The Daily Dose/June 7, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was. 

1. USA! USA! – More violence as – hardly for the first time – 400 years of oppression meets 400 years of dominance….Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” nation got off easy this time, too. 

2. President Trump’s George Floyd Great Day Crack – Our president is an idiot as Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” even most diehard KKK grand wizard shaking head over president’s tasteless remark…The hard question: should we be expecting better from man who believes moon is part of Mars???

3. President Trump’s George Floyd Great Day Crack – Here’s the quote…The president was talking about a jobs report that wasn’t as bad as everyone expected: “Hopefully George is looking down right now and saying this a great thing that’s happening for our country,” Trump said. “There’s a great day for him. It’s a great day for everybody.”..First quote to occupy two Sunday Bottom 5 spots “slavery is a good, a positive good” line in 1837. 

4. American Sports – Despite fact this season will end right about when next season would normally begin, NHL, NBA forging ahead with plans to conduct playoffs…With quality of play likely to be low due to layoff and no one in stands, American males might decide talking to wife, kids, preferable to watching this on TV…Maybe not, though…America is in third generation of TV being focal point of American life and, like riots after white cops kill black suspects, good luck changing that.  

5. President Trump Fact Check – From the Associated Press…Click here for the latest lies, untruths and misinformation from the Liar-in-Chief. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow bought a chair at an estate sale on Friday. Today’s Diary.  

At first, I started in on the books…The selection was modest and dull and it was one of those rare times I could find nothing that even remotely interested me…Then I saw the chair…I’m not smart enuff to know the type offhand – nor interested enuff to look into it – but it was old, came with a matching ottoman and it was plain it was probably pretty elegant in its time…They were looking to move product, too, and immediately an heir to the estate was on me, extolling its virtues and advising an immediate test sit…It was an older lady and she all but pushed me into the seat. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: D-Dawg and I talk about him dating every single woman at the Monte Carlo.

We agreed that sooner or later he is going to die because all three of them get off work at 0700. These problems are mitigated right now to some extent because Maria, as a non-uniformed employee, is not required to utilize the employee entrance, which is good because currently D-Dawg and Heidi, who are, walk to their cars together.

Click here get in on the laffs: The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today

In 1776 – Richard Henry Lee of Virginia presents what history refers to as the Lee Resolution to the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia. The resolution read, in part, that “…these United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States, that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown…”. The Continental Congress would approve the resolution and declare its independence from Great Britain on July 2 and approve and sign the Declaration of Independence on July 4. 

In 1997 – The Detroit Red Wings win the Stanley Cup, defeating the Philadelphia Flyers 2-1 in Game 4 of the Finals. It’s the eighth Stanley Cup title for the Red Wings and their first since 1955. Detroit would win the Stanley Cup again the following year, and again in 2002 and 2008. 

In 1975 – John Denver is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the only week with Thank God I’m a Country Boy. It was the seventh of 15 Top 40 hits for Denver and his third of four #1 songs. The song also went to #1 in Canada and Yugoslavia and earlier had spent a week at #1 on Billboard’s country chart. The song had been recorded live the previous year and was written by John Martin Sommers, a member of Denver’s back-up band. A version by Billy Dean peaked at #27 on Billboard’s country chart in 2004. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

In Profiles in Courage, he had been the one delivering the verdict, praising eight senators for possessing ”…the breadth of a man above party or section…and, above all, a deep-seated belief in themselves…“. – Thurston Clarke, JFK’s Last Hundred Days

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The first foreign team to win the Little League World Series was from Neuvo Leon, Mexico, in 1957.

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who seconded the Lee Resolution when it was introduced in the Second Continental Congress? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/June 6, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow thinks the robin’s eggs should be about ready to hatch. Plus he has the latest MPG figures for the new ride. Today’s Diary. 

One, mama robin has been sitting on them for a while now and, while I’m hardly Mr Audobon, it seems the babies should be about ready to favor us with an appearance…Two, when I checked in on them before leaving for the VSO this morning, daddy robin had joined mama robin in the nest…He wasn’t right on top of her, but off to the side…Now, I don’t want to risk death, so I don’t get too close to them, of course, but daddy robin looked every bit like an expectant father, so maybe when I come home today there will be new robins…I hope so because using the front door all the time is getting old. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Gaylon relieves Houchins for lunch at the employee parking lot. Editor’s Note: there is no small amount of foul language in this post. 

Turns out he was working on a crossword puzzle. There’s a book of them kept at the shack, which also has an air conditioner, a water cooler, a coffee pot and a nice chair. I took the puzzle he was working on and filled it in with as many dirty words as I could think of. 

Which is a lot. I spent four years on a submarine, have a Master’s degree in Swearing with a special emphasis on the Holy Trinity and a minor in Human Genetalia, so it was a simple matter to fill in the boxes with the most filthy, vile words the English language can offer. 

Click here get in on the laffs: The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today

In 1985 – The body of what would turn out to be Josef Mengele, known as the ‘angel of death’ at the Auschwitz concentration camp, is exhumed from its grave in Embu, Brazil. Mengele had escaped before Auschwitz was liberated by the Soviets in 1945 and after being held and not identified as a war criminal by the US, eventually made his way to Argentina, where he lived under his real name and even obtained a West German passport, though he also used aliases, including Wolfgang Gerhard, the name he had been buried under. Mengele had died after suffering a stroke and drowning while swimming in 1979. 

In 1939 – The first Little League baseball game is played in Williamsport, Pennsylvania with Lundy Lumber defeating Lycoming Dairy 23-8. Little League was founded by Carl Stoltz, who was looking for an organized program for kids so they didn’t have to play sandlot ball exclusively. The first Little League World Series would be played in 1947 and in 1942 a team from Montreal was the first foreign team to play in the World Series, losing in the quarterfinals. 

In 1964 – The Dixie Cups are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with Chapel of Love. The song had debuted on the Top 40 at #14 three weeks earlier and spent 13 weeks on the Hot 100. It was the first chart single for the group, the first of four Top 40 hits and remains their only #1 song. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #22 in Great Britain and it should be noted Billboard did not publish a soul chart in 1964. A version by Bette Midler peaked at #40 in 1973. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Citizens no longer listened to good advice, for the belly has no ears. – Cato

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The first song to spend ten weeks at #1 on a Billboard pop chart after Cherry Pink (and Apple Blossom White) by Perez Prado in 1955 did so was You Light Up My Life by Debbie Boone, which spent ten weeks at #1 on the Hot 100 in 1977. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who was the first foreign team to win the Little League World Series? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/June 5, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Friends, your Daily Dose will return.

Of course, this has zero effect on Read Free Week. The Diary of a Nobody and today’s Backstairs at the Monte Carlo entry are both on the house.

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow whines about his new sprinkler. Today’s Diary.

Also, as long as I’m whining, the sprinkler sometimes tips over…I am not making that up…More than once I’ve come out to move it and the bugger has tipped over and the water is spraying directly into the ground, great if you want to target water a 12-inch area but otherwise not particularly useful.

Well, once is a mistake, twice is a habit as an old senior chief in the Navy used to tell me, so after the second time this happened I’ve gotten into the habit of watching it for a few minutes to make sure it’s staying in place before heading in and usually some adjustment needs to be made because more often than it’s at least a little bit off-balance.  

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Houchins will whine about anything.

Houchins filling in is a surprise. This is just the second time he’s worked the hotel since the requirement that hotel officers be armed was dropped and for some reason he never found his way into the regular hotel rotation, not that he’s complaining. The official word from Houchins is: 

“I don’t mind the hotel, but I don’t want to do it every goddamned night.”

And, in fact, he whined like four-year-old when he found out he was in the hotel. Although come to think of it he also whined when he found out he was originally scheduled to be Charlie 11, a unit which has no assigned duties in the casino, except to rove all night.

Many thanks for reading,

Gaylon

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The Daily Dose/June 4, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

YAY…WE THINK: Derek Chauvin, the former police officer who killed George Floyd, had one of his charges upgraded Wednesday, his third-degree murder charge upped to second-degree murder. 

Oh Yeah: The three officers who stood by while Floyd was killed were arrested and charged with aiding and abetting Chauvin. As they should have been. Their silence was as deadly as Chaukin’s knee.  

Official Daily Dose Policy: We’re on record as advising caution when charging officers in these situations but, perhaps, Murder 2 is doable. It will require the state to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Chauvin killed Floyd while committing another felony. 

And You Wonder Why You Don’t Get Invited To More Parties: Minnesota state law is very clear on the matter, with Statute 609.19, Subdivision 2, Section 1 stating, in part: 

Whoever does either of the following is guilty of unintentional murder in the second degree and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than 40 years…causes the death of a human being, without intent to effect the death of any person, while committing or attempting to commit a felony offense…

Dry, Technical Matter: We maintain that Manslaughter 2 remains the charge that most accurately covers what happened but nobody wants to talk manslaughter right now, they want to talk murder, utterly understandable in these circumstances and murder might be provable here. 

We’ve chronicled instances of prosecutors biting off more than they could chew with Murder 1 charges here in the past. Murder 2 in this instance is, perhaps, doable because it does not involve intent or premeditation but if Chauvin requests a bench trial – and he’s a fool if he doesn’t – the evidence will be heard by an impartial judge and not a jury subject to the whims of human nature. 

The Bottom Line: Chauvin, though, needs to be convicted of something or this country is going to burn in a way that will make our current protests look like something out of Mother Goose.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

Editor’s Note: Read Free Week continues, with both The Diary of a Nobody and Backstairs at the Monte Carlo entries on the house. Enjoy. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has some drivel about trying to eat some cereal at the VSO. Today’s Diary. 

I also had trouble eating breakfast…I keep some cereal and milk in the Building Department kitchen next door, the better to keep me away from McDonalds, a tactic currently generating only a marginal success rate…Anyway, the milk was bad, so I headed to the nearest grocery store and bought some and when I get back to the kitchen it turns out it was buttermilk of all things…What an idiot I am…I don’t like buttermilk…Sigh…So I wait till 0900 when the health food store a couple of blocks down the street opens but then at 0830 or so I’m farting around online and I check and discover they’re open right now, so I head over and starvation is staved off. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: It’s a funny, busy night in the hotel in today’s entry, ending with remains one of the funniest episodes I’ve been a part of.

   “Are you in the same room?”   
   He nods solemnly, as if this fact doesn’t particularly please him.
   “Can you arrest him?” he asks.
   “Sure,” I said, nodding. “Any particular charge?”
   “It doesn’t matter,” he said, shaking his head dismissively.      Then, as if this brilliant idea just occurred to him, “Shoot him!”
   I laugh. 
   “I can’t,” I said. “I don’t have a gun.” 
   “Do something!” he says, almost hissing. “Put him on the ground. Make him shit!”

Click here get in on the laffs: The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today

In 1975 – California Governor Jerry Brown signs the California Agricultural Labor Relations Act, the first state in the US to grant collective bargaining rights to farmworkers. Previously, assorted and disparate farmworkers had been represented, unofficially and sometimes violently, by both the Teamsters and the United Farm Workers. Farmworkers had been specifically exempted from collective bargaining rights in the 1935 National Labor Relations Act. 

In 1968 – Don Drysdale of the Los Angeles Dodgers establishes a new major league record for consecutive shutouts in a 5-0 win over the Pittsburgh Pirates. It was Drysdale’s sixth consecutive shutout, breaking the record of five established by Doc White of the Chicago White Sox in 1904 and earlier he had broken the National League record of four, done on multiple occasions. The record still stands and what would turn out to be a major league record 58 consecutive scoreless innings ended in his next game when he gave up three runs in a win over the Pirates. 

In 1955 – Perez Prado is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores Chart – one of several predecessors to the Hot 100 – for the sixth of ten consecutive weeks with Cherry Pink (and Apple Blossom White). It was Prado’s first chart single and was his first of two #1 hits on a Billboard pop chart (Patricia, one week, Top 100, Most Played by Jockeys , 1958). Cherry Pink (and Apple Blossom White) was the last #1 song before the Rock Era began in July when Bill Haley & His Comets hit #1 with Rock Around The Clock. The song had both French and English lyrics, and an English version by Alan Dale also peaked at #27 the week before. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

..a man does what the situation demands. …we do not have heroes, only people doing what is necessary at the time. – Louis L’Amour, The Lonesome Gods

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Alexei Leonov of the Soviet Union was the first person to walk in space, doing so on March 18, 1965. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What was the first song after Cherry Pink (and Apple Blossom White) to spend ten weeks at #1 on a Billboard pop chart? – Answer next time!

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