The Daily Dose/February 2, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Friends, The Daily Dose will return.
Click here to read today’s Diary of a Nobody. It’s on the house. In today’s entry, Sparrow has the latest MPG figures for the new ride.
Thank you for reading,
Gaylon
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Saturday, February 1
Both cash drawers at the hotel are stocked with new bills, both $1s and $5s…These are a pain in the neck and no one who handles cash likes them…They’re slippery and hard to count because they keep getting stuck together…Fortunately, most were paperclipped into stacks ($100 for fives and $25 for ones) so ol’ Sparrow got off pretty easy.
The Daily Dose/February 1, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading OFF
Notes from around the human experience…
DRY, TECHNICAL MATTER: From time to time we’ll make notes at the top of the doc we write this feature on for later use. This shouldn’t be news because we often comment on items a day or two after they happen, the better to make fun of them, and at our age if we don’t make notes we might well forget.
RIP: One of our recent notes concerned Kobe Bryant who, of course, died this past Sunday in a helicopter crash, so we put off using the item, which concerned some comments he made about women playing in the NBA. But we found ourselves in desperate need of material today and enough time has passed so writing about Bryant would not be disrespectful.
In the article, Bryant said he believed there were three women he believed could play in the NBA right now and it should be noted Bryant’s daughter Gianna, who died with him, was a very good high school player and Bryant may well have been indulging in some deserved, indirect bragging.
With all deference due Bryant’s basketball acumen, doubtless greater than ours, we don’t think this is true. One, if there were women who were good enough to play in the NBA they’d be playing in the NBA right now. The NBA wouldn’t miss out on that license to print money.
Fly In The Ointment: Two, men are bigger and stronger and faster than women. It’s the way the world is built and to expect women to compete with men in professional basketball is not particularly reasonable. Longtime readers of this feature may recall some research we did into the battle of the sexes a few years ago, checking to see where the NCAA Division I women’s 100-meter champion would rank with the men. As it turned out, the time of the major division women’s division would have qualified her for the finals of the men’s Division III race, though her time would not have gotten her on the medal stand.
Guys Rule: Just for funsies, we checked the numbers from last year’s NCAA track and field championships, in case women have made any startling advances in physiology but they hadn’t. In fact, the women’s major division winning time of 10.75 seconds would not have made it out of the men’s Division III heats.
Today At The Site
Editor’s Note: it’s Read Free Fortnight at The Diary of a Nobody. So go, scoot, click on the link and enjoy the Diary with Sparrow’s compliments.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has trouble finding his wallet. Today’s Diary.
The big news is it took 15 minutes to find my wallet this morning…It wasn’t in Pa Sparrow’s old valet where it usually is but this really isn’t that big a deal because invariably it shows up in the back pocket of the last pair of pants I wore…Unfortunately, those pants – the quilted blue jeans – were in the dryer…Crap…I checked both the washer and the dryer, tho, and no wallet…Double crap…I checked the bedroom, around the hamper and it wasn’t there…I checked the kitchen around the washer and dryer and found nothing…Well, that isn’t true…I found several things, none of which were my wallet…Back to the desk…More nothing…Then I wasted time checking places there was no place it could be, like the trash and my backpack before grabbing a flashlight and finding it on the far side of the washer…I’d looked there but apparently I’m blind now without a spotlight…I was glad to find it…Sure, it would’ve been a pain to get a new driver’s license and debit cards, but I’d blown $60 on the wallet and I’m grateful I don’t have to buy a new one.
Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
Great moments in us.
In 1968 – One History’s most iconic photos is taken when Associated Press photographer Eddie Adams captures the shooting of Nguyễn Văn Lém by South Vietnamese National Police Chief Nguyễn Ngọc Loan. The incident occurred on a Saigon street at the start of the Tet Offensive and Loan would later say he was angry at a Viet Cong officer wearing civilian clothes. The photograph won Adams the Pulitzer Prize for Spot News Photography.
In 2015 – The New England Patriots defeat the Seattle Seahawks 28-24 in Super Bowl XLIX in Phoenix. Patriots quarterback Tom Brady established Super Bowl records with 37 completions and 13 touchdown passes in a Super Bowl career. The Patriots tied the Dallas Cowboys and Pittsburgh Steelers NFL record with their eighth Super Bowl appearance, a mark they have since extended to 11.
In 1975 – Neil Sedaka is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with Laughter in the Rain. It was Sedaka’s second and final #1 song and first since 1962’s Breaking Up is Hard To Do, a figure that does not include an uncredited background vocal performance on Elton John’s 1975 #1 hit Bad Blood. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #15 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s 8th biggest song of the year. Laughter in the Rain was the third of a Hot 100 record twelve consecutive #1 songs that spent one week at the top.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
I almost never think of my calendar years. I’m forever hiking across the same plateau with no end in sight. – Saul Bellow, Ravelstein
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Edward Heath was the British Prime Minister in 1972. He served from 1970 until 1974.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Neil Sedaka recorded singles in six other languages. What were they? – Answer next time!
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Friday, January 31
Sickies…Regular readers of this crap know I don’t get sickies too often and when I do it usually lasts about a week-and-a-half or so: three days coming, three days here and three days departing…Right now it’s just a scratchy throat and some sneezing.
Friends, Sparrow is under the weather and the columns will return.
Thank you for understanding,
The Daily Dose/January 30, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading OFF
Notes from around the human experience…
Leading Off will return.
Today At The Site
Editor’s Note: it’s Read Free Fortnight at The Diary of a Nobody. So go, scoot, click on the link and enjoy the Diary with Sparrow’s compliments.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow chats with tech support about a problem with the Sparrow for US Senate website. Today’s Diary.
I kept getting a 403 Error page…So I online chatted with the bloke manning the chat desk and he didn’t know what the hell was going on, so he authorized a Level 1 support ticket…The Level 1 dude knew what the deal was, tho, and had it fixed soon enuff…He gave a detailed explanation about what the problem had been and, roughly translated, it said *&%##^*)*^^…I asked him if he could put that in Sparrow terms and he tried, but I didn’t understand the layman’s version, either, and concluded I was an idiot.
Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
Great moments in us.
In 1972 – British paratroopers open fire on unarmed protesters in Derry, Northern Ireland . The protestors, between 10,000 and 15,000 strong, were protesting the arrest and confinement without trial of over 300 suspected members of the Irish Republican Army. 14 people were killed, 13 immediately and one later, and at least that many were injured. History refers to this incident as Bloody Sunday.
In 1926 Alec Connell of the Ottawa Senators becomes the first NHL goalie to have ten shutouts in a season in a 1-0 win over the New York Americans. Previously, no NHL goaltender had had more than six in a season and Connell would finish the year with 15 shutouts. He equaled that feat two seasons later, and Hal Winkler (Boston, 1927-28) and Tony Esposito (Chicago, 1969-70) also equaled it, marks that are still good for second on the all-time list. The record is now held by George Hainsworth, who had 22 shutouts for the Montreal Canadiens in 1928-29.
In 1971 – Dawn is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of three consecutive weeks with Knock Three Times. The song went to #1 in five other countries, including South Africa and Great Britain, and was Billboard’s 10th biggest song of the year. It was the first of three #1 songs for the group, who would later be billed as Dawn featuring Tony Orlando and then Tony Orlando and Dawn. Later in the year Billy “Crash” Craddock took the song to #3 on Billboard’s country chart.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Older voters who had lived through the Depression and two world wars fretted that America had somehow lost its grit and will to sacrifice. – Evan Thomas, Ike’s Bluff
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Two songs spent more than one week at #1 on Billboard’s country chart in 1974: To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before by Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson and Why Not Me by The Judds both spent two weeks at #1.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Who was the British prime minister in 1972? – Answer next time!
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Wednesday, January 29
I spent no small amount of time at the hotel this morning farting around with a tech at the webhost that hosts the Sparrow For Congress site…I couldn’t post anything…I kept getting a 403 Error page…So I online chatted with the bloke manning the chat desk and he didn’t know what the hell was going on, so he authorized a Level 1 support ticket…The Level 1 dude knew what the deal was, tho, and had it fixed soon enuff…He gave a detailed explanation about what the problem had been and, roughly translated, it said *&%##^*)*^^…I asked him if he could put that in Sparrow terms and he tried, but I didn’t understand the layman’s version, either, and concluded I was an idiot.
Friends, we are taking a day off. Sparrow and The Daily Dose will return.
Have a good day,
Gaylon
The Daily Dose/January 28, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…
EVERYONE HAS THEIR 15 MINUTES: We hadn’t heard of Morris Berger, a football coach at Grand Valley State in Michigan, until Monday, either. Berger had been recently hired as the offensive coordinator there and he did the obligatory interview with the college newspaper. One of the questions was who were three people he would like to invite to dinner and one of his answers was Adolf Hitler. Berger is currently suspended from his job.
Here were his comments:
This is probably not going to get a good review, but I am going to say Adolf Hitler. It was obviously very sad and he had bad motives, but the way he was able to lead was second-to-none. How he rallied a group and a following, I want to know how he did that. Bad intentions of course, but you can’t deny he wasn’t a great leader.
Fly In The Ointment: Hitler was not a great leader, in any context but especially in the context we like to think of: inspirational people who bring out the best in us. Hitler was a dictator, moved by the hatreds, passions and selfishness that have moved dictators since time immemorial. Also, he’d probably make a lousy dinner guest because he would probably hog the conversation.
Fly In The Ointment: Not that Hitler didn’t offer some lessons in achieving goals, even if they were evil. In fact, Hitler exhibited four traits common to those who get what they want out of life: he knew what he wanted, he made getting it the prime, almost sole, focus of his life, he came back strong from defeat and he genuinely believed what he wanted was there for the taking; he merely had to go out and put the work in to get it. These are the foundations of accomplishment and you yourself may have exhibited them from time to time, too.
Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: It would be nice if we lived in a society where Berger could have said what’s on his mind without sanction. It also would have been nice if Berger, holder of two college degrees, had been smart enough to not say he would invite Hitler over for dinner. Best of all, it would have been best if one of the shells that barely missed Hitler in World War I had found its mark.
But that’s not the way it is: we live in a society that demands towing the line now (something Hitler himself demanded). And Berger didn’t have the brains to say he would like to have Walter Cronkite or Mr Rogers to dinner and Hitler had extraordinary luck in foxholes.
Vital Social Commentary: And we are the lesser for all three.
Today At The Site
Editor’s Note: it’s Read Free Fortnight at The Diary of a Nobody. So go, scoot, click on the link and enjoy the Diary with Sparrow’s compliments.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has a great weight session. Today’s Diary.
It was a strong session, tho…The upped weights from last time were achieved – 90 lbs on the cable shoulder press and 37.5 lbs on each side of the bicep z-bar curl – and I even upped the final set on squats to 45 lbs…Now, I just started squatting again so upping weights often is common, but it’s still pleasing…And 45 lbs was a challenge, tho I got it moved ten times…This isn’t an awful lot of weight, honestly, and there will be a time when 45 lbs is my starter weight.
Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
Great moments in us.
In 1547 – Henry VIII, King of England since 1509, dies at the Palace of Whitehall in central London, then the main residence of the English monarch. Henry was 55 and probably died from complications from his severe obesity. Henry VIII remains one of the most famous of monarchs, known for many things including seven wives, the breaking of the Church of England from Rome and the rise of the Royal Navy. He was succeeded by his son Edward VI, son of Henry and his third wife Jane Seymour.
In 1918 – Joe Malone of the Montreal Canadiens extends his NHL record for most consecutive games scoring a goal to eleven in a 5-1 loss to the Toronto Maple Leafs. Malone’s streak had started in the NHL’s inaugural game on Dec 19, so he had no record to break. Malone would eventually score in 14 consecutive games and the record is now 16, done by Punch Broadbent of the Ottawa Senators in the 1921-22 season. Malone finished the season with 44 goals, a record that stood until Maurice Richard scored 50 goals in 1944-45.
In 1984 – Crystal Gayle is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the only week with The Sound of Goodbye. It was the 13th of 17 #1 country songs for Gayle and her fourth consecutive #1 song and the song also peaked at #84 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and at #10 on Billboard’s Adult Contemporary chart. Gayle is the younger sister of fellow country singer Loretta Lynn.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…here again the artist has caught the main point-that his creations must move and live. – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol I: Our Oriental Heritage
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Natalie Cole broke Aretha Franklin’s streak of eight consecutive Grammy Awards for Best Female R&B Vocal Performance, winning in 1976 for This Will Be.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
How many songs spent more than one week at #1 on Billboard’s country chart in 1984? – Answer next time!
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Monday, January 27
Pretty slow tonight, tho at 0115 or so I had a call from a lady staying down the street who was upset that the rathole couldn’t provide a room with a window that locked…After assuring her I could provide a room offering full security she came over and booked for three nights…What’s funny is her other co-workers are staying here and she’s a rewards club member so why she was booked elsewhere is unknown…For her part, she blamed someone at work…A thorough sort, she actually called me a few minutes later to report her room “was satisfactory in all respects”.
