The Daily Dose/Saturday, May 18, 2019

The Daily Dose/May 18, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
We are on record as saying, many times, that our country is a complete fiasco right now. There are a variety of reasons for this and one of them is the legislation Congress passes is utterly unreadable.

We came to this conclusion reading a bill passed by the House this week, HR 299, known as the Blue Water Navy Vietnam Veterans Act of 2019. (Blue water navy refers to sailors and Marines who served on ships that were within 12 nautical miles of the Vietnam coast but never entered inland waters. Sailors that did serve in inland waters are known as brown water sailors.) The act is designed to allow blue water sailors the same presumption of Agent Orange exposure that brown water sailors, after no small amount of fighting the VA for it, currently enjoy. The presumption means that if you served in Vietnam you are presumed to have been exposed to Agent Orange – itself an umbrella term for a variety of defoliants used there – and are entitled to treatment at VA expense for a long list of ailments determined to have been caused by Agent Orange. The act is in addition to a recent Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit ruling that blue water sailors are entitled to this presumption.

As you may have, we read the whole bill and good gravy, it was tedious. Paragraphs are stricken and redesignated, other sections of exciting United States Code are cited – though conveniently not quoted – and notwithstanding, long a foot soldier in the army of garbled and confusing writing, appears about 700 times. No wonder nothing gets done in this country: our codified laws could not be more confusing had they been written in Greek.

Congress should let our supreme court justices write laws. US Supreme Court opinions, though written by folks with advanced, professional degrees, are more readable than you might think, accessible to self-educated halfwits like us. They’re organized and easy to follow, a rollicking thrill ride compared to the federal legislation.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody
Read Free Week continues! Today Sparrow is back in the gym moving some weight and he also buys some new windshield wipers. Today’s Diary.

Longtime readers of this crap may – or they may not – recall that we’ve established ol’ Sparrow is as strong in the gym on Day 2 as he is on Day 1, so I was back at it bright and early this morning, a bit after 0500…The weights I upped Thursday still felt strong, and I am close to upping the weights on the other exercises, too…Well, maybe not the bench press…My max weight, which used to be the warm-up set in the old days, is still going up ten times on the last set, but I am not close to doing it the twelve times required, more or less, to add another plate.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

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On This Date
In  1980 -Mount St Helens in southwest Washington state erupts. The eruption was heralded by an earthquake at 8:15 am and the ensuing eruption column rose 80,000 feet into Earth’s atmosphere and deposited ash in eleven states and two Canadian provinces. The heat caused glaciers to melt that caused mudslides as many as 50 miles away. Between 55 and 60 people died – the exact total is in dispute – and damage was estimated at $1 billion, about $3.3 billion in today’s dollars. Eruptions continued sporadically through 2008.

In 1897 – Bill Joyce of the New York Giants ties the major league record for most triples in a game with four, as the Giants defeat the Pittsburgh Pirates 11-4. The record was first set by George Streif of the Philadelphia Athletics of the American Association, then a major league, on June 25, 1885. Streif also doubled in this game, the first major leaguer to have five extra-base hits a game, a record that has been tied on numerous occasions. Joyce and Streif remain the only major league players to hit four triples in a game. The modern major league record of three triples in a game has been accomplished many times.

In 1959 – Wilbert Harrison is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Kansas City. Earlier, the song had spent seven weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart though due to some contractual squabbling, Harrison would not hit the Top 40 again until 1970 and Kansas City remains his only Top 10 and #1 hit. The song was also recorded by, among others, Little Richard, the Beatles, and James Brown, though none of these versions hit the Top 40

It is more important to know where you are going than to get there quickly. Do not mistake activity for achievement.
Mabel Newcomer

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The US Supreme Court’s Brown vs. Board of Education ruling overturned the 1896 Plessy vs Ferguson ruling, which legalized separate but equal public facilities for whites and blacks.

Today’s Stumper
Who holds the major league record for most triples in a season and a career? – Answer next time!

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