The Daily Dose/March 26, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

FOR $500 AND CONTROL OF THE BOARD: Just for funsies, see if you can identify the author of the following quote: 

The United States is in turmoil, more so that at any other time in history. States hate other states, the electoral college is under attack at every turn and the races are at each other’s throats. On top of this is a two-party political system, split by racial, social, cultural, linguistic and class divides.

The end result is a nation in gridlock, unable to respond to any great change, unable to commit to any great projects. A political and social stalemate that makes any advancement impossible.

Fly In The Ointment: This particularly cogent analysis of our country came from Brenton Tarrant, the man accused of killing 49 people in two shootings at New Zealand mosques last year, the largest mass shooting in New Zealand history. (Click here to read the 3/25/19 column it originally appeared in. It’s pretty good.) 

It’s too bad a New Zealand terrorist has relevant insights into our country, but Tarrant is right: we are unable to respond to any great change, or challenge, for that matter. Our current coronavirus fiasco is merely the latest example. 

Dry, Technical Matter: As we did in the months leading up to 9/11, US leaders ignored intelligence reports that might have prevented this.  

As early as January US intelligence sources were advising on the advance of the pathogen as well as noting the Chinese government appeared to be downplaying its significance. President Trump as well Congressional leaders also chose to downplay its significance, both publicly and privately, meaning America lost two months’ response time, though at least five US Senators lost no time in dumping stocks that would have lost them money.  

No, We’re Not Completely Heartless: Now, we are mindful that it is human nature not to stand by and watch people die. That is why we are locked down, with governments at a variety of levels controlling what businesses and people can do and where they can go, actions unprecedented in any of our lifetimes. We are trying to mitigate the damage, though to think we can eliminate it probably folly. There is going to come a time when we are going to have to come to terms with the death toll, just like we have come to terms with the flu’s death toll. We can’t stay permanently locked down. 

As the government starts taking more and more control of our lives they are going to do more and more things for us and while there might have been a time when Americans resisted that, that time has passed. Americans are now demanding more and more things from their government and the first rumblings of a universal basic income (UBI) are starting to be heard, along with the usual demands for government-provided medical care and income redistribution. 

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: This is dangerous. It is not the purpose of government to provide cradle-to-grave coverage for its citizens. We must be careful. Governments that take away liberties sometimes do not give them back. We must be watchful that our liberties are returned to us as soon as it is practical and this includes the ability to forge our own way economically and socially.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest MPG figures for the new ride. Today’s Diary.  

The big news is the even in these trying times the MPG figure for the new ride remains strong:…

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1979 – A peace treaty between Israel and Egypt is signed at the White House by Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin and Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and witnessed by US President Jimmy Carter. The treaty was the result of negotiations hosted by Carter the previous year at Camp David. The treaty took effect in 1980 and was not heralded with universal acclaim. Egypt was suspended from the Arab League for ten years and Sadat was assassinated in 1981. For their efforts, Begin and Sadat shared the 1978 Nobel Peace Prize. 

In 1972 – The Los Angeles Lakers establish a new NBA record for most wins in a season, winning their 69th game, a 124-98 win over the Seattle SuperSonics. The Lakers broke the record of 68 wins established by the Philadelphia 76ers in 1966-67 and finished the season 69-13 and defeated the New York Knicks 4 games to 1 in the NBA Finals. Their record stood until the Chicago Bulls won 72 games in 1995-96 and is now held by the Golden State Warriors, who won 73 games in 2015-16. 

In 1955 – The Ballad of Davy Crockett by Bill Hayes is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart – a predecessor of the Hot 100 – for the first of five consecutive weeks. It was the first chart single for Hayes and only a #33 hit in 1957 kept Hayes, an accomplished actor, from being a one-hit wonder. The song also peaked at #2 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s sixth-biggest song of the year. Three other versions of the song would hit Billboard’s country chart. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Everyman achieved his own greatness by reaching out beyond himself, and so it is with nations…Only when a nation means something to itself can it mean something to others. – Werner Von Braun

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Sugar Ray Robinson lost to Joe Maxim for the world light heavyweight title in 1952.

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was the Los Angeles Lakers’ longest winning streak in the 1971-72 NBA season? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/March 25, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow solves the COVID crisis. Today’s Diary.  

In a stroke of brilliance, I solved the COVID crisis too, by advising our guests on the wake-up call message to “stay safe” today…This was over and above my usual infernally cheerful greeting, the weather forecast and gracious thanks for staying with us.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1655 – Famed Dutch astronomer Christiaan Huygens discovers Titan, the first moon orbiting Saturn. Like a variety of moons in the Solar System – including Earth’s moon – Titan is tidally locked, meaning it takes the same amount of time to rotate on its axis as it does to orbit its planet, meaning it is showing Saturn the same face all the time, just like we see the same part of the moon all the time. A probe named Huygens landed on Titan in 2005 with pictures showing a flat, rocky surface that showed evidence of a surface liquid. Its temperature was -290.8 F. 

In 1958 – Sugar Ray Robinson wins the world middleweight boxing title for the fifth time defeating Carmen Basilio in a 15-round split decision at Chicago Stadium. Robinson had first won a world title in 1946, when he won the welterweight title from Tommy Bell and had first won the middleweight crown in 1951. It was the first time a boxer had won five world titles, though the feat has been accomplished several times since. Robinson fought professionally from  1940-65, retiring with a record of 173-19-6

In 1972 – America is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with A Horse With No Name. It was the first chart single for the group and their first of two #1 songs (Sister Golden Hair, one week, 1975) and their first of seven Top 10 hits. The song also went to #1 in Finland and Canada, peaked at #3 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s 27th biggest song of the year. At the time, the song was been banned by some radio stations for supposed references to heroin use. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

 Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot? – Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Tennessee Ernie Ford had ten Top 40 hits on Billboard Best Sellers in Stores and Hot 100 charts. The biggest was Sixteen Tons, which spent seven weeks at #1 in the winter of 1955-56. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Sugar Ray Robinson once fought for, and lost, the world light-heavyweight title. Who beat him? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/March 24, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow considers telling a joke while manning the county’s virus hotline. Today’s Diary,  

One of the people answering phones was the lady from the Election Department…I told her I could be on the ballot this June in a Minor Party primary and inquired as to whether or not she would find a joke about asking who to bribe to ensure I carried our county funny…She heard the word “bribe” and immediately got rather serious, completely missing the whole point of my joke so, officially, the joke was never made, merely run up the flagpole to see in she would salute and withdrawn when she didn’t. 

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1989 – The Exxon Valdez, sailing outside of normal shipping lanes in Prince William Sound, Alaska, runs aground. Eventually, the tanker would spill 10.8 million gallons of crude oil, affecting roughly 1,300 miles of coastline, with cleanup efforts hampered by the fact the sound is only accessible by helicopter, plane or boat. An investigation showed, among other things, the ship’s radar, which would have warned of the reef, had been inoperable for a year and that the crew was fatigued. It was the largest oil spill in US waters until the Deepwater Horizon spill in 2010. 

In 1936 – The longest game in NHL history is played, when the Detroit Red Wings defeat the Montreal Maroons 1-0 in six overtimes in Game 1 of their Stanley Cup semifinal series. The only goal was scored by Mud Bruneteau 16 minutes and 30 seconds into the sixth overtime. The 176-minute game broke the record of 164 minutes – also six overtimes – when the Boston Bruins defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs 1-0 in the fifth and deciding game of their 1933 Stanley Cup semifinal series. – Editor’s Note: though the game actually ended at 2:25am on March 25, the NHL record considers the game to have been played on March 24. 

In 1951 – Tennessee Ernie Ford is at #1 on Billboard’s Most-Played Juke Box (Country and Western) Records chart – one of several predecessors to today’s country chart – for the eleventh of 14 consecutive weeks with Shotgun Boogie. It was Ford’s second of three #1s on the country chart and remains his biggest country hit. The song also peaked at #14 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and having ears, hear not…?– Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The two men who succeeded Patrick Henry as governor of Virginia were Edmund Randolph (1786) and Thomas Jefferson (1779). 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many Top 40 hits did Tennessee Ernie Ford have on Billboard’s pop charts? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/March 23, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

READY…AIM…FIRE: Because it is contrary to human nature for anyone except Nazis to stand idly by and watch others die, humanity continues to do battle with Mother Nature. It is a battle we are unlikely to win though, perhaps, we can haggle a truce when we’ve lowered the COVID-19 death rate down to a level we are comfortable with. 

Mother Nature Sure Is Being a Rhymes-With-Witch-Lately: As has been Her wont since time immemorial, Mother Nature has chosen to favor humanity with another illness. And while in terms of raw numbers it still hasn’t killed many people, the number of deaths and infections are still going up. Not exponentially yet, but consistently and significantly and this trend leveling off probably isn’t going happen anytime soon. 

Running The Numbers: The worldwide death toll will reach 15,000 soon enough and the total number of cases, both active and closed, now tops 341,000. In the United States, the totals are 1,514 cases and 457 deaths. 

This Is Casey, Counting Them Down: Europe continues to take it in the shorts: of the top 20 countries in terms of the number of cases, 13 are in Europe. 14 of the top 15 countries in terms of cases per one million people are in Europe, too. 

Running The Numbers Here are the most recent worldwide death rates: amongst closed cases: 13%; amongst all cases: 6.5%; amongst the entire planet: .00000191%

Dry, Technical Matter: This going to get worse before it gets better, of course, both in terms of infections and deaths and in terms of civil problems. We can’t stay on lockdown for any length of time with impunity. Eventually, there will be too many people and not enough money or food. Eventually, governments will run out of money to fight it and keep economies afloat. Eventually, the ammunition people have been hoarding is going to be used. 

The Bottom Line: We are reacting to this in a wholly human manner. Either we will contain it in due course or the coronavirus will eventually infect everybody it can and take whatever toll it is of a mind to take. Either way, let’s hope we survive ourselves. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow blabs about the assorted rates a hotel has on any given night. Today’s Diary. 

…and then there’s whatever rate your oaf desk clerk feels like charging you…

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1775 – Patrick Henry utters his famous “give me liberty or give death” line in a speech given at the Second Virginia Convention at St John’s Church in Richmond, Virginia. Henry’s speech is credited with influencing the convention to approve sending Virginian troops for service in the Revolutionary War and Henry would later serve as the first and sixth governor of Virginia. He would later turn down an offer from President John Adams to be ambassador to France and died in 1799. – Editor’s Note: click here to read the entire speech. It’s as good a speech as an American has given. 

In 1979 – The Philadelphia 76ers defeat the New Jersey Nets 123-117, replaying the final 17 minutes and 50 seconds of a game that was protested by the Nets and originally won by the 76ers, on November 8. The protest stemmed from an official giving a Nets player and head coach Kevin Loughery three technical fouls, a violation of the rules which state a participant can be given no more than two technical fouls. Between the original game and its resumption, the 76ers sent Harvey Catchings and Ralph Sampson to the Nets for Eric Money and Al Skinner, marking the only time in American major league sports players played for both teams in the same game. 

In 1974 – Cher is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the only week with Dark Lady. It was Cher’s third of four #1 songs as a solo act and her sixth of twelve Top 10 hits. The song also went to #1 in Sweden and peaked at #36 in Great Britain. It was Cher’s last #1 song until Believe spent four weeks at #1 in 1999, a span of 24 years, 355 days, a Hot 100 record for most time between #1s that still stands. The song was written by Johnny Durrill, the keyboardist for the Ventures 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery?– Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

There are currently four proposed amendments to the United States Constitution still pending ratification. They concern the apportionment of Congressional representatives, accepting titles of nobility from other countries and protecting slavery from federal power. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who are the two men who succeeded Patrick Henry as governor of Virginia? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/March 22, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was…

1. COVID-19 – Worldwide lockdown continues for illness that has currently killed .00000169% of world’s population…Though Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters now reduced to paying attention to family, others, they’re willing to go along as long as NBA regular season remains suspended. 

2. Tokyo Olympics  – Assorted sports federations now whining for Games to be postponed, with training and qualifying for Games thrown into disarray as Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters applaud anything that keeps Bob Costas off the air. 

3. Louisiana Derby – Race run Saturday without spectators, though horses stubbornly refuse to comply with Jockey Club order requiring six lengths between each horse…With no one in attendance, low off-track betting handle saw winner pay 45 cents to win, 10 cents to place and a couple of frozen burritos to show. 

4. Coronavirus Fact Check – Click here this week’s virus misinformation, though Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters still using blow dryers to shoot hot air up noses just for funsies.  

5. President Trump Fact Check – Click here for latest from America’s Misinformer-in-Chief…AP fact-checking staff kept so busy they now have their own Twitter feed for instant updates.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

Free on Sunday! Free on Sunday!
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow, finally, gets his new business card wallet delivered. Today’s Diary.  

After a nearly two-week journey that took it from Tennessee to Mississippi then west to Iowa and then the big city AND THEN a return trip east that didn’t end until Connecticut – where it was presumably stopped from being put on a rowboat to Finland – my new business card wallet was at the hotel when I reported for duty….Recall I bought this last week, or so, to hold all my Sparrow For US Senate cards that I would be passing out the Minor Party state convention next month which, of course, has been canceled…Still tho, I put a few cards in there and both it and my real wallet are small enuff so both fit in my back pocket pretty easily. 

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1972 – The Equal Rights Amendment is sent to the several states following approval by the United States Senate. Previously, the amendment had passed the US House in August 1970 and within a year a majority of states had ratified it, though by the March, 1979 deadline only 35 of the required 38 states had ratified it. Five states would later rescind their ratification, though it remains unclear – and academic – if these were legal moves. An Equal Rights Amendment had first been introduced in Congress in 1923.

In 1894 – The Stanley Cup is awarded for the first time after a playoff when the Montreal Hockey Club (MHC) defeats the Ottawa Hockey Club 3-1 in the championship game at the Victoria Skating Rink in Montreal. Ottawa, as the only team obliged to travel in the three-team tournament, received a bye into the final game, while the MHC defeated the Montreal Victorias 3-2 in their semifinal. The previous year the MHC had been awarded the Cup as the regular season Amateur Hockey Association of Canada champion. 

In 1952 – Kay Starr is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart – a predecessor of the Hot `100 – for the second of nine consecutive weeks with Wheel of Fortune. It was her 16th of 37 hits on a Billboard pop chart and would also top Billboard’s Most Played by Jockeys and Most Played in Jukeboxes charts. Starr’s other #1 hit, Rock and Roll Waltz (`1956) was the first #1 song on a Billboard chart to feature “rock and roll” in the title. Starr was born Catherine Laverne Starks and died in 2016 at 94.

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Why is it always only a matter of choosing between something bad and something worse? – Charles Bukowski, Ham On Rye

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The NHL mark for most saves in a game this century is held by Ben Scrivens of the Edmonton Oilers, who had 59 saves in a 3-0 win over the San Jose Sharks on Jan 29, 2004. Scrivens’ mark is tied for the 6th highest total in NHL history. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many proposed amendments to the US Constitution are still eligible to be ratified? – Answer next time!

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