The Daily Dose/October 6, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was…

1. Impeachment 2019 – The partisanship isn’t new, by its nature impeachment is a partisan process, and the rancor is hardly new either, but current Trump imbroglio taking it to exciting new levels…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters were once “pretty sure” America was better than this, but not anymore. 

2. Major League Baseball – A record 831 pitchers, an average of 27.7 per team, appeared in major league games this season, giving up a record 6,776 home runs and striking out a record 42,823 batters…42,040 hits allowed, though, actually a fairly middling number,  3,278 off 199’s all-time high.

3. Major League Baseball – Attendance continues goes down like whore with fleet in, down 461 fans per game, or 1.17 million overall…Local TV ratings still pretty good, though NFL Network coverage of jockstrap inventory still outdraws most World Series games. 

4. Impeachment 2019 – President Trump demands House conduct vote before diving in on impeachment, making bright high school civics students laugh because there is no Constitutional requirement for this…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure”  Trump’s utter disregard for protocol, procedure, facts, not what America needs right now, ever. 

5. President/GOP Fact Check – Democratic presidential hopefuls get bye week…Click here for latest misinformation from president/administration unwilling and/or unable to get facts straight.

Today At The Site:
The Diary of a Nobody: There’s so much weed being smoked in the hotel, Sparrow feels like he’s at a Grateful Dead concert. Today’s Diary.

Folks, when you initial the line on your registration card where you acknowledge you are entering a non-smoking facility, that’s not code for smoke all the weed you want…

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
1600 – The world’s oldest surviving opera, Euridice, by Jacopo Peri with Guilio Caccini, is performed for the first time in Florence. The libretto was written by Ottavio Rinuccini and is about the marriage of Orpheus and Euridice. Euridice dies shortly after their marriage, though Orpheus manages to infiltrate the underworld and convinces those in charge to return his wife to life, and they return from the underworld. The theater where the opera was first performed, the Palazzo Pitti, still stands, currently serving as a museum. An earlier opera, Dafne, by the same collaborators, only partially survives.

In 1984 – Steve Garvey hits a two-run home run with one out in the bottom of the ninth inning as the San Diego Padres defeat the Chicago Cubs 7-5 in Game 4 of the National League Championship Series. The win ties the series at two games apiece, the Cubs winning the first two at home and the Padres winning games three and four at home. The Padres would win their first National League pennant the following day with a 6-3 win over the Cubs. 

1958 – Rockin’ Robin by Bobby Day is at #1 on Billboard’s R&B Best Sellers chart – one of three Billboard soul charts at the time – for the first of three non-consecutive weeks. It was the first of two #1s on the soul chart for Day and the following week the song would peak at #2 on Billboard’s Hot 100, Day’s only hit on that chart. Day also recorded with the Hollywood Flames and with Earl Nelson as Bob and Earl. Billboard would consolidate its R&B charts into its current soul chart two weeks later.

Quotebook
The world looks with some awe upon a man who appears unconcernedly indifferent to home, money, comfort, rank, or even power and fame. The world feels not without a certain apprehension, that here is someone outside its jurisdiction; someone before whom its allurements may be spread in vain; someone strangely enfranchised, untamed, untrammeled by convention, moving independent of the ordinary currents of human action.
Winston Churchill

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Wayne Gretzky had 153 points during his record 51-game consecutive points streak. He finished the season with 205.

Today’s Stumper
Who did Steve Garvey hit his home run in the bottom of the ninth inning in Game 4 of the 1984 National League Championship Series? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/October 5, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience:

What’s going on here?
The United States House of Representatives has opened an impeachment investigation into President Donald Trump. Impeachment is how the House investigates the president, and others, for wrongdoing. The Constitution is very specific on what federal officials can be tried on, with Article 2, Section 4 limiting it to “Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors”.

OK, I’ll bite. What is a “high crime”?
While archaic now, the phrase was familiar to our Founding Fathers and had been used in English and British parliaments for centuries. It generally refers to duties inherited after taking an oath of office that can only be done by someone in that position.  

President Trump has demanded the House take a vote of the full house before investigating him. Can he do this?
Yes and no. The president can demand whatever he wants, but there is no provision in the Constitution for the House taking a vote before proceeding. The Constitution, as it can be from time to time, is wonderfully vague on the matter, Article 1, Section 2, Clause 5 saying, in part, that the House:

…shall have the sole Power of Impeachment.

That’s about all it says, though. The House can go about the matter of impeachment however it sees fit and can open an impeachment inquiry at any time and for any reason, with or without the concurrence of the full House. The fact the president is demanding this shows the utter ignorance of him and his staff. This is straight out of Impeachment 101. 

Has this happened before?
Yes, indeed. In fact, this is the fifth time the House as opened an impeachment investigation. Previously they’ve investigated presidents James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton. They declined to impeach Buchanan, impeached both Johnson and Clinton and would have impeached Nixon had he not resigned. 

Isn’t this awfully partisan?
Yes, but that is the nature of the impeachment beast here in America. We are a two-party country and have been since before the founding of our republic, so it hardly the Upset of the Year that this is, and will continue to be, a partisan circus because previous impeachements were, too. We must say, though, the Trump affair may well make the whole Nixon imbroglio look like something out of Mother Goose. 

What happens if the House does impeach the president?
A trial in the United States Senate will occur, presided over by the chief justice. If the president is acquitted, he continues being president. If he is convicted by the Senate, he is removed from office immediately. There are no other penalties following conviction by the Senate. Both Johnson and Clinton were acquitted in their Senate trials, Johnson by one vote, Clinton by a more comfortable margin. 

Today At The Site:
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow enjoys a day of rest. Today’s Diary. 

The Wife knew her husband was weary and took very good care of me…In fairly short order I had a thermos of coffee on the coffee table and a bit later she brought me a morning meal: a cheese omelette, wheat toast, bacon, and oatmeal…From time to time I’d get up to use the can or stretch but after a minute or so I’d yawn, weary from the exertion, and was back on the couch soon enough…Dinner was at 1600 – the homemade enchiladas she made last week, plus some other tasty stuff to include tater tots because the tortillas didn’t have enuff carbs on their own – and this was the longest I was off the couch all day, and I spent that time sitting down…After another 90 minutes or so of reading I started dozing off so I retired for the night, exhausted after a long day on the couch…I fell asleep in short order and slept until 0400 Friday morning (see Sleep Log below).

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life

Click here to get in on the laffs. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1982 – Johnson & Johnson recalls 31 million bottles of Tylenol products nationwide after seven people in the Chicago area died after taking Tylenol products that had been laced with cyanide. The killer was never found. A New York City man who wrote Johnson & Johnson trying to extort money in exchange for the murders stopping did serve 13-years for extortion, but otherwise could not be tied to the crimes. The usual federal laws were passed and changes in the way over-the-counter drugs were packaged were instituted, which is why some medicines now come in seemingly adult-proof caps. 

In 1983 – The Edmonton Oilers defeat the Toronto Maple Leafs 5-4 in the season opener for both teams. For the Oilers, Wayne Gretzky had a goal and an assist, the first of an NHL 51 consecutive games Gretzky would have a point in. The streak would end on January 27, 1984, and Gretzky broke the record of 30 consecutive games he had established the previous season. 

In 1985 – Dire Straits is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the third and final consecutive week with Money For Nothing. The song also went to #1 in Canada and peaked at #4 in the group’s native Great Britain. It was Billboard’s 8th biggest song of the year and ranked 272nd on Billboard’s 60th anniversary chart in 2018. It was their second of three Top 40 hits in the US – all Top 10s – and remains their only #1 song.

Quotebook
In times like these, it helps to remember there have always been times like these.
Paul Harvey

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Ray Charles’ final #1 song on the Billboard Hot 100 was I Can’t Stop Loving You in 1963.

Today’s Stumper
How many points did Wayne Gretzky have during his 51-game consecutive point streak? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/October 2, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience:

PLAY BALL: As usual, baseball is shooting themselves in the foot during the playoffs by having too many days off between games. There is no reason to foist four days off on the Minnesota Twins and New York Yankees, or their fans, before they begin their division series. Baseball is best played – and enjoyed – on a daily basis and the only time a team should have more than one day off during the playoffs is when they are waiting for an opponent to finish their series. 

And while it is a lot of fun to criticize something without offering a solution, we have one here. 

Dry, Technical Matter: First, end the regular season on a Wednesday. This would give teams one last weekend gate and teams still playing meaningful games will still draw good crowds on weekdays. Both wild card games can be played the next day, Thursday. There’s no whining in baseball and teams objecting to playing a playoff game without the benefit of a day off should have won their division. Tough noogies. 

Wow, More Dry Technical Matter: After a day off Friday all four division series can begin on Saturday and for goodness sakes let’s stop this best-of-five nonsense and make them best-of-seven affairs because there is no reason to make teams travel twice in a five-game series. The leagues can stagger their days off so we avoid too many weekdays with four games, but all division series will end by the second Sunday of the postseason. 

Please Pass The Dry, Technical Matter: Also, instead of having the league championship series and the World Series starting on fixed dates, start them two days after the final qualifying series ends. Nothing drains team momentum and fan interest less than waiting several days for a series to start. There is no reason to make two teams and their fans wait for more than one day for their next series begins.   

Really Dry, Technical Matter: If this schedule had been followed this year the regular season would have ended today and if every series went the maximum number of games, Game 7 of the World Series will be played on Nov. 2 if the division series are best-of-seven, Oct 30 if they are best-of-five series. 

The Bottom Line: Baseball needs to do something because postseason TV ratings continue to go down harder than whores with the fleet in. A complete postseason schedule overhaul like this would keep momentum and interest from waning because of too many days off. 

Today At The Site:
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gives a guest some wash cloths and hand towels. Today’s Diary. 

About 0313 a lady of 154 comes up and requests six wash rags and four hand towels…Wash rags and hand towels are from the strangest requests you’ll have working a front desk, but the specific numbers, and the time, of course, we’re curious…Oh-dark-thirty and you need six wash rags and four hand towels???…I couldn’t decide whether I did or did not want to know why these specific numbers of what’s known in the trade as terry (for terry cloth) were required right now…Maybe it’s some pagan ritual…It’s of no consequence…Inwardly, I applauded her commitment to cleanliness and toweling off afterward…

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 6:  The race for the ESPN Cup rolls on as Rice, New Mexico State and Akron continue their occupation of the Bottom Ten medal stand. 

Here are some of the funny lines from this week’s NCAA Bottom Ten:

UMass fan(s) thinking B-10 title scratching collective head(s) wondering what the deal is, as squad uncharacteristically overcomes early deficit and interception to run the football, convert third downs and force turnovers.

Conference so bad B-10 pollsters considering Bottom Ten MAC Edition poll, as only three (3) of twelve (12) conference teams have winning record.

Turn-of-century merger of Athletic, Student Affairs departments actually pays dividends for Commodores as acrobats, mimes from Circus Studies department produce confusing defensive schemes that force Huskies into punting on first six (6) possessions

Click here to get in on the laffs. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1980 – Michael Myers, a Congressman from Pennsylvania’s 1st District, becomes the first member of either chamber to be expelled since the Civil War when the House of Representatives removes him from office for having accepted a $50,000 bribe the previous year. Myers would later be convicted at trial and spent 21 months in prison. Myers was first elected to the House in 1976. Now 76, Myers is a retired contractor and still lives in Pennsylvania. 

In 1963 – Sandy Koufax of the Los Angeles Dodgers establishes a new World Series record, striking out 15 New York Yankees as the Dodgers win Game 1 5-2 at Yankee Stadium. Koufax struck out the first five Yankees he faced and broke the record of 14 Carl Erskine, also of the Dodgers, had established in Game 3 of the 1953 World Series, also against the Yankees. The Dodgers would sweep the series in four games, with Koufax also winning Game 4 in Los Angeles. The record is now held by Bob Gibson of the St Louis Cardinals, who struck out 17 Detroit Tigers in Game 1 in 1968. All three marks were established on Oct. 2. 

In 1961 – Ray Charles is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot R&B chart – for the first of five consecutive weeks with Hit the Road, Jack. It was Charles’ 23rd Top 10 hit on the soul chart since 1953 and his sixth of twelve #1s.  The following week the song would begin a two-week run at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100, his second of four pop chart #1s. 

Quotebook
…America was not in a position to make demands, only to beg most humbly…Franklin was not subservient to our allies…he was pliable, humble…exceedingly polite…but absolutely unyielding…
David Schoenbrun
Triumph in Paris: The Exploits of Benjamin Franklin

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Nels Potter led the 1944 St Louis Browns in wins with 19.

Today’s Stumper
What was Ray Charles’ final #1 song on the Billboard Hot 100? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/October 1, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience:

THE TIMES THEY WERE A-CHANGIN’: Today is the 57th anniversary of James Meredith becoming the first black to attend the University of Mississippi and he figures prominently in today’s column. Meredith is, obviously, the subject of this item, and the occasion is referenced in On This Date and Meredith has today’s Quotebook selection as well. By any measure, it is a momentous day in American history, and it came only 97 years after the end of the Civil War.

Quote That Sucker: In an interview later in his life, Meredith had this to say:

Nothing could be more insulting to me than the concept of civil rights. It means perpetual second-class citizenship for me and my kind.

Why this quote is not on its way to living down the ages is beyond us because it should be embraced by blacks, whites, reds and greens. It cuts right to the heart of what the American experience should be about: a society where the only identity that matters is that of American.

Fly In The Ointment: Should be about, but isn’t. America has always made everyone except white males work like hell for every gain. Even today, 154 years after the Civil War, we relegate non-whites to second-class status by insisting that American identities be hyphenated.

This is wrong. Sure, all of us come from a wide variety of ethnic backgrounds. Personally, half of our blood is as Mexican as a siesta with the other half divvied up between English and German stock. We don’t think of ourselves as anything other than American. And unless you are directly descended from the Indians that originally patrolled these lands, you are descended from someone who came from somewhere else.

USA! USA! But we are all American. To oblige some to further identify themselves by hyphenating their American identity is insulting and until we stop degrading our fellow citizens like this we will always be a racist country.

Some Philosophy Crap: Friends, we rise as a society and we fall as a society. As long as we mandate people refer to themselves as African-Americans or Asian-Americans – or anything other than American – we will always relegate those so required to second-class citizenship.

America The Beautiful: And as long as we keep doing that we will always be a second-class nation.

Today At The Site:
The Diary of a Nobody: The darkest day: they are out of Sparrow’s fave coffee. Today’s Diary.

THEY ARE OUT OF DONUT SHOP KNOCKOFF COFFEE AT THE RETAILER!!!

I am not making that up, tho I wish I were…So I didn’t forget, I went to the coffee aisle before going to see The Wife and in the back of my mind I suppose I noticed the coffee section had been rearranged but I didn’t notice anything in particular till I looked up and BOOM some second-rate national brand was in the spot my treasured donut shop knockoff used to occupy…Further investigation showed it wasn’t moved, it had been replaced: the 32-ounce sacks of the donut shop knockoff, and the Colombian blend, too, for that matter, were no longer being carried.

I was completely leveled…It was unreal…I stood staring at it with my open for several seconds…Then, like an idiot, I even looked up at the aisle number to make sure I was in the right place. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 6 will move Wednesday. 

Click here to get in on the laffs. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1962 – James Meredith, escorted by federal marshalls, becomes the first black to attend  the University of Mississippi. The attendant rioting killed two people and injured over 300, including over 150 US Marshals. Meredith was welcomed immediately. To encourage his participation in sports, students in the dorm room above him bounced basketballs all night, and they allowed him privace when using the dining hall. Meredith, an Air Force veteran, had previously attended Jackson State and graduated from Ole Miss the following year with a political science degree and he later earned a law degree from Columbia. Now 86, Meredith lives in Jackson, Mississippi. 

In 1944 – The St Louis Browns win their only American League pennant, defeating the New York Yankees 5-2 at Sportsman’s Park on the last day of the season. The Browns had begun the day tied for first with the Detroit Tigers, who lost at home 4-1 to the Washington Senators. The Browns would lose their only World Series to the St Louis Cardinals in six games and would become the Baltimore Orioles after the 1953 season. The began play in the American League in 1902, after moving from Milwaukee. 

In 1966 – Cherish by the Association is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of three consecutive weeks. It was the second of five Top 10 hits for the group and their first of two #1s, the group also hitting the top with Windy the following year. The song also went to #1 in Canada and was Billboard’s second biggest song of the year. It later was a hit for David Cassidy, who peaked at #9 with it in 1972.

Quotebook
Nothing could be more insulting to me than the concept of civil rights. It means perpetual second-class citizenship for me and my kind.
James Meredith

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The was not an MVP for the 1947 World Series. The first such award was issued in 1955.

Today’s Stumper
What pitcher had the most wins for the 1944 St Louis Browns? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!