The Daily Dose/January 3, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow considers going on the wagon. Today’s Diary. 

I think I need to stop drinking…I had a couple of Scotches with dinner and I could not get to sleep…This is the third time in the last couple of weeks this has happened and even a blockhead like yours truly can spot that trend…Recall I had a few at the hotel Christmas party and couldn’t sleep…Then this past Tuesday morning I had a shifter – the fabulous, complimentary well drink we get at the hotel bar after a shift – and couldn’t sleep.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The Bottom Ten/NFL Final: The Detroit Lions, hardly for the first time, earn The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy. 

Thank you for reading this year. Here are some funny lines from this week’s NFL Bottom Ten: 

Sometimes though, slow and steady – not to mention lousy – wins the Bottom Ten race. 

Laughter, B-10 title hopes,  die in (rare) victory, as Bengals blow B-10 title, scoring 20 unanswered points in single game for first time since Reconstruction…

Chargers looking forward to changing stadiums in 2020, going from small soccer stadium filled with opponent’s fans to large stadium filled with empty seats…

B-10 pollsters thought about trotting out classic college B-10 line about division leveling up for strong .500 divisional play mark, but decided not to.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1938 – President Franklin D Roosevelt announces the creation of what is now known as the March of Dimes, to combat childhood paralysis. Before the end of the month, the White House received over 30,000 letters containing dimes, a dime then worth about $1.80 in today’s money. The dime was redesigned in 1946 to include Roosevelt’s image on the obverse side.

In 2010 – Chris Johnson of the Tennessee Titans establishes a new NFL record for most yards from scrimmage in a season in a 17-13 victory over the Seattle Seahawks. Johnson had 136 yards rushing and 20 yards receiving to finish the season with 2,509 combined yards, breaking the record of 2,429 yards established by Marshall Faulk of Indianapolis in 1999. The record still stands and Johnson’s total of 2,006 rushing yards is the sixth-highest total in NFL history.

In 1970 – B.J. Thomas is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of four consecutive weeks with Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head, the first #1 song of the 1970s. The song also went to #1 in Norway, Canada and South Africa, peaked at #38 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s fourth biggest song of the year. The song was from the movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and won the Oscar for Best Original Song for writers Hal David and Burt Bacharach. It was the sixth Top 40 hit for Thomas and his first of two #1 songs.

Quotebook
All I’m saying, I suppose, is that if the temptation to humanity does assail you now and then, I hope you won’t take it as a weakness in yourself, but give it a fair hearing. – John LeCarre, The Secret Pilgrim

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Willis Tower, still commonly known as the Sears Tower, in Chicago was the last building in the United States to hold the title of world’s tallest building. It held the title from 1974 until 1998. 

Today’s Stumper
Whose image was on the obverse side of the dime before FDR’s? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/December 31, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

2020: On it!: As we write this, the world is about an hour away from commencing its celebration of the start of the third decade of the 20th century. It starts almost due south of Hawaii with festivities in Samoa and Kiribati, despite the fact both should be east of the International Date Line and amongst the last to leave 2019.

Do You Wonder Why You Don’t Get Invited To More (Any) Parties: The International Date Line is an imaginary line of demarcation more or less at 180 degrees longitude, directly opposite the Prime Meridian (0 degrees longitude). It veers east and west though, to accommodate assorted international borders.

Dry, Technical Matter: Kiribati changed its position vis-a-vis the International Date Line in the 1990s after it acquired territory that caused it to straddle the International Date Line. So, in accordance with international convention, it moved the dateline east so it was completely west of it, placing it in the first group of jurisdictions to make a new year.

FunFact: The International Date Line is so jury-rigged Samoa is in the first group to ring in 2020 while American Samoa, west of the International Date Line and a mere 100 or miles to the east of Samoa, will enter 2020 exactly 24 hours later, the last inhabited place to ring in a new year.

Oh, Jesus H: Both Baker Island and Howland Island, uninhabited US possessions near the equator, are the last places to enter a new year, doing so Wednesday morning at 5am Mountain Standard Time.

More Dry, Technical Matter: Due to bastardizing of the International Date Line, it now takes 26 hours for a planet theoretically divided into 24 time zones to have everyone ring in the new year.

Please Pass The Dry, Technical Matter: 15 minutes after Samoa, New Zealand, including the Chatham Islands, trot into 2020. The South Pole, too. Despite the fact all 24 time zones converge there, they keep New Zealand time at Amundson-Scott Station because access to the South Pole is through New Zealand.

Whew: Exactly why there are time zones 15 and 30 minutes off of standard time is, fortunately, beyond the scope of this column. Happy New Year, and many thanks for reading.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow registers the new ride. Today’s Diary. 

The lady asked if I wanted to get a personalized plate and I said no…I told her I was tempted to get a submarine veteran’s plate but I didn’t want to pay more for government permission to do something than I had to…Maybe if I could have personalized the submarine plate I would have done it but even then probably not.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 2004 – The Taipei World Financial Center, now known as Taipei 101, opens in Taiwan. It has 101 floors and at 1,671 feet is the tallest building in the world. Construction had begun in July 1999. It replaced the Petronas Towers in Malaysia as the world’s tallest building and would hold the title until 2010 when it was replaced by the Burj Khalifa (2,717 feet) in Dubai. 

In 1988 – Mario Lemieux of the Pittsburgh Penguins becomes the first player in NHL history to score goals five different ways in an 8-6 victory over the New Jersey Devils. Lemieux scored even-strength, power play and shorthanded goals in the first period, scored on a penalty shot in the second period and had an empty-net goal with one second remaining in the game. The feat has not been duplicated. 

In 1977 – The Bee Gees are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the second of three consecutive weeks with How Deep Is Your Love. The song also went to #1 in five other countries, including Brazil and Finland and peaked at #3 in Great Britain. It was Billboard’s sixth-biggest song of 1978 and ranked 25th on its 60th Anniversary Hot 100 last year. It was the first of six consecutive #1 songs for the group, a mark that tied the Beatles for the all-time Hot 100 record, a mark that was later broken, and currently held, by Whitney Houston. 

Quotebook
Basic human nature never changed; the collective human text demonstrated that incontrovertibly.  – Fred Kaplan, Lincoln: The Biography of a Writer

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The United States wanted the territory acquired in the Gadsden Purchase to build a railroad. 

Today’s Stumper
What was the last building in the United States to hold the title of world’s tallest building? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/December 30, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return after the first of the year. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest gas mileage figures for the new ride. Today’s Diary. 

And the MPG figures for the new ride are back above 30!!!

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1853 – A treaty between Mexico and the United States selling what is now parts of Arizona and New Mexico is signed. Known as the Gadsden Purchase, Mexico sold the US, for $10 million (about $305 million in today’s money), territory extending roughly from Yuma to Phoenix, Arizona to Las Cruces, New Mexico. Mexico wasn’t entirely thrilled with the sale, but Mexican President Santa Ana, perhaps, figured it was better than having the US take it away from them. It was the last significant land acquisition by the US in the lower 48 states. 

In 1961 – Wilt Chamberlain of the Philadelphia Warriors scores 41 points in a 116-111 overtime loss to the Boston Celtics, snapping his NBA-record streak of seven consecutive games with 50 or more points. Chamberlain had broken the record of five consecutive games with 50 or more points he had established earlier in the month. This was also the 14th and final consecutive game Chamberlain would score 40 or more points, an NBA record he would equal in January and which still stands. Chamberlain this season also established still-standing NBA records for most consecutive games with 30 points (65) and 20 points (80, the entire season). For the year, Chamberlain averaged 50.4 points per game, an NBA record that also still stands. 

In 1967 – The Beatles are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with Hello, Goodbye. It was the 13th overall and third consecutive #1 song for the group. The song also went to #1 in nine other countries, including West Germany, Norway and Great Britain. Though a commercial success, the song was panned by some critics and derided by John Lennon, who was peeved his composition, I Am the Walrus, was not selected as the A side of the record. 

Quotebook
Dinah was a self-taught genius, and, like geniuses in general, was positive, opinionated and erratic, to the last degree.  – Harriet Beecher Stowe, Uncle Tom’s Cabin

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Rhianna (14) and Mariah Carey (19) are the female solo acts who have had more #1 songs on Billboard’s Hot 100 than Madonna’s twelve. Elvis Presley (20) has had more than anyone. 

Today’s Stumper
Why did the United States want the territory it bought from Mexico in the Gadsden Purchase? – Answer next time!

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