The Daily Dose/January 8, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Friends, your Daily Dose will return. Apologies are issued.

Click here to read The Diary of a Nobody.

Gaylon

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The Daily Dose/January 7, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: The Christmas tree is still up in the lobby of the hotel. Today’s Diary. 

One thing I didn’t do was alert anyone to this fact…I learned that lesson years ago…You open your yap and say hey, why’s the Christmas tree still up and then someone says wow, ol’ Sparrow isn’t all that busy overnights while we’re slammed, so let’s have him get started on taking the tree down…Boo to that…One, I’ll screw it up because I can never get anything back in their boxes in an orderly fashion, and besides, I don’t want to do it anyway. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1999 – The impeachment trial of President Bill Clinton begins in the United States Senate. The first day had a rather light calendar, with the articles impeachment issued by the House of Representatives presented and all involved sworn in by the presiding judge, Chief Justice William Rehnquist. The prosecution began presenting its case on Jan. 14, the defense on Jan. 19 and Clinton was acquitted on both articles by wide margins. 

In 1927 – The Harlem Globetrotters play their first game, a score History has chosen not to record, in Hinckley, Illinois. The Trotters, a traveling team, went 101-16 that first year and would not begin their now-famous on-court antics until 1939. They were inducted into the National Basketball Hall of Fame in 2002 and almost 750 players have played for them over the years. 

In 1967 – The Monkees are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of seven consecutive weeks with I’m a Believer. It was their second Top 40 hit and their second consecutive #1 (Last Train To Clarksville). The song also went to #1 in eleven other countries, including Norway and the United Kingdom and was Billboard’s 5th biggest song of the year. The song was written by Neil Diamond, who released it as a single in 1971, though it did not hit the Top 40. 

Quotebook
If in the future we find ourselves with a lot of fourth-rate citizens, we have only ourselves to blame. – Louis L’Amour, Education of a Wandering Man

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The NBA record for most three-point field goals in a game is 14, by Klay Thompson of Golden State on Oct. 29, 2018. The team record is 27 by the Houston Rockets on Apr. 7, 2019. 

Today’s Stumper
How many #1 albums did the Monkees have on Billboard’s album chart? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/January 6, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Friends, The Daily Dose will return.

Click here to read The Diary of a Nobody.

Have a good day,

Gaylon

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The Daily Dose/January 5, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

1. US Airstrikes – Fabulous…America attacking sovereign nations Congress has not declared war against…This is hardly a bulletin, however, because America has been doing this since Congress last declared war in 1942.

2. Iranian General Assassination – Fabulous…We can just assassinate whoever the hell we want now…Go America.  

3. President Donald Trump – Fabulous…World War III will be commanded by a man whose only real talent is drawing attention to himself and who believes the moon is part of Mars. 

4. Jamal Khashoggi – Still dead…Still murdered by the Saudis…Still, nobody getting too worked up about it here in America. 

5. New England Patriots – It’s all over…As great a dynasty as American professional sports has seen dies at home to an average team they should have named the score against.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow tires to iron a shirt. Today’s Diary. 

I screwed something up and ended up soaking the ironing board, which I didn’t realize until I’d put the shirt down, getting the shirt wet, too…I tried to iron it but it was no use and this shirt would have had a more professional appearance had I wadded it up and threw it in a corner…

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1914 – The Ford Motor Company announces an eight-hour workday for male employees and a daily wage of $5, about $126 in today’s money. Previously, Ford employees worked nine hours a day and were paid $2.34 an hour. The eight-hour day in the US dates back to 1842 when Boston ship carpenters earned it and it did not become a standard in all industries until 1940. 

In 2001 – Tim Thomas of the Milwaukee Bucks establishes a new NBA record for most three-point field goals in a half in a 119-115 loss to the Portland Trailblazers. Thomas had eight three-point baskets in the second half – he’d had zero in the first half – to break the record of seven that had been done several times. His record was broken in March 2013 by Deron Williams of Brooklyn (9) and the record is now ten, done twice, by Chandler Parsons of Houston (Jan. 2014) and Klay Thompson of Golden State (Oct. 2018). 

In 1974 – If We Make It Through December by Merle Haggard and the Strangers is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the third of four consecutive weeks. It was Haggard’s 16th of 38 #1 country hits and was Billboard’s second-biggest country song of 1974. The song also peaked at #28 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and remains Haggard’s biggest pop hit. 

Quotebook
In order to succeed, you must be a person who is able to perform hard work repeatedly over a long period of time. – Lee Labrada, American bodybuilder

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Mario Lemieux of the Pittsburgh Penguins is the only player in NHL history who has eight points in a game three times in a career. 

Today’s Stumper
Who holds the NBA record for most three-point field goals in a game? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/January 4, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

USA! USA! The US attack on the Baghdad airport that killed, among others,  a top Iranian general is drawing the usual partisan reaction we’ve come to expect from everything except sunrise in this country. This, however, is a non-partisan analysis of the attack: 

We attacked a sovereign nation Congress had not declared war against. 

Now, this is hardly a bulletin, of course, because America has been doing this regularly since Congress last declared war in 1942, despite the fact that declaring war is the exclusive province of Congress. 

Can You Repeat That, Please: Of course we can: Congress last declared war in 1942. A lot of people are surprised by that but look it up: Congress last declared war on June 5, 1942 when it declared war on the bastards in Bulgaria, Hungary and Romania. Congress did not declare war for Korea, Vietnam, the Persian Gulf War or any other military action the US has taken since.

Yeah, That’ll Work: The Pentagon said the attack was: 

…aimed at deterring future Iranian attack plans

LOL: Perhaps it’s true. Perhaps it’s not. It’s also funny, engaging in an act of war in order to prevent war. It won’t prevent anything because the only dividend war provides is more war. The consequences could well be World War III. 

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: The United States has been at war every day for over 30 years and we’ve been meddling in the Middle East even longer. We’ve long said we have a violent planet because of US intervention in other countries and it is difficult to argue with that. Had we been at peace for the past 30 years instead of at war this week’s attack wouldn’t have been necessary and 9/11 would never have happened. If we had spent the past 30 years leaving other countries alone, they would have left us alone. 

Gaylon For US Senate: Vote Early, Vote Often: The time has come to see the world, and country, that would be produced by a United States at peace with the world. The only dividend war provides is more war. 

Editor’s Note: Gaylon is a candidate for the Colorado Libertarian Party’s 2020 United States Senate nomination. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow stops by to see Jenn, his new supervisor at the VSO. Today’s Diary. 

While across the street I stopped in to say hi to Jenn, who’s my new supervisor…Like my last supervisor, Kris, who fled, Jenn has no clue what I do, either…Her purpose is to take care of payroll and other admin things…She’s really funny, too…I walked in and said hi and assumed a bended knee, in homage to her…This made her laff and she stood up and tapped me on the top of my head with her scepter – actually a pencil – and commanded me to rise and go and serve veterans.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1999 – Jesse Ventura, a former Navy SEAL and professional wrestler is inaugurated governor of Minnesota. Ventura had been elected the previous November as a member of the Reform Party, earning 37% of the vote in a three-person race. Born James George Janos in Minneapolis, Ventura remains the only member of a professional wrestling hall of fame to serve as the governor of a US state. Ventura served one term and declined to run for reelection. 

In 1984 – Wayne Gretzky of the Edmonton Oilers becomes the first NHL player to have eight points in a game twice in a career in a 12-8 victory over the Minnesota North Stars. Gretzky had four goals and four assists, which also extended his record for most consecutive games with an assist to 17, a record he would extend to 23 in the 1990-91 season. The game remains the second-highest scoring game in NHL history behind Montreal’s 14-7 win over Toronto in January 1920. 

In 1960 – Marty Robbins is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with El Paso, the first #1 song of the decade. The song was also in its third of seven weeks at #1 on Billboard’s country chart and peaked at 19 in Great Britain. It was the sixth of 14 #1 country songs for Robbins and remains his only #1 hit on the Hot 100. It also won the Grammy Award for Best Country & Western Recording. 

Quotebook
Things don’t ever git better less’n you make’em better! – Alex Haley, Roots: The Saga of an American Family

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Before FDR, the US dime had the image of the mythical goddess Liberty on the obverse side. 

Today’s Stumper
Who is the only NHL player to have eight points in a game three times in a career? – Answer next time!

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