The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 12 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Even with the top two teams in last week’s Bottom Ten – Rice and Akron – taking the week off, from actually playing at least, the chase for the ESPNCup is so deep, this week’s medal stand still checks in with a combined 2-27 record.
The big news is Thiel College is the new holder of the Continental Cup – issued to the team with the longest all-division losing streak in NATO – as Shorter won, ending their losing streak at 49 games.
This week’s mess:
1. New Mexico State (0-9; lost to Ole Miss 41-3) Mitigating Factors: Aggies take advantage of opportunity to test drive B-10 top spot with clutch, road blowout loss…Game not as close as score indicated, as Aggies give up 606 yards total offense as only blemish on shutout was curious second-quarter field goal…Aggies 0-9 for first time since vaunted 2005 squad claimed school’s only B-10 title, running table with perfect 0-12 season. FunFact: Current eleven (11)-game skid best amongst teams who could be bothered to have actually played game last Saturday. Next Loss: Incarnate Word
The Daily Dose/November 11, 2019 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around the human experience…
Editor’s Note: today’s Leading Off item originally ran – with a few minor changes – on Veterans Day 2017.
TEN HUT!: You know, honestly, we cannot remember Veterans Day being the big deal it is today while growing up. And we come from a family of many veterans.
9/11 changed that, of course, because since 9/11 – when first responders became heroes – the reverence for veterans has grown, too. We are routinely thanked for our service now, which never used to happen before 9/11, and on Veterans Day we could scam complimentary meals left and right if moved so to do.
FunFact: We generally don’t go out of our way to do that, though. On the other hand, we don’t throw a tantrum if we’re not presented with a check.
What A Surprise, Dry, Technical Matter. November 11 has been an American holiday since 1938, born out of the earlier celebrations of the armistice that ended the major fighting in World War I at 11am on November 11, 1918. Originally known as Armistice Day, it became Veterans Day in 1954.
War Is Hell: Fighting continued right up until the eleventh hour, too. Some units didn’t want to make themselves vulnerable by yielding an advantage while some didn’t want to have to haul their ammo away why others wanted the best possible position should fighting start again. In all, over 2,700 men died on November 11, including a Canadian two minutes before peace took effect and an American at 10:59.
USA! USA!: Life in the service was pretty routine for most of us. Personally, we served on an old diesel submarine, the USS Blueback, the last diesel combat submarine in the United States Navy. We’re still pretty young and if we get regular exercise and watch between-meal treats we one day we might well be the last diesel boat veteran in this country.
Fly In The Ointment: Some, of course, did not serve routine tours. Some died in the service of their country and some contributed exploits we are still talking about today. Some are not entirely pleased with their service and too many are homeless and each day an average of 22 vets will kill themselves, choosing to continue their service on heaven’s parade ground.
The Bottom Line: Looking back at honorable service to your country is one of life’s great prizes. We are the son, brother, grandson, cousin and nephew of veterans and we hardly have an exclusive on that. You’re welcome. It was our privilege.
Today At The Site The Diary of a Nobody: The cat misses The Wife, too. Today’s Diary.
The cat misses The Wife, too, because I am getting more attention than I usually do…I’m getting more tummy rubs and pets and the cat even escorted me to the kitchen when my burger patty was ready…I was at my desk farting around and the stove’s timer went off and the cat trotted in from the kitchen and hopped on my desk and when I got up she preceded me into the kitchen and hopped on the kitchen table…She likes burger patties, too…She’s spoiled rotten because I let her get away with murder, so she’s right there with me, pawing at my meal…I actually enjoy this.
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.
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On This Date In 1620 – The first governing document in what would become the United States – the Mayflower Compact – is signed aboard the Mayflower, then anchored off of Cape Cod. Typically, the compact was negotiated by the males on board, who were desirous of maintaining order and establishing a civil society. Though the original Mayflower Compact was lost long ago, copies exist though, one of which is 196 words long, about a fifth of which pays homage to King James, whom they fled in search of religious tolerance.
In 1944 – The New York Rangers defeat the Detroit Red Wings 4-1, ending their NHL-record winless streak at 25 consecutive games. The streak had started the previous season, on Jan. 23, 1944, with a 15-0 loss to the Red Wings and the Rangers went 0-21-4 during the streak, including an 0-4 start to the 1944-45 season. The record was broken twice in the 1975-76 season, first by the Washington Capitals (25 games) and then by the Kansas City Scouts (27 games). The mark is now held by the Winnipeg Jets, who went winless in 30 consecutive games in the 1980-81 season.
In 1978 – Donna Summer is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with MacArthur Park. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #5 in Great Britain and was in its fourth of five weeks at #1 on Billboard’s disco chart. It was the first of four #1 songs for Summer whose last Top 40 hit was 1989’s This Time I Know It’s For Real. Versions of MacArthur Park by Richard Harris (#2, 1968), Waylon Jennings (#93, 1969) and the Four Tops (#38, 1971) also hit the Hot 100 as well.
Quotebook …in the long run, success or failure will be conditioned upon the way in which the average man, the average woman, does his or her duty… The stream will not permanently rise higher than the main source; and the main source of national power and national greatness is found in the average citizenship of the nation.
Theodore Roosevelt Man in the Arena Speech 4/23/1910
Answer To The Last Trivia Question Of the twelve NBA games where both teams have combined for at least 316 points, the Denver Nuggets have been involved in four of them.
Today’s Stumper The Mayflower ended up off the Massachusetts coast by mistake. Where were they originally headed? – Answer next time!
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The Daily Dose/November 10, 2019 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5 The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. Republican Party – Incapable of anything now except rancor and division, is still somehow retaining member’s support and money, despite a president who lies, believes the moon is part of Mars and whose only real talent is drawing attention to himself.
2. America – Perpetually at war, mindlessly in debt shooting gallery now, internally divided to the point the 60s now seem like something out of Mother Goose, USA not really doing anybody any good anymore…Once a beacon for liberty and capitalism for a world that needed, still needs, one, now just partisan, fractured and bickering mess.
3. Catholic Church – Despite sexual abuse by its clergy, Catholic Church still consolidating wealth and power by continuing to earn adherents money and time, despite fact it’s entitled to neither…Has little to offer except freedom of fearing death, ancient doctrines stolen from Sumerians, Egyptians, more wee peeks down the slack by priests.
4. NCAA – Utterly brilliant at whoring out their athletes while simultaneously whoring themselves out to TV networks, has seen to it major college sports is nothing more than cesspool designed to mint dollars for members colleges…Should probably get out of major division sports racket to focus on providing championships for smaller schools, something they actually do very well.
5. American Electorate – Less than a year away from heralding to selves, rest of world whether they are going to continue to tolerate partisan, fractured, bickering government or not tolerate partisan, fractured, bickering government…Options include defending the indefensible by reelecting status quo or voting to make some changes.
Editor’s Note: Gaylon is running for the Colorado Libertarian Party’s 2020 US Senate nomination. Click here to visit his campaign’s website.
Today At The Site The Diary of a Nobody:It’s a profitable night at the hotel for Sparrow. Today’s Diary.
I made – made, but did not earn – $114 in gratuities tonite…Right after Q left two drunk kids who are staying next door stumbled in to report on their shabby treatment at the bar…In fairly short order I earned a $12 gratuity simply for listening and being cordial to them, treatment they claim they did not receive at the bar…Then about 20 minutes later I mentioned, for reasons I forget, that I happened to be a veteran…BOOM…The kid pulls a C note out of his wallet!!!…I am not making that up…$100…I try to decline but he insists and I’ve learned over many years of dealing with drunks professionally not to press this matter because the next thing you know you’ve caused offense and their pissed and who knows what happens next…So I graciously accepted it and told them I will donate it to our veteran’s assistance fund.
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.
Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date In 1865 – Captain Henry Wirtz of the Confederate army is executed following his conviction on assorted war crimes by the United States government. Wirtz had been commandant of the prisoner-of-war camp near Andersonville, Georgia, a prison notorious for overcrowding, inadequate water and food, as well as other inhumane conditions. Wirtz’s neck did not break after his fall, obliging Wirtz to strangle to death slowly. His clemency plea to President Andrew Johnson had gone unanswered.
In 1990 – The Phoenix Suns establish a new NBA record for most points in a half, scoring 107 in the first half of a 173-143 win over the Denver Nuggets. The mark broke the old record of 90 the Nuggets had established three days earlier and the 173 points tied the record for most points in a non-overtime game established in 1959 by the Boston Celtics. Both records still stand.
In 1984 – Billy Ocean is at #1 in Billboard’s Hot 100 with Carribean Queen (No More Love on the Run). It was Ocean’s second of twelve Top 40 hits and his first of three #1 songs. The song also went to #1 in New Zealand and Canada, peaked at #6 in Great Britain and earlier had spent four weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart and one week atop the dance chart. The song also charted internationally as European Queen and African Queen.
Quotebook Group Headquarters was alarmed, for there was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to…Clevenger, the corporal and Colonel Korn agreed that is was neither possible nor necessary to educate people who never questioned anything.
Joseph Heller Catch-22
Answer To The Last Trivia Question Wilt Chamberlain broke Elgin Baylor’s NBA single-game scoring record of 71 when he scored 78 points for the Philadelphia Warriors on Dec. 8, 1961, a 151-147, 3OT loss to the Los Angeles Lakers. Baylor himself scored 63 points in the game and this remains the only time two players have scored more than 60 points in an NBA game.
Today’s Stumper In NBA history, 12 games have seen both teams combine for at least 316 points. How many of these games involved the Denver Nuggets? – Answer next time!
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