The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 17
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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 16
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Oh, the humanity.
Never in their long experience in watching lousy football have Bottom Ten pollsters seen the havoc of this past weekend when all three (3) medal stand teams won.
This leaves the race for the Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – wide open. So open, in fact, that staffers are scrambling to find whatever Bottom Ten tie breaking procedures might be laying around the office.
Not only will a loss be key for those seeing Bottom Ten glory, but Bottom Ten pollsters will be looking at other factors, too, such as margin of loss, penalties and a total lack of a rushing game.
This week’s utter fiasco, as the nags limp for the finish line:
1. Chicago Bears (3-12; lost to Washington 41-21) – Sometimes B-10 title goes to team that wants it more, as Bears highest ranked team that could be bothered to lose this week…Still, though, B-10 title not there for the taking, as B-10 pollsters must sort all damage from final week, as 49ers have loss in hand to Midgets of Midway. …Next Loss: at Minnesota
2. Los Angeles Rams (4-11; lost to San Francisco 22-21) – Heartland or Hollywood, Rams still aren’t any good, making big pitch for B-10 medal stand finish by getting outscored 15-0 in final 5:06…Rams hoping to B-10 dynasty in place by time new stadium opens, Chargers move in, in 2019…Next Loss: Arizona Cardinals
3. San Diego Chargers (5-10; lost to Cleveland 20-17) – Chargers make great impression on whichever town ends up with them in 2017, snapping Cleveland’s 17-game losing streak while extending their own skid to an attention-grabbing four (4) games…Both San Diego and Los Angeles so afraid of having team end up there offer from Winslow, Arizona to use local high school leading favorite to land team…Next Loss: Kansas City
4. Cleveland Browns (1-14; defeated San Diego 20-17) – All the losing dies in winning for Browns, who see chance 0-16 glory disappear with first 2016 victory…Browns second NFL team to start season 1-14 after losing first 14 straight…Next Loss: at Pittsburgh
5. San Francisco 49ers (2-13; defeated Los Angeles 22-21) – With the B-10 top spot there for the losing, Niners blink with type of morale-depleting, come-from-ahead road win that tends to destroy B-10 title hopes…Needs very strong loss this week to even think about B-10 medal stand…Next Loss: Seattle
6. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-12; defeated Tennessee 38-17) – With B-10 medal stand glory awaiting their usual loss, Jaguars owner Genghis Kahn takes entire coaching staff to team headquarters for postgame waterboarding session, following latest untimely win…Next Loss: at Indianapolis
7. NFC West (21-37) – With Rams late surge and San Francisco’s two (2) wins, noted division easy choice for weekly Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division…Nothing guaranteed though, as there is a full slate of AFC South action this week for B-10 pollsters to sort through before annual Pete Rozelle Award issued next wee.
8. Cincinnati Bengals (5-9-1; lost to Houston 12-10) – After 14 years, rumors about head coach Marvin Lewis status now inevitable, as Lewis has yet to produce a B-10 title, despite having the lousy owner and sub-standard facilities most coaches would kill for.…Next Loss: Baltimore
9. New York Jets (4-11; lost to New England 41-3) – Medal stand berth still not out of the question, as Jets put up “notice me” 41-3 loss to league’s best team…Jets peaking at the right time, having lost six (6) of last seven (7)…Next Loss: Buffalo
10. Donald Trump – President-elect, a staple in the ten spot since the election, gets a pass this week, as B-10 pollsters still distraught over entire medal stand winning this past weekend
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Chicago at Minnesota
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Jacksonville at Indianapolis
The Diary of a Nobody 12/26/16 – Drivel From Sparrow!
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Sunday, December 25
Friends, please follow this advice:
Confirm your reservations at your lodging establishment before you arrive!!!
Hell, do it a couple of times, on different shifts, so you have it confirmed by seperate people…Do this regardless of whether you’re staying at a hotel, resort, time share, even if you’ve stayed there every year since Reconstruction, call and confirm.
Because you never know…We had two instances today where guests were inconvenienced because their reservation wasn’t in our system.
One was a gal who booked a condo thru a fairly trustworthy third party…It’s a site that some owners here use to rent their timeshare out…It’s a fairly common practice but it only works if the owner actually makes the reservation with us…They could list the Throne Room at Buckingham Palace, but it ain’t gonna do anyone any good if they didn’t actually book it.
This owner neglected to book a unit here, at least not for this guest…The guest had her confirmation from the third-party site, including her payment information, but I spent no small amount of time on the phone with central reservations establishing there was not a reservation for this person for today at our resort…I did tell her we could rent her a room for the night – at a bend over and grab your ankles rate, of course – and she eventually got a hold of the person who apologized and said she would reserve them something, tho that hadn’t happened when I left.
Then there was a guy from last night who booked thru yet another third-party, one specializing in condo rentals whom no one at the front desk had ever heard of before…Alice the GM happened to be here and she instructed them to put them up for the night, with instructions for me to get to the bottom of it.
I was unable to…I did manage to find the company they booked thru, but they were not taking calls today and, apparently, not paying attention to their messages, either…Alice instructed me to extend them for another night.
As usual, the world doesn’t come to all-stop because ol’ Sparrow is working the phone…The phone is still ringing and guests still need to be helped and we still don’t have a PBX operator, so Gabriel and I were doing the job of four people…It wasn’t easy and it was a dead sprint all day.
Road trip tomorrow!!!…Cousin Babs is driving to the big city to visit her brother, Cousin Mike and his wife Barb, whom you’ve met here before…Babs lives in Kansas City and I haven’t seen her since 1987…The Wife and Her Majesty are coming, too, and the weather and roads aren’t too bad, so we should be OK.
The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.
It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name.
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