The Daily Dose/December 21, 2016
The Daily Dose/December 21, 2016
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
CAPSULE BOOK REVIEW: UNDAUNTED COURAGE BY STEPHEN AMBROSE: For someone who enjoys reading history as much we do, we were surprised to note this was the first significant reading of the Lewis and Clark expedition we can remember doing. Undaunted Courage is a biography of Meriwether Lewis, with a particular emphasis not only on the expedition, but on his relationship with President Thomas Jefferson, whose vision for exploring the area got everything started.
Oh Yeah: The other half of the Lewis and Clark expedition, William Clark is, of course, featured prominently, however this is a biography of Lewis.
Dry, Technical Matter: The big picture details of the Lewis and Clark expedition are, of course, familiar to a lot of people: commissioned by President Thomas Jefferson, Meriwether Lewis was charged with commanding an expedition that would explore the Missouri River to its source and find an all-water route to the Pacific Ocean, observe and write about plants and animals, meet Indians without pissing them off and establish US sovereignty in the area, a lot of which the United States had just acquired via the Louisiana Purchase.
More Dry, Technical Matter: The expedition left St Louis in May, 1804, winters in South Dakota, reaches the headwaters of the Missouri River in August, 1805 and in November reaches the Pacific Ocean via the Columbia River. They returned to St Louis in September, 1806, every man a hero following a journey of two years, four months and ten days.
Back On Message: Ambrose carefully and thoughtfully establishes that having Meriwether Lewis headman this operation was an example of a man being allowed to do what he was put on this Earth to do. Jefferson did not pick Lewis’ name out of a hat. He had known him for years, with Lewis even serving as President Jefferson’s private secretary for a couple of years before the expedition and Jefferson knew Lewis was perfect for what he wanted to accomplish.
Ladies And Gentlemen Of The Jury: Lewis’ brilliance was evident from the start, when he commissioned old friend William Clark to co-command the expedition, one of the few instances in human history where having two people in command worked out.
While the entire book is good, Ambrose’s chronicle of the expedition is brilliant. You feel you are right there with Lewis and Clark and the 31 enlisted men that made up the US Army’s Corps of Discovery.
Uh-Oh: Having done what he had been put on this planet to do and unable to find a worthwhile way to pass the rest of his life, Lewis’ time after the expedition was not well spent. Part of it was Jefferson’s fault. For reasons that in retrospect make some zero sense, Jefferson appointed Lewis as governor of the Louisiana Territory, a job Lewis was eminently ill-suited for. As Ambrose notes, Lewis would have been better served being assigned to an office in the War or Interior departments with a couple of clerks to help him polish up his journals of the expedition.
Most of it, though, was Lewis’ fault. He was a lousy politician. He was also a drunk and a lousy land speculator and had no small amount of debt.
The End: Lewis ended up killing himself one October night in 1809, an episode that is brilliantly and rather warmly chronicled by Ambrose. Also, if you are not familiar with how Lewis died, it sort of catches you by surprise.
It really shouldn’t though. Personal demons, booze and genetics conspired – as they sometimes do – with an accomplishment early in life that will live down the ages to compel Lewis to take his life.
“…I Am So Strong…It Is So Hard To Die.”: Though an expert hunter and a former professional army officer, Lewis was a terrible shot that night and it took several hours for him to end his life. He first tried to shoot himself in the head, but the ball only grazed his skull. Later, he tried to shoot himself in the chest, but the bullet missed all vital organs and merely passed through his back. After wandering around a while he returnd to his room and his servants would later find him cutting himself with his razor and Lewis died after imploring his servants to shoot him the head.
Official Daily Dose Ranking Scale: 1 – The finest this species can offer in every respect. 2 – Very Good. 3. Good. 4 – Not Too Bad 5 – Utterly Without Merit
Official Daily Ranking: 2 – Very Good. Meriwether Lewis, with William Clark right there with him, belongs on any short list of History’s great explorers: Magellan, Columbus, Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins, there are others of course. Ambrose has provided a richly researched, graciously written and brilliant account of a man who had the good fortune to do exactly what he was put on this planet to do, did it and then called it a day.
ANOTHER PRETTY GOOD ADVENTURE: Apollo 8, mankind’s first visit to another celestial body, takes off from Earth on this date in 1968.
Commanded by Frank Borman, with James Lovell and William Anders, Apollo 8 would become the first flight to leave Earth’s orbit and the first to orbit the moon, making ten orbits over the course of 20 hours. They would return to Earth on December 27, the first humans to see the moon up close.
Speaking Of Great Explorers: The night before liftoff, the crew was visited by Charles Lindbergh and his wife Anne.
Thought For The Day: …with all these qualifications as if selected and implanted by nature in one body, for this express purpose. – Thomas Jefferson, on Meriwether Lewis
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: South Carolina was the only state to reject the 21st Amendment to the United States Constitution.
Today’s Stumper: How many of the Apollo 8 astronauts would eventually land on the moon? – Answer next time!
The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 16
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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 16
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
As members of the 2008 Detroit Lions – the NFL’s only 0-16 team – pace nervously around the Bottom Ten Champions Lounge waiting for Cleveland to slip and win one, B-10 fan(s) everywhere – well, most places, at least – are completely focused on the Browns quest for 0-16, the Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – and Bottom Ten immortality.
The Browns are obscuring an otherwise great race for the final two (2) spots on the Bottom Ten medal stand…Sure, San Francisco seems to have the runner-up spot clogged up, and Jacksonville has lost nine (9) straight, but veteran Bottom Ten fan(s) know you ignore Chicago and the Jets, not to mention most of the AFC Nouth, at your peril.
This week’s mess, as nags pass the sixteenth pole:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-14; lost to Buffalo 33-13) – Not only is 0-16 possible, Tampa ay’s all-time 26-game skid now making first appearance in crosshairs, as Browns have now lost 17 straight…Browns losing games by an average score of 29.14-to-15.71 in 2016…Browns fourth team to start NFL season 0-14.…Next Loss: San Diego
2. San Francisco (1-13; lost to Atlanta 41-13) – Niners secure in runner-up spot, following up close OT loss to Jets with clutch blowout road loss…Quick start by offense, defense key, as offense punts twice and fumbles to start, while defense gives up three touchdowns…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” 13-game skid after winning opener “pretty much of a record or something”, at least for a California team…Next Loss: at Los Angeles
3. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-12; lost to Houston 21-20) – Owner Genghis Kahn – envious of Cleveland and pissed at his team’s two wins – he fires head coach, beheading Gus Johnson immediately after postgame news conference…Jaguars current nine (9)-game skid good for Robert E Lee Award, given to worst NFL losing streak in Deep South…Next Loss: Tennessee
4. Chicago Bears (3-11; lost to Green Bay 30-27) – Bears showing type of mettle that leads straight to B-10 glory, having lost two (2) straight by a total of six (6) points…Bears still with outside at B-10 medal stand, as losing will give them strong 1-7 second half…Next Loss: Washington
5. Los Angeles Rams (4-10; lost to Seattle 24-3) – Rams have lost five (5) straight and nine (9) of ten (10), but can only wonder what might have been had early, costly three (3)-game win skid not derailed B-10 title hopes…Can save some face with loss to 49ers this week…Next Loss: San Francisco
6. AFC North (22-33-1) – Barely edges out AFC South for weekly, coveted Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division…Having both Browns and Bengals in division key, of course, as is 13-24-1 record outside of division…Next Loss: With NFL waffling on giving division champion automatic playoff spot, Steelers staffers began talks with Holiday Bowl should University of Minnesota have bailed out.
7. New York Jets (4-10; lost to Miami 31-13) – Jets playing for pride now, as win two weeks ago over San Francisco took them out of B-10 medal stand hunt…With games against New England, Buffalo coming up, Jets still with chance to set strong tone for 2017…Next Loss: New England
8. NFL Bottom Ten Week 15 Survey – We could’ve sworn it was around here somewhere…Bye weeks not unprecedented in NFL B-10, but it was the first time B-10 pollsters completely forgot to write column…Next Loss: B-10 fan(s) taking “wait-and-see” attitude, hoping B-10 pollsters come back strong with polls in final two (2) weeks.
9. Carolina Panthers (6-8; defeated Washington 26-15) – Defending NFC champions take inaugural Gus Johnson Award, given to team with worst record that is still in playoff hunt…Current two-game win skid more or else takes Panthers out of running for spot in final B-10 poll, but being in playoff hunt this late with losing record draws admiration from B-10 staffers …Next Loss: Atlanta
10. Donald Trump – You know, Mr Trump, you earned the right to form the government you want…And some of us are still holding out hope a GOP businessman president will produce an economy anchored in low taxes and free markets…But could you please talk to us and meet with the press every now and then???…That would be great…Next Loss: Friends, without an America at peace and a low-tax, low-regulation economy, America still schedule for collapse before this half-century is out.
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: San Diego at Cleveland
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: San Francisco at Los Angeles
The Diary of a Nobody 12/15/16 – Drivel From Sparrow!
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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Thursday, December 15
Made myself really useful at work today by getting the printer in the business center up and running…It had been down for a while, too…In the spring we transferred the business center from a room on the second floor of the main office to against the far wall upstairs, convenient to the pool table (a dollar a game) so you can get smacked by a cue stick as you check your email.
Actually, what a lot of people do at the business center is print out their boarding passes…We know a lot of people do this because when the printer isn’t working we do it for them at the front desk, which can be a pain in the arse, especially when it’s busy.
Anyway, Jason the Maintenance Manager gave me a phone number of someone to call…This number resulted in nothing productive, so he gave me another number…This did some zero good, too…I never got to talk to a real person and my messages weren’t returned.
So I did some research today and it turns out the company I was trying to call had been bought out…I found the company’s website and I didn’t even have to make a phone call…I did an online chat and before you could say “Tech Support” I was chatting with the guy I was supposed to have talked to on the phone in the first place, Joseph.
Joseph remotely accessed our machines and before I knew it there was a whirring from the printer and a test page was produced…Even I took this hint, and went and printed things from each computer successfully.
My new workout supplement arrived today!!!…The major league stuff I ordered a couple of days ago…I might be able to give it a test run tomorrow morning…We’ll see…It would mean being at the gym at 5:30am, but we’ve done that before.
Got a letter from the government today…Last week I had requested the military records of Grandpa Sparrow online…I got an email back saying that based on his name and dates of service his records were likely destroyed in a fire at the St Louis records center in the early 70’s but that they would send me the form to fill out and, perhaps, they could piece something together for me.
The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.
It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name
The Daily Dose/December 15, 2016
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More college football crap!
The Daily Dose/December 10, 2016
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
BACK TO THE FUTURE: It is not always possible to mark the end of an era as it is happening. Sometimes the perspective of a few years is needed.
So who knows if the Mount Union era – after a record 12 national titles – in NCAA Division III football is over. They lost to a fine Mary Hardin-Baylor team in the national semifinals this past Saturday, and this Friday’s Amos Alonzo-Stagg Bowl – the NCAA Division III national championship game – will be the first since 2004 that hasn’t featured the Purple Raiders.
Dry, Technical Matter: It will also the first time since 2004 that Mount Union, UW-Whitewater or St Thomas is not playing in the national championship game, as the Crusaders will take UW-Oshkosh Friday night.
The Losses Keep Mounting: Not only will the Raiders not win the national title this year, they didn’t even win the Ohio Athletic Conference (OAC) title, which they had done for the past 700 seasons. John Carroll won the OAC, after defeating Mount Union in the season finale and Mount Union finished 2016 12-2.
Survival Of The Fittest: Others in Division III meeting the challenge was bound to happen. Teams adjust. A good example of this was Olympic basketball.
USA! USA! In 1992 the Olympic basketball tournament was opened to players who made a living in the National Basketball Association and the United States named the score. They also won the gold medal at Atlanta in 1996 and Sydney in 2000, but the gap was narrowing and Argentina won the gold medal in Athens in 2004, with the United States coming in third of all things
True, the US has won every succeeding Olympic gold medal, but American victory in the Olympics and the world championships is no longer a foregone conclusion.
Dry, Technical Matter/Some Places Have Interns For This: 2016 marks the first time since 1997 Mount Union has lost two games in a season. It also marked the first time Mount Union had lost two games in a three-week span since 1988, when they lost games on September 24 and October 8.
Déjà Vu All Over Again: We’ve actually been through this before. In 1999, after three consecutive national championships, Mount Union lost to Rowan in the national semifinals. The loss snapped Mount Union’s 54-game winning streak, then the longest winning streak in the history of NCAA football.
Inspired by that loss, the Purple Raiders then went on to break that record with a 55-game winning streak. Only the loss to Rowan prevented a 110-game win streak.
MORE USA! USA! The first ten amendments to the United States Constitution – known as the Bill of Rights – is ratified on this date in 1791 when it was ratified by the Virginia General Assembly. They had been submitted by Congress to the several states in September, 1789.
More Hot Constitutional Amendment Action: The Twenty-First Amendment to the Constitution is certified by the National Archives on this date in 1933. The amendment had been ratified on December 5, when Utah became the 36th state to ratify the amendment. It repealed the Eighteenth Amendment and ended Prohibition in the United States.
FunFact: Prohibition actually ended with Utah’s ratification. All the National Archives did on this date was certify that it had received the required number of authenticated ratification documents.
Frankly My Dear…: Gone With the Wind, long an icon of American film, premiers on this date in 1939 in Atlanta. It took in about $390 million, about $3.4 billion in today’s dollars, making it the highest-grossing film ever, when adjusted for inflation.
Heil Hangman: Nazi Adolph Eichmann is sentenced to death by an Israeli court on this date in 1961, a couple of days after being found guilty of assorted war crimes.
Justice was swift in Israel then. His appeals were quickly dismissed and his clemency petition was rejected and Eichmann was executed the following June. Eichmann had been captured in Argentina by Israeli agents in May, 1960, kidnapping him while he walked home from work.
FunFact: Both the CIA and their West German equivalent had known where Eichmann was living for a couple of years before the Israelis found out.
1965: A Space Odyssey: Two space capsules rendezvous in space for the first time on this date in 1965 when Gemini 6A hooks up with Gemini 7.
More From The Space Exploration Desk: Venera 7, launched by the Soviet Union the previous August, becomes the first spacecraft to land on another planet on this date in 1970, when it landed on Venus.
Typical of the Soviet space program, mistake followed triumph, as Venera 7 experienced a faster descent than planned, probably due to a malfunctioning parachute. It is believed the craft fell on its side after landing, severely limiting the data it sent.
Dry, Technical Matter: Among the things Venera 7 was able to discover was that the Venetian atmosphere was 97 percent carbon dioxide and it surface temperature was 8876 degrees F.
Thought For The Day: Basic human nature never changed; the collective human text demonstrated that incontrovertibly.. – Fred Kaplan, Lincoln: The Biography of a Writer
Answer To The Last Trivia Question: There wasn’t a Trivia feature last time, silly!
Today’s Stumper: Which state rejected the 21st Amendment to the Constitution?