The Daily Dose/March 11, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

BROTHER, CAN YOU SPARE SOME TOILET PAPER?: Mankind continues to go bonkers over the Covid-19 illness. We are (probably) overreacting. 

Running The Numbers: So far there have been, more or less, 119,200 cases worldwide with, again more or less, 4,000 deaths. Now, this is a new illness, of course, so we’re not entirely sure what the hell is going on, but the survival rate is over 96%, so the danger to us 7.7 billion humans is low. As She has been doing since time immemorial, Mother Nature has favored us with another new malady. 

FunFact: Either it will run its course and die off or it won’t and will end up as being as common as the flu and familiarity will lead to accepting it as par for the human course. Until then, sporting events are being canceled or played in front of no one and exciting times are ahead for the upcoming NCAA basketball major division basketball tournaments and the Tokyo Olympics. It would serve the TV networks that force-feed you their mindless blather well to have these events canceled. 

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: In the meantime, can we stop hoarding all the goddamned toilet paper? The illness causes a variety of ailments, none of which are increased crapping. Chill out. We can understand hoarding sanitizer and whatnot. This doesn’t bother us because we wash our hands more than once a month, but please, stop hoarding TP. You are not going to need any more of it than usual. At least from this illness. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow does the wake-up greeting at the hotel. Today’s Diary. 

I completely nailed the wake-up call today, too, somewhat surprising because I hadn’t done it for a while but swing shift was so busy neither Q nor Amy – busy rustling up reward club enrollments, no doubt – could be bothered to do it…One take, too…I reviewed the weather forecast, made some mental notes and dove right in: 

“Hi, it’s Sparrow with your wake-up call, it’s Tuesday, March 10…Sunny today in town, highs will be in the 40s and lows in the mid-20s…Have a great day and thank you for staying with us.” 

Call it the instincts all the great ones have if you must, but I knew I’d nailed it…I listened to it just to confirm I nailed it and I sounded like Casey Kasem announcing the Highest Debuting Song of the Week on American Top 40…It was that good. 

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1946 – Rudolph Hoss, the first commandant of the Auschwitz concentration camp, is captured by British troops in Germany, disguised as a gardener and using the name Franz Lang. Hoss’ trial would begin in Poland a year later, where he was convicted of war crimes and executed on April 16, 1947. During his captivity Hoss compiled an autobiography and talked candidly, with little remorse, about his actions. He had been turned in by his wife, who had done so to protect their son, who was being interrogated by the British. 

In 1979 – Randy Holt of the Los Angeles Kings establishes new NHL records for most penalties and penalty minutes in a period in a 6-3 loss to the Philadelphia Flyers. Holt had nine penalties totaling 67 minutes in the first period: one for holding, three for fighting, two for misconduct and three game misconducts. Holt broke the records of seven penalties and 44 minutes established by separate players and his records still stand. The team marks of 49 penalties and 362 minutes also established NHL records for one period, though both records have since been broken. 

In 1972 – Nilsson is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the fourth and final consecutive week with Without You. The song also went to #1 in five other countries, including Ireland and Great Britain and was Billboard’s fourth biggest song of the year. It was the fourth of eight Top 40 hits for Nilsson, his second of three Top 10 hits and remains his only #1 song. Mariah Carey charted with the song in 1994, where it returned to #1 in Great Britain and peaked at #3 on the Hot 100. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Most history is guessing, and the rest is prejudice. – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol I: Our Oriental Heritage 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Vern Mikkelsen holds the NBA record for fouling out of the most games in a career with 127. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Two members of what group wrote the song Without You? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/March 10, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off is taking some PTO. It will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow’s US Senate campaign cards arrive. Today’s Diary. 

My Sparrow for US Senate cards came on Saturday, too…I only bought 500 tho, instead of my usual thousand, but there was a coupon in there for 25% off my next order…Inspired by this, I bought a neat-o card wallet, tonight…I used to have a really sweet one but I left it in a hotel room somewhere in a past campaign and never bothered to replace it…I bought one almost exactly like the old one, but it was $30 cheaper and darn near identical…It was from the same company, so it’s the quality gear I demand, but the leather is a bit different and there’s a snap, so I think it might be designed for a chick, but I didn’t buy the matching clutch so I don’t think anyone will notice and even if they do I’ll note the savings, thereby establishing key fiscal sanity credentials.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1876 – The telephone is used for the first time when Alexander Graham Bell calls his assistant Thomas Watson, summoning him from an adjoining room at Bell’s Boston laboratory. The second phone conversation occurred minutes later when Bell and Watson swapped places, with Watson reading some passages from a book.  The phone utilized a liquid transmitter that had been invented by Elisha Gray, who had filed competing telephone patents with Bell, though it was Bell’s who were ultimately upheld by the courts. Bell had received his telephone patent three days earlier. 

In 1987 – Kareem Abdul-Jabbar of the Los Angeles Lakers establishes a new NBA record for most personal fouls in a career in a 143-107 win over the Denver Nuggets. Abdul-Jabbar’s charge in the first quarter was the 4,194th foul of his career, breaking the record established by Elvin Hayes between 1968-84. Abdul-Jabbar would retire in 1989 with 4,657 fouls, a record that still stands. For his career, Abdul-Jabbar fouled out of 48 games. 

In 1962 – Hey Baby by Bruce Channel (pronounced Shu-nell) is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks. The song was Channel’s first chart single and while he had four other Hot 100 entries, Hey Baby remains his only Top 40 hit. The song also peaked at #2 on Billboard’s soul chart and at #2 in Great Britain and in 1982 Anne Murray took it to #7 on Billboard’s country chart, making it one of the few songs to hit on all three major Billboard singles charts. Channel disliked touring and later had a successful career as a songwriter. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Never in the world does hatred cease by hatred; hatred ceases by love. – Buddha  

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Coward of the County by Kenny Rogers was the #1 song in Great Britain when The Whispers were at #2 with And The Beat Goes On

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who holds the NBA career record for fouling out of the most games? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/March 9, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Friends, your Daily Dose has the day off. It will return.

Click here for today’s entry in The Diary of a Nobody.

Thanks for reading,

Gaylon

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The Daily Dose/March 7, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

USA! USA!: The surprise, of course, is not that the race for the Democratic presidential nomination was whittled down to two after the Super Tuesday primaries. It may not have been expected by some – and Lord knows the lousy prognosticators here didn’t call it – but it is hardly the Upset of the Year. 

The news is who the party that likes to brag about how diverse and inclusive it is has left for us: two white men. Two white men in their 70s. Two white, straight men in their 70s. 

Fly In The Ointment: This from the party that once nominated the first black and the first woman for the presidency. This from a party that loves to celebrate its diversity and once had men and women, young and old, white and black, gay and straight in their 2020 race. 

Go In Peace, Serve Grandpa: So barring a phenomenon on par with planetary alignment, it is highly likely our next president will be one of three white males whose average age is 76. President Trump was already the oldest president ever at inauguration, 70, and that record will be broken next January no matter who wins and either Bernie Sanders or Joe Biden would be older at inauguration than Ronald Reagan, 77, was when he left office. 

Now, we’re not anti-70-year-old white male here. Hell, we hope to be one ourselves one day, but good gravy, this group has a monopoly on the remaining major-party candidates and both the Republicans and Democrats could have done better than this. The GOP could have done better than a lying sexual predator who believes the moon is part of Mars. The Democrats, with a wide, diverse pool to choose from, could have done better, too. But 70+, white males are either the one in power or the ones getting the votes…Nobody forced them on us.  

Gaylon For US Senate…Vote Early, Vote Often: As always, we get the government we deserve. We get yesterday’s thinking from old white men, it’s all our fault; we’re voting for them. We miss out on the vigor and flexibility of someone not approaching 80, our bad. We are not going to get different until we start demanding it at the ballot box. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest from the gym. Today’s Diary.  

Had a good but not great workout this morning…Yes, I upped the weight on two exercises but on two other exercises, I only got the max weight up eight times…This isn’t an unmitigated disaster, of course, because eight times means you’re building muscle, too and as we’ve noted here from time to time doing as few as six reps – with six being all you can do – per set has merit as well. 

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1941 – The German submarine U-47, among the most successful German submarines of World War II, is lost at sea northwest of Scotland, disappearing without a trace. Over the course of ten patrols starting in 1938, U-47 was responsible for sinking 31 Allied vessels and damaging eight more. Exactly why U-47 vanished isn’t known, though no one familiar with submarine warfare of the era dismisses the possibility that U-47 was sunk by their own torpedo. 45 officers and men died. 

In 1960 – Austin Carr of Notre Dame establishes a new NCAA tournament record for most points in a game in a 112-82 win over Ohio in a Mideast Region opening-round game in Dayton. Carr had 61 points breaking the record of 58 established by Princeton’s Bill Bradley in 1965. Carr also scored 52 points in a second-round loss to Kentucky, a feat he would duplicate in a 1971 tournament game, making Carr the only person to score 50 or more points in three NCAA tournament games. 

In 1964 – The Beatles are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the sixth of seven consecutive weeks with I Want to Hold Your Hand.  It was the first of a record 20 #1 songs on the Hot 100 for the group and the sixth of 14 consecutive weeks the group would hold onto the #1 spot with three different songs (She Loves You, Can’t Buy Me Love). The song went to #1 in seven other countries including Norway and Great Britain, was Billboard’s biggest song of the year, the fifth-biggest of the decade and ranked 48th on their 60th-anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.. – Joseph Heller, Catch-22

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Eight people who either played in or worked for the United States Football League are enshrined in the Pro Football Hall of Fame: George Allen, Sid Gilman, Jim Kelly, Marv Levy, Bill Polian, Steve Young, Reggie White and Gary Zimmerman. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many Top 10 hits did the Beatles have on the Billboard Hot 100? – Answer next time!

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