Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Friday, June 19
Here’s the latest on the Sparrow medical front:
I am only a little sore following yesterday’s workout, the first in three months…My ass is moderately sore following squats, tho the soreness in my chest and shoulders and hardly noticeable.
September 16
Here was your Henry lineup for last night:
Henry 1 – moi
Henry 2 – Lee
Henry 3 – Shaggy
The change was in the two-hole, as Lee swapped with X-Ray. Lee was originally scheduled for Eddie – 1 but evidently he did some crack or something before work because he said he had a lot of energy and would rather catch squeals in the hotel than sit and do nothing at the employee parking lot.
Daily Dose/June 19, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.
Leading Off will return.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: The gym’s open again, and the scale reports Sparrow actually lost a few pounds. Today’s Diary.
The first thing I did was weigh myself, to see how much I’ve gained…I presumed a couple of pounds at least but the scale actually reported I’d I lost six pounds…I didn’t necessarily believe that…I’ve been eating like an oink-oink since The Ex left and while the walks helped mitigate the damage I haven’t walked in over a week…So, skeptical, I took two 10-lb weights and put them on the scale and they weighed in at 21 pounds, so it looks like I really did drop a few pounds…Go figure.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: The hotel crew responds to a call of a woman having a heart attack. Actually, she’s only taking a crap.
By chance, we all get there at the same time. I knock and while I can hear some sort of response from the room, I can’t quite make out what it is and our report is that someone is having a heart attack and what if they can’t respond?
So we make entry. Bathrooms are either to the immediate left or right of the door at Monte Carlo and the bathroom door is open and I can see an elderly lady getting up off the can, pulling her pants up; on one of the beds another elderly woman is standing up and pulling up her pants.
Neither was having a heart attack.
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On This Date
History’s long march to today
In 1953 – Husband and wife Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are executed at Sing Sing prison in New York, Julius condemned for spying for the Soviet Union in the 1940s and his wife for being an accessory. The couple had been indicted in August 1950 and tried and convicted in March 1951. Julius was executed first and died quickly, but Ethel required two extra shocks to be killed and witnesses reported smoke drifted from her head. Their two children, Michael, 10, and Robert 6, are still alive.
In 1867 – Ruthless, ridden by Gilbert Patrick, wins the inaugural Belmont Stakes at Jerome Park Racetrack in what is now The Bronx, New York City. Ruthless, a filly, won the 1 mile, 5-furlong race (about 1.6 miles) in 3 minutes and 5 seconds by a neck over De Courcey and Rivoli finished third. The Belmont Stakes is the oldest race in the American Triple Crown series and is named after its founder, New York horse breeder August Belmont, Sr.
In 1961 – Stand by Me by Ben E King is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot R&B Sides chart – for the fourth and final consecutive week. It was the second Top 40 solo soul hit for King who earlier had hit #1 twice on the soul chart with The Drifters (There Goes My Baby, `one week, 1959; Save the Last Dance For Me, one week, 1960. The song also peaked at #4 on BIllboard’s Hot 100 and at #27 in Great Britain. The song has charted several times since by various artists, and King’s version returned to the Hot 100 in 1986, peaking at #9.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
The spirit cannot mature into unity unless it has checked its curiosity and its wanderings. – Seneca, Roman philosopher, (c. 4 BC – 65 AD)
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The Soviet Union has won two men’s basketball Olympic gold medals (1988, 1972), the second-most behind the United States.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Besides Ruthless, how many other fillies have won the Belmont Stakes? – Answer next time!
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Thursday, June 18
And the gym is open!!!
I am not making that up…It was right there on their Faceplant page: Open!!!
September 14
Manned the new employee parking lot last night. It had been moved recently from the southwest corner of Monte Carlo to what used to be the south guest parking lot, which means guests now only have the garage, the short term lot, or valet to park in.
The employee lot was moved because there is going to be a lot of construction in the area between the Monte Carlo and Bellagio, which is to the north of us. MGMMirage, which owns most casinos on the south part of The Strip, is going to put in a large condo/hotel/casino/shopping complex in there. There isn’t much there now, except the Boardwalk, home to the worst – though only 24-hour – buffet on The Strip, and rumor has it that will be coming down.
MGMMirage seems intent on world domination. In the spring of 2004, they bought Mirage Resorts, which got them, among other things, Bellagio, The Mirage, Treasure Island, the Golden Nugget downtown and a half interest in the Monte Carlo.
(The Monte Carlo was built in 1996 as a joint venture between Mirage Resorts, which provided the land, and what was then Circus Circus Enterprises, which did the construction. Because Circus Circus is a dump and Mandalay Bay is a classy joint, Circus Circus Enterprises would eventually change their name to Mandalay Resort Group, which also owns Luxor and Excalibur among others.)
The coffee pot was going all night long. Guy actually made the first pot, while I was on my way out there. Now, Guy taught me everything I know about making coffee in the basement coffee room, but his outside coffee lags. The reason is in the basement you use pre-measured packets and there is a commercial coffee maker and, honestly, it’s pretty hard to not make a great pot of coffee because Monte Carlo forks over for a good coffee service.
At Eddie – 1 though, there is just a regular coffee maker you get at the corner drug store and a large can of coffee. I am not entirely sure where the coffee comes from, because the can never changes. It’s a Maxwell House can and it always seems to magically refill itself.
Guy’s first pot was typically weak. He said he used two-and-half scoops and I told him I could piss a stronger beverage than that and he graciously invited me to perform a sex act on myself. I made the next pot and used two and three-quarter scoops which was, as usual, perfect. Judy came by for a cup, shined her flashlight at the pot and when she couldn’t see all the way through the pot she herself proclaimed it perfect.
It was a very slow night everywhere – outside, the casino, the hotel. It was so slow 88TonyB came out to the shack and he was out there so long when D-Dawg called from Eddie – 2 to kill some time I had to tell him I was sitting there chatting with eight-eight and he got the hint that now may not be the best time to call and chit-chat and hung up.
September 15
Here was your Henry lineup for last night:
Henry 1 – moi
Henry 2 – Lee
Henry 3 – Frisch
77Rick, Lee and I barged in on an old lady sitting on the can tonight. I would like to emphasize this is NOT standard MCSD policy but bear in mind if Lee and I are sent on a call and 77Rick is providing back-up, we’re not there because the radio is too loud.
I was on routine patrol on 31 when I got the call.
– Control, Henry 1 and Henry 2…
Right there you know something is up. If it’s a routine call, Junior will only call one Henry unit, wait for acknowledgment, then announce the assignment. If another Henry unit is required, he’ll send him after sending the first Henry unit.
…85 to 27-213. Report of a woman having a heart attack. All units, let’s go Code 30.
Code 30 means everybody keeps quiet. It’s not as severe as going four-nine-nine, which means an emergency is in progress, but it’s sort of like four-nine-nine lite, as Houchins used to say; nobody is supposed to say anything unless it relates to whatever is going down.
By chance, we all get there at the same time. I knock and while I can hear some sort of response from the room, I can’t quite make out what it is and our report is that someone is having a heart attack and what if they can’t respond?
So we make entry. Bathrooms are either to the immediate left or right of the door at Monte Carlo and the bathroom door is open and I can see an elderly lady getting up off the can, pulling her pants up; on one of the beds another elderly woman is standing up and pulling up her pants.
Neither was having a heart attack.
Officially, of course, I am pro-nudity in the workplace, but all three of us could’ve done without this, but you have to take the good with the bad in the hotel racket.
The call came at 0350 and was only the second call of the night. I had had a guest assist early on, before the rest of the graveyard shift came on.
Here is your Henry lineup for tonight:
Henry 1 – moi
Henry 2 – X-Ray
Henry 3 – Shaggy
Shaggy, along with Butch, have changed the seating arrangement at briefing.
There are four circular tables in the briefing room and seating is fairly consistent, with most people sitting in the same place every night. When new people report aboard they usually sit wherever there’s an open seat their first night. For example, I usually sit in the back left table because that’s what was available when I reported to graveyard after training on swing shift, and I am usually joined by D-Dawg, Matt, Lee and Houchins.
Then Shaggy and Butch invaded. Their Mondays coincided with D-Dawg and Matt’s entire weekend and the end of Lee’s weekend and with the two day’s I’m Henry 1 and come in an hour early, so it’s not surprising our spots got taken; they were the ones that were open.
Now there’s only one or two seats in the back left table and sometimes I end up sitting at the front left table with Rich and Bi-Bob but even that’s iffy because if Ted or Junior, who usually come in at 2200, happen to come in at 2300 I am taking their seat and unlike the New Breed I am respectful of the seating preferences of those senior to me.
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The Daily Dose/June 18, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.
Leading Off is taking a sick day. It will return.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow authorizes a guest to check out at the usual time. Today’s Diary.
Then 140 called and, evidently thinking checkout time was three in the morning or something, wondered if he could get a late checkout, “say 11 or so”…I chuckled to myself because 1100 is the usual checkout time and resisted the urge to charge him a few bucks for the privilege of checking out at the usual time.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Gaylon and Jose respond to a room that had its window removed.
The guy on the bed in jeans and a t-shirt, and there’s some empty beer bottles and a half-full bottle of something or another on the nightstand. It was a gorgeous night out and not completely surprising someone would want some fresh air to accent his night’s rest, though Jose and I mention that he must’ve been pretty committed to a fresh air policy to have removed the window while drunk.
Click here get in on the laffs: The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
History’s long march to today
In 1979 – The SALT II Treaty, designed to limit the production of nuclear weapons, is signed by the United States and the Soviet Union in Vienna. Though the treaty was honored until 1986, it was never ratified by the United States Senate because President Jimmy Carter withdrew it from consideration after the Soviets later invaded Afghanistan and a Soviet combat brigade was discovered in Cuba. The terms of the treaty were superseded by the START I Treaty in 1991.
In 1932 – FIBA, then the International Amateur Basketball Federation and now known as the International Basketball Federation, is formed in Geneva. Men’s basketball became an Olympic sport in 1936 and women’s basketball in 1976 and FIBA has held world championship tournaments for both men and women since the 1950s. 3×3 basketball will become Olympic sports for both men and women at next year’s Tokyo Games. Before FIBA, international basketball was played under the auspices of the team handball international governing body.
In 1988 – Rick Astley is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with Together Forever. It was his second chart single and his second and final #1 song, following Never Gonna Give You Up from earlier in the year. The song spent six weeks in the Top 10 and twelve weeks in the Top 40 and also went to #1 in Canada, Spain and Ireland and peaked at #2 in Great Britain. Astley’s last appearance on the Hot 100 came in 1993, when Hopelessly peaked at #28.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…if these things were to be done, he knew that reason would have to exert its sway quickly: the country could no longer be permitted to be swept along wherever “passion and prejudice” led it. – John C Miller, Alexander Hamilton, Portrait in Paradox
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Andy Gibb’s biggest hit in his native Great Britain was Everlasting Love, which peaked at #10 in 1978.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Besides the United States, what country has won the most Olympic gold medals in men’s basketball? – Answer next time!
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Wednesday, June 17
I was busy all night at the hotel.
First, between arrivals and my own personal dilly-dallying, I wasn’t done delivering folios until 0200, a lousy time even in ski season…This only gave me three hours of farting around time for project work because from 0500-0700 I was again running around, both with the usual 0500 stuff – morning coffee service. the housekeeping report, registration cards and whatnot – and pesky guests wanting to checkout or otherwise bother me…I was so busy I wasn’t even able to spend the last half-hour at leisure, with coffee, on my fave lobby chair…There was always something to do, like tend to morning coffee service or what we’re passing off as a complimentary morning meal.
September 10
Here was your Henry lineup for last night:
Henry 1 – Old Man Pilcher
Henry 2 – moi
Henry 3 – Jose
Henry 4 – X-Ray
So last night we’re winding matters down in the 12th-floor maid’s room when Jose and I are sent to 23 because someone had actually removed the window to his room. Bi-Bob, manning Eddie-2, spotted it; usually, when someone tries to reckon a room number from outside they get it wrong and we end up waking people up who shouldn’t have been bothered, but Bi-Bob is a very good officer and got it right.
The Daily Dose/June 17, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.
USA! USA!: It would have been funny if it wasn’t so sad: the president of the United States actually believes there is an AIDS vaccine. We shouldn’t be surprised, though; President Trump also believes the moon is part of Mars.
Quote That Sucker: Here’s exactly what Trump, speaking Tuesday at the White House, said:
These are the people – the best, the smartest, the most brilliant anywhere, and they’ve come up with the AIDS vaccine…
Dry, Technical Matter: Now, of course, there are drugs that make the disease manageable, but as the 38,000 Americans that were diagnosed with HIV in 2018 can attest, there is not a vaccine. If there was, they wouldn’t have been diagnosed with HIV.
Insert Heart Emoji Here: Now, if Trump were a loveable uncle type, we’d all be laughing it off. But Trump isn’t a loveable uncle type, he’s brutish, ignorant, petulant, and he’s been spewing inanities like this every hour on the hour since he announced his candidacy in 2015.
LOL: What’s as funny as it is tragic, though, is that we are taking it. He earned election to the White House and will run for reelection. Very few are standing up and objecting to the fact the president of the United States is sufficiently ignorant to believe the moon is part of Mars and that an AIDS vaccine exists.
The Bottom Line: We deserve better than this. We deserve a president who cares, knows enough to get the facts straight. We deserve a president who isn’t a lying sexual predator who believes the moon is a part of Mars and that an AIDS vaccine exists. More than that, we deserve an America that demands better than this at the ballot box.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: For the second consecutive night, Sparrow’s knife proves useful. Today’s Diary.
The knife was again useful this morning…Recall yesterday I needed it to open a sack of oranges and three boxes of creamers, and tonight I needed it to open a box of Choco-Tacos!!!…I am not making that up…The sundry stand stock was running low and there was a fresh box in the back office freezer…I even removed the top flaps, for easier future access.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: It’s a busy night in the hotel, featuring hookers, drugs and a lost digital camera.
We probably should’ve made him come and open the door, but since we weren’t riddled by gunfire as soon as we knocked 77Rick motions that I should use my master key and open the door. As I do so I see him reach for his gun, which sorta makes me want to stop and say “Hey”. I mean, if you’re supervisor is reaching for his gun maybe he should be the one sounding the bugle here and not someone whose main source of protection is a flashlight.
Click here get in on the laffs: The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
History’s long march to today
In 1994 – O.J. Simpson is arrested at his home in Los Angeles following a low-speed vehicle chase for the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown-Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman. Ms. Simpson and Goldman had been found murdered outside of her home on June 12 and O.J. Simpson was acquitted of the murders in October 1995, though a civil jury found him liable for both deaths in 1997.
In 1995 – The New Jersey Devils establish a new NHL record for most road wins in a playoff year defeating the Detroit Red Wings 2-1 in Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals. The Devils broke the record of eight that had been done on four other occasions and would extend the to ten road win in Game 2 of the series, which they won in four games. The record has since been tied six times and still stands.
In 1978 – Andy Gibb as at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of seven consecutive weeks with Shadow Dancing. The song also went to #1 in Brazil and Canada and peaked at #42 in Great Britain. It was the third and final #1 song for Gibb ((Love Is) Thicker Than Water, two weeks, 1978; I Just Want to Be Your Everything, four weeks, 1977) and his third of six Top 10 hits. The song also peaked at #11 on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s #1 song of the year, their 11th-biggest of the decade and also ranked 49th on their 60th Anniversary Hot 100 in 2018.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
On the most obvious level, he represents the herculean task the artist has set for himself, one in which he expects to emerge victorious… – Miles Unger, A Life in Six Masterpieces
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The world triple jump record has been set seven times in Mexico, the most of any country. The first time was in 1955, the next five times were at the 1968 Mexico City Olympics and the last time was in 1975.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What was Andy Gibb’s biggest hit in Great Britain? – Answer next time!
September 9
Editor’s Note: Following is a very long entry containing nudity, a white substance, implements consistent with narcotics use, a trick roll, a rare trip to the roof of the Monte Carlo and a lost MCSD digital camera.
Here was your Henry lineup last night:
Henry 1 – moi
Henry 2 – X-Ray
Henry 3 – Shaggy
One aspect of this job that is similar to sports officiating is that you can go from having a slow night to getting busy just like that.
At 0425 I was sitting in a maid’s room with my feet up on a desk and looking forward to my final 10-10, which Henry 1 always takes at 0515. 45 minutes later you can forget about Henry 1’s treasured final 10-10 as I had responded to two calls which resulted in no less than three (3) reports for me to write.
The fiasco started when I was sent to 29-102, my second visit to that room in as many nights; I had been sent there last night to escort the guest to the front desk so he can pay his bill, which itself is unusual. Classy joints like Monte Carlo, hell, even the rent-by-the-hour places between The Strip and downtown, usually get payment in advance, either by the leaving of a credit card or by the paying of cash. Turns out the guy was a guest of the casino, however, he wasn’t getting comped. I had to get a printout of his bill for one of the reports and it turns out he wasn’t even getting the casino rate because he was paying anywhere from $250 to $500 a night and, campers, if a casino extends you the privilege of paying that much for your room you really aren’t all that important, although if you drop enough you could make yourself that important by the end of your stay.
Anyway, like you probably would be, the guy was embarrassed at having to be escorted to the front desk by a grunt security guard and he tried to be snotty with me but I was born without a temper and had the charm factor on High besides, and, while he was arguing with the front desk he was on the phone with someone telling that person that while everyone at the front desk was Satan incarnate, this bald security dude is pretty much the nicest guy on the planet.
That was the night before. The call at 0426 was to meet 77Rick at this guy’s room because someone in housekeeping had told the front desk there were drugs in the room.
Rick and I make entry and there’s more white powder in the room than in the Alps in winter. After a thorough visual inspection 77Rick determines it’s crystal meth and we find a torch and a line of blow on the counter and we also find a pipe that in the report we would describe as being “consistent with narcotics use” lying on a table somewhere. There is a copy of How To Make Love Like a Porn Star, itself dusted with powder, on the coffee table. 77Rick radios X-Ray to go to the HSO (Hotel Security Office) and get the digital camera. (Remember the camera; I end up losing it later.)
It takes X-Ray a while but eventually he gets there and 77Rick and I take pictures of the dope and paraphernalia, which is strictly for our use in case the guy tries to deny everything when we evict him.
So 77Rick and I wrap up there and he assigns me the report, appropriate since I was the responding officer, and besides, I do all the reports in the hotel anyway when we get sent to 32-128 for what is reported to be a domestic dispute.
These are fairly common. You’d be surprised. Maybe they came here hoping the magic of Vegas would help them patch things up (it doesn’t) or maybe the woman’s pissed because her man isn’t paying enough attention to her (she is). It doesn’t necessarily have to be a real couple fighting, either; it could be your standard hooker/john dispute, which happens from time to time, too. Usually, the hooker will ask for more money and the guy will get mad or maybe the guy wasn’t happy with the service(s) he was rendered or maybe the john actually is completely psycho. Invariably the hooker screams assault while the john claims he was robbed and nobody ever ends up pressing charges against the other, because a wife will end up wondering why the Clark County District Attorney keeps calling about his court date.
Fortunately, it was convenient to get to 32-128. I was walking down the 100 wing anyway to go to the bell elevators so I could return the camera to the HSO on 16 when I got the call and it was a simple matter to head up to 32. The elevators open into a small foyer and as soon as I opened the door from the foyer to the hall I am met by a stark naked, tall, thin black girl and you didn’t have to be Joe Friday to know she was a hooker.
The girl is as hysterical as she is naked. I like naked women, a lot, but we don’t really need to have her standing around naked so I go back to the elevator foyer where the Housekeeping Department – for reasons I’m sure they think are good – keeps the bathrobes that are put in the suites and rooms on 32. She seems to appreciate the robe.
Right about now, dispatch announces that the alarm for the door in the south tower leading to the roof has gone off, which means someone has opened the door and may well be running around on the roof. But that is not the most egregious crime against humanity and can be attended to later.
77Rick gets there about this time and the girl points out the room and we go and knock on the door and the guy yells come in.
We probably should’ve made him come and open the door, but since we weren’t riddled by gunfire as soon as we knocked 77Rick motions that I should use my master key and open the door. As I do so I see him reach for his gun, which sorta makes me want to stop and say “Hey”. I mean, if you’re supervisor is reaching for his gun maybe he should be the one sounding the bugle here and not someone whose main source of protection is a flashlight.
(This would lead to some hilarity in the briefing room after the shift when 77Rick was telling the story to Eric and Judy. When he got to this part I make exaggerated motions about him pushing me into the room ahead of him. Maybe you had to be there)
As it is, I had my share of courage and stood resolutely on the point and bravely opened the door and we made entry and we find a Middle Eastern man sitting on a chair in the corner appearing to be tying his shoes.
Fabulous I’m thinking to myself. We can’t see his hands and the guy’s going to pull out an Uzi and I am going to die.
Actually, I didn’t really think that. Immediately I tell the guy to put his hands where we can see them and he quickly complies, throwing them above his head like he was being robbed.
This turned out to be a typical hooker/john complaint and 77Rick is expert at dealing with these and X-Ray and Shaggy were there now and we still had the south tower door alarm to attend to so I broke off, went down the 100 wing on to the E-Core, down the 300 wing and up the stairs to the south tower door. The door is not completely shut, so I open it and go out on the roof. I make a quick visual inspection, don’t see anyone and am preparing to head back in when dispatch announces the west tower door has been opened, so I tell dispatch I am going to head to the west tower via the roof.
This is not easy. There is a lot of crap on the roof. I am not entirely sure what it’s all for since fish have more mechanical aptitude than I do, but I think it’s a/c and fire sprinkler and maybe some elevator stuff. All I know is that from the south wing it is pain in the ass to get around and over and I am even obliged to get on my back to shimmy under some pipe-type deals, resulting in some minor scuffs to my new Comfort Flex Stingrays. It takes a while but I end up at the west tower door. I open the door (announcing the fact to dispatch so the alarm going off again won’t make them shit) and in the stairwell I run into Judy and Eric, who had abandoned their outside duties to see what was up in the high rent district. As it was they didn’t find anyone in the stairwell and there was no one on the roof so I tell dispatch everything is code four on the roof. I head down the stairs and enter the 32nd floor.
For those of you keeping score at home, I am right back where I started. The hooker still has the robe on, though she has added pants and 77Rick is wrapping matters up with the Arab and, as usual, no one is pressing charges.
This is report #2.
Report #3 concerns the camera. Recall that I was headed to the HSO to return the camera when I caught this squeal. When I entered the hall and encountered the hooker I put my clipboard and the camera on the floor and when I went to retrieve those items the camera was nowhere to be found. There were other guests running around the hall and we suspect one of them lifted it.
As it turned out, I only did one report before leaving, the hooker/john one. 77Rick ended up taking the drug one and I will do the lost camera report tonight.
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