohibiting the bombing of an airplane, so Graham was charged with one count of premeditated murder for the death of his mother instead of 44 counts of murder. Justice was swift back then and Graham was executed in Colorado’s gas chamber in January 1957, only 15 months after the crime. 

Eff This Getting Hit In The Face Noise: Jaques Plante, a goaltender with the Montreal Canadiens, becomes the first goalie to wear a mask in an NHL game on this date in 1959. Plante had been wearing the mask in practice and put it on after he had taken a puck to the nose in the game against the New York Rangers.

Quotebook: I work harder than anyone who has ever lived. I am not well and worn out with this stupendous labor, and yet I am patient to achieve the desired end.  – Michelangelo,  letter to his brother while painting Sistine Chapel

Answer To The Last Trivia Question: The world’s population is generally regarded to have reached one billion people in 1804.

Today’s Stumper: Who was the last goalie to play without a mask in the National Hockey League?  – Answer next time!

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Notes from around the Human Experience…

OH, I  WISH I WAS IN DIXIE, HOORAY!: The headline about a Mississippi school district deciding to return the landmark book To Kill A Mockingbird to its eighth-grade curriculum caught our eye, but it took a second for the full impact to hit:

People are still banning books!

Earlier this month the Biloxi School District had removed To Kill A Mockingbird from its eighth-grade curriculum after receiving complaints about the language – particularly the use of the n-word – used in it. The book is about racism in the Deep South, so it is not unreasonable to expect the n-word to make an appearance or two. As it is, it makes several dozen appearances in To Kill A Mockingbird, generally in dialogue.

Of course, not every book should be taught to eighth-graders, but To Kill A Mockingbird has been a staple of American education for decades and rightfully so. We remember being required to read it and you may well remember it, too.

FunFact: The book’s return to the classroom is not without condition. Students must request to be part of the class and must present a signed permission slip. Those who do not want to read To Kill A Mockingbird will be given another book to study.

Dry, Technical Matter: This isn’t the first time To Kill A Mockingbird has been banned. It has happened off and on since it was published in 1960. Last year a Virginia school district took it off its library’s bookshelves, along with the equally subversive The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, after some parents go their shorts in a knot over their use of racial slurs.

LOL: What’s funny is people in the South complaining about the use of the n-word. Maybe some KKK grand wizards complained because it wasn’t used enough. It can’t be because it isn’t used in the South anymore because in some houses the n-word is generally the second word of out of Southern white kid’s mouth, right after ‘mama’.

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: Unless the book is F*ck Me Stud, a kid should not need a parent’s permission to read anything in school. Furthermore, for Southerners especially to get worked over the use of a slur it brought into common usage is silly.

ON THIS DATE! ON THIS DATE! America’s first cross-country highway, the Lincoln Highway, running from New York City to San Francisco, is dedicated on this date in 1913.

The road has been realigned many times, and now mostly – though not entirely – follows US Highway 30 from Philadelphia until meeting Interstate 80 in Wyoming and there are still a variety of businesses along both the current and past routes that still carry Lincoln names.

It’s Not The Heat, It’s The Heat: Marble Bar, Australia has a temperature of over 100 degrees on this date in 1923, the first of a record 160 consecutive days of temperatures above 100F. The town in Western Australia would not have a day without a 100-degree temperature until April 8, 1924.

Well, That Was Nice: Mt Rushmore, featuring 60-foot high carvings of Presidents Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt, is declared finished on this date in 1941. Carving had begun in October 1927 and over 450 workers moved 450,000 tons of rock without anyone dying.

Now You Know: Mt Rushmore was designed by sculptor Gutzon Borglum. He chose Washington and Lincoln because they were two most popular presidents, Jefferson because he doubled the size of the United States with the Louisiana Purchase and Roosevelt because he founded the National Park Service.

We’re Outta Here: Three members of the Irish Republican Army (IRA) are freed from Mountjoy Prison in Dublin via helicopter on this date in 1973. The helicopter had been hijacked by two IRA members, with Captain Thompson Boyes instructed to fly to and land in the prison. Guards initially thought the helicopter was ferrying a government official so the prisoners had a head start. The three prisoners climbed aboard and Boyes flew the craft to an abandoned race track, where the IRA members fled in a hijacked taxi.

Oh Yeah: The three prisoners were eventually recaptured and Boyes was not harmed.

Get Out Your History Books: Earth’s population exceeds seven billion people on this date in 2011.

Actually, the day is symbolic. The day was picked by the United Nations based on data from five-year estimates. With the margin of error factored in, it is thought the seven billionth human could have entered the world anytime between March 2011 and April 2012.

Running The Numbers: Earth had passed the six billion mark in 1999 and is expected to pass the eight billion mark in 2027.

Quotebook: There’s no use denying fear – It’s how you handle it that counts. – Caryl Chessman, moments before dying in California’s gas chamber, May 2, 1960

Answer To The Last Trivia Question: Besides appearing as himself and as the narrator, Orson Welles played Professor Richard Pierson in the radio drama The War of the Worlds on October 30, 1938.

Today’s Stumper: When did the world reach a population of one billion people?  – Answer next time!

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Notes from around the Human Experience…

THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’: You know, there was a time when winning ensured some job security for managers and coaches. Not anymore.

Joe Girardi manages the New York Yankees to within a game of the American League pennant? Thanks for playing, Joe, and thanks for that World Series win in 2009! That’s ancient history, however, and making it to Game 7 of the American League Championship Series this October wasn’t enough, despite the fact it was perhaps farther than your team had any right to expect to go.

John Farrell, former manager of the Boston Red Sox? Puh-lease. What a loser. A World Series in 2013 and three division titles, including one this year, was not enough to stave off his pink slip. Dusty Baker won division titles his only two years managing the Washington Nationals and he was shown the door, too.  

In Other News: Jim McElwain is out as head coach of the Florida Gators football team after two-and-a-half seasons. Now, there is more to this than winning and losing because neither side was particularly thrilled with this fit but still, McElwain won SEC East titles his first two seasons, but he was 3-4 this season and the Gators have lost three straight. If the Gators had been 7-0 this season McElwain would be reviewing his contract extension with his agent right now.

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: Is it any wonder some major division NCAA college basketball coaches are under indictment for bribery? The pressure to win and win NOW is as enormous as it is unreasonable, but there is so much money for winning teams to make none of this should be a surprise.

FunFact: John Wooden, regarded by some as the greatest college basketball coach ever, didn’t win the first of his ten national championships until his 16th season at UCLA. His 16th season! Good luck finding a school or team that will wait that long now.  

This country has completely lost its mind. Now, we’re not losing too much sleep over any major league manager getting fired. They know the risks when they took the job. So did McElwain, really.

The Bottom Line: Still though, this win now mentality trickles down. Major division high school coaches feel the pressure to win now because demanding and unreasonable parents want scholarships for their kids and for years the very best schools have been competing for spots in national rankings. High school national rankings! If that is not utter insanity it is knocking on the door.

Sports, of course, is no different than government or TV: we get what we choose to tolerate, but our country is the lesser for it.

WHOOPS, MY BAD: Prussian Lt General Friedrich von Romberg surrenders 5,300 men to French General Antoine Lasalle, who was commanding a force of 800 light cavalry soldiers at Stettin, Prussia – now Poland – on this date in 1806. Von Romberg, a rather gullible sort, believed Lasalle’s claims that he had 30,000 troops on hand standing by to destroy his men. His 800 men had one gun.

Don’t Worry About Fighting Men: This was not the first example of Prussian gullibility in this conflict. Two days earlier another Prussian wizard had surrendered 10,000 troops without a fight when the French commander claimed to have superior forces.

Dry, Technical Matter: After his surrender, von Romberg was tried by a Prussian military tribunal and was sentenced to life in prison, though he was too ill to serve his sentence and he died three years later in Berlin.

The Original Fake News: Orson Welles’ radio adaptation of H.G. Wells’ novel The War of the Worlds causes a national panic on this date in 1938. The show simulated a live radio broadcast where music is interrupted by a news bulletin announcing there have been a series of explosions on Mars. Eventually, Earth is invaded by Martians, who eventually die becuase they didn’t have immunity to Earth’s germs.

There’s Several Million Born Every Minute: The fact CBS aired four disclaimers and the fact the broadcast was only an hour long and involved, among other things, troop mobilizations and battles, an awful lot of people thought they were listening to a real news bulletin. Police stations and newspaper offices were flooded with calls and police officers actually showed up at the CBS studios in New York City wondering what the deal was.

“This Is The End Now”: Meeting with reporters after the broadcast Welles said he and everyone involved with the show was surprised at the commotion it caused.

“The Vanguard Of An Invading Army From Mars”: Our commitment to you, our reader(s) is so great we actually listened to the original recording for the first time in years. It was as entertaining as we remembered it and again we wondered how anyone thought it could be real.

Quotebook: These poor bastards. They’ve got us right where we want ‘em. We can shoot in every direction now. – Chesty Puller, United States Marine Corps

Answer To The Last Trivia Question: Sir Walter Raleigh is given credit for establishing tobacco in England.

Today’s Stumper: Besides himself and his duties as narrator, what other character did Orson Welles play in The War of the Worlds?  – Answer next time!

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