The Daily Dose/October 13, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was:

1. Marathon Record – Kenyan Eliud Kipchoge becomes first human to run marathon in less than two (2) hours, though track poohbahs rightfully deny world record for assorted technical reasons…Still though, course wasn’t entirely downhill and Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” this is still a landmark accomplishment. 

2. Impeachment Imbroglio – President Trump, putting on show Nixon would be proud of, still refusing to cooperate in any way whatsoever, which the House may well decide is itself an impeachable offense…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” president should be impeached for believing moon is part Mars, that Continental Army won Revolution by securing British airports. 

3. My Car – Hot on heels of fan only working on setting #2, washer fluid no longer streams onto windows on command, tho wipers still move…We’re trying to be mindful this is a first-world problem – that billions would love to have car to drive on paved, marked roads, even under these circumstances – but when will it end?  

 4. NBA/China – NBA walking about as tight a rope as possible, not wanting to disrupt China cash flow, but also acknowledging an American’s pesky 1st Amendment rights…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” this is what happens when you crawl into bed with Communists for a pile of cash. 

5. Trump Fact Check – A Sunday Bottom 5 staple, click here for latest from president unwilling or unable to tell the truth. 

Today At The Site:
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow helps a guest get ice for his morning coffee. Today’s Diary. 

About 0515 Steve came by for his morning coffee, with an odd request: he’d like some ice for his coffee and the ice machine was fully loaded ready to dispense a bucket full and he only needed some for his cup…Well, Steve was a nice, friendly sort who I liked immediately, so I did what I could for him…I was about to get the big pitcher I use to transfer ice from the machine to the ice water service when it hit me that I could merely use a cup and take some ice from the top of the water dispenser…This was exactly what Steve required and I made the sign of the cross and solemnly told him he was authorized to do this himself, which is pretty funny and got the laff it earned.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 2010 – The last of the 33 miners trapped in a mine in northern Chile are rescued via a capsule lowered through a hole drilled to where the miners had been trapped. The miners had been stranded 2,300 feet underground since Aug. 5 and survived in no small part because they were united in their determination to do so. Despite a long record of safety violations at the mine, the owners were not charged in the incident. 

In 1903 – The Boston Americans – now the Red Sox – defeat the Pittsburgh Pirates 3-0 at home to win the first World Series 5 games to 3. The Americans got the only runs they needed on a two-run single by Hobe Ferriss in the fourth inning and Bill Dinneen pitched his second shutout of the series, a record that is now held by Christy Matthewson, who pitched three shutouts in 1905. The first three games of the series were played in Boston, the next four in Pittsburgh and a ninth game, if needed, would have also been played in Boston. 

In 1984 – Stevie Wonder is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with I Just Called to Say I Love You. The song went to #1 in 16 other countries including Great Britain, Spain and Denmark and also went to #1 on Billboard’s soul chart. It was Billboard’s 25th biggest song of the year, the 73rd biggest of the decade and ranked 370th on Billboard’s 60th-anniversary chart last year. The song was Wonder’s 40th Top 40 hit and his eighth of ten #1 songs. It was from the soundtrack to the movie The Women in Red.

Quotebook
Towering genius disdains a beaten path.
Abraham Lincoln

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The second song to spend at least twelve weeks at #1 on a Billboard chart was Frenesi by Artie Shaw, which began a 12-week stay at #1 on Bilboard’s National Best Selling Retail Records chart on December 21, 1940.

Today’s Stumper
How many other World Series were best-of-nine series? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/October 11, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Leading Off will return. 

Today At The Site:
The Diary of a Nobody: The Wife sleeps in. Today’s Diary. 

Even if it had been sunny we probably wouldn’t have gotten anything done outside because The Wife didn’t wake up until early afternoon…I am not making that up…When I woke up about 0300 (see Sleep Log below) The Wife was lying on the couch, snoring, with her laptop on her stomach…I woke her up and put her to bed and she slept so long the cat and I almost did a welfare check to see if she was still alive. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

Click here to get in on the laffs. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1968 – Apollo 7, the first manned Apollo mission, lifts off from Cape Kennedy, Florida. Apollo 7 was America’s first three-person space mission and the first to feature a live television broadcast. The mission spent eleven days in space, all of it in low earth orbit. It was America’s first manned spaceflight since Gemini 12 in Nov. 1968, a layoff caused by the Apollo 1 fire that killed three astronauts in Jan. 1967. Despite some testiness between the crew and mission control, Apollo 7, the mission was a success, paving the way for Apollo 8 to orbit the moon in December.

In 1972 – The Cincinnati Reds win their sixth National League pennant, defeating the Pittsburgh Pirates 4-3 in Game 5 of the National League Championship Series. The Reds trailed 3-2 entering the bottom of the ninth inning before Johnny Bench tied the game with a home run and George Foster, running for Tony Perez, scored from third base on a wild pitch by Bob Moose. The Reds would lose the World Series in seven games to the Oakland A’s.

In 1970 – Neil Diamond is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the only week with Cracklin’ Rosie. The song also went to #1 in South Africa, Canada and New Zealand and peaked at #3 in Great Britain, still his biggest song there. It was Diamond’s 13th Top 40 hit, his fourth Top 10 and his first of three #1 songs. Diamond had first hit the Top 40 with Cherry, Cherry in 1966 (#6) and he last charted in 1983 when I’m Alive peaked at #35.

Quotebook
Hay had long known it was good politics never to try to have the last word in a dispute; now he had begun to see the wisdom of not trying to have the first word, either.
Gore Vidal
Empire

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
As vice president, John Calhoun served both John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson. Calhoun remains the only vice president to serve separate presidents.

Today’s Stumper
How many top 40 hits did Neil Diamond have in his career? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/October 10, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

Friends, as penance for not having a Leading Off item for you, today’s Diary of a Nobody and NFL Bottom Ten are offered with our compliments. 

Scroll down and click on the links to enjoy.

Today At The Site:
The Diary of a Nobody: Winter’s on the way. Today’s Diary. 

The cook who opens the restaurant, whose name I don’t know, is still waltzing in in his usual shorts and a t-shirt…I asked when he planned to start wearing a jacket and he said he probably wouldn’t, yeah it’s cold, but it doesn’t really bother him…Damn…Either he deserves homage or a (lined) straight jacket because I’ve been bundling up for two weeks and a cold front is coming in tonight and I’ll be breaking the really warm winter coat soon enough. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 7:  The race for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – stumbles on. 

Here are some funnies from this week’s NFL Bottom Ten:

With Bengals scheduled to play in London later this month, Queen Elizabeth rumoured to be scouring Treaty of Ghent to see if game be passed off on Kenya or some other Commonwealth country…

Though not quite as bad as Bengals – who is??? – Cardinals still reap strength-of-schedule points for close road win against winless Bengals…

[Chargers] sinking so fast B-10 pollsters thinking about dusting off classic “StubHub Center spokesman assures LA football fans tarps will be taken off seats in time for next month’s high school football playoffs” line…

Click here to get in on the laffs. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1973 – Spiro Agnew resigns as vice president of the United States after being charged with federal income tax evasion. Agnew, a former Maryland governor, had been elected as Richard Nixon’s vice president in 1968 and they were reelected in 1972. Agnew was the second vice president to resign, following John Calhoun of South Carolina, who resigned in 1832 to serve in the United States Senate. Agnew was replaced by Gerald Ford, who was nominated by Nixon and confirmed by Congress, the first vice president chosen under the terms of the 25th Amendment.

In 1964 – The XVIII Summer Olympics begin in Tokyo. Judo and volleyball made their Olympic debuts and fiberglass poles were used for the first time in the pole vault. These were also the first Olympics to be televised via satellite. At the time, they were the latest starting date for a Summer Olympics held in the Northern Hemisphere, a mark that would be broken by Mexico City in 1968 (Oct. 12). Tokyo had originally been awarded the 1940 Summer Games, but these were given to Helsinki after Japan invaded China and were later canceled due to World War II. The Games will return to Tokyo next year.

In 1960 – Brook Benton is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot R&B chart – for the seventh of nine consecutive weeks with Kiddio. It was Benton’s third soul chart #1 of the year and his sixth of seven career #1s. The song was also the fifth of six Top 10 hits for Benton on Billboard’s Hot 100, peaking at #7. Benton originally pursued a career in gospel music and had a variety of hits on Billboard’s Christian chart.

Quotebook
The case against Clevenger was open and shut. The only thing missing was something to charge him with.
Joseph Heller
Catch-22

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
KC and the Sunshine Band was the only act in the Top 10 of the Oct. 9, 1976, Billboard Hot 100 to have black members.

Today’s Stumper
Which president(s) did John Calhoun serve as vice president? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!

The Daily Dose/October 9, 2019
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

USA! USA!: It’s not reasonable to expect an impeachment investigation of a US president to be anything other than cantankerous and partisan. It’s the nature of the impeachment beast. So the White House’s announcement that it will not cooperate with any aspect of the House investigation – which itself might well end up as an article of impeachment – is hardly a bulletin. 

The announcement was contained in a letter from presidential counsel Pat Cipollone to House leaders, including Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. We read the letter which, like the Trump Administration itself, is a lot of blather and nothing of any particular substance. The letter does not cite legal precedent – because it can’t – or even any logical argument. 

Anyone Have A Tissue Handy? The letter whines about the House not taking a vote before proceeding with the investigation stating, in part: 

…you have denied the President the right to cross-examine witnesses, to call witnesses, to receive transcripts of testimony, to have access to evidence, to have counsel present, and many other basic rights guaranteed to all Americans.

Dry, Technical Matter: So what? The House is not required to provide any of these things, the Constitution allowing the House to go about its impeachment business however it sees fit. The House is conducting an impeachment inquiry, not a criminal investigation. The only penalty that can be bestowed following conviction by the United States Senate is civil – removal from office – and not criminal and rights afforded the criminally accused are not required here.  

LOL: The final paragraph calls the House proceedings constitutionally illegitimate, cites the “many deficiencies” cited and implores the House to abandon its “current invalid efforts”. 

Fly In The Ointment: The letter does point out that House GOP leaders have not been given the same subpoena power the Democrats have. OK…Two points: 1) they don’t have to provide that and,  2) the White House has pledged not to cooperate, so this point is moot. 

Final Thought: It is not really surprising the Trump Administration and the American people have been reduced to this because Trump’s presidency has been as embarrassing as his candidacy. From Day 1 President Trump has flouted and ignored precedent, protocol and good sense. He has never had a long-term vision for America probably because he’s never had a long-term vision for himself: his only goal is to draw as much attention to himself as possible, something he does supremely well. 

Editor’s note: the entire letter referenced above can be read here.

Today At The Site:
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow checks out a homeless guest at the hotel. Today’s Diary. 

Like other homeless I’ve come across over the years – like my late brother – he was cordial and well-spoken and I found myself wondering why he was homeless…Really, tho, there’s no doubt; I have experience in these matters: he did not want the responsibility of providing for himself

I once asked a guy about this…It was at a gas station in Sin City and he was hitting me up for some money…Same deal: polite and well-spoken…He shrugged and all but said yeah, well, you know and provided neither reason nor excuse for his homelessness…Like my brother, he didn’t want the bother of providing food and shelter…There are people like that in this world…As it was, I recall giving the guy a few bucks. 

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life.

The Week 7 NFL Bottom Ten will move Thursday morning.

Click here to get in on the laffs. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
In 1874 – The Treaty of Bern, establishing the General Postal Union, is signed in Bern, Switzerland by 21 nations, including the United States. The treaty replaced postal agreements between individual countries and established the free exchange of international mail. Renamed the Universal Postal Union a few years later, it is now an agency of the UN. Nations and territories that are not members generally have their mail routed through a member nation. 

In 2005 – The Houston Astros and the Atlanta Braves establish a new major league record for the longest postseason game, with the Astros winning 7-6 in 18 innings to win their division series 3 games to 1. The game broke the record of 16 innings established by the Astros and New York Mets in Game 6 of the 1986 National League Championship Series and the record still stands, now shared with Game 2 of the 2014 National League Division Series between the San Francisco Giants and Washington Nationals and Game 3 of the 2018 World Series between the Boston Red Sox and the Los Angeles Dodgers. 

In 1976 – Walter Murphy and the Big Apple Band are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with A Fifth of Beethoven, based on Ludwig van Beethoven’s Symphony #5. The song also went to #1 in Canada, peaked at #10 on Billboard’s soul and disco charts, was Billboard’s tenth biggest song of the year and remains his only #1 song. Though not a staple on the charts, Murphy, now 66, has had a long, award-winning career composing film and television scores.

Quotebook
A few people reason, but all people feel.
Louis L’Amour
Education of a Wandering Man

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Alvin C York, a Medal of Honor winner in World War I, was commissioned a major in the Army Signal Corps for World War II, touring training camps and participating bond drives.

Today’s Stumper
On the Billboard Hot 100 chart of Oct. 9, 1976 nine of the acts in the Top 10 were white, a curiosity that began the previous week and would last until Nov. 13 when the Commodores and the Spinners would both be in the Top 10. Who was the only Top 10 act to have black members the week of Oct. 9? – Answer next time!

Share Gaylon! Go!