The Daily Dose/Thursday, September 12, 2019

The Daily Dose/September 12, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience…

INSERT OWN LEAD LINE HERE: Rescues are always compelling stories, even, especially, in today’s constant news cycle, and the saving of four sailors from a capsized ship off the Georgia coast made for compelling reading. The sailors, all South Korean, were on a ship carrying cars, common cargo in Brunswick, Georgia, and the ship capsized as it was leaving port, about to head to the open sea. 

Dry, Technical Matter: 20 of the crew of 24 were rescued immediately, three were rescued Monday after rescuers cut into the hull and the final sailor was rescued later Monday night. They survived climbing on pipes to stay dry, complete darkness and stifling heat. The Coast Guard showed their customary expertise and bravery. 

FunFact: An exact timetable for moving the vessel hasn’t been released, though you don’t have to Vasco de Gama to know it won’t happen anytime soon. The ship capsized right at the entrance to the channel, too, conveniently located between St Simons and Jekyll islands. Traffic will resume, but the ship will have to be moved, of course, before traffic returns to normal. 

Is There A Point Here?: We’ve navigated ships in channels before and our question was: how in the hell did the vessel capsize in the first place? It was carrying 4,000 cars and it’s possible some shifted, however an awful lot of cars would have to move to capsize a ship that is more than 650 feet long. Rescue efforts were hampered by a fire, but whether that caused the ship to capsize or was caused after the fact isn’t known. 

It had to be something quick, almost immediate though, because ships do not leave port unless they are seaworthy and not in danger of having its rudder sticking out of the water anytime soon. 

No, I Guess There Isn’t A Point: We will probably lose interest in this story as quickly as everyone else – there aren’t even any decent conspiracy theories to keep us occupied – so do not keep it tuned here for breaking updates. We’re glad, though, fellow sailors were able to put off a horrifying death for a few decades.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodySparrow gets a request for a plate of cookies, and it’s a slow day at the VSO as Read Free Fortnight continues. Today’s Diary. 

The way he said “cookies” also annoyed me and he mumbled, rather pathetically, something about Brandon always setting him up…He pointed to the table where the afternoon cookie ration is kept…I shrugged and said OK, I’ll be right back.

You’re a tubbo that wants a plate of cookies, you’re getting a plate of cookies, dammit…Combined with the leftover fru-fru cookies – the ones named after European cities – there were, easily, 18 or so on the plate and maybe even two dozen…You want cookies, here’s a diabetic coma for you, my compliments…They aren’t that fresh but if you’re eating that many cookies you probably aren’t a connoisseur, you’re a devourer.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to read The Diary of a Nobody – all entries, past, present and future – for only $5.99

Click here to read the hilarious first two (2) weeks of The Bottom Ten with our compliments. 

On This Date
In 1943Deposed Italian dictator Benito Mussolini is rescued by Nazi commandos from the Italian hotel he had been held prisoner in. Mussolini had been removed as prime minister in July, arrested, and transported throughout Italy to keep him away from the Germans. After his rescue, Mussolini was flown to Vienna, where he spent the night, and then was taken to Germany…Known to history as the Gran Sasso Raid, the rescue took ten minutes and was accomplished without a single shot being fired. He later returned to Italy as leader of a German puppet state in northern Italy and, along with his mistress, was executed in April 1945

In 1962 – Tom Cheney of the Washington Senators, now the Texas Rangers, establishes a new major league record for most strikeouts in a game, striking out 21 Baltimore Orioles in a 2-1, 16-inning victory. Cheney broke the all-time record of 19, which had been done twice in the 19th-century, and modern major league record of 18, which had been done twice in the 20th-century. The major league record for most strikeouts in a nine-inning game is 20, done four times. The record still stands. 

In 1970 – Edwin Starr is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for its third and final week with War, a song originally recorded by the Temptations, who declined to release it as a single for fear of alienating some of their fans. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #3 in Great Britain and on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s fifth biggest song of the year. It was Starr’s third of four Top 40 hits and remains his biggest song on both charts. 

Quotebook
[Command of the Good Hope] was, at this stage, the crown of his professional life; and the crown, on its first fitting, seemed weighty and over-ornate and top heavy in its daunting majesty.
Nicholas Monsarrat
A Fair Day’s Work

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Pete Rose’s career batting average was .303

Today’s Stumper
Who holds the major league record for most strikeouts in a game by team? – Answer next time!

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The Diary of a Nobody/September 11

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, September 11
I’ve had a lot of requests from guests working a front desk over the years: hygiene products, condiments, requests for sex, but tonight I had one I’d never fielded before…It happened right after I reported for duty…In fact, I was a bit early and Mark had already gone to the back office when this fat white guy about my age waddles up. 

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The Daily Dose/Wednesday, September 11, 2019

The Daily Dose/September 11, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience…

THANKS FOR THE REMINDER: Eighteen years have passed since some Muslims with their turbans in a knot flew airplanes into some of our buildings. Almost 3,000 people, including the attackers, died. It’s appropriate to remember that day and those who died.

Dry, Technical Matter: It’s also useful to remember why it happened in the first place and to ask ourselves if we, collectively as a nation, have learned the lessons the 9/11 attacks have offered to teach us.

LOL: Of course we haven’t. Don’t be silly. Some may try to peddle the claptrap that Muslim hatred and ignorance caused them to plan and execute the 9/11 attacks but don’t kid yourself. The resentment stemming from a violent America, an America that has, and continues to, meddle in Middle Eastern affairs caused the 9/11 attacks. 

To think otherwise is American hatred and ignorance. 

Ladies And Gentlemen Of The Jury: Consider this: America has been at war continuously for the past 30 years. A violent world is the by-product of that. In fact, our world may be as violent now as its ever been, except for our two world wars. 

And ask yourself this:

Had America been at peace every day for the past 30 years, would the 9/11 attacks had happened. 

Crystal Ball Me: Of course they wouldn’t have happened. If America would have been at peace for the last 30 years we would have a peaceful world and America wouldn’t be the shooting gallery it is now. Peaceful nations produce peaceful citizens.  

Get Out Your History Books: The great lesson of 9/11 is an America perpetually at war does no one any good. We are not going to have a peaceful world without a peaceful American government. The only dividend war provides is more war and anybody who tries to tell you differently is either deluding themselves, trying to delude you or, as likely as not, both. 

Strong Finishing Kick: Every person on this planet – you, me, children being gassed in Syria – are entitled to see the world that would be produced by an America at peace.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodySparrow wears a jacket for the first time this season. Today’s Diary.

I went to the closet for a brown jacket the ex actually bought for me when we were vacationing up here around the turn of the century…I liked it from the start and I did everything but wear a sign begging her to buy it for me, these being the days when women did things like this for me…As I recall, there was some initial resistance, but I kept prancing around in it and, eventually, she relented…

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to read The Diary of a Nobody – all entries, past, present and future – for only $5.99

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 3And they’re off! The dregs of the NFL compete for the toughest trophy to win, er lose, in sports: The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten excellence. 

This week’s outtakes: 

Detroit fan(s) excited about Lions – already NFL’s only 0-16 team – big chance to become league’s first-ever 0-15-1 team…

With British Parliament suspended, Queen issues royal decree prohibiting Lions, Cardinals, from ever playing anywhere in Commonwealth.

Owner Ghengis Khan already threatening waterboarding, beheadings, if team does not claim first B-10 title this year…Jaguars respond, taking big step towards 2019 crown by losing starting QB for at least next eight weeks…

Cheapskates: The Bottom Ten is behind a paywall now. Click here to get in on all the 2019 action for only $2.99. 

Click here to read the hilarious first two (2) weeks of The Bottom Ten with our compliments. 

On This Date
In 1941 – Construction begins on the Pentagon, outside of Washington, D.C. Construtcion was completed in January 1943 with seven levels, five above ground and a basement and mezzanine level below ground. Among the specifications for the original building was a requirement floors be able to handle loads of 150 lbs per square foot, in case the facility ever became a records storing facility. The building’s facade is Indiana limestone and from 1998 through 2011 various portions of the Pentagon were gutted and rebuilt. 

In 1985 – Pete Rose of the Cincinnati Reds establishes a new major league record with his 4,192nd career hit in a 2-0 victory over the San Diego Padres. The hit came in the first inning off of Eric Show and Rose broke the record that had been established by Ty Cobb. Rose’s first hit came in 1963, a triple off of Bob Friend of the Pittsburgh Pirates and Rose would retire in 1986 with 4,256 hits, still the major league record. 

In 1954 – Ruth Brown is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Rhythm & Blues chart – for the second of eight non-consecutive weeks with Oh What a Dream. It was the fourth and final soul chart #1 song for Brown and her tenth consecutive Top 10 hit since she began charting in 1949. Brown had ten of her songs cross-over to the pop chart, the highest (Mama) He Treats Your Daughter Mean peaking at #23 in 1953.

Quotebook
The faculties of the mind, like the members of the body, are strengthened by exercise.
Thomas Jefferson

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Waldemar Cierpinski of East Germany is other man two win two Olympic marathon gold medals, in 1976 and 1980.

Today’s Stumper
What was Pete Rose’s career batting average? – Answer next time!

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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 3

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The Diary of a Nobody/September 10

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Tuesday, September 10
It’s been a fairly warm summer and tonight was the first night ol’ Sparrow was obliged to wear a jacket into work…I probably could have gotten away with my flannel shirt, but you never know, so I went to the closet for a brown jacket the ex actually bought for me when we were vacationing up here around the turn of the century…I liked it from the start and I did everything but wear a sign begging her to buy it for me, these being the days when women did things like this for me…As I recall, there was some initial resistance, but I kept prancing around in it and, eventually, she relented…It comes with a removable liner, too, that I haven’t used for a couple of years and, frankly, I am not entirely sure where it is. 

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The Daily Dose/Tuesday, September 10, 2019

The Daily Dose/September 10, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Leading Off has the day off.

Today At The Site
The Diary of a NobodySparrow has the latest news from the small town, including an update on the new convenience store and a new real estate listing. Today’s Diary. 

It was originally listed at 190 and is drawing so much interest after two weeks on the market the price has already been slashed to 180…It was built in 1900, the ‘lawn’ is scraggly, weed infested and brown, giving it has the curb appeal of a gulag, and the inside looks like it was decorated in Early Poverty…

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to read The Diary of a Nobody – all entries, past, present and future – for only $5.99

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 3It’s next loser up in The Bottom Ten this week as South Florida, losers of nine straight, are welcomed to the medal stand, though Rice is still at #1 in the race for the ESPNCup. 

This week’s highlights:

UMass: Athletic website doing whatever it takes not to show pics of football team, as photos of chick rowing, field hockey, janitor selfies, all taking precedence right now.

New Mexico State: With arch-rival New Mexico scheduled to be sacrificed to Notre Dame this week, 9/21 rivalry matchup will be for new Border Wall Trophy, symbolic of New Mexican football inferiority.

Texas State: Baseball players stealing second base gain more ground than Bobcats, who rank Dead Last in Rushing Offense, averaging 87 feet on ground per game.

Cheapskates: The Bottom Ten is behind a paywall now. Click here to get in on all the 2019 action for only $2.99. 

Click here to read the hilarious first two (2) weeks of The Bottom Ten with our compliments. 

On This Date
In 1977 – The guillotine is used for the final time in France, as Hamida Djandoubi, a Tunisian by birth, is beheaded for the kidnap, torture and murder of an ex-girlfriend. The guillotine had first been used in France in 1792 and Djandoubi remains the last person executed in western Europe. 

In 1960 – Abebe Bikila of Ethiopia wins the marathon at the Rome Summer Games, the first athlete from a sub-Saharan African nation to win an Olympic gold medal. Running barefoot, Bikila finished the race in a time of 2 hours, 15 minutes, 16 seconds, a new world record. In 1964 Bikika became the first athlete to successfully defend an Olympic marathon title, winning at the Tokyo Olympics, and is one of only two men to win two Olympic marathon gold medals. 

In 1983 – Michael Sembello is at #1 for the first of two consecutive weeks with Maniac, Sembello originally wrote Maniac for a horror film, and the song was included in the movie Flashdance after Sembello’s wife inadvertently sent it to the movie’s producers. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #6 on Billboard’s dance chart and was Billboard’s ninth biggest song of the year. It was Sembello’s first Top 40 hit as a solo act – he had played with Stevie Wonder’s band previously – and only a #34 hit later in the year prevented Sembello from being a one-hit wonder.

Quotebook
…we shall not only have saved the Union; but we shall have so saved it, as to make, and to keep it, forever worthy of the saving.
Abraham Lincoln

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
There have been three tripleheaders in major league history, all in the National League: 9/1/1890: Pittsburgh at Brooklyn; 9/7/1896: Louisville at Baltimore and 10/2/20: Cincinnati at Pittsburgh.

Today’s Stumper
Who is the other man to win two Olympic gold medals in the marathon? – Answer next time!

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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 3

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The Diary of a Nobody/September 9

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, September 9
Dead slow at the hotel…We only had 40 or so rooms rented (I’m only the night auditor, I can’t be expected to know these figures off the top of my head) and nobody bothered me and I would have set a personal best for getting the audit done, because I had folios delivered right at midnite, a first, but 242 had the nerve to leave their room service tray outside their door, obliging ol’ Sparrow to take it back to the restaurant…So I wasn’t done until 0007. 

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The Daily Dose/Monday, September 9, 2019

The Daily Dose/September 9, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Friends, your Daily Dose is enjoying a day off.

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The Diary of a Nobody/September 8

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, September 8
Thanks mainly to an early Labor Day weekend, we made our nut for the month today, with Revenue per Available Room (Total Room Revenue /Total Number of Rooms Available) for September already at $26.33, well over the required $22 or so.

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