The Daily Dose/November 8, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

INSERT OWN TRAGIC LEAD LINE HERE: Funerals for the nine Americans shot to death Monday in a small, remote town in northwest Mexico were held Thursday. Three women and six children were slaughtered. None of this news. Children and foreigners, once more or less off-limits, are now fair game for Mexico’s drug cartels. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Mexico has been at war with its drug cartels since 2006, obliged to do so by America’s own drug war, which forces cartels to smuggle in products a lot of Americans want. The profits from smuggling drugs into America are not small, and the fight amongst cartels for control is as violent as it is competitive. 

Fly In The Ointment: We have no one to blame but ourselves. A violent America has produced a violent world and our drug war has produced the violence in both countries that attends the importation and of narcotics into America. 

Here He Goes: The shootings illustrate one of the reasons to end the drug war, over and above the fact it is not the government’s job to criminalize a personal choice like this: legalize drugs and violence like this disappears. 

Oh Crap, He’s Appealing To Logic And Reason: Is the US/Mexican border currently awash in violence over the importation of coffee? Of course it isn’t. Coffee is legal. Legalize drugs and drug lords immediately go from drug smugglers to vendors trying to move some product. 

Get Out Your History Books: This week’s shootings reinforce a lesson Prohibition taught us, a lesson America still refuses to heed: morality laws do not work, unless your goal is to make criminals rich, then they work fine. The violence that currently attends trying to smuggle drugs into the US will remain as long as such drugs remain illegal. It’s a lesson America should have learned decades ago.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets The Wife out the door for her last-minute trip to see her sister. Today’s Diary.

GPS has taken all the fun out of planning trips like this…In the old days, boy, Pa Sparrow, and later yours truly, would, figuratively, be achieving and maintaining states of arousal over having to plan an interstate automotive trip because we both enjoyed reading maps…First, you’d have a map of the United States, for overall, big-picture context…Then a regional map to get your geographic bearings, then the appropriate state and local maps…Everything but a globe.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

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On This Date
In 1861 – The USS San Jacinto captures, illegally, two Confederate diplomats from the British mail carrier Trent between Cuba and the Bahamas. The diplomats might have gone unnoticed but for the fact they presented themselves to San Jacinto officers who had boarded the Trent because the only other option to get them was seizing the ship, an act of war. President Lincoln didn’t really want another war and, after a few weeks, the envoys were released. They would resume their voyage to Britain, though they failed to gain diplomatic recognition for the Confederacy. History refers to the incident at the Trent Affair. 

In 1959 – Elgin Baylor of the Minneapolis Lakers establishes a new NBA record for most points in a game as the Lakers defeated the Boston Celtics 136-115. Baylor broke the record of 63 established by Joe Fulks of the Philadelphia Warriors in 1949 and the record stood until Baylor broke it a year later with 71 points against the New York Knicks, one of the few instances in sports history of a player exceeding his own record. The record, of course, is now held by Wilt Chamberlain, who scored 100 points on March 2, 1962.

In 1975 – Elton John is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of three consecutive weeks with Island Girl. It was the fifth of nine #1 songs for John and his eighth consecutive Top 10 hit and 13th of 27 overall. The song also hit the Top 10 in New Zealand and Canada and peaked at 14 in John’s native Great Britain. Due to its hitting in both the 1975 and 1976 chart periods, the song only ranked 64th in Billboard’s year-end chart for 1976.

Quotebook
So easily do our standards adjust themselves to our circumstances that whereas on her first night at the Vulcan the Greenroom had seemed a blessed haven, her hours of precarious security had bred a longing for a bed and ordered cleanliness, and she began to dread the night.
Ngaio Marsh
Night at the Vulcan

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
John Nance Gardner was FDR’s first vice president, serving from 1933-1941.

Today’s Stumper
Who broke Elgin Baylor’s 1960 NBA record for most points in a game? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/November 7, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

HUT, HUT, HIKE: At first glance, it seemed preposterous: the undefeated defending national college football champion was not included in the top four of the first College Football Playoff rankings of 2019. 

Dry, Technical Matter: The top four were Ohio State, LSU, Alabama and Penn State. Clemson was fifth and two other undefeated teams, Baylor and Minnesota, were not in the Top 10 at all, despite being undefeated.

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: We have long held the opinion that Penn State, as penalty for keeping a child molester on staff for years, should no longer be allowed to make money of major division college sports. They should have been dispatched to the USCAA, where they could have played in the same conference as other Penn State schools. 

Back On Message: Clemson’s big crime, of course, is they are not Alabama, but the Tigers don’t really need to worry. Alabama and LSU meet this weekend, of course, and Penn State and Ohio State meet on Nov. 23, and while one of those losing teams might make it with one loss, it is not reasonable to expect both teams to make it with one loss. Clemson will get an invitation if they remain undefeated. 

Stop Us If You’ve Heard This Before: It is, of course, silly the NCAA does not sponsor a major division football playoff and it gets sillier every year. But we’re tolerating this nonsense, so we’ll continue to receive it. 

FunFact: A 32-team – the same size played in Division III – NCAA Division I Football Playoff could begin Thanksgiving weekend and end on New Year’s Day, the last day anyone of us really care about college football. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest on his hot cereal situation at the hotel. Today’s Diary. 

I’d run out of grits in my grain cellar at the hotel, and while I still had oatmeal for my 0300 meal, I went to the store before heading in and bought some Cream of Wheat.

Bad move.

One, I didn’t put enuff water in and the result could probably have been used a projectile…Neither more water nor hazelnut coffee creamer seemed to help – they both ran off it like it was marble – and I’m probably lucky I didn’t chip a tooth…Two – and I should have known this – the wheat was nothing but carbs my body neither wanted or needed and soon enough I was going to the can every five minutes again, my blood sugar evidently spiking like a Richter scale on a fault line…Good gravy, I didn’t return to normal until I was at the Veterans Service Office. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 11: It’s official, the NFL Bottom Ten now moves on Thursdays. We’re through fooling ourselves we’ll have it by Wednesday.

Here are some funny lines from this week’s NFL Bottom Ten.

With the Bengals off, the Jets fly into the #1 spot in the race for The Dan Henning Trophy following their loss to the Miami Dolphins, a team deliberately trying to lose every game they play.

Considering depth of 2019 B-10 field, Giants need big road loss against Jets this week to have realistic shot for B-10 glory…

Buccaneers overcome curious last-minute, game-tying touchdown to rebound for type of morale-boosting, clutch, OT, road loss that tends to lead straight to B-10 glory…

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1944 – President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, already only president elected to three terms, becomes the first elected to four terms, defeating Thomas Dewey 432 electoral votes to 99. FDR was elected with Harry Truman, who had replaced Henry Wallace as the vice-presidential nominee. Dewey, the governor of New York at the time, would also lose the 1948 presidential election, to Truman, who had taken office after FDR died in April 1945. 

In 1962 – Glenn Hall of the Chicago Black Hawks plays in the final game of his NHL-record 502 consecutive complete games as a goaltender, a 3-1 loss to the Detroit Red Wings. The streak had started with the opening game of the 1955-56 season, when Hall played for the Red Wings, and would end on Nov. 7 when he left a game against the Boston Bruins in the first period with a back injury, which kept him out three games. Hall had owned the record since Jan. 28, 1959, when he played in his 258th consecutive complete game, breaking the record established by Alec Connell of Ottawa from 1924-30. 

In 1953 – Carl Smith is at #1 on Billboard’s Most Played Juke Box Folk Records chart – one of several predecessors to today’s country chart – for the eighth and final non-consecutive week with Hey Joe. Previously the song had had five and two-week stints at #1, with each stint interrupted for one week by A Dear John Letter by Jean Shepard and Ferlin Husky. It was the fourth of five #1 country songs for Smith in a chart career that spanned from 1951 through 1978.

Quotebook
I’m always flying in the face of great odds – builds character.
Johnny Dollar

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Princeton and Rutgers last met in football in 1980 with Rutgers winning 44-13. Thought Rutgers won the last five meetings, Princeton leads the all-time series 53-17-1.

Today’s Stumper
Who was FDR’s first vice president? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/November 6, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow makes plans for a relativley long weekend. Today’s Diary. 

I put in a request to Front Desk Manager Brandon for a night off, Friday, December 6…I have my annual VA physical at the teleclinic in the next county that day and will be taking the day off from the Veterans Service Office (VSO)…Now, I am not a whiner…Well, yes I am, like a four-year-old sometimes, but I seldom whine about the odd, long hours I am currently keeping…In fact, I rather enjoy them…But regular readers of this crap know I only get one calendar day off between 60-hour weeks and I could really go for consecutive days off right now…So the plan is to take that Friday off from both the VSO and the hotel and, in fact, this would be a mini-3-dayer because I wouldn’t go back to work until 2300 Saturday. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The Week 11 NFL Bottom Ten will move Thursday.

Click here to read the Week 11 NCAA Bottom Ten.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1947 – Meet the Press debuts on NBC television. The first host was creator Martha Rountree and the first guest was former Postmaster General James Farley. The show originated two years earlier as American Mercury Presents Meet the Press on the Mutual Radio Network and in 1975 became the first network news show to host the president of the United States when Gerald Ford was a gust. Outside of annual live coverage of Wimbledon and the Lord Mayor’s Show in Britain, it is the longest-running show in television history.

In 1869 – Rutgers College defeats the College of New Jersey – now Princeton University – 6-4 in what is regarded as the first college football game ever played. The game more resembled soccer than the game we know today, as teams tried to kick the ball into the other team’s goal. Each side had 25 players, the ball was round and running the ball was illegal. Princeton won the rematch a week lataer 8-0, though an anticipated third game was never played due to concerns the students cared more about the game than studying. The site of the game is now a Rutgers gymnasium and the last surviving member of the game, George Large of Rutgers, died in 1935.

In 1982 – Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with Up Where We Belong. The song was the first of two #1s for Warnes in the US, while it remains Cocker’s only #1 song in America. The song was from the soundtrack to the movie An Officer and a Gentleman and also went to #1 in South Africa, Canada and Australia, and peaked at #7 in Cocker’s native Great Britain. It won both singers the Grammy Award for Best Pop Vocal Performance by a Duo or Group,

Quotebook
You don’t have much hope of getting the truth if you think you know in advance what the truth ought to be.
Robert B Parker
Pale Kings and Princes

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Monkees had four #1 albums on Billboard’s album chart in 1967, a record for one calendar year. The albums spent a total of 29 weeks at #1. 

Today’s Stumper
When was the last time Princeton and Rutgers met in football? – Answer next time!

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