The Daily Dose/November 17, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was…

1. Impeachment – Day 1 has testimony that could turn into substantive impeachment article(s), while Day 2 has less bite, merely showing President Trump is tactless, insulting and brutish, but we already knew that. 

2. American Electorate – 353 days until 2020 election where America will herald to itself and the world whether they will continue to tolerate the intolerable – a government that is a partisan, fractured and bickering mess hell-bent on running America into the ground by the time this half-century is out – or whether they are willing to make some changes. 

3. Modern American Marketing – THE HOLIDAYS DO NOT BEGIN BEFORE HALLOWEEN DAMMIT!!!…Oh screw it…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” you should just start inferneal holiday cheer in the spring, with “He Is Risen” sales immediately following Easter. 

4. President Trump – A lying sexual predator (“grab them by the pussy”) who believes, among other things, that the moon is part of Mars, continues to get free pass from GOP, American people, who otherwise would have chucked such idiocy before the primaries even began.

5. Trump/GOP Fact Check: Special Impeachment Edition – Click here for usual Trump, GOP  misleadings and lies from the first week of public impeachment hearings. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Ski season has opened, a couple of weeks earlier than usual. Today’s Diary. 

Ski season began today, the earliest the mountain has opened since the Ice Age…The funny thing is, tho, it hasn’t snowed in two weeks…Regular readers of this crap may, or they may not, recall we had a ton of snow in October…In fact, at 44 inches it was the snowiest October ever and while it’s been dry, it’s remained cold, so the snow that fell is still there and they’re making snow every night, too, so while only one run is open, the conditions don’t appear to be too bad. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

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On This Date
In 1950 –  Tenzin Gyatso, born Lhamo Thondup, is enthroned as the 14th Dalai Lama, becoming both the head of Tibetan Buddhism and the Tibetan government. He is 15-years-old and had been selected as the next Dalai Lama in 1937 following the death of the 13th Dalai Lama in 1933. Forced to flee his native country in 1950 following the Chinese invasion, the 14th Dalai Lama, now 84, remains in exile, living in India. His older brother was also a Lama, who lived in exile in the United States following the Chinese invasion.

In 1968 – In what History now refers to as the Heidi Game, NBC cuts away from the New York Jets/Oakland Raiders game to air the movie Heidi. As it became clear the game would not end by 7 pm Eastern, NBC’s phone lines became so jammed network executives could not communicate with each other, and previous instructions to air Heidi as scheduled were followed and the eastern portion of America left the game with 1:01 remaining and the Jets leading 32-29. The Raiders would come back to defeat the Jets 43-32.

In 2018 – Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line are at #1 in Billboard’s country chart – then and now known as the Hot Country Songs chart – for the 50th and final consecutive week with Meant To Be. The song had also gone to #1 in Israel and earlier had peaked at #2 on Billboard’s Hot 100. It was Billboard’s biggest country song of the year and third biggest pop song. It was replaced at #1 the following week by Lose It by Kane Brown and its 50 weeks at #1 remains the most weeks spent at the top on any major Billboard singles chart.

Quotebook
There is always a point beyond which you cannot drive people, and when that point is reached, either the ruler must enslave them all or he must find some clever way to retreat from his position.

Gore Vidal
Creation

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
O.J. Simpson broke Jim Brown’s single-season NFL rushing record, with 2,003 yards in 1973.  

Today’s Stumper
Who were NBC-TV’s announcers for the Heidi Game? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/November 16, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

CAPSULE HARLEM WIZARDS REVIEW: The Harlem Wizards, Moffat County High School, Craig, Colorado: We don’t spend an awful lot of time being entertained here at The Daily Dose, prefering to entertain you, but the opportunity to see the talent and humor basketball exhibitions like this offer up close was too good to pass up. 

Fly In The Ointment: The only downside was the Wizards were playing the dreaded faculty from assorted schools in town. It should be noted, however, that you do not go to these things to see players D it up and pass and pick away. You go to have some laughs and to see first-class athletes dribble and pass and dunk. As it was, the Wizards didn’t play a whole lot of defense and the “game” was close the whole way, with the Wizards pulling away late because they can play above the rim and science teachers can’t. 

Back On Message: While this was the first time seeing the Wizards, we’ve seen their kindred spirits the Harlem Globetrotters many times. In fact, they did their winter training at our high school, Los Angeles Lutheran, where we learned the secret of how Curly Neale made his half-court shot: he practiced it 100 times a day, a lesson we really weren’t willing or able to learn back then. 

Dry, Technical Matter: The Wizards were formed in 1962, have played over 6,000 games on five continents and in 22 countries and today field four teams. 

Oh Yeah: There were the usual half-court shot, too, by Rocket who nailed it, nothing but net, don’t even start. Rocket shoots these underhanded, too, what we used to call a granny shots growing up.  

Final Rating: B – Like all great performers – or waiters or sports officials, for that matter – the six talented players wearing Wizards uniforms gave the impression they had spent the entire year waiting for this particular show. This despite the fact they’d had one the night before and had a four hour drive to their show the following night. A fun time, highly recommended.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has news on the plot next door to The Shire. Today’s Diary. 

In other news from around town, actually right next door, Devon, or whatever his name is, I might’ve forgotten, has put one of the plots on the land adjacent to The Shire on the active market…There’s been a For Sale sign up for a couple of months now but until this week it actually hadn’t been listed anywhere…Now it is…175 for a lot a bit, tho not a whole lot, bigger than ours, replete with shells of a house and a garage…The listing heralds the opportunity to “capture” the growth of our small town and, horror of horrors, possibly change the zoning for commercial use…Neither The Wife nor I are particularly thrilled with this prospect, but we’re not in a position to buy it, so there isn’t much we can do. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1532 – A force of about 180 Spanish soldiers led by Francisco Pizarro captures the Incan leader Atahualpa, commander of a force estimated at 80,000, in what History refers to as the Battle of Cajamarca, in what is now northwest Peru. Pizzaro had arrived in Cajamarca the day before and captured Atahualpa after deciding this was was the only real option, retreat and trying to defeat the entire Incan being impractical. Atahualpa was executed the following July, strangled at his request because he believed being burned at the stake would mean his soul would not make it the afterlife. 

In 1958 – Jim Brown of the Cleveland Browns establishes a new NFL record for single-season rushing yardage, finishing a 20-10 victory over the Washington Redskins with 1,163 yards on the season. Brown rushed for 152 yards on 27 carries for the game and finished the year with 1,527 yards. Brown broke the record of 1,146 yards established by Steve Van Buren of the Philadelphia Eagles in 1949 and Brown would break his own record with 1,863 yards in 1963. The NFL’s single-season rushing record is now held by Eric Dickerson, who rushed for 2,105 with the Los Angeles Rams in 1984. 

In 1974 – Shirley Brown is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Soul Singles chart – for the first of two consecutive weeks with Woman to Woman. The song also peaked at #22 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and in 1978 the song was a hit on Billboard’s country chart for Barbara Mandrell (it went to #4 and also hit #92 on the Hot 100) making Woman to Woman one of the few songs to chart on all three major Billboard singles charts. It was the first chart single for Brown and remains her only appearance at #1 on a Billboard chart. 

Quotebook
Action must be guided by both intellect and experience. We learn…but we must also test what we learn in the world. It is not enough to simply meditate.

Deng Ming-Dao
365 Tao

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The NHL record for most points in a game is ten, done by Darryl Sittler of the Toronto Maple Leafs, who had six goals and four assists in a February 7, 1976 game against the Boston Bruins. 

Today’s Stumper
Who broke Jim Brown’s 1963 NFL record for most rushing yards in a season? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/November 15, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow and The Wife spend some quality time in the next county. Today’s Diary. 

While we were in the next county we had dinner at our fave Mexican joint and then went and watched some funny guys called the Harlem Wizards play basketball…This was a pretty good show…It was at the high school and I found out about them because they were staying at the hotel last week…I’d never seen the Wizards before, but I go way back with their kindred spirits, the Globetrotters because they held their winter training where I went to high school in LA and they were pretty friendly and if you paid attention you learned the secret of how Curly made his half-court shot regularly: he shot it a hundred times a day, a lesson I wasn’t really ready to learn when I was a kid. The Wizards put on a hell of a show…They were in tuff against the faculty, tho the Wizards eventually pulled away at the end because they could dunk and the teachers couldn’t.  

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1777 – After 16 months of debate, the Continental Congress of the United States adopts the Articles of Confederation. It was the third item of business that day, right behind dealing with a letter from General George Washington requesting “blankets and other articles of cloathing”. The Articles, among other things, did not provide for an executive and dictated the several states be represented by no less than two nor more than seven members, and delegates were limited to serving three years in any six year period. The Articles of Confederation were replaced by the United States Constitution in 1789. 

In 1973 – Bobby Orr of the Boston Bruins becomes the first NHL defensemen to have seven points in a game in a 10-2 victory over the New York Rangers. Orr had a goal and two assists in the first period and added two goals and two assists in the third period. Orr broke the record of six that had been done five times in the past, including twice by Orr. The record for most points in a game by defenseman is now eight, done twice, most recently by Paul Coffey of Edmonton in 1986. 

In 1941 – Freddie Martin is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Selling Singles chart – it’s first American popular music chart – for the seventh of eight consecutive weeks with Piano Concerto in B Flat. It was the first of four #1 songs for Martin, all in the 1940’s and was originally composed by Tchaikovsky in 1875 and revised 1879 and 1888. Martin also recorded a version of the song with lyrics, which charted under the name Tonight We Love. A rather versatile performer, his novelty song Pico and Sepulveda – named after a Los Angeles intersection – was recorded under the name Felix Figueroa and his Orchestra. 

Quotebook
All rising to a great place is by a winding stair. 

Francis Bacon

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Nelly Bly’s real name was Elizabeth Cochran Seaman

Today’s Stumper
Who holds the NHL record for most in a game by anyone? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/November 14, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has a moderately funny exchange with a guest. Today’s Diary. 

Had a funny exchange – well, a sort of funny exchange – with a guest this morning…He came down to buy his half-off breakfast coupon for the restaurant and he had come down yesterday and I didn’t remember his name…I acknowledged this glaring hole in my hospitality and offered apologies. 

– Oh, don’t even…How many people do you see in a day???:
This is a standard response…The answer is usually two, but if they want to think I see hundreds of people every night, so be it. I was bending over a bit filling in his coupon and I stood up and made the sign of the cross in a manner that would’ve had the pope achieving and maintaining a state of arousal.
– Bless you my son…You are gracious.
– I mean, if this was a $5,000 a night palace…
– Hell, then I would know your blood type…

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 12: It’s the race for the most coveted trophy in sports: The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy. 

Here are some funny lines from this week’s NFL Bottom Ten: 

Giants earn Ed Koch Kup, symbolic of Gotham football ineptitude, with huge road loss to Jets that wasn’t secured until clutch fumble on final drive…

Falcons playing with B-10 fire, as with depth of 2019 B-10 field, even one (1) more win could spell disaster for title chances…

Focus important this week, as Browns cannot get caught looking ahead 11/24 showdown with Dolphins.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1889 – Nelly Bly, a reporter for the New York World, begins a trip to travel around the world in 80 days, an adventure inspired by Jules Verne’s 1873 novel Around the World in Eighty Days. Bly left Hoboken, New Jersey by ship and after arriving in England traveled through the Middle East and Asia before sailing to San Francisco and taking a train back to New York. It took Bly 72 days to make her journey, and she traveled and estimated 25,000 miles. 

In 1943 – Sid Luckman of the Chicago Bears establishes new NFL records for most passing yards and most touchdown passes in a game throwing for 433 yards and seven touchdowns in 56-7 win over the New York Giants. Luckman broke Cecil Isbell’s record of 333 yards in a game, established in 1942, and broke Sammy Baugh’s single-game touchdown record of six established two weeks earlier. Luckman’s touchdown record has been tied seven times, most recently by Drew Brees in 2015 while, Luckman’s single-game passing record has been topped many times, with the record now held by Norm Van Brocklin of the Los Angeles Rams, who threw for 554 yards in a 1951 game. 

In 1952 –  Al Martino has the first #1 song on the first British popular music chart, with Here in My Heart at #1 on the New Musical Express magaizne’s chart for the first of nine consecutive weeks. Over the years other sources published charts in Britain and the official British chart is now published by the Official Charts Company. Earlier, the song had peaked at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart. To date, there have been 1,359 #1 songs on the British chart and the current #1 song Dance Monkey by Tones and I, now in its sixth week at #1. 

Quotebook
No god who cared about his creation would abandon the innocent.

Cameron Todd Willingham

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Ray Mancini oringinally won the WBA lightweight title from Arturo Frias, with a first-round knock out on May 8, 1982. 

Today’s Stumper
What was Nelly Bly’s real name? – Answer next time!

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