The Daily Dose/December 28, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return after the first of the year. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets the latest on the damage to the VFW building from the fire that happened next door. Today’s Diary. 

Bob from the post came by to visit, too, just to say howdy…We ended up talking about the VFW building downtown…There was a fire at a restaurant next door to it a few weeks ago and I didn’t really give it much thought but Bob said the smoke damage was significant and the VFW bar, which was leased out to Cheryl, has been closed ever since…Bob said it will late spring before it opens again and that is if everything goes right, which it won’t of course, and Bob said we might be able to have the 4th of July party there, or we may not. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
1065 – Westminster Abbey is consecrated by King Edward the Confessor, who had begun construction, a rebuilding of St Peter’s Abbey, in 1642. By chance, Edward would die the following week, the first monarch to be buried there. Westminster Abbey has been the site of the coronation of every British monarch since William the Conqueror in 1066. No longer a home for monks or a bishop’s seat, the church is now subject to the direct jurisdiction of the monarch. 

In 1944 – Maurice Richard of the Montreal Canadiens establishes a new NHL record for most points in a game with eight. Richard had five goals and three assists in a 9-1 victory over the Detroit Red Wings. Richard broke the record of seven that had been established by Joe Malone of Montreal in January, 1918 and later tied by Malone and several others. The NHL record for most points in a game is now ten by Darryl Sitler, who had six goals and four assists for the Toronto Maple Leafs on February 7, 1976. 

In 1957 – Wake Up Little Susie by the Everly Brothers is at #1 on Billboard’s Most Played C&W by Jockeys chart – one of several predecessors to today’s country chart – for its only week. It was the second of four #1 country songs for the duo and earlier, the song had spent one week each at the top of Billboard’s pop and soul charts, making it one of six songs to go to #1 on all three major Billboard charts. Phil Everly died in 2014 and Don, 82, is still alive. 

Quotebook
That is ignorance, I fear./No, not ignorance. Simply another kind of knowledge. – Gore Vidal, Creation

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The only player besides Wayne Gretzky to score 100 points in a season in fewer than 40 games is Mario Lemieux of the Pittsburgh Penguins, who did it three times, in the 1988-89, 1992-93 and 1995-96 seasons. 

Today’s Stumper
What are the five other songs that have gone to #1 on Billboard’s pop, soul and country charts? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/December 27, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return after the first of the year. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow enjoys a relaxing day with the cat. Today’s Diary. 

The plan today was to water the plants, shovel the driveway, finish the laundry and go to the next county for lunch at the Mexican joint and to pick up some things at the retailer…In the afternoon…In the morning I was going to read on the couch…But I started thinking that once I got settled in reading I was unlikely to want to get up to shovel snow or do anything else except go to bed…So I did all those things in the morning.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1979 – The Soviet/Afghan war begins when the Soviet Red Army invades Afghanistan. The invasion stemmed from resistance to the 1978 Communist Party coup in the country and the war lasted until February 1989 when the Soviets withdrew, allowing the civil war to continue without them. It was the latest interference in Afghani affairs by the Soviets/Russians, who had begun meddling there in 1885 and the war led to boycotts by various nations of both the 1980 Moscow Olympics and the 1984 Los Angeles Games. 

In 1981 – Wayne Gretzky of the Edmonton Oilers establishes a new NHL record for the fewest games needed to reach 100 points in a season in a 10-3 win over the Los Angeles Kings. Gretzky had four goals and an assist to break the record of 51 games that had been established by Phil Esposito of the Boston Bruins in the 1970-71 season. In 1983 Gretzky would become one of the few players in sports history to break his own record when he reached 100 points in 34 games, a mark that still stands. 

In 1980 – John Lennon is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of five consecutive weeks with (Just Like) Starting Over. It was Lennon’s tenth Top 40 solo hit and his second and final #1 (Whatever Gets You Through the Night, 1974). The song also went to #1 in seven other countries, including Spain and Great Britain, was Billboard’s fourth biggest single of 1981, the 12th biggest of the decade and ranked 68th on Billboard’s 60th anniversary Hot 100 last year. Lennon had been shot to death on December 8, making Lennon the third act after Janis Joplin and Otis Redding to hit #1 posthumously. 

Quotebook
Carpentier did it again!, a second time, and this was the blow perfected by a lifetime of training…it rocked Dempsey to his heels, but it broke Carpentier’s hand. His best was not enough. – Heywood Braun

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Besides My Sweet Lord, George Harrison’s other #1 songs on the Billboard Hot 100 were Give Me Love (Give Me Peace On Earth) (one week 1973) and Got My Mind Set On Your (one week, 1987) 

Today’s Stumper
Who is the only other NHL player to score 100 points in a season in fewer than 40 games? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/December 26, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Chef Sparrow works it in the kitchen. Today’s Diary. 

My Christmas prime rib was really good…Regular readers of this crap know I have few cooking skills but it’s so easy even ol’ Sparrow has a tuff time messing it up: 450 for 30 minutes then 350 for an hour or so…I seasoned it just right, too, so the the well-done edges, my favorite part, came out just right…I also ate most of the box of deep-fried shrimp I’d bought for the occasion…Of course, I ate too much and had the trots the rest of the day and most of the night but still, it was better than not going thru the effort of a holiday meal.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 18: The losing, and the laughs, don’t stop in the race for the most coveted trophy in sports: The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.

Here are some funny excerpts from this week’s NFL Bottom Ten:

It’s not over yet. But veteran Bottom Ten fan(s)  know it would take a lot – like a Bengals victory – to have the shipping label for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – changed from Paul Brown Stadium. 

B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” current eight (8)-game skid renders opening week tie vs Cardinals moot, but keeping bar tabs open just to be safe…

Redskins faced with toughest of choices this week: lose and secure B-10 medal stand berth, or tank and knock Cowboys out of playoffs…

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 2004 – An earthquake measuring between 9.1-9.3 on the Richter scale strikes in the Indian Ocean, west of Indonesia. The ensuing tsunami killed an estimated 227,000 people and due to a lack of a warning system in the area it caught virtually everyone by surprise. It was felt as far away as South Africa, where high tide registered five feet higher than normal, killing two. It is the third-strongest earthquake in recorded history, one of only five to top 9.0 on the Richter scale and remains one of the deadliest natural disasters in human history. 

In 2001 – Patrick Roy of the Colorado Avalanche becomes the first NHL goalie to win 500 games, stopping 31 shots in a 2-0 victory over the Dallas Stars. The previous season Roy had broken Terry Sawchuck’s record of 445 wins established from 1949-70 and Roy would retire after the 2003 season with 551 wins. The record is now held by Martin Broduer, who won 691 games from 1991-2015.
Editor’s Note: some sources credit Sawchuck with 447 career wins, however the NHL record book credits him with 445. 

In 1970 – George Harrison is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of four consecutive weeks with My Sweet Lord. It was the first chart single for Harrison as a solo act, his first of three solo #1 songs and he was the first former Beattle to hit #1 in America. The song also went to #1 in 13 other countries including Spain, Australia and Great Britain. Harrison wrote the song and originally gave it to Billy Preston, whose version peaked at #90 on the Hot 100.

Quotebook
When nature has work to be done, she creates a genius to do it. – Emerson

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The last player to lead the NFL in passing yards with fewer than 1,000 yards was Ace Parker of the Brooklyn Dodgers, who passed for 865 yards in 1938. Parker also played shortstop for the Philadelphia Athletics from 1937-38. 

Today’s Stumper
What were George Harrison’s other #1 songs on the Billboard Hot 100? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/December 25, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
Americas Funniest Guy

The Daily Dose will return.

Click here to read today’s Diary of a Nobody. 

Merry Christmas,

Gaylon

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The Daily Dose/December 24, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

WELL, AT LEAST THAT’S OVER WITH: Saudi Arabia has announced five death sentences in association with their trials of those accused in the Oct. 2018 killing of Jamal Khashoggi. 

That the Saudis were conducting trials wasn’t a bulletin, but they’ve been held in secret with no accounts given and few have taken them seriously, the death penalty announcement hardly being heralded the world over.  

Dry, Technical, Matter: The foreign minister of Turkey – the country where Khashoggi was killed – dismissed it as “far from meeting…expectations” and Khashoggi’s fiance Hatice Cengiz called it “not acceptable” and the Washington Post, for whom Khashoggi wrote from time to time, dismissed the announcement as well.

Numbers Racket: According to the Saudis, they investigated 31 people in connection Khashoggi’s death, arrested 21 and tried eleven. Of the other six that were tried, three were convicted and sentenced to lesser penalties and three were acquitted. Or so we’re told. Again, the trials were held in secret and we have only the Saudi’s word on any of this. 

ROTFLMAO: US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo was quoted as saying this: 

These penalties will not be the last word on this matter from the United States.

He’s just kidding, of course. The US will do the same thing it’s done since Khashoggi’s murder: nothing. Some may get their shorts in a knot over it, but our government announced long ago that it had no interest in pursing anything other than business as usual with the Saudis. 

Fly In The Ointment: Paced by a disinterested America, the world declined to demand accountability and good luck ever getting it. The Saudis were determined to kill Khashoggi come what may and they brazened their way through it without sanction. We stood by and watched, as complicit in it as the Saudis are. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest gas mileage figures for the new ride. Today’s Diary. 

I filled up this morning on the way to the Veterans Service Office (VSO) and I’m afraid the gas mileage figures are the lowest since I bought the new ride last month…

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1968 – Man reaches the moon for the first time when Apollo 8 – manned by Frank Borman, James Lovell and William Anders – enters lunar orbit. Orbit followed a 4 minute, 7 second burn that had it not gone properly could have crashed the command module into the moon or flung them into orbit. The crew was unable to see the moon on their approach, and only saw it for the first time after entering orbit. Apollo 8 orbited the moon ten times and returned to Earth on December 27. 

In 1968 – Joe Namath of the New York Jets (AFL) becomes the first professional quarterback to pass for more than 4,000 yards in a season in a 42-31 win over the San Diego Chargers. Namath was 18-for-26 for 343 yards and four touchdowns, finishing the season with 4,007 yards passing. Namath broke the professional record of 3,747 yards that had been established the previous year by Sonny Jurgenson of the NFL’s Washington Redskins and the record was broken in 1979 by Dan Fouts of the San Diego Chargers with 4,082 yards. The record is now held by Peyton Manning, who threw for 5,477 yards in 2013. 

In 1966 – Jack Greene is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the first of six consecutive weeks with There Goes My Everything. It was the first of five #1 country songs for Greene and also peaked at #65 on Billboard’s Hot 100. The song was written by Dallas Frazier, who also wrote #1 songs for, among others, the Hollywood Argyles (Alley Oop, 1961, pop) and The Oak Ridge Boys (Elvira; 1980, country)

Quotebook
…if these things were to be done, he knew that reason would have to exert its sway quickly: the country could no longer be permitted to be swept along wherever “passion and prejudice” led it. – John C Miller, Alexander Hamilton, Portrait in Paradox

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
King William III and Queen Mary II jointly ruled England from 1689 until Mary’s death in 1694. William then ruled until his death in 1702. He was succeeded by Mary’s sister, Anne.  

Today’s Stumper
When was the last time a player led the NFL in passing throwing for fewer than 1,000 for a season? – Answer next time!

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