The Bottom Ten/NCAA Bowl Game Edition By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Tis the season.
There are 37 bowl games that do not involve the College Football Playoff this year, meaning there are 37 meaningless exhibitions – played everywhere from frozen baseball stadiums to West Indies’ track stadiums – competing for your time this holiday season.
The good news, we suppose, is there are a Special Olympics-esque 26 bowl games that feature two (2) teams with winning records.
The final NCAA Bottom Ten survey will move next week.
This year’s mess:
1. Bahamas Bowl Details: Friday, December 20; Thomas Robinson Stadium, Nassau, The Bahamas Teams: Buffalo (7-5) vs Charlotte (7-5) Reasons To Watch: Game is sponsored by Elk Grove Village, Illinois and you are curious as to why a town in goddamn Illinois would sponsor a bowl game played off the coast of Florida. Reasons Not To Watch: Thomas Robinson Stadium retains coveted B-10 Contractors Cup, issued to worst facility to host bowl game, as 50-yard line seats still 130 feet away from field, behind running track, detention area for opposition leaders. Bottom Line: With average attendance for this game less than 14,000 “fans”, a track meet between Buffalo and Charlotte would probably draw more people.
The Daily Dose/December 8, 2019 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5 Notes from around the human experience…
1. President Donald Trump: Lying, sexual predator who believes moon is part of Mars, President Trump well on his way to impeachment by House…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” palace coup unlike in Senate trial, but one never knows.
2. New York Knicks – Biggest hot mess in American sports, Knicks fan(s) looking into petitioning US House to open impeachment proceedings against current management.
3. San Diego Padres – Look, those brown and yellow uniforms were ugly the first time you wore them, and they are still the ugliest uniforms in pro sports by a team not named the Cincinnati Bengals.
4. Carl’s Junior In Idaho Springs, Colorado – We don’t get there much, but it is comforting to know our order is still screwed up per what appears to be company policy…Also, many thanks for squishing our burgers…Starting off with them half their original size is good for morale.
5. College Football Playoff – Dream/nightmare scenario we were all hoping for didn’t really pan out, as four teams pretty easy to pick this year…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters, however, still stubbornly pointing out NCAA Division I Playoff could have started Thanksgiving weekend, finished up the second round this weekend, and still finish on January 1.
Today At The Site The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow and The Wife enjoy a day trip. Today’s Diary.
You might be tempted to think we enjoyed lunch in town, but by the time lunch rolled around every place was either too crowded or did not really interest us, so we ended up heading down the highway 15 minutes or so to a fast-food chain The Wife really likes and that ol’ Sparrow enjoys, too…This place never fails to disappoint…As usual, my order was screwed up…I’d ordered a double burger and got a single and, as it turned out, the extra patty was put on The Wife’s burger…I took mine back and, per protocol there, all the burgers were crushed, but we declined to whine about this.
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.
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On This Date In 1941 – The United States declares war on Japan, one day after the Japanese Navy had bombed Pearl Harbor. Both the US Senate and House passed the declaration after President Franklin Delano Roosevelt had given his Day of Infamy speech requesting such a declaration. The state of war would last until August 15, 1945, when Japan formally surrendered to the United States.
In 1987 – Ron Hextall of the Philadelphia Flyers becomes the first goaltender in NHL history to score a goal in a 5-2 win over the Boston Bruins. The goal came when Hextall shot the puck into the net with 1:12 remaining in the game and the Bruins having just pulled their goalie. Hextall would repeat the feat in a 1989 playoff game and five other NHL goalies have scored a goal via a shot on goal. Seven other goalies have been credited with a goal after they were the last ones to touch the puck before the other team shot the puck into their own net.
In 1973 – The Carpenters are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second and final consecutive week with Top of the World. It was the tenth of twelve Top 10 hits for the duo and their second of three #1s. The song also went to #1 in Canada and Australia and made the Top 5 in Great Britain. The Carpenters had not intended to release the song as a single, however, they changed their mind after a version by Lynn Anderson had peaked at #2 on Billboard’s country chart.
Quotebook I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. – Henry David Thoreau, Walden
Answer To The Last Trivia Question The Elegants were the first act whose only hit on Billboard’s Hot 100 went to #1. Little Star – the third #1 song on the Hot 100 – spent one week at the top in 1958.
Today’s Stumper Who was the first goalie to be credited with a goal in an NHL game? – Answer next time!
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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Saturday, December 7 Had a very pleasant day with The Wife…We went to a small town on the way to the big city for their annual Holiday Fest because The Wife and I were both in the mood to get out of town…The weather was clear and the roads were good and we were out the door, in my new ride, a bit before 0600 and we did not make good time…It was foggy for the first couple of hours, locally heavy at times, and it was slow going and it took about 45 minutes longer to get there than I had reckoned…No matter.
The Daily Dose/December 7, 2019 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around the human experience…
Leading Off will return.
Today At The Site The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow is early for his appointment to have the snow tires put on. Today’s Diary.
I still had over an hour-and-a-half to kill before the appointment to get the snow tires put on…It was only a 15-minute drive to The Shire but I didn’t really want to drive any more than I had to, so I went to a thrift store and got a book and then went to the tire place, way too early, announced my presence and, typical of someone with 13-years of Lutheran schooling, apologized for being early…I settled in in an uncomfortable chair and started reading and soon after that a guy comes in and asks for my keys and they must’ve had a cancelation or something because an hour later, 15 minutes before my original appointment, I was done, on the way home, god bless these people.
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.
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On This Date In 1982 – Charles Brooks is executed by the state of Texas, the first person executed by lethal injection in the United States. It was also the first execution in Texas since 1964. Brooks and his accomplice, Woody Loudres, had been convicted of murdering an auto mechanic and both had been sentenced to death. Loudres’ conviction was later overturned and he served eleven years of a 40-year sentence. Justice was relatively swift back then as Brooks had been sentenced to death in 1978.
In 1980 – The San Francisco 49ers establish a new NFL record for the biggest deficit overcome to win a game, overcoming a 28-point deficit in a 38-35 overtime win against the New Orleans Saints. The 49ers trailed 35-7 at the half, tied it with a touchdown with 1:50 left in the fourth quarter and won it on a Ray Wersching field goal. It remains the largest regular-season deficit overcome and the all-time record is now held by the Buffalo Bills, who overcame a 35-3 deficit to defeat the Houston Oilers, now the Tennessee Titans, in a January 2003 playoff game.
In 1963 – The Singing Nun is at #1 for the first of four consecutive weeks with Dominique. The song also went to #1 in four other countries including Argentina and New Zealand and peaked at #7 in Great Britain. The Singing Nun – known as Sister Smile in Europe – had no other chart singles, making her one of the few acts whose only Hot 100 hit went to #1. Fame was not kind to the Singing Nun. She left the convent in 1966, saw little money from her recordings and, along with her partner Annie Pecher, killed herself in 1985. The Singing Nun, born Jeanine Deckers, remains the only Belgian to have a #1 song in America.
Quotebook Rome had completed the fatal cycle known to Plato and to us: monarchy, aristocracy, oligarchic exploitation, democracy, revolutionary chaos, dictatorship. Once more…an age of freedom ended and an age of discipline began. – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol. III, Caesar to Christ
Answer To The Last Trivia Question The final state to ratify the 13th Amendment to the Constitution – which outlawed slavery – was Mississippi, which ratified it in 1995 after rejecting it in 1865.
Today’s Stumper Who was the first act whose only Hot 100 hit went to #1? – Answer next time!
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The Daily Dose/December 6, 2019 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around the human experience…
YEAH, THANKS, THIS IS A BULLETIN: It’s plain now the House of Representatives will produce Articles of Impeachment against President Donald Trump. This will be the third time this has happened, the House having previously done so against presidents Andrew Johnson and Bill Clinton. Both were acquitted in their Senate trials
More Breaking News: By its nature impeachment is a partisan process and this investigation has been no different of course, bringing out the worst in both the Democrats and Republicans and, since the governed tend to adopt the traits of their governors, it’s bringing out the worst in us, too.
Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: The House did well to start their investigation as even the most casual familiarity with the matter being investigated shows there are things for President Trump to answer for. We are still debating whether these meet the Constitutional standard of a high crime, but we favor the House impeaching the president and letting the Senate – and History – sort the matter out.
Fly In The Ointment: Not that the Senate is giving the appearance of preparing to do that because President Trump – President Trump! – has done a good job of maintaining GOP support, the type of support wealthy bullies have been garnering since time immemorial.
Maybe, though, GOP senators will take advantage of the opportunity a Senate trial will provide to rid America of Trump altogether. We’re not betting on that, but the prospect a palace coup is being discussed behind closed doors is intriguing and perhaps even happening because Trump’s presidency is of no use to anyone: the GOP, our country or our planet:
Trump is a lying sexual predator who believes the moon is part of Mars.
You cannot argue with any of those three elements because they’ve been publicly demonstrated and the GOP’s ceaseless support of President Trump is the continued defense of the indefensible.
Dry, Technical Matter: It would be bad for the GOP to have one of their owned removed from office but it wouldn’t be fatal. The GOP survived Nixon and we don’t think giving Trump the heave-ho will see them tossed aside. We’ll all be better off for it, after all.
But keeping him around very well might spell the end of the GOP, and deservedly so. If the best they can offer is a lying sexual predator who believes the Continental Army helped win the Revolution by securing British airports then they deserve to be tossed aside.
Today At The Site The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow and The Wife spend quality time in the next county. Today’s Diary.
The Wife uses one of those sleep machines at night and she needed a filter and there’s a medical supply store here in the next county we deal with…They had them in stock, too, and good thing because without the mask nobody in the tri-county area – much less The Wife – gets a good night’s sleep…
It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.
Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date In 1865 – The Georgia legislature ratifies the 13th Amendment to the United States Constitution, which outlawed slavery, giving the amendment the three-fourths majority required to become law. The amendment had been sent to the several states by Congress on January 31 and the following day Illinois became the first state to ratify the amendment. After approval by Congress, President Lincoln had signed the amendment, even though the Constitution specifies no role for the president in the amendment process.
In 1966 – Rick Barry of the San Francisco Warriors establishes a new NBA record for most free throws made in one quarter, making 14 in a 126-116 win over the New York Knicks. Barry finished 19-of-20 from the line and scored 47 points. The record was later tied several times and is now held by Vince Carter, who made 16 free throws in a quarter in a December 2005 game. Research into what quarter Barry established the record in and whose record he broke was inconclusive.
In 1975 – Freddy Fender is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the only week with Secret Love. It was the second country chart #1 of the year for Fender, whose Before the Next Teardrop Falls was also his only Billboard Hot 100 #1. Secret Love also peaked at #20 on the Hot 100 and in 1954 a version by Doris Day had spent three weeks at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart, a predecessor of the Hot 100.
Quotebook The tragedy of life is not that man loses, but that he almost wins. – Heywood Braun
Answer To The Last Trivia Question Lorne Greene was starring in the TV show Bonanza at the time his song Ringo was at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100.
Today’s Stumper Which was the last state to ratify the 13th Amendment? – Answer next time!
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