Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Tuesday, June 16 Boy, Q is gaining weight…I’ve only seen him a couple of times since the lockdown began and boy, the buttons on the bottom half of his uniform shirt was gallantly doing some work when I reported for duty…Q admitted as much, too…Ol’ Sparrow had been whining about how he’s been eating like an oink-oink…This is true enuff…Despite my recent Health Initiative – kombucha, carrot and green juice – I am still packing the grub away, tho my belt is still fitting the same…Q, tho, dismissed my whining, however, noting how he might be requiring a new uniform shirt here in a week or so…I told him to plan ahead and order now because you know how long uniform items take to be shipped.
The Daily Dose/June 16, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around the human experience.
Leading Off will return.
Today At The Site Writing worth reading. Usually.
Friends, what has turned into Read Free Trimester continues, but it will end soon. Stand by for a special on 4Ever & Ever to these two (2) American institutions.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow goes everyday carry with his new pocket knife. Today’s Diary.
We talked yesterday about yours truly bring his hot, new, high-quality pocket knife to work because I was obliged to use a conveniently located cutter to open a box of coffee packets last night…Well, just for funsies, I brought it tonight and it was useful not once, but twice!!!…I am not making that up.
Sure, it was a good line, the kind of smart-ass comment that has made me such a valued member of the MCSD graveyard crew. But the funniest briefing line ever? A line that had the whole room cracking up? That was straight out of left field. In fact, I thought my line about how Responsible Gaming Week ended on a Friday – just in time for the weekend! – was ten times funnier.
Click here get in on the laffs: The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date History’s long march to today
In 1944 – South Carolina executes George Stinney, 14, who was condemned for murdering two white girls three months earlier. Stinney had been condemned following a two-hour trial before an all-white jury and was still so short a Bible was used as a booster seat in the electric chair. Stinney remains the youngest person executed in the 20th-century and his conviction was vacated in 2014, a circuit court judge ruling Stinney had not been given a fair trial, lacked adequate counsel and that his 6th Amendment rights to an impartial jury – his trial was certainly speedy enough – had been violated.
In 1985 – Willie Banks of the United States establishes a new world record in the triple jump, jumping 58 feet, 11.25 inches at the USA Outdoor Track and Field Championships in Indianapolis. Banks broke the record of 58 feet 8.25 inches established in 1975 by Joao Carlos de Oliveria of Brazil and Banks himself would hold the record for ten years, until it was broken, and later extended twice, by Jonathon Edwards of Great Britain, who still holds the mark at 60 feet, 0 inches. Banks’ best Olympic finish was fourth at the 1988 Games in Seoul.
In 1951 – Les Paul and his wife Mary Ford are at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart – a predecessor to today’s Hot 100 – for the ninth and final consecutive week with How High the Moon? It was the first of two #1 songs for the duo (Vaya Con Dios, eleven weeks, non-consecutive, 1953) and was Paul’s second #1 song (It’s Been a Long Long Time, Bing Crosby and the Les Paul Trio, one week, 1945). Paul was also instrumental in the development of both the electric guitar and, with Ford, multi-track recording, and is the only person inducted into both the Rock and Roll and National Inventors halls of fame.
Quotebook The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Victory awaits him who has everything in order – luck, people call it. Defeat is certain for him who has neglected to take the necessary precautions in time; this is called bad luck. – Roald Amundsen, Norwegian explorer
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
King John reigned over England from 1199-1216.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
In what country has the world triple jump record been set the most times? – Answer next time!
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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Monday, June 15 We talked yesterday about yours truly bring his hot, new, high-quality pocket knife to work because I was obliged to use a conveniently located cutter to open a box of coffee packets last night…Well, just for funsies, I brought it tonight and it was useful not once, but twice!!!…I am not making that up.
September 6 There were two funny instances last night. The first ended up being called the funniest line ever in briefing by Special Ed, a line I had the honor of delivering.
The past few days in briefing 88TonyB has been mentioning the importance of proper radio traffic and how the graveyard crew hasn’t really been utilizing it. He gave a specific example – and there have been several of these recently – of officers not relaying sufficient or accurate information to dispatch when dealing with guests.
For example, when dealing with a guest who is, say, drunk, it is good to get their name and determine if they are a guest of the hotel and if so what room they are in and if they are the registered guest to the room. If they’re not the registered guest, we are to get the name of the registered guest they are staying with. This is important because if you are acting up whether or not you are a guest of the hotel determines whether we ask you to leave or tell you to go upstairs and sleep it off.
Lately, though, officers in this situation have ended up having to be asked by dispatch for this information, when it should be gathered by the responding officer as a matter of course. At times it resembled a dentist pulling teeth and was tedious to listen to.
Matters have improved the past few nights, however, and 88TonyB has been pleased.
“Guys, it’s been pretty good lately,” he said. “Let’s keep it up.”
There was a pause as we all mentally patted ourselves on the back.
“So it’s still in effect?” I asked, as if I was inquiring about a matter of grave importance.
It took a second, but everyone started laughing pretty hard. 88TonyB looks at me like the parent of a particularly dumb kid and says “Uh, yeah, Gaylon, it’s still in effect. Let’s keep the good radio traffic up.”
I gotta be honest; I didn’t think it was all that great a line. Sure, it was a good line, the kind of smart-ass comment that has made me such a valued member of the MCSD graveyard crew. But the funniest briefing line ever? A line that had the whole room cracking up? That was straight out of left field. In fact, I thought my line about how Responsible Gaming Week ended on a Friday – just in time for the weekend! – was ten times funnier.
Then in the middle of the shift there was a funny instance involving two outside units, Redneck Randy and Judy.
Judy is usually Mary 1, but Sunday nights she works in the hotel and evidently last Sunday she saw something odd in the hotel, a mist or a fog or something of that nature.
I’m manning the podium and D-Dawg is standing there killing time when 88TonyB gets on the horn and asks Judy to go to 2, which is the second security radio channel.
In keeping with unofficial MCSD policy, D-Dawg and I also turn to channel 2 to eavesdrop. Half the crew probably did, too. It’s a time-honored tradition.
– Judy, tell me again what happened with your close encounter of the third kind?
Judy is suspicious about relating the story over the radio because she knows everyone is listening. Still, though, she tells Tony about the mist/fog she saw and asks why he wants to know and Tony says he’ll tell her later. Redneck Randy says something unimportant to let everyone know he listened in and Judy makes a pointed remark that she was the one asked to go to channel 2 and everyone else should butt out.
Then a minute later:
– Eight-eight, Mary 1, go to 2. – Copy. That means only me, people.
So, naturally, we all tune in; Redneck Randy is waiting.
– Boooo-oooooo-oooooo-oooooh.
Judy ignored that, and D-Dawg and I were laughing so hard we missed the rest of the conversation.
The Daily Dose/June 15, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around the human experience.
USA! USA! Atlanta is being hailed for their prompt response to the fatal shooting of a black man by a white cop, but why did it even happen in the first place? Why was a fleeing drunk shot in the back to begin with? OK, the man had failed a sobriety test and had taken an officer’s taser. We decry this lack of decorum as much as you do, but did he need to be shot to death? The officer’s life was hardly at risk and it is not reasonable to believe the entire resources of the Atlanta Police Department would not have rounded the suspect up in short enough order.
Let’s Get Right To The Point, Shall We?: Since 2015 the Washington Post has tallied how many people have been shot and killed by police. The figure, as of June 7, stood at 5,400, a number we found surprisingly high, just like you might, too. That’s 2.7 people shot to death every day by police.
Running The Numbers: The figures have been consistent, too, ranging from 962 in 2016 to 1,004 last year. 2020 has kept pace as well, despite parts of the country being locked down and through June 7 463 people have been shot to death by the police.
FunFact(s): 70% of those shot and killed by police were armed, which means 30% were unarmed. 45% were white, 23% were black, 16% Hispanic and the remainder could not have their races confirmed.
Dry, Technical Matter: And we don’t want to hear any whining about how we’re anti-law enforcement here. We’re modestly familiar with the risks police take: we’ve worked private security and have taken people into custody and know what it’s like to knock on a door not knowing what’s on the other side. As long as citizens are armed, it’s reasonable to expect the police to be armed, because there are a lot of guns in this country and officers seldom know when they are going to encounter one.
Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: Still, though, 2.7 civilians being shot to death by police every day is a lot, even in a country of 330 million people.
The Bottom Line: We realize that armed citizens require armed police, but the culture where officers think it’s OK to keep a knee on a man’s throat for nine minutes or shoot a fleeing drunk in the back must change.
Today At The Site Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow considers gearing up for his shifts at the hotel. Today’s Diary.
I think I am going to start bringing my new pocket knife to the hotel…I found myself needing it from time time, like last week when I was required to open a box of muffins and tonight, when someone brought a new box of coffee to the back coffee room, but declined to open it…Now, there are cutters available but what fun is that???…What’s the use of blowing good dough on top-quality gear if it’s not there when you need it???…And as long as I’m bringing the knife, I might as well bring the flashlight I used working security years ago…It’s a first-class light, small enough to unobtrusively clip on your belt…Now, I need a flashlight at the hotel even less than I need a blade, but once you start thinking in these terms it’s tuff to stop…Heck, with bloody guests wandering around like it’s the apocalypse, I should probably dig out the bulletproof vest from when I worked for the Doily Delivery Company up here and wore exactly once.
To show just how effective the scanner system is after we turn them in we retire to the 12th-floor maid’s room where we sit and fuck off for the rest of the shift. This is not a state secret, either. The dispatchers were once Henry units themselves and know what’s going on, too…
Click here get in on the laffs: The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date History’s long march to today.
In 1215 – King John of England puts his seal on the Magna Carta at Runnymeade, about 20 miles west of London. The document, still revered as a symbol of liberty in both Britain and America, was, in essence, a peace treaty between the monarch and his barons that guaranteed, among other things, church freedoms, freedom from illegal imprisonment and limits on payments to the crown. The agreement was more or less ignored by both sides and lost most of its practical significance. Magna Carta is Latin for Great Charter.
In 2003 – Reed Johnson of the Toronto Blue Jays becomes the fourth major league player to start and end a game with a home run in 5-4 win over the Chicago Cubs. Johnson led off the bottom of the first with a home run against Shawn Estes and won it in the 10th inning with a home run off of Mark Guthrie. The feat was first accomplished in 1893 by Billy Hamilton of the Philadelphia Phillies and has been accomplished a total of six times, the last in 2010 by Chris Young of the Arizona Diamondbacks.
In 1974 – Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Billy Don’t Be a Hero. The song spent 12 weeks in the Top 40 and seven weeks in the Top 10, was the first of three Top 40 hits for the group and remains their only #1 song. The song also went to #1 in Canada and this version did not chart in Great Britain. Earlier in the year, a version by Paper Lace had gone to #1 in Great Britain, Australia, and Ireland, and peaked at #96 on the Hot 100.
Quotebook The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Older voters who had lived through the Depression and two world wars fretted that America had somehow lost its grit and will to sacrifice. – Evan Thomas, Ike’s Bluff
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The last author to have works placed on the Vatican’s List of Prohibited Books was Frenchwoman Simone de Beauvoir, who had two books banned in 1956.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
How long was King John’s reign over England? – Answer next time!
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Posted in2020|Comments Off on The Daily Dose/Monday, June 15, 2020
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Sunday, June 14 Front Desk Manager Brandon said the big news at the hotel was 119, which was out of order because there was blood all over the place…This is rare, but it happens in the hotel racket from time to time, so hold on to your hats.
September 2 Boy, it is really slow this week. Of course, school is back in session and summer vacations are over, so it’s not unusual. We were at 80 percent occupancy, which is really low, and everybody is well-behaved and we are averaging about 3-4 calls a night in the hotel.
Here was your Henry lineup last night:
Henry 1 – moi Henry 2 – X-Ray Henry 3 – Shaggy
You remember X-Ray. He was with me, as a trainee, on that historic night last month when we had both the bachelorette hot tub party and the naked Canadian girl (she was from Ontario and worked in a bank) in the stairwell. It was his first night on his own in the hotel and he did well, but he needs some work, which only experience can take care of. For example, we had a welfare check late in the shift that he never did get to. It was on 24 and afterward, X-Ray said he happened to be on 13 when he got the call. The only elevators that go directly from 13 to 24 are the bellman’s elevators in the 100 wing, which go from the ground floor all the way up to 32.
But if you’re not in the 100 wing, it just might be quicker to take the maids elevators in the 200 wing. But to get from 13 to 24 you have to go from 13 to 16, get off on 16 and switch to the 16-32 elevators.
Or you can take the guest elevators, but to do that you have to go from 13 down to two, then switch banks. It’s really not all that hard, but it does take some time to get used to.
September 3 Working in the hotel you are basically unsupervised and if you are not responding to calls you are free to construct your night’s work as you see fit. MCSD does have a way, though, to keep track of us rascal Henry units, who, left to our own devices, would probably spend the night lounging in a vacant room watching porn.
Throughout the hotel there are electronic buttons. They resemble a watch battery and are about the size of a quarter and there are eight of them on each floor: one in each of the three stairwells, one in the fire extinguisher locker in each wing, one in the E-Core and another in each maid’s room in the 200 wing. There are no written guidelines that I know of dictating how often one of these scan points need to be hit with the scanner you are issued before shift, but it is considered good form to hit them every few minutes and I do not like to go more than 10 or 15 minutes without hitting one. At about 0615 or so a Henry unit will collect the other’s scanners and take them to the office, where information concerning what scan points were hit when can be downloaded directly from the scanner. It’s a pretty slick way to keep track of us. Outside units are issued scanners as well.
To show just how effective the scanner system is after we turn them in we retire to the 12th-floor maid’s room where we sit and fuck off for the rest of the shift. This is not a state secret, either. The dispatchers were once Henry units themselves and know what’s going on, too, so it wasn’t a complete surprise when we got the following call last night.
– Control, Henry 2.
“Crap!” I said to Jose. “I gave orders we weren’t to be disturbed.”
We had just entered the 12th-floor maid’s room for our debriefing session.
– Henry 2, sir. – Yes, welfare check. 24-312. 24-312. – 10-4. Can you get Henry 3 to assist, just in case no one answers.
Jose laughs. He’s Henry 3 and is sitting right next to me.
– Copy. Control, Henry 3, can you assist Henry 2 at 24-312.
Junior, who has a pretty good idea Jose is right next to me, can be heard trying to stifle a laugh. For his part, Jose is laughing pretty hard.
– 10-4. I’m 85 (on the way).
All three of us ended up responding as we ran into Fred in the hallway as he was returning from the office and he joined us, because we all respond to calls after we turn our scanners. I’m not entirely sure why; you don’t need three officers responding to every call, but that’s the way we do it in the hotel. Sometimes we will even be joined by day shift’s Henry 1, who reports for duty at 0600.
The Daily Dose/June 14, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5 The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. George Floyd – Already, Sir, you are far more noteworthy in death than you were in life and a lot of people are working awfully hard to ensure you didn’t die in vain…Others still don’t see the point, though.
2. 2020 Elections – Georgia latest state to muck up an election, as recent primary a complete fiasco, giving US exciting, relevant insight into how upcoming presidential election can, will be screwed up…Sunday Bottom 5 Pollsters “pretty sure” country isn’t going to collapse, but are taking action on what country will invade us first.
3. COVID-19 – Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters wondering, like you might be, what benchmarks need to be reached before planet comes to terms with havoc coronavirus is going wreck on us humans…It isn’t going to go away…Current death rate amongst closed cases down to below 10%, it’s lowest point in three (3) months, though number of new cases still high.
4. Gaylon For US Senate – Halfwit, biennial Libertarian US Senate/congressional candidate has primary for Colorado LP US Senate nomination on June 30…Plans to have friends tip scales by voting through breakthrough Non-Resident Voter Program currently at standstill thanks to bastards in Secretary of State office.
5. President Trump Fact Check – Special law-and-order edition this week, as our Liar-in-Chief continues to issue half-truths, misinformation and lies….Click here for the latest, courtesy of the Associated Press.
Boy, ol’ Sparrow was really ready to enjoy a lazy day today, but that did not pan out at all…The plan, after morning project work was done, was to dispatch myself immediately – if not sooner – to the new chair for some reading and once I was there there wasn’t a whole lot else on the to-do list…After busting hump all day on Thursday’s day off, I was looking forward to doing nothing until it was time to go nap before heading in for my shift at the hotel.
I get there and Houchins and Jackie are checking out from swing shift and somehow we got to talking about how the rumor concerning Orwad having the hots for Jackie got started. It was a nice, tasty tidbit that had been floating around for a while.
I told Jackie I had no knowledge of how that rumor spread, a blatant lie because Houchins had told me himself and he was standing right there, but I couldn’t very well say that cause Jackie was not only pissed by the rumor, she also goes six foot, 290 and could dismember Houchins – and me, for that matter – at need. Houchins would later thank me for my discretion.
Click here get in on the laffs: The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date History’s long march to today
In 1966 – The Catholic Church announces the abolition of its List of Prohibited Books. The list had been instituted in 1557 to keep adherents from reading books the church considered heretical, contrary to church teaching or anything they didn’t want members to read. Over the centuries over 4,000 works appeared on the list and the Vatican still reserves the right to ban books it deems “theologically erroneous”. Previously, Catholics had been required to get permission to read books on the list.
In 1963 – Willie Kirkland of the Cleveland Indians ties the major league record for most home runs in extra innings in a 3-2, 19-inning win over the Washington Senators. Kirkland hit two home runs, one in the 11th inning to tie the game 2-2 and the game-winner in the bottom of the 19th and tied the record established by Vern Stephens in 1943. The record still stands and has been equalled on six other occasions.
In 1986 – On My Own by Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks. The song also went to #1 in Canada, The Netherlands and on Billboard’s soul chart, peaked at #2 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s fourth biggest song of the year. The song remains the only #1 song for LaBelle and McDonald outside of the groups LaBelle and the Doobie Brothers. The song was originally recorded by Dionne Warwick, who never released it and a version by Reba McEntire peaked at #20 on Billboard’s country chart in 1995.
Quotebook The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Form increases as options decrease…The closer something comes to completion, the harder and more definite it becomes. Our options become fewer, until the full impact of our creation is all that is there. – Deng Ming-Dao, 365 Tao
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
6 years, 4 months and 13 days – 2,324 days – elapsed from February 1, 1964, when the Beatles first #1 song (I Want to Hold Your Hand) hit the top until June 13, 1970, when their 20th and final #1 song (The Long and Winding Road) went to #1.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Who was the last author to have books placed on the Vatican’s List of Prohibited Books? – Answer next time!
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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Saturday, June 13 Boy, ol’ Sparrow was really ready to enjoy a lazy day today, but that did not pan out at all…The plan, after morning project work was done, was to dispatch myself immediately – if not sooner – to the new chair for some reading and once I was there there wasn’t a whole lot else on the to-do list…After busting hump all day on Thursday’s day off, I was looking forward to doing nothing until it was time to go nap before heading in for my shift at the hotel.
I am not making that up! Our long national nightmare is over!
The best part was I was the first to know and was able to get the rumor mill started. There are more rumors in a casino – and they travel faster – than even in a Lutheran church.
Here how it gets churning: I was in wardrobe getting my uniform about 2130 when I ran into Orwad. He was talking with Heddy and, based on the excerpts I picked up eavesdropping, I gathered Orwad was cleaning out his garment bag. He then went to the wall and hung the bag up on a bar and, in fact, started cleaning it out, the first, glorious sign the Orwad era was ending.
So I asked what the deal was and he said he had another job lined up that started tomorrow so I offered my hand said good luck though I didn’t care enough to ask what that job was. His sister-in-law’s pimp could’ve pressed him into slavery, for all I know.
I head into the changing room to get ready for work (I’m Henry 1, remember and report for duty an hour early) when Bi-Bob walks in. (Bi-Bob and Rich both arrive ridiculously early.) I reported the news flash and Bi-Bob didn’t even blink, he turned and sprinted out the changing room door and was spreading the news faster than you could say “482”.
It was really, really slow last night. I had four calls the whole night, half of them five minutes before quitting time when Lee and I were sent on a couple of welfare checks, which resulted in 15 minutes of OT for yours truly.
Lee and I didn’t have another mission. Our big call was when we were sent to a room to shut off a runaway alarm clock.
Usually, the room is empty in this situation, but this time after knocking, receiving no answer and then making entry, we see a pretty blonde lady in the sack, completely oblivious to everything. The alarm is pretty loud and you either have to be dead or pretty far gone not to hear it and Lee – always thinking safety – insisted we verify she was alive and I make a motion similar to unzipping my fly and we both laugh silently and then I got close enough to hear her breathing and then Lee and I left.
There was a funny instance early on. I had returned to the office to get a new radio. Our radios are pretty old and crappy and this is not unprecedented. I get there and Houchins and Jackie are checking out from swing shift and somehow we got to talking about how the rumor concerning Orwad having the hots for Jackie got started. It was a nice, tasty tidbit that had been floating around for a while.
I told Jackie I had no knowledge of how that rumor spread, a blatant lie because Houchins had told me himself and he was standing right there, but I couldn’t very well say that cause Jackie was not only pissed by the rumor, she also goes six foot, 290 and could dismember Houchins – and me, for that matter – at need. Houchins would later thank me for my discretion.
Anyway, Jackie told us Orwad had actually confronted her on the matter. Jackie said Orwad had come up to her and said he had heard she had the hots for him but he was a married man and that – and this is good – he realized it took a real man to turn her head.
I have no idea what your Henry lineup is for tonight. I forgot to check. Apologies are issued.
