The Daily Dose/November 4, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

CAPSULE BOOK REVIEW: Six Frigates by Ian Toll: One of the mysteries of reading is how long it takes you to finally getting around to reading something that interests you. We served in the US Navy and enjoy history, but this was the first substantive reading we’d done on the founding of the United States Navy. 

Our loss because this was a very good read, covering the founding of the US Navy up until the conclusion of the War of 1812. Toll does a thorough job of covering the bickering over whether or not to build the original six frigates, the bickering over the design and it wasn’t a bulletin to find out all six frigates were delivered late and were over-budget, setting a valuable precedent the Navy has honored ever since. 

USA! USA! Though starting from scratch Americans showed no small amount of ingenuity and technical brilliance, coming up with fighting ships that were a bit bigger than British frigates, with more armament and were made of wood so hard cannonballs did well to make a dent in them, hence the USS Constitution’s nickname Old Ironsides. 

Ahoy Matey: Where Toll writes with excitement and sometimes brilliance is in the chronicling of naval battles. From the Quasi-War with France to battle and intrigue with the Barbary pirates to battle with the British, from the Mediterranian to the Bahamas to Boston Harbor, a reader only needs a little imagination to feel he’s right there, too, with cannonballs and grapeshot whizzing past him. 

Dry, Technical Matter: This book has a lot of dry, technical sailing terms, a subject Mr Toll actually addresses in the preface. There are so many, in fact, that we stopped looking them up very early on because 1) we’re not planning on sailing for the America’s Cup anytime soon and, 2) we wanted to finish the book in less than ten years. For example, instead of technical names of every type of sail, fore sail, amidship sail or aft sail would’ve sufficed. 

Final Ranking: B, Very Good. The term general readers has fallen into disuse, but this book is perfect for us general readers, a reader with broad interests, but who may not be a scholar in a particular field. Those who enjoy history but may not historians will enjoy this book, and if the founding of the US Navy is your area of expertise, you find it worth your while, too. 

Six Frigates by Ian Toll: Highly recommended.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Someone rearranged the back coffee room at the hotel. Today’s Diary. 

Someone, I am not entirely sure whom, has completely reorganized the coffee room shelves at the hotel…There bins on the shelves now labeled Coffee Pot Cleaner – which I’ve never used, of course – Condiments, Hot Chocolate and Apple Cider (packets for morning coffee service), Condiments, two for Employee Cups and Dishes…There is also one that has my tea bags and oatmeal and supplements…It’s on the far left and, in the spirit of matters, I labeled it Sparrow’s Old Man Stuff…There’s also one labeled Coffee Filters on top of the coffee machine. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

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On This Date
In 1952 – The National Security Agency (NSA) is formed when a directive signed by Secretary of Defense Robert Lovett is signed, changing the name of the Armed Forces Security Agency. Today the NSA is the planet’s leading eavesdropper, intercepting, among other things, the radio transmissions and Internet and telephone activities of people and governments the world over. The NSA traces its origins to World War I, when the Cipher Bureau was established to break enemy codes. 

In 1960 – Wilt Chamberlain of the Philadelphia Warriors establishes a new NBA record for most free throws missed in a game with none made going 0-for-10 in a 136-121 win over the Detroit Pistons. Chamberlain shot only 50.4% from the line that season and for his career was a 51.1% free throw shooter, the worst in NBA history for someone with 2,000 attempts. The record is now held by Shaquille O’Neal, who went 0-for-11 in a December 2000 game. 

In 1972 – Johnny Nash is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of four consecutive weeks with I Can See Clearly Now. The song also went to #1 in Iceland, France and New Zealand and peaked at #38 on Billboard’s soul chart. For Nash it was his third of four Top 40 hits and remains his only #1 song. It’s been covered many times, and returned to the Top 40 in 1994 when Jimmy Cliff took it to #18.

Quotebook
…our countrymen have all the folly of an ass and all the passiveness of a sheep. They are determined not to be free and can neither be frightened, discouraged nor persuaded to change their resolution.
Alexander Hamilton

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Larry Fitzgerald of the Arizona Cardinals is the NFL’s leader for career receptions amongst active players with 1,345. 

Today’s Stumper
Who holds the NBA record for most free throws made in a game without a miss? Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/November 3, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was…

1. President Trump – It’s OK to say it now: Trump is the worst president America has ever had, which is saying something…Lacking a long term plan for himself, he lacks one for America…Tossing truth, dignity, courtesy aside, his only real talent remains a consummate ability to draw attention to himself. 

2. Republicans –Difficult to say how long GOP will continue to defend the indefensible, though it’s useful to remember, as Republicans continue to give clinics in circling the wagons, Hitler remained in power for years despite slaughtering millions of innocent people.

3. Democrats – Another party with nothing to offer America, as leading candidates hell-bent on taxing country to death to provide national healthcare system…This is wrong…1) it’s not the government’s job to provide health care, it’s the job of the free market, 2) we can’t afford it and, 3) the government will screw it up besides. 

4. Gaylon For United States Senate – Whack-job third party candidate back for another run, having announced for Colorado Libertarian Party’s 2020 nomination…Received 52,876 votes (2.6%) for US Senate in 2014, then a record for a third-party candidate in a Colorado US Senate election…Click here to contribute right now.  

5. American Electorate – World standing by for 2020, when American voters will herald whether they will continue to enable the collapse of their once-great, once-proud country or whether they’re willing to make some changes. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest on the back office scratch paper situation. Today’s Diary. 

I’ve started back in rebuilding the scratch paper stack, on the shelf that holds the monitor in the back office…Totally committed, I cut up reports that are usually shredded like, for example, the departure report and guest folios that actually didn’t need to be printed out…Both of these have guest information on them and you gotta shred guest information HOWEVER you can still get three sheets of scratch paper out of them, you just have to be careful to throw the quarter with guest information in the shredder…Following these procedures – usually implemented only in the direst of Scratch Paper Emergencies (SPE) – yielded more than a dozen sheets. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1964 – President Lyndon Johnson is elected to a full term as president of the United States, defeating Republican Barry Goldwater, a US Senator from Arizona, by 16 million votes and winning the Electoral College by a 486-12 margin. The election marked the first time residents of Washington, D.C. were allowed to vote for president and, setting a precedent they have yet to break, they voted Democratic. It also marked the last time an elected president was not on the ballot in all 50 states, as Alabama declined to put Johnson on the ballot. Johnson would decline to run for another term in 1968.

In 1996 – Jerry Rice of the San Francisco 49ers becomes the first NFL player with 1,000 career receptions in 24-17 victory over the New Orleans Saints. Rice finished the day with three receptions for 45 yards and one touchdown. Rice finished the season with a career-high 108 catches and retired after the 2004 season with 1,549 receptions, an NFL record that still stands. To date, 13 other NFL players have joined Rice in the 1,000 reception club.

In 2018 – Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line are at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then and now known as the Hot Country Songs chart – for the 48th of a record 50 consecutive weeks with Meant To Be. The song had also peaked at #2 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and remains the biggest song in country music history and 50 weeks at #1 remains the record for a major Billboard singles chart. The record for most weeks at #1 on any Billboard singles chart is held by You Say by Lauren Daigle, which currently is in its 66th consecutive week at #1 on Billboard’s Hot Christian Songs chart.

Quotebook
It is a truism that the successful general’s principal task is to choose good subordinates.
Gore Vidal
Creation

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Beatles have had three songs peak at #2 on the Billboard Hot 100.

Today’s Stumper
Which active NFL player has the most career receptions? Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/November 2, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

WHAT IN THE HELL’S GOING ON HERE?: The NCAA recently announced they will allow athletes under their jurisdiction to earn money from whomever is willing to pay them for the rights to their names, images and likenesses. With California having already legalized it, and other states planning to do the same, the NCAA manfully decided there was no reason to stand in the way of it, especially since they couldn’t. 

Fly In The Ointment: No one, much less the NCAA, has any idea how to implement this, though they better think of something because they set a start date of 2021, so someone better get on their horse here. The issues are so many and so complicated to detail is beyond the scope of this feature. 

The NCAA yielded for two reasons, neither of which had anything to do with the best interests of their athletes: 

1. It won’t cost them anything. The costs will be borne by those paying the athletes. Sure, the NCAA might have to fork over a few bucks in administration costs, but they will gladly do this because:
2. It allows the NCAA to put off the issue of paying athletes for for a little bit longer. 

Stop Us If You’ve Heard This Before: No one, except maybe Congress, does a better job of simultaneously being pimp and whore than the NCAA. Don’t kid yourself: the NCAA could care less whether or not any of their athletes make any money off this. All they are doing is protecting their territory. The last thing they want to do is share the billions of dollars they take in with the talent that makes it for them. Their only concern is protecting the cash cow that their TV rights fees bring in. 

But the first dollars rolling in will whet their whistle and once this door has been cracked open, players will want to open it wider. Eventually NCAA athletes will wise up and get organized and the NCAA will find themselves obliged to allow their member universities to pay their players.  

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow is cautiously optomistic the leaves might get cleaned up this week. Today’s Diary. 

Looking at the forecast for the next few days, it’s supposed to be sunny and warming up above freezing leaving preliminary hope The Wife and I might be able to get some yard work done Thursday…The leaves are all fallen off the trees and we don’t want to leave them lie all winter like last year when The Wife was away working for the retailer for weeks at a time and while I could be bothered to rake the leaves into piles, I couldn’t be bothered to put the piled leaves into trash bags…This year, of course, we have the leaf blower I bought, but with our early winter we haven’t been able to use it yet. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1953 – King Saud of Saudi Arabia is overthrown by his brother Faisal. It was a mere formality, as Saud had ceded power to Faisal in March when he was forced to make his brother regent. Saud went into exile in Geneva and other European cities before taking up residence in Egypt before moving to Greece, where he died of a heart attack in 1969. One of the reasons King Saud may have been deposed was from a complete lack of focus from having over three dozen wives and 109 children. King Faisal reigned until his assassination in 1975 by a nephew. 

In 1997 – Eric Metcalf of the San Diego Chargers ties two NFL records when he returns two punts for touchdowns in a 38-31 loss to the Cincinnati Bengals. The second return for a touchdown was the eighth of Metcalf’s career, tying the record established by Jack Christiansen and Rick Upchurch, a record he would break later in the season. Metcalf also tied the record for most punts returned for touchdowns in a game, a record that still stands and has been accomplished many times. Metcalf retired following the 2002 season with ten punt returns for touchdowns, and the record is now held by Devin Hester with 14. 

In 1968 – The Beatles are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the sixth of nine consecutive weeks with Hey Jude. The song went to #1 in 14 other countries, including Great Britain, Yugoslavia and Japan, was Billboard’s biggest song of the year, ranked 12th on Billboard’s 60th anniversary Hot 100 last year and remains the group’s biggest American hit. Hey Jude was the Beatles’ 16th #1 hit (of 20) in the US and their 15th (of 17) in their native Britain. The song was written by Paul McCartney to help console Julian Lennon following the breakup of his parents, John and Cynthia Lennon, and was originally titled Hey Jules.

Quotebook
The Buddha’s sacrifices are not of animals, but of the animal in the self.
Gore Vidal
Creation

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Rochester Royals won the 1950-51 NBA title, defeating the New York Knicks 4 games to 3 in the final round.

Today’s Stumper
How many #2 songs have the Beatles had on the Billboard Hot 100? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Friends, The Daily Dose will return Saturday morning. We took some time off and did not produce a column for today.

As penance, click here to read today’s entry in The Diary of a Nobody with our compliments.

As always, thank you for reading,

Gaylon

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The Daily Dose/October 31, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

HERE WE GO AGAIN: As usual, there was a controversial call in a recent major American sporting event. Also as usual for America now, when plate umpire Sam Holbrook had the nerve to call interference in Game 6 of the World Series Tuesday night America – or at least the America that still pays attention to the World Series – lost its collective mind: everyone with a Twitter handle was an expert and in a couple of minutes Holbrook was Public Enemy #1. 

This Just In: Most of the spouting off came from those who do not know the rule, which isn’t a news flash, either. This has happened since the first major league game in 1876, the only difference being there wasn’t instant replay and Twitter in 1876, you were limited to yelling and throwing bottles. Our favorite example was this, from an article on yahoo.com. We’ll spare the write the humiliation of mentioning his name:

He could have run the same exact way but would not have been called for interference if Peacock had made an on-target throw.

Oh, Good Gravy: Well, of course. This is akin to saying a foul ball would have been a home run had it been fair. Of course the runner would not have been called out had the throw been good because then the batter-runner would not have interfered. 

Fly In The Ointment: As it was, it was a good call and, if you’re an umpire, not a particularly difficult one at that. The batter-runner made contact with a fielder attempting to make a play on a ball being fielded to first base. The runner was out of the running lane so Holbrook called the runner out. Had the runner been a foot or two to the right he would have been in the running lane, where the rules protect the batter-runner, and would not have been called out. 

Dry, Technical Matter: People have been arguing with umpires forever, of course, and that’s not going to change but some things about the crap us sports officials take has changed. 

God, We Hate Your Whining: One, we’re taking a lot more of it now. There was a time when you only really got grief on the really close ones but those days are long gone. Every call that’s disagreed with gets you an earful. Two, not only are we getting more crap, but it’s personal now, there’s a venom that attends virtually argument that wasn’t there before. You can see it in their eyes, they come at you like you just ate their dog. Everything starts out at DefCon 1 now. 

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: This is why there’s a nationwide shortage of sports officials: we’re presumed to be wrong all the time, there’s no respect for the trade or those who ply it, no one says “wow, maybe that’s a good call”. It’s why two-thirds of new officials quit before Year 3 and why there are (a lot) more officials over 50 than under there are officials under 30. Who wants a workplace where you’re told you suck every five minutes?   

Editor’s Note: Though mostly retired now, Gaylon began officiating in 1991. He is a two-time graduate of the Harry Wendelstedt School for Umpires. 

Today At The Site
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has grits for breakfast instead of oatmeal. Today’s Diary.

The only real problem was the grits, and the oatmeal, for that matter, require boiling water and the dispenser on the coffee maker comes in a bit less than that, of course…Last week, with the oatmeal, I put hot water in (and some hazelnut creamer to liven it up) then threw it in the microwave for a minute and it came out resembling something you caulk bathroom tile with…It was barely edible, even by my standards…With the grits this morning tho, I put hot water into the empty bowl, microwaved that until it started boiling, then put the grits in and it came out pretty good…The grits were butter-flavored which I recall from having grits in North Carolina is really the true purpose of grits: it’s a butter delivery system so Southerners hell-bent on rock-hard arteries can avoid the humiliation of actually eating a stick of butter by itself.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 10: The race for The Dan Henning Trophy limps on. 

Here are some funny line from this week’s NFL Bottom Ten:

[Dolphins] so serious about winning B-10 title they traded for cornerback already out with broken ribs…

Falcons so bad Mercedes-Benz reportedly looking to farm out naming rights deal for Falcon’s stadium to Chevy Nova…

Giants glad they benched Eli Manning so new rookie quarterback can get key experience in handling pressures of B-10 race…

Click here to get in on the laffs. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1973 – Three members of the Irish Republican Army (IRA) are freed from Mountjoy Prison in Dublin via helicopter. The helicopter had been hijacked by two IRA members, with Captain Thompson Boyes instructed to fly to and land in the prison. The prisoners caught a break when the guards initially thought the helicopter was ferrying a government official and not conspirators in an escape attempt. The three prisoners climbed aboard and Boyes flew the craft to an abandoned race track, where the IRA members fled in a hijacked taxi. The three prisoners were eventually recaptured and Boyes was not harmed.

In 1950 – Earl Lloyd of the Washington Capitols becomes the first black to play in the NBA, scoring six points in a 78-70 loss to the Rochester Royals. Lloyd would spend nine years in the NBA, averaging 8.4 points and 6.4 rebounds in 560 games with Washington, Syracuse and Detroit. The Rochester Royals are now the Sacramento Kings while the Washington Capitols folded in January 1951. 

In 1953 – Faye Adams is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the R&B Best Sellers chart – for the seventh of ten non-consecutive weeks with Shake a Hand. The song also peaked at #22 on Billboard’s pop chart and was the first of three consecutive soul chart #1s for Adams. The song has been covered many times, and is one of the relatively few songs to have versions chart on Billboard’s soul, country and pop charts. At the time it was just the sixth song to spend at least ten weeks at #1 on the soul chart.

Quotebook
When you clench your fist, no one can put anything in your hand, nor can your hand pick anything up.
Omoro
Roots: The Saga of an American Family
by Alex Haley

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The War of the Worlds was written by H.G. Wells.

Today’s Stumper
Which team won the NBA title for the 1950-51 season? – Answer next time!

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